Of A Mediocre Dreamer; Dreams.

Hihi everybody. Still stuck in confinement. No respite! As me and my brother would say, no hope for the hopeless, no help for the helpless. I think I've a fair bit to share this time, but I'll keep it short hopefully. I think my waxing is not exactly lyrical (much as I'd like to think otherwise!)((These brackets don't help matters much either)) so I'll try and get it over and done with, eh? (((Anyway I have this preternatural premonition I'm gonna fail, so bear with me.)))

It's funny how much of a frenzy there has been over these elections! A brouhaha, or sth. Not exactly a fracas. Somehow the atmosphere is so much more charged than before, which I rmb going through cause of the James Gomez saga on mrbrownshow (which unbelievably, I first got hooked onto 5years ago?! Seems like just yesterday.) I'm quite worried over Aljunied actually, I think whichever way the vote swings, we as a nation will lose out anyways. A lose-lose situation. Either our best opposition team loses, spelling disaster for the entire opposition movement, or we drop George Yeo. I think he's one of the best ministers we've got, a brilliant man. My side will be fun though, the hitherto unknown Manpower Minister, apparently my MP, against the power couple. Anw it seems like our generation isn't so apathetic toward politics afterall!

Sunset over Singapore. I saw that as we were sailing around the straits this week, and I was just thinking: not many people ever get to see this view eh? The sun setting over the town and all the massive steel constructs in CBD. And thereafter the skyglow [a form of light pollution! what a pretty name for an ugly phenomenon (not that the sight is ugly, I mean the pollution bit)] which shut out the stars.
Skyglow. The dreams of a million people illuminating the nightsky.
Skyglow. The dreams of a million people exposed; caught like deer in headlights.
Which has a nicer ring to it? But I like the idea of dreams as deer, frozen, rigid and soon to be very dead. So maybe we shouldn't ever expose our dreams.

Maybe if we keep very still and remain perfectly silent, we will be able to hear the plaintive cries of our dead and dying dreams, all about us. Cut down by someone else, or afflicted of the poison that is reality, or left to slowly die by the wayside of our minds. An ode to the dreams we have left behind/outgrown/been forced to abandon/forgotten.

On sunday I was taking the MRT en route to booking in, and as I was leaving the train, these 2 ladies (in their 20s? working crowd anyhow) totally checked me out!! Hahaha. Must be the liberty rig (penguin suit), or I look really old or sth! Anyhow, ego booz..!! Hahaha.

Noonday chime! First I've heard in ages, I think.

So on monday/tuesday I woke up with a sore eye. No, I did not get boxed by someone. It was just a rich red hue. To prevent spreading the infection I decided to shut my eye. I realized how much difference there is when you only use one eye, sth about depth perception or sth I think? So I embarked on an experiment! to for that one day keep my left eye shut all the way. I embarked upon it and ended it about an hour later, cause I think I was beginning to look silly and my eye had stopped hurting and normalcy had returned to it. I think one day if I'm at home I should try wearing an eye-patch for the whole day. Should be fun. Maybe I'll procure one, hopefully skulls and bones!

My friend has been listening to What Are Words obsessively of late. So I was just wondering at how true that was. What are words? Words are cheap and tears flow freely. They come easy. Words are however you want them to be (except when, under the most beautiful circumstance, words do not suffice) and you can paint any picture you want with them. Any portrayal whatsoever you wished. Artificial. What then, the value of words? A sophisticated branch in the development of communication and language (which includes body language and the like.) Words have the ability to mean nothing at all.

Yeah. And I realize that all I am, is full of words. I build myself up on words and most of the things I do are centered around words. But What Are Words indeed? Maybe all I'm doing is absolutely meaningless. I've built myself on a house of cards. A precipitous edifice. And one day it will all come tumbling down. That's how I feel sometimes.

Sometimes I wonder what exactly I'm doing. What I'm doing here. What I'm doing with myself. What I'm doing with the people around me. Sometimes I just feel so silly, and I can't help it. Sigh. Another bad day. How upsetting that just an hour after the noonday chime the day has morphed itself into another one of those.

I'm beginning to feel a little weighed down by all these confinements. It's a real drag. Bah. I think I've been a little to fixated on myself of late. Let's try to be less moody. Whisper words that mean nothing, to me.

Anw I like Pink. She's just so bad-ass haha. Aforementioned friend was listening to Bleepin' Perfect which I never knew was by her, although surely I could have guessed! Sth so liberating about her music haha.

