I Deal In Commodities.

I'm nobody special. A businessman whose commodity happens to be that most precious thing known to man, hope. I dispense hope, for a price. Don't ask me if the price is worth it, I'm merely the dealer. (cocked eyebrow, shrug of the shoulders.)

Oh, is that so? I don't give a shit. (slams table, real anger.) Tell me about the first one. No more bullshit.

Well, if you insist. Ah, the first one. Is it not said the first time is always the best? (another slam on the table.) Alright, alright, I'm just recounting. Well the first one, she's what you'd call a two-looker. Someone you look at once, then look again. A real beaut that one. Not terribly bright though. (scoff) Whaddya know, guess what she came in with, self-esteem and image problems. Thought she was fat and ugly. Felt that her life wasn't worth living. Way too easy, to be honest. Some mock sympathy and medical jargon and I had her. She wanted to end her misery, I did.

Shut up. I said no more of that crap. So you confess to it?

Gladly, why should I deny it? She got what she wanted, I was doing her a favour, merely fulfilling her wishes. (barely restrained fury) Okay, calm down. I'll tell you want you want to hear. The second one. Oh, one to make you weep. Like a greek tragic it was. Young lad, barely out of his teens if I remember correctly. He was seeking to escape all those (faint smile) crushing issues all young people face. Out of luck and out of love, he was snared by my promises of a solution to all his problems. I offered him hope, and he eagerly grabbed it. Oh, I asked him. Do you want a way out? No prizes for guessing what he said. I gave it to him.

(grunt) Okay that will be all for today. (gets up to leave) I'll see you in cou-

Why so hasty? Perhaps you see more than a little sense in what I'm saying? I'm not a murderer, God forbid. I'm a businessman. I give people what they want. I'm sure it doesn't shock you how many people want what I can give. Truly it doesn't. Who would pass up the chance to be free of all cares? I'm not surprised I got caught, I'm surprised you would want me caught. I'm doing the world a service. Deep inside, everyone wants to die. They just haven't come to that conclusion yet. Maybe I'm ahead of the curve, or jumping the gun a little bit. But ultimately, is what I'm doing so wrong? Ending years of misery and pain that life without fail dishes out. Tell me what's wrong with that. (silence) You can't. That will be all for today, this was taxing. And may I have a glass of water on your way out?

(silence. door slams. silence again.)


I don't know what else to write. It wasn't one of the stories I planned to write, although I had one in mind about a dealer of hope. Wasn't this though, I don't know how it came about. Maybe it's the Criminal Minds (4 seasons of it) coming through. Well it's not particularly good. I don't like it myself. I think it's supposed to be a Hannibal-Joker-like murderer but it's pretty hard to portray without using any descriptive words. The idea itself isn't very strong. Not well done.

Anyway I caught Up the other day. Well I guess it wasn't exactly a very timely moment to watch it, given the circumstance. I went in with high expectations, and still loved it. I don't know what I was expecting, but the show was unexpectedly touching. It's such a sincere and heartfelt show, really moving at parts. Maybe some people go in with the notion that all cartoons have to be retardedly funny or were put off by the simple plot. I like simple, simple is good. It's an honest film that (I think) isn't just out to rake in the money with cheap laughs and cheap thrills. Awesome show.

I want to watch District 9 and Moon. What a relief, I thought Moon ended it's run already cause I read about it a few months back. But it's about to be released soon yey. And Inglorious Basterds. Definitely. I have 30 dollars stowed away, there's no excuse not to watch these movies.

Went to the Tea Party to celebrate Anjo's birthday. Such good food, and it was free to boot. Didn't expect to not pay, but what a pleasant surprise. Played Taboo (Singapore version), was pretty fun.

I don't know why I'm not sleeping, my eye bags are massive but it's 6am already. I indulged in some Super Smash Bros and suffice to say I'm a Kirby legend. Even with the lousy keyboard I managed to win everyone. Was not so good with Pikachu though. I recommend the game to everyone, it's serious fun. Yeah yeah. mega-nerd playing dota and games with Mario and Pikachu. YEY.

I did go for a walk eventually. Thursday or Wednesday night, when the skies were being hesitant. Like ai-mai ai-mai want to rain don't want to rain like that. So I thought at least it's not so hot, so I embarked on the journey in my school pants and flipflops. 2 hours later, I returned home feeling so much better. You know sometimes you have too much restless energy and dota just can't cut it? It's a horrible sensation, that. But I felt so at peace with myself and the world in general after the walk. Therapeutic totally.

Wtshit my brother woke up. He's never slept for less than 15 hours on a weekend or holiday I think. That's got me worried I'm ending my post. Ta-ta.

Where Did Your Long Hair Go?

Good thing I didn't go for a walk like I intended to. My mom just woke up coughing and can you imagine her surprise if I weren't at home at 4 in the morning. After asking her if she needed water and helping her pour a cup, she said that I've changed, that at least I show consideration now. That was awkward, I didn't know what to say. I said, aiya. But well it's true, doing good feels good, especially when you show a loved one you care.

