You Know Something Is Wrong When..

.. you find yourself taking your textbook into the toilet with you to pangsai. Hahahaha sorry TMI but I couldn't help myself! I was just thinking how wrong it was to be doing that. Curse you contract law! Okay la, I brought it onto myself by skipping countless lectures but still. Lifesux.

Anw just caught 50/50 (not exactly what I should be doing with an essay deadline just around the corner.. and zero clue of how to go about doing it, let alone cough up 1500 words sigh) but it was brilliant. JGL just cannot put a foot wrong these days! Perfectly balanced, not going overboard with the humour nor skirting the subject. And I knew I saw Anna Kendrick somewhere and it wasn't Twilight. It was Up In The Air! Wow that was ages ago now, isn't it. Timesux.

I didn't mention that I went on a Ryan Gosling spree the other day. Half Nelson and Fracture. I've got Lars and the Real Girl downloaded but am holding off for now, gotta get that darned essay done haha. I rmb wanting to watch Lars in the cinema, and I clearly rmb thinking the lead character was an old fella. The wonders you can achieve with facial hair! Too bad I can't muster more than 20 of those guys at a time, instead of looking unshavenly sexy blahblah I just look like.. I don't even wanna say what I look like. Facialhairsux.

I also watched We Need To Talk About Kevin, which was very, very good. It is pretty unsettling. Tilda Swinton was amazing in it. She can look surprisingly young when she has to! And I finally watched Munich, so I don't feel like a total mountain tortoise now! Didn't know Eric Bana (Troy has immortalized him in my mind) and Craig, Daniel Craig, were in it. What a movie too. I really liked the recurring themes, especially the one about home. And the movie didn't take sides either, nor did it try to lecture its audience on anything. So it was good! Didnotsux!

Newest find is Uh Huh Her, because lesbian duos rock! Tegan and Sara? T.A.T.U? Direct correlation between sexuality and talent it seems. T.A.T.U just on the strength of the infectious ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD etc etc. What a tune! But yeah Uh Huh Her rocks!

Okay I shall stop here. Kind of a setback to my toilet-toiling just now, studying so hard only to waste my time on blogging here haha. Good-bye!

Loony New Year.

Happy Lunar New Year folks! Truth be told this does not feel at all like chinese new year :( AHH! (Absent-Hongbao-Holler!) and AWW :'( (Angbao-Withdrawal-Weeping.) I ran out of others. Then again.. LOL (Lack of Loveletters.) WEPT! (Where Eez Pineapple Tart!) KPKB (I know what you're thinking, but it's Kan't Procure Kueh Bangkit.) Okay I'm abit lazy to think of new ones. I'm trying to think of Almond and Peanuts and realize how silly an exercise this is haha. Not usually what I do at 7am in the morning, believe me.

Okay I just had this skype call from back home!!11 Which would have been wonderful had my relatives not been there as well, not to say that it was bad, but we aren't exactly super close and it had the potential to turn out super awkward. That's what happens when you have parents who have not gotten over the wonders of skype! Hahah, it's quite nice to receive tidings from back home though, and I got to see my super-cute niece too hehe.

If only bakwa were transferable through skype, I'd take the time to do the file transfer even if it were 25GB sigh :( I can't complain though, I had a pretty decent SingSoc dinner yesterday night, and I won first prize in the lucky draw! I'm still in shock pretty much. I don't win lucky draws. Luck and me sort of have a disagreement going on, but I guess this is her trying to patch things up. Must be afraid of being lonely on the impending Valentine's Day, silly girl.

Impending has a very negative connotation to it, cause I only ever see it used in conjunction with doom so.. I have no idea what I'm going to do for Valentine's Day haha but it's kinda early to be thinking of it.. Maybe I should go on a trip to celebrate or rather to escape celebrating it! Scotland beckons..... Uh oh. Clearly infection has set in from my previous travel bug bite. Sounds like a plan though.

Oh yeah about dinner. We had louhei, or yusheng (that's what I call it anw) and lobster and other very chinese dishes, so it's not all doom and gloom here! My first prize was a 25 pound amazon voucher so that paid for my meal and more!!! Life is good leh srsly. The committee prepared Bee Cheng Hiang in our red packets as well, so at least I have one to boast of! My table won first prize in some quiz too so I brought home hello panda, and 3 mega pineapple tarts. It's like 2.5 times your normal tart size, which is a hell lot of calories indeed! Apparently it's super fattening but.. who cares during CNY man srsly. It's a 2 week pig out session you can feel good about, and you're paid for it too, whatwith all those angpows flying in.

I don't get to dabble in my favourite activity of the season, pineapple tart comparison. That's the one where you go around to everyone's houses and sample their tarts, comparing the subtle differences between the homemade ones and the bengawan solo ones, the longish ones and the round ones, the round ones and the uncovered ones. Oohhh. So many nuances srsly. Those that melt in your mouth. Those that are kinda sticky. You get my drift!!!! I REALLY MISS PINEAPPLE TARTS!!!!!

First reunion dinner that I've missed, ever. I had my CNY cut short last year cause we had to sail, sail away from home, but that was midway through it, with all the large scalps collected, I mean angpows. I should give my brother my angpow money though, poor clerk that he is! Hahaha l0ser sia.

Ho hum, okay, nothing much more to say, apart from happy chinese new year once again! Hope you enjoy yourself loads and put on at least 2 kilos worth of chinese new year goodies for my sake hehe, and collects loads of angpows too, hopefully for my sake too, but I've gotta be realistic here!