Like the shouting and screaming by Karen O (YEAH YEAH YEAH'S) and Tilly and the Wall's Pot Kettle Black. I totally thought that was a new YYY song when my brother let me hear it last year! But you can't beat a band who has a tapdancer for percussions. Random or? And it's a wonder she has breath to sing while tapdancing! Damn fit.

Anw we discovered and exploited the Sony Playstation 1 we have in camp. Awesome or?! One day later, I have destroyed opponents using Bison, Chun-Li and more. I have won the 2002 World Cup with Italy (Del Piero my top goal scorer with 8! L3g3nd.) And I have completed Disc One of Final Fantasy 8 (at 5am last night.)

I. Am. A. Loser. I am unbelievably worthless as a person!! Srsly who knew that one man could game so much in one day?! But still an improvement from my pri/sec sch days anyhow. Hahaha! I am teh geeks. If you share my interests, check out Dorkly! Priceless, man. I laughed-out-loud at the "2 Falcon Punches Meet" video. zomgz.

Okay enough of that. I am hurting my manly-man image. Btw I have also resumed my Wild Sheep Chase (Murakami) and it is shaping up to be awesome, as I knew it would.

"In this world there are only two types of people, the mediocre realists and the mediocre dreamers."

Btw would someone pretty please help me buy this Murakami set that's available in Kinokuniya (I think) I'd be indebted 4eva? My sis told me about it but.. I don't exactly have the time or opportunity to go out bravely into the real world (I'm being kept safe in camp) to buy it. Anw as Gru (of Despicable Me fame) would say, the physical appearance of the word 'please' makes no difference whatsoever! Haha brilliant.

ANWAYY I just found out I'm my mom's only friend on facebook!!! And the only thing she has on her wall is: Hi mummy! I'm your only friend! on the 5th of December 2009, hilarious!

Oh poo. Further research tells me that she has 2 accounts on fb and on her other one she has more friends. I'm glad for her.. but quite sad that I'm no longer unique :(( hahahaha. Anw I found this out cause I wanted to comment happy mother's day on her wall, but it appears I got the date wrong omg. I'm such a kluts.

Alright I'm done for now. Got stuff to do, unfortunately, and I'm still hoping this doesn't turn out too long. I'll make an effort to keep my posts short now, firstly it means time spent not doing other things, secondly long posts are probably an indication of a high level of self-indulgence, and nobody wants that, thirdly I think I'm becoming a bore, fourthly I think maybe silent meta-cognition might be a better thing than blaring my thoughts to all who take the pains to read this.

Although pent-up cooped-up thoughts are a real misery to bear. It's always nice and easy to share, but maybe life isn't about the easy paths, not all the time. Btw I just heard the theme song for House!! Y'know, the one at the start, as they walk down the hospital pathway? Massive Attack - Teardrops. The starting line says: Love, love is a verb. Love is a doing word.

True that. Many-a-times we think of it as a noun. As something to be found. As something to possess. As something we lose. Maybe the noun only crystallizes after the action. So first, we have to think of love as a verb.

This has been a little longer than I'd expected. And disjointed too, cause I'm just putting down whichever of the memories that answered my recall.

I'll end here with a regaling of some of the thoughts that struck my fancy this week. Some are off lyrics, song titles, wtv. There are so many that I forget, though, and it irks me so. Anyhow.

Everything that goes up converges.

Phantom fires burning across the landscape of our phantom love.

I'll put my heart on the line.

Random roaming in the east, solace in solitude.

Wind Runner Girls. (I dreamt a dream of frightening clarity, except that the most important bits of it I cannot recall. They are floating a hair's breadth away from reach. If that dream had a title though, it would not be this. But this is the closest I can get to remembering what the title should be, and it captures a part of the essence of that dream. I was asleep for half an hour.)

Good day.

EDIT: Oh oh let me add that I hope to finish disc 2 of FF8 by tonight too!! Not much hope of that tho sigh :/ Just a dream.

EDIT2: Let me add this one line by Arcade Fire - "Between the click of the light and the start of the dream" Sounds like such a nice way to describe the period of time you're waiting to fall asleep after turning off the light. And sometimes you're striving to fall asleep. Toss. And turn. And plagued by thoughts. And maybe scared of the dark too. And maybe wracked by self-doubt. And maybe the monster under your bed decides to spring out at last. And maybe you're terrified that to-night, you'll have nightmares. And terrified that maybe to-night, you will not dream. Or maybe you're lying in the dark, hoping that to-night, you get to dream. Or something.

EDIT3: No more FF8 for me, banned from the Playstation :((( Woe, woe indeed. Woe Man.