I think, I wanna live somewhere that has all four seasons, instead of permanent humidity and heat. I'd like to go for walks but the idea of sweating like a pig rather puts me off. Just to soak in the night, enjoy the unadulterated air (no cars no buses no bikes). My brother has this plan to be a farmer in scotland (no idea why scotland he didn't provide much explanation) and live the simple life. Or just to live a simple life minus the cows and sheep and corn, say, working as something mundane in a small town. It's appealing, really. I've even set my sights on someplace that's not so far away, just in case the cows don't work out. All rolling hills and green pastures. Sounds terrific. Although being an executive in some MNC and earning big bucks while working in Europe or something could work too, I guess.

Well I'm afraid that I pretty much screwed up my GP. Every paragraph ended with me thinking, wah lao so weak. And the vocab! Like some horror story, 20 minutes and 5 words later, I felt like a nub. 1 page AQ in 40 minutes. Horrible paraphrasing for summary. And I overslept for Chem today. Absolutely retarded. Prelims have so far not been kind.

I watched Layer Cake and Mystic River the other day. I always knew Mystic River was good after watching it on Channel 5 but the adverts and lousy sound do no justice to an epic like that. Fantastic acting and story. Trawling through the imdb boards after the show, I'm struck by how many people cannot accept an ending that's not happy. Apparently movies are for you to escape reality and there's enough injustice around in real life so movies shouldn't contain any. That's just weird. Layer Cake is a brit gangster story sort of like Snatch but in a different mould. Less outright humour and alot more subtlety. Solid acting by Daniel Craig too, and I admit, there's Sienna Miller in a sort of lengthy cameo role, but doesn't feature much really (beyond the lacy lingerie). Pretty good day, I'd say. I wanted to watch Up on thursday but dota held me in its thrall, and I couldn't bring myself to leave the house. Later, maybe, pricey tickets notwithstanding.

Except that it's 8.36am now, 4 hours after I began this post. If I can wake up, I'll check the movie timings and go. If I don't, I'll be a retard for the third day running.

And yeah I guess I'm going to take a nap. Trying times for a troubled friend, but don't worry you'll pull through.

I Want You So Bad It's Driving Me Mad.

Annoyingly stuck in my head, and not the Beatles' version. The stupid woman from Across the Universe singing this cheesy line in that irritating act-sexy low voice. Terrific movie nonetheless. Speaking of terrific movies, I watched G.I Joe recently. All I can say is, Sienna Miller (black hair, specs) is oolala hot hot. As in woo I'm melting sizzling hot. She singlehandedly made the movie bearable for me. Okay plot, cheesy dialogue, not too shabby visuals. That was about all the movie had to offer and only the (thankfully plenty) sightings of The Baroness pulled me through. I'm gonna watch Up, prelims regardless.

Which reminds me of how ridiculously unprepared I am for the prelims. Probably everyone else. I don't know why I feel so indifferent about the prelims which starts in oh, 2 days. But well, too bad. It's a shame I'm not gonna ace the prelims cause no matter how you put it, nobody really wants to fail any exam. But resigned to my fate I am.

I wanted to leave iDream at the top, cause I like that story. There are a myriad ways it could have ended, but I think I like it best like that. Abrupt. Like most things that end, without warning and maybe even without reason. I wonder what I'd do if I had the choice to dream uninterrupted. Would you? Or would you persist in the hope that somehow, reality is gonna turn out good. Hope, that commodity so precious to every human being, as Terry Pratchett so poignantly pointed out.

Anyhow, I went for a little run just under an hour, maybe 10 klicks or less. I can safely say I'm not one of those people fueled by a passion for running. It's just blessed relief from thinking. Nothing to it, one foot after another. Nobody talking, the only sound the slap of your feet against the pavement. Can't think, not with the dull pain in your ankles, your knees. Can't focus, not on anything but your rhythmic, laborious breathing. Until you reach home. Ah, but by then you're too tired to do anything but plonk your (sweaty) self into a chair and rest. The good life.

Need. To. Study. Today. Yeah bumming around for the last 2 days was ill advised, really stupid waste of time. Let's hope this doesn't develop into a nasty trend. Against my better judgment however, it's dota time!

Sienna Miller, ouïe!

iDream

Ladies, gentlemen. Today we unveil our latest, and the finest, in technology. We realized that your every waking moment was spent using our products, plugged into our iPods, tapping away at our MacBooks. And that the only way we could improve on how we improve your lives is to develop a product that could entertain you while you were (significant pause) asleep. Today is the day our efforts have come to fruition, I give you, the iDream. (cue applause)

Ever wanted to live a dream? Now you can. With iDream, anything is possible. No more nightmares, waking or otherwise. This is escapism in its ultimate form. Dreading the next day? Cast your worries aside every night with iDream. This groundbreaking machine will allow you to dream the dreams you want to dream. It will cater to every electrical impulse fired between the neurons in your brain, such that all your whims and desires are taken care of. Ah, I see your rapt attention dwindling away, so I shall spare you the boring details of how it works. Suffice to say that it does. It has also been tried and tested to be safe. (Oh yes, the testers are still alive, no doubt about that.)

Ladies, gentlemen. Enjoy.

The next day, no one woke up. And the day after. And the day after. They were living their dreams.