And whilst totally off-topic, I want to say that I'm in love with Meiko and Ingrid Michaelson!! Super cute and super funny singers. I actually spent quite a few hours going through Meiko's tumblr hahah, like a total loser. And watching their videos on youtube. Especially Ingrid Michaelson's live performances cause she's just so funny. Okay. At the risk of sounding like a hopeless fanboy, this is me professing once more my undying love for the 2 of them!!! Okay stop. Check out the lyrics to the saddest song about hot dogs in existence over there --> Hehe.

I think I shall try running today. See how I hold up in the cold, even though after my french trip I feel positively stronk now, shrugging off the sluggish winter here with ease! Hehe. I'll probably return moaning and jumping straight into a hot shower though. It does get pretty chilly. And my hands. Just thinking about it makes my fingers wince. Oh wells I will go anyhow.

Ho hum, okay then. Propserous New Year to all!

The Hypothetical Deaths of Hank and Doris.

Well, he started, I don't think I really ever loved her anyway. It's like, she just wasn't the one, you know?

When I first saw him, she mused, I thought "Now here's a man I could love." And I thought that I would. That I'd learn to, maybe, somehow. But I didn't.

I tried, he continued, but it just never felt like really, 100% right, you know? Like I'd do all these things for her, things I'd got off movies or books or something. But they were just rip-offs. And I'd feel kinda shitty after. Cause she'd go, you know, all mushy and I-love-you-darling and all. And I'd have to say the same things back, and I'd be lying.

I guess after a while I began to feel some.. affection for him. His presence, his steady income, it was nice. And he loved me so much, I could never bear to hurt him so. Not by telling him I didn't feel the same way.

I mean, it's not like I didn't like her. She doesn- well that's didn't now isn't it- look half bad, and she was plenty sexy when she was younger. I mean, the sex was alright. She made breakfast, and stuff like that. And we hardly ever fought as well, you know? So yeah, I was happy to have her around that's for sure.

Fond, that's the word. On a scale ranging from Infatuation to Truly-Madly-Deeply, it probably lies somewhere ambivalently in the middle. Or maybe it belongs to another scale altogether, to one for pets and young children. Fond. Like he was nice to have around, but there never was this urge to be with him, nor even to be close to him.

But life goes on eh?, he shrugged. I mean I gotta learn to do my laundry and all, it's gonna be a pain. And I guess I'll miss knowing someone else's around even when I'm reading the papers or watching a game or something. Like there's somebody there, you know?

The little things. The warmth of a thigh on a long journey home. Waking up to the sounds of a man brushing his teeth. Having someone to talk to at the end of the day. It's always the little things you miss the most isn't it?

___________________________________________

Perhaps my favourite part of this story is the title. I'd finished it, but had no idea what its title was gonna be. Inexplicably the phrase hunky-dory drifted into my head, and I decided, that's it, they're gonna be Hank and Doris. Just about as random as it gets! I really like it haha.

Okay so I'd written this story first, before the House of Bees one. Maybe it was writing this that brought me onto the subject of love and not admitting you don't love someone and stuff which led to that other story. What led me to this one? I have no idea. Not a blooming clue! This has never been one of my unfinished stories, nor have I ever thought about something like this before.

I just woke up, tossed and turned at 3 in the morning, and decided what the hell let's try something. Maybe 2 hours later this was the result. Some lines I wanted to put in, and had to find a way to insert them. Rearranged some of the parts to get a nicer flow. Not that easy when you're not using a computer and Control-X haha, which is probably why I took so long to finish it!

Tried to get a different style for Hank and Doris. Took out all the big words from Hank, tried to judiciously scatter the "likes" and "you knows" and "I means" without being too heavy-handed about it. Supposed to tell you that he's probably not the brightest bulb in the box, not too good at communication at all.

And then Doris. I tried to change the sentence structures, syntax or whatever English jargon else, to make it obvious that it was a different person talking. The goal is for you to be able to distinguish whose paragraph is whose without the "he said", "she continued" stuff to clue you in. Didn't think I made it, so I put Doris' parts in Italics hahah. She's supposed to be smarter than Hank is, really in it only for the comfort and the constancy and that little bit there about the income. Didn't want to overplay that and end up with a stereotype of shopping-sprees-money-grubbing-wife.

That last paragraph there was inspired by the detective character in The Sleeping Doll who'd lost her husband, a totally random book I picked up at the Grenoble hostel's reading room. The only English book in there, I might add.

I thought I might end it with Hank and Doris finding out that, no their spouse isn't dead, and they both knew what the other had said. And I thought I might end there. And then I thought I'd add another paragraph saying what they did after they found out. That is, nothing. I have a hunch if they found out they didn't love each other, they still wouldn't separate. They might just shrug it off with a weary sigh. What do you think eh?

But I didn't add all that stuff. I think cause I wanted it to remain as 2 sides of a story, confessional. Not a story with an ending. I don't know if you know what I mean. But I always feel like I have to explain myself at the end of a story, I really don't know why either. To justify why it turned out like that maybe, to remind myself of the parts that I left out, the parts that could have been in my story, I don't know. Probably all of that, and more. Anyhow, yeah. I wanted the tone to be just like that, and I wanted it to end just like that.

I don't know if I prefer abrupt endings. When I read.. I like both I guess. It's always very relieving to read a book which wraps itself up perfectly neatly, don't you think? No loose ends, everything's finally over, closure. It's good. I like that. Then you get stuff like the stories off St Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves with the weirdest, most random endings, and that feels delicious as well. The initial sense of confusion and frustration maybe, like, what?!?!? How can it end like that!!! And then after that I'll think, huh, okay. Wow. Sweet. Something like that haha, it's pretty hard to describe!

But when I end my stories I almost always prefer an ambiguous conclusion. Maybe not so much ambiguous as no-follow-through, no telling how the characters feel after that or the fallout or anything. Maybe cause I don't know what happens anyway. And because I think nobody gets neat little endings in life, so I don't include that. We have this desire for perfect endings or at least no loose ends, for a sense of closure, but truth is, most of the time that's not how things work out. Most of the time we end up futilely befuddled, and then we gotta move on.

Er, didn't think I'd have so much rubbish to say actually. I bought A Constant Gardener for 1 pound in portsmouth, and thanks to that book, I've managed to read a total of 5 books while travelling. Pretty impressive hey? Probably indicative of how much free time I had hahah. I brought Lord of the Flies along as well, which is a disturbing tale indeed.

I swapped my Constant Gardener (I was NOT keen to swap away my brand new Lord of the Flies) for a really shitty book called A Quiet Belief in Angels. It was a struggle to read the damned book srsly. I mean the story wasn't bad, really. But it was the writing. Awful. I can't say forcefully enough how much I hated it. It was really bad.

I hated how much the protaganist was going on and on and on about himself and this promise he made to this girl. And then when he was like 15 he acted like he was 8, and I was just going zomg kill me please, I wasn't that pathetic when I was 15 surely!!! And I could go on and on and on. It was miserable reading. A review said - A tour de force yada yada yada, I say PUI!

I swapped that for Nightfall or something by Stephen Leather, and the difference in style made it instantly pleasant reading. A supernatural thriller, not really the kind of book I usually go for, but I just had to offload that awfulness. Switched that for Super Sad True Love Story in Nice. It was pretty good. Set in a dystopian future.

I really like those dystopian settings. It always tells you what the author sees happening to the world. Usually a little depressing, but sobering, so it's cool. Usually very snarky observations about humanity and its excesses, or the perils of a nuclear arms race etc etc. And usually believable as well. Maybe not probable, but at least possible, and realizing how possible it is is pretty shocking.

A bit too vulgar and overboard perhaps, but a great story. I took it home with me, didn't swap it for anything haha. Then I took The Sleeping Doll from the hostel in Grenoble, meaning to return it on the morning I left, but I found myself caught up in conversation with this Canadian fella and promptly forgot to return it. Big whoops. It's here now haha.

So that's how I managed to finish all of 5 books! I'm pretty sad I had to lose A Constant Gardener, and if I hadn't a conscience I could have just taken a new book without swapping it cause the shelf was pretty much free-for-all, but I couldn't bring myself to do that haha. I'll have to find another used bookshop and procure it, hopefully for one pound again!

And I bought Before I Go To Sleep and The Hunger Games recently cause I ran out of books to read, apart from my textbooks of course. But who wants to read those really! So I've been doing quite well with my reading hehe.

Er okay maybe I'll stop here, wouldn't like to see another wall of text now do you! I can't believe how long that post turned out though, pretty incredible haha. Anyhoo, ciaoz.

The House of Bees.

"When you can hold a bee in your hands and not be stung, that's when you'll know you're in love."

That's what mama told me when I was younger. What she didn't tell me was, that's the easy part. The difficult part comes later.

One fine day, in the throes of youth and passion, I did it. I went and found myself a bee, I brashly made a grab for it. After holding it for two minutes I released the bee unstung, supremely buoyed by the knowledge that I was, indeed and at long last, in love.

All's well that ends well, you might think. But I'm miserable now.

I don't know if I'm in love anymore. I don't want to know. So I've developed this overwhelming phobia of bees. In fact, I get twitchy everytime I hear even the faintest of buzzes. I've got buzzophobia.

At least I can pretend I'm still in love. I mean, I might be. I can still say "I'm in love" and not know for a fact I'm lying. That's good. That's what I need.

But I'm certain the bees are out to get me. I've gotten all these nets and wire mesh installed so they can't get at me. I found this anti-bee device that's supposed to emit at a frequency that keeps bees away. It's gonna cost me hundreds and I'm almost certain it's not gonna work, but I've gotta try everything.

I've gotta do all I can to keep the bees away.


___________________________________________


I typed two short stories into my phone on two consecutive days while in Grenoble and Geneve respectively. I'd alr filled up my notebook so I had nothing to do when I found myself awake in the middle of the night, both nights. It'd have been really rude and inconsiderate to turn on the lights and disturb my dorm mates to read as well, not to mention I'd pretty much finished my book alr and I had to ration it for future train rides etc.

So I lay in my bed in Grenoble and tapped out this little story on my phone. Probably didn't do wonders for my eyesight, staring at my tiny screen. HTC Snap not the best phone you could ever ask for, not on your life!

This came directly from Truman Capote, if I'm not wrong. One of the short stories that I read in Breakfast at Tiffany's, I'm pretty sure it was House of Flowers, maybe. And it had something about the girl being in love if she could hold a bee in her hand and not be stung. While reading that I had this random thought that I wrote in a draft in my phone: I must not love you anymore, the bees have stung me.

I was just thinking, wow, she's gonna go around deathly afraid of bees now isn't she! I mean, she might think she's still in love and all and then bam! stung. And that would have been that. Her little love life would crumble around her just like that. I thought that seemed the most likely outcome. Okay sure, for the first few weeks, months, she might boldly walk in flower gardens buzzing with bees, but what happens after that first argument? etc etc.

And who's gonna want to admit that they're no longer in love? People lie to themselves all the time. They want to lie to themselves. They want to be able to. You see loveless marriages where nobody concedes the fact that there's nothing left. Wouldn't you run away from something that can confirm your dark, niggling doubts, the frightful awful truth?

That's what I thought. That I wouldn't ever want something that can tell definitively, for sure, whether you're in love or not. It's not an absolute thing, it wavers sometimes. Some days you love each other more, others, maybe not so much. And then this bee comes and stings you? No, no. I could never live with that, I think.

Haha I don't know why I mulled over that story so much, must have read it in September maybe, and then out pops this little story one random night on my travels. I didn't even think I was ever gonna write a story about it, it was just a random thought after reading a story. But I guess that's what you do when you lie awake at night, nothing but your phone to entertain you, not even any wifi! All you got is your messages and your drafts, pretty lean pickings there haha. So here goes. There's one more coming up too!

Happiness Not Real Unless Shared.

Hey ya'll. This will be my holiday/travel post at long last! Hehe. All I'd done was book my ferry ticket to Le Havre, France, and my plane ticket back from Geneva. And my first night in a hostel in Paris. I did not book anything else at all. I did not plan anything else at all. I just thought that I'd go from Le Havre to Paris to Lyon to Marseille to Nice to Grenoble to Geneva. I didn't know how long I was gonna stay at any one place, except that I wanted to do Christmas in Paris. And I wanted to spend New Year in Nice mainly just to say I had a Nice New Year. Seriously. That was the stupid motivation I had for that decision.

So it was entirely flexible. Which is great, I truly think that's the most awesome way to travel. Room for spontaneous decisions, no need to overstay a place you hate, option to go anywhere anytime etc. It also leads to some hairy situations. Arriving somewhere in the night with no place to stay. No cheap tickets to get out of someplace cause the trains are fully booked. Wandering around for hours looking firstly for wifi, then for the hostel. Freedom comes at a price, truly!

Okay I have to set the context right. Just before departing for Portsmouth and the ferry to France, I'd been somewhat down with a fever, so wasn't in the pinkest of moods. Then I thought: imma watch Into The Wild since I'm gonna be alone for the next 3 weeks! What better movie?!

Big mistake. Okay, maybe not a mistake per se, but it forever tainted my trip. Maybe tainted in a good way, I don't know, but nevertheless without doubt it affected me. See, one of the last lines was this. "Happiness is not real unless shared." Or sth like that, let's not be pedantic! And srsly, who can go into a three week backpacking adventure along with those words in your mind? Very powerful movie, that.

So what I'm trying to explain is that I set off for my holiday, all alone, with those words ringing mightily in my skull.

These words.

I purchased this nice little notebook from this store run by nuns which sold little arty things and such, and I told myself I just HAD to get a fancy notebook to write in cause I'd forgotten to bring one over. Okay sorry, I gotta backtrack, do it chronologically or at least try to.

Portsmouth. I had about 6 hours there before my ferry was due to leave, so I tried to hunt down the bookstore I'd visited in my previous trip up here cause I'd promised the owner I'd call on them if I ever were to find myself in Portmoush again. Took me almost 2 hours to find the place cause I was wandering randomly around my first time, and I was quite lucky to even chance upon it a second time I think. I bought The Constant Gardener for 1 pound. By the time I left it was almost 7 probably.

11pm departure, so still lots of time to burn. Decided to watch Sherlock Holmes at the movie theatre. Stupid movie started playing half an hour after stipulated time, and it's over 2 hours long. Had to leave almost near the end, right before the final confrontation!!!!! And looked like a perfect loser tramping down the aisles (I was in the last row) with my bags in tow. Total burden haha.

Went to the pier, was told it was the wrong pier (I thought there would only be one!) and panicking greatly, hailed a taxi and rushed over to the right one. Managed to get myself on thankfully!! Met a French guy at the check-in which was such a fortuitous encounter! Boat trip uneventful except that it was much more comfortable than I'd expected.

Disembarked along with the Frenchman, okay his name is Matthieu, and we made our way to the city centre together. He tried to teach me some pigeon french I guess, but I was saturated alr from my 1-2 hour crash course the night before haha. Stepped into an Artisan Boulangerie, which he taught me how to pronounce, which probably prevented alot of humiliation thereafter.

Anyhow, the gist of it is we wandered around Le Havre for about an hour together, during which time he told me about this place called Rouen which I'd never heard of. So my next destination, which was supposed to have been Paris, was altered neatly to the little city of Rouen instead! Anyway, the whole point of this actually is that random encounters like that can have a major impact on you. In this case merely a daytrip, but possibly your whole life could be affected by random strokes of fortune like that.

Aforementioned Awesome Notebook.

So Rouen. I'd expected a fantastically nice quaint old city based on my friend Matthieu's descriptions, so when I got out of the station I was, to say the least, a little disappointed. After that I learnt an important fact, that the areas around a train station are not necessarily the nicest parts of town, but at that point I didn't know that!

Then I wandered around randomly and discovered that it was a really pretty, quiet little city/town afterall! Such joy. I was just striking out aimlessly when out of the blue I encountered the cathedral. Manz. First cathedral encounter of my adventure, I was not prepared for it! Pretty dumbstruck by its awesomeness haha. And then the overall style and architecture of the place, the numerous gardens and green spaces and fountains, it was a great start to my trip! Absolutely worth the 4-5 hours I'd spent there.

Also the french language. Yes I'd had a 2 hour crash course in it. But the biggest thing was confidence, which I did NOT have in spades. I did not dare to open my mouth at all, let alone try to communicate in french. I resorted to sign language mostly, and stared dumbly at everyone who was trying to speak to me, hoping to gain at least some sympathy, which wasn't exactly the brightest plan ever conceived. So yeah, I did feel pretty overwhelmed and pretty pathetic by the end of my little Rouen daytrip haha! I did manage to get my ticket to Paris though, which begins the next part of my narrative!

I have also decided to insert stuff from my Awesome Notebook in-between cities/segments of my story, just so that it won't be an absolute wall of text, even though I know I have an ugly penchant for that! I like to think that these things in my notebook were my own personal handwritten tumblr hehe. Which means that I tried very hardly to make them sound deep and meaningful and hipster so they probably turned out pretentious hahaha.

Title of a Matchbox 20 album, which inexplicably popped into my head as I was trying to think of tumblr worthy stuff hehe.

So Paris. I stepped out of Paris St Lazare station and I was pretty bowled over by the masses of people. The only phrase which can do justice to it is 人山人海. As soon as I emerged from the pits of the station, I heard the honking of cars, people milling about. There was a traffic jam infront of my eyes and at least a hundred people in the immediate vicinity. Coming from little Exeter, unknown Le Havre, and quiet Rouen, this came as quite a shock! So, a little stunned, I set about looking for my hostel.

I spent maybe 2 hours or more on foot hunting it down, because I thought myself too manly for the Metro. Pretty shag man, with the backpack and wet socks. I found myself with blisters on both feet by the end of my first day in France! Hahaha how retarted is that right?!

So yeah, 2 hours later I'd checked into what was the most amazing hostel I'd ever set my eyes, not to mention my foot, on. It was basically run like a hotel, except with dorms instead of hotel rooms. It worked like a charm. I couldn't have asked for a better start to my Europe hostelling experience! (The hostel I'd got in Portsmouth previously was just absolute tosh compared to this big fella.) The dorm beds had curtains around them. I'm telling you, privacy is pretty much a foregone thing when you're backpacking but here I actually had some!!! It was mindblasting.

So on the first night I was pretty worn out and all I did was go for a little jaunt by the canal behind my hostel. The most surreal sight of all was this giant metal sphere which reflected the lights around it, and it was just sitting there pretty out of the blue. It was a great introduction to the City of Light though, very romantic walk it could have been I reckon!

I was caught up in the exhilarating freedom of travelling all by myself.

Next morning I decided to go for a free tour of Paris! First tour I've been in my life, and it was fantastic. Almost 4 hours on foot around the main sights of Paris, even though we only got to see the Notre Dame from afar, the Eiffel Tower from afar etc, it was a great introduction to the city! At least I learnt something from it, some history and the culture and stuff, instead of just walking up to a structure, snap, take a picture, and moving on.

It's also a great way to meet people, cause you're walking together for 3 hours or so, you have no choice but to get to know a few people. I did meet this Singaporean couple as well, the guy just done with NS and the girl studying in London, but I didn't really wanna go all the way to Paris to hang out with Singaporeans haha. So I hung out with a few other people who decided to go for a pub crawl that night. Which meant I was in as well.

It's pretty incredible to think that I would find myself part of a pub crawl in the city of Paris. The first time I'd ever considered doing sth like that, it's crazy. We hit 4 different pubs before going to a nightclub on the Champs-Élysées. Srsly right?! Did I ever think that I would be going into pubs and nightclubs in Paris? A definite no. About the most foreign experience I could go through in a foreign land, very apt.

I was pretty out of it by the time we hit the club, then only thing I remember was bloody expensive drinks there. 14 euros for a jagerbomb wts. It killed me. I didn't know it was so expensive until after I'd ordered it so I had to pay. Damnit. Even until now I'm hurting from that expensive bloody jagerbomb hahaah. Can't believe I was so stupid!!

After that we left and decided to make our way to the Eiffel Tower, cause what better place is there to be at night? So we trooped off and arrived, only to realize it wasn't lit that late at night. Hahaha burdenz. It was about 3am thereabouts. But it still looked pretty impressive at night, looming all over us, even without being lit. So we spent some time there before heading back. Metro opened at 5.30am, it was just 3.30 or maybe even 4.

We started walking but it was a pretty tall order for us to walk back, maybe 1-2 hours or so. Couldn't find a 24hour place to hang out at and wait for the Metro to open, so we took a cab in the end. I was really smarting from the $$$$$$$ I spent already so I was really reluctant, but turned out to be pretty cheap! 10 euros split among the 3 of us, and this Australian girl paid upfront anyways. I never saw her again so I didn't return her the money. Hahahaha turned out to be cheaper than taking the Metro even! (Y)

I was reading this supremely crappy book which had sth about remembering stuff so I came up with this.

Next few days I bummed around Paris alone, hitting the Pantheon, Luxembourg Palace, the Eiffel Tower again in the day, Notre Dame (and going in too, because it was free) the Louvre, the Jewish part of town (Marais I think it was called) even cemeteries and stuff. So it was really strike out in one direction and see all I had to see there kinda stuff. Didn't even use my map much or at all. All of it was really awesome and stuff. The sheer proportions of the Louvre is just breathtaking, it's a work of art on itself, let alone all the art in it. The architecture was amazing, especially stuff like Notre Dame and all that. Really impressive stuff.

But they were all very touristy very typical stuff, so I shan't go into detail about the specific buildings etc. Except to say that the Christmas markets (Marche de Noel) sell really expensive hot chocolate and crepes etc haha. One amazing experience I had that deserves special mention is Sacre Couer.

It's the Basilique du Sacre Couer, or Sacred Heart, and it overlooks the whole city pretty much. That in itself is not amazing. There's an Artists' Square nearby with painters and sketchers etc and the rest of Montmartre, the Bohemian/Arty-Fartsy quarter of Paris which was pretty cool. That's still not sufficiently amazing.

It was the presence of this one black guy and his guitar on the steps of Sacre Couer that transformed the experience for me. He wasn't the best of singers really, but he was pretty funny. And he invited the audience to come up and sing as well. There was this one lady who was really good and she sang 3 or more songs. Then there were these 4 little girls (I don't even think they knew each other!) who came up to sing Aux Champs-Élysées in the most adorable fashion ever!! Meltzzz totally.

It was just finding myself in such a position, on the steps of Sacre Couer, overlooking the city at night, enjoying some light entertainment provided by a busker, on the eve of Christmas Eve. I was freezing my ass off cause it is after all pretty breezy atop a hill and I had no choice but to buy a hot chocolate from the Christmas market no matter how much of a rip-off that was, but even that hot chocolate tasted like the best I ever had. I just thought: It doesn't get much better than this does it? Of course it'd have been better if I had a girlfriend there with me but you know, that's life. You can't have it all! Hahahahaha. That's not true though. You can have it all, as long as you're willing to be flexible with your definition of "all". It's always up to us whether we want to be content or not. Okay I shan't digress, story for another time!

This was from someone who meant something special to me, and I'm glad to say I heeded her advice.

For Christmas Eve I'd decided to do the Versaille tour with the same tour company. It was well worth it, and Versaille is a ridiculous place. The opulence of it, the magnitude of everything there, the sheer amount of crazy money that must have been put into the place, it's truly ridiculous. Totally amazing place to visit. Learnt alot about Marie Antoinette, more King Louises etc.

I was with this Chinese girl studying law in Boston or Manhattan or something, somewhere New York-y is all I can rmb, a Korean girl studying English in London, and an Australian lawyer from Melbourne. Pretty insane, the odds of 3 of us being in the legal field, but that's how it was. They were pretty cool people (all a fair bit older than me as well) and I must have been pretty cool as well (hahahaha sry) cause we agreed to meet up later in the evening for dinner. Good plan.

Chinese girl didn't turn up, which was a shame. Anyhow the 3 of us headed to this super-packed restaurant for some proper French cuisine. The waiter serving us was hilariously stressed out because of the hordes of people in there, which was really entertaining to watch. We went for foie gras, escargot(s) (is there a plural for escargot?!?!?!) and a bottle of red wine cause you realllllly can't get any frencher than that. I had boeuf bourguignon as well which is super french as well! It turned out super good and surprisingly affordable as well, can't rmb but maybe 15-25 euros per pax?!?!?!?! That's ridiculously cheap when you're talking about dining in France, let alone the sorta haute cuisine we had. (Hehe I just can't resist describing my meal as haute cuisine.)

And then we left to find someplace else for dessert. It was not to be as easy as we'd thought it'd be. We left and headed toward the Champs-Élysées to find a suitable place. Scrutinizing menus for desserts (and prices) we simply couldn't find any. We might even have gone to Haagen Daaz had it not been such an awful thought: that of us spending Christmas Eve in France in a non-authentic Frenchy place. We just couldn't do it.

We finally found somewhere, and pretty happy with ourselves, we started ordering what we wanted. That is, trying to order what we wanted. As soon as the words "dessert" left our mouths the waiter underwent a transformation and said "NON. NON DESSERT. OUT." (or whatever the french equivalent of out is, my memory isn't all that perfect.) and whipped the menus out of our hands, leaving us sitting there, shocked! We were like, what just happened?! And we wore our coats and our scarves etc and walked out of the place, barely 3 minutes into going in. Pretty ridiculous right?! All the other diners there must have been wondering what in the world was going on.

You must understand it was almost 11pm at night, and there were empty spaces still in the restaurant, and there was just no way they were likely to get more customers anyway. And still we were chased out. Hahahaha. The french really take their food super seriously man. It was an insult to the fella that we even had the gall to try ordering just dessert (not trying to make a pun here,) I'm certain of it. How did we know we'd offend a french waiter by asking for dessert! Hahahaha it was pretty amazing. We were in disbelief even after we finally managed to find a place to have our desserts. I'm still a little in disbelief now. Christmas Eve and chased out of a restaurant. All because of an innocent desire for dessert!

I must admit. For this I really tried damn hard to think of cool-sounding phrases. I'd started out with the first bit which was alright, then I decided that wasn't enough. Spent ages thinking of the other 2 sets.

So Christmas! I was actually supposed to meet the Melbournite and the Korean girl on the Champs-Élysées and visit the Christmas market together, but I overslept. Whoops. Truth be told I didn't really want to spend all that much time with the same people on consecutive days. I mean I would have gone had I woken up in time, but the fact that I didn't did not cause me all that much grief.

It had always been my dream (well one of them, my life did not culminate at this moment) to spend at least one Christmas of my life all by my lonesome. Which I did. No better place to spend Christmas alone than in Paris. It was a dream come true really. It was also the day I started writing in my Awesome Notebook, which is chronologically befuddling I know, given that I'm already including all the pictures inside! Srsly though without these pictures this would be such an unbroken, way-too-long wall of text. I'm sorry. I'll try to include just the good stuff from now on!

I digress. I decided to walk down the River Seine, and that was a great idea. I discovered Ile de Cygnets or Swan Island or sth, home of little Liberty. Or the small version of the Statue of Liberty. I'm sure not all that many people know about its existence! It was pretty devoid of tourists as well. It was a great find. I also visited the Eiffel Tower at night cause it was my last night in Paris and I wanted to see it lit up at least once.

But the memorable thing about Christmas was not that. Given that I'd set out to spend it alone, it is interesting to note that the best part about my Christmas was the part where I was talking to someone. Wasn't even a girl. How about that? I stopped at a little cafe, one of the very few open where I found myself, a very quiet part of town, for a croissant and a cafe au lait. There was this guy sitting outside, who waved bonjour to me as I entered. Bought my stuff and went back out to enjoy my little meal and the guy asked me if I'd mind if he came and sat with me. (Sounds like the beginning of a gay romance here hahahaha.) And I said no, which I really didn't. I hadn't spoken to anyone all day so I was alright with it.

So we started chatting. He was a homeless man. He had all his belongings in one small bagpack. He slept under a bridge. He used to work for an airline before he contracted tuberculosis. No insurance, no severance from his company, and he found himself homeless pretty quickly. And had been for years. I know you're thinking: It's a hook! but it wasn't. I did not part with any money at all. In fact, he even bought me a coffee.

I even offered to pay, but he wouldn't have it. He just said no, no, it's nothing. Doesn't matter. I mean, tihnk about it right? There's me, clearly a tourist, clearly with the means to travel etc. Compared to him I am immensely rich. And here's this homeless guy buying me coffee on Christmas. I didn't really know what to say, so I didn't. We just continued chatting. He had pretty good english as well so that helped, and he was delighted whenever I managed to guess at what he was trying to tell me. He helped to translate stuff the lady running the cafe was saying too, which was pretty funny.

After almost an hour maybe, I decided to leave. I thanked him gratefully for the coffee and the chat, he said it was great to talk to me. I sincerely hope it was. I really hope that I managed to brighten his Christmas, I do. After I left I felt quite profoundly happy, because it's these human experiences that's really the whole point of life. Not taking a perfect picture of the Eiffel Tower, not setting eyes on Notre Dame. This is what I wrote in my notebook. First entry (after Happiness Not Real Unless Shared, the guy came to talk to me right after I'd written that.)

Joyeaux Noel! Merry Christmas. What a day. Maybe perfect in every way. I was out for contentment but I got happiness instead. Surprise.

Other people are lonely too, some not by choice.

One generous homeless man and one lonely cafe girl, 28, having issues with un-serious men. Lonely hearts club at Le Petit Mitrons (cafe name) on the River Seine!

A sudden rush of gratitude to the people who mean anything to me at all.

So that was Christmas. Morning after I packed my bag and left for Lyon! Some things that have to be said. First is that I absolutely loved Lyon. It's probably my favourite city off the entire trip, and that's saying alot. Nextly, they only have one hostel in the whole of Lyon. It was closed!!!!!!! From 20th December to sometime or another in January or sth, but the whole point of it is that it wasn't open when I was there!!!!! It was located up a hill. I spent at least 10-15mins climbing this steep damn hill and finally finding the Auberge de Jeunesse only to read the notice on the door that they were shut :'( I was pretty stunned man. And damn tired after climbing the hill.

Finally hiked my way down and set about looking for another hostel. (At the time I didn't know there was only one.) Stepped into a hotel to ask the receptionist for help. She was super nice about it, offering to help me search for other hostels, or 1/2 star hotels in the vicinity. I felt bad but she was like, Oh I have nothing else to do anyway, which was very sweet of her. Turned out there was none. Devastated but grateful, I thanked her and left, asking "Where's McDonald's?" You have to realize that I think of myself as slightly anti-establishment and I detest these mega chains like McD's or BK or KFC especially when I'm travelling. But free wifi quickly turns out to be a traveller's best friend. I was desperate for a Starbuck's or McDonald's, I kid you not. Second to free wifi is probably free toilets, a close second.

So off I trooped to McDonalds where I started doing my research. Which sucks when you've got an HTC Snap. It is such a shite phone. I bet if I had an iPhone I'd have been done in 3mins. I mean you've got apps for hostel/budget hotels. It's ridiculous. I took almost an hour I think. Ended up with 3 on my shortlist. I went to the first one and my choice was made for me. The french receptionist was so cute srsly. She was smiling and everything, which I know is exactly what receptionists are paid to do, but still. But it was still 50 euros a night. My god, 50?!?!?!?! I gaver her my sheepish look and said, er (you have to realize my heart was quite in my mouth) maybe I'll check out some of the other hotels first, then I might come back? She giggled and said alright. Okay. She probably didn't giggle. But I'm sure she smiled!!

Off I went and found the next one on my list. 49 euros a night. No cute receptionist. I said sorry, I think I'll find something else. What's one euro against a cute french girl?! Dust in the wind. (that's me getting all poetic. the effects of cute girls are not to be underestimated or trifled with.) I went back to first hotel and there she was! Thankfully they hadn't changed shifts yet!!! And then when she saw me coming through the doors she smiled (!!) and said hello. True story. Decision to stay there totally justified. So I got myself a room.

Roving showerhead. TV. 2 beds. Fresh towels. Who knew I would find myself here in a hotel in Lyon?! The bed seems to make my fatigue seep away, it's amazing. Cute receptionist keeps smiling at me too, it's untahanable.

Okay big italics portions like that are stuff from my Awesome Notebook. So after setting down my stuff I went out again, cause I only had one night in Lyon and I had to make the best of it. I went down and asked the receptionist (of course I was doing all I could to talk to her as much as I could! only natural right.) what there was to do at night. So off I went.

I was on the train and bored. It was really foggy and I could stare straight into the sun, I was well amazed at that. I decided to try my hand at drawing. Train tracks and trains look pretty silly without stuff around, so I added a hill and trees and a house, plus a cow for good measure. It's awful isn't it? Hahahaha.

So, into the night I went. I first went to the city area, and then slightly past it. There was this one road with cobbles and nice looking steps so I decided to go along. Turned into this hour long or more trip up this hill, which was nice. Then I wandered around lamely for a bit, decided to walk along the river. Went into this little park which was pretty scary at night, because the map I had told me that it'd provide a vantage point with good sights. This drunk/crazy guy was up there shouting and executing kungfu kicks at no one, before taking more swigs of beer. I was like okay, I'm outta here.

Then headed to the other side of the river where the old city really was and climbed up yet more hills. I spent at least 3 hours up there I reckon. It was amazing. The views I got from some spots were simply stunning. Very wow stuff. I really liked it there.

In the morning I woke up, trying to cram as much as I could into the few hours I had before the noon checkout. It was such a shame I had a time restriction though, as some of the shops there were just fantastic. I was in one for more than half an hour rifling through their olde schoole postcards of movies and stuff. It was like hipster heaven. And the old city itself was really nice, full of character, it was great. But I had to leave :'( No matter how awesome a place is, I'm not paying 50 euros a night manz. So I had to leave.

I bought all these from 2 different shops in Lyon. I can't tell you how proud I am of my purchases. I am ridiculously insanely happy with them!

 Oh in the morning the receptionist on duty was a different one from the night before, which made me tear a little :'( Okay I didn't. But I couldn't really expect her to be working all hours of the day, so with a little sigh I accepted the truth, hard though it was. When I came back to check out though, there she was!!!!! I almost let out a little whoop. And she was all smiling and bonjour and all again. What's a boy to think?!?! Okay, that's probably in her job descrip, but let a boy dream will ya?

So, infinitely buoyed by that final glimpse of cute receptionist, off I went on my way to Marseille!

Pictorial representation of my train ride to Lyon. I thought it'd be cool to include the UK and le Havre and Rouen and all. Probably totally wrong geographically as well, I did not have a map of France and I was just guessing.

So Marseille. One of my first impressions of Marseille was that: This is a 2-person city. No real reason why I felt that way, it was just a thought that popped into my head inexplicably, and the thing is, it stuck. For the rest of my time in Marseille at the back of my mind was the thought that this would be so much more awesome with someone else. And I hadn't felt that before, not in Paris, romantic capital of the world, and not in Lyon (which is perfectly suited, I think, for lone travellers.)

I doubt I'm gonna be truly satisfied here cause I'm gonna keep thinking how much more awesome it'll be with someone else. Paris has enough to do to make you forget you're alone, despite it's reputation as lomantic capital of the world. Lyon was perfect for the lone traveller. Just enough intrigue and old-town feel. Not a big city like Marseille though. Sigh.

So it's funny I felt that here. Anyhow. The morning after I arrived (the first day I reach anywhere is usually dull and uneventful cause I usually just hunt for hostel and recuperate.) I was bowled over by the sun. Super sunny, I could even take my jacket off. (Which I am loathe to do cause I think my jacket looks fantastic hehe.) But I had to cause it was just so warm. It was insane. French winter. I'm not thinking soaring sun and 10+ degrees. So yeah, great sights and all, but wasn't all that eventful. I think it was good I had no expectations whatsoever though, cause I knew next to nothing about all the cities I visited.

It was a little bit of a dump really, as in it wasn't all that clean. Pretty dingy, some parts of town. Alot more dark and dank alleys as well, and I expect it isn't all that safe either. But strapping young man no care. It was still a great place though, I probably could have spent more time there had I wanted to, but I didn't cause I really wanted to spend New Year in Nice and I wasn't sure if there were gonna be trains on New Year's Eve and all.

At the hostel though, I met this Chinese mother-daugher pair. They were from Shanghai but the girl was studying in Cologne (maybe, Germany definitely) which was how the mom found herself in Europe for the Christmas holidays. The daugher had planned out everything about the holiday, next destination, train tickets, really everything. And I was well impressed. Maybe even inspired. I really doubt it's all that easy travelling with your mom. I'd probably find it quite trying. And this was a purely Chinese-Shanghai dialect-speaking mother, no english at all, let alone french or anything. Really impressed, I was.

Also, it was the first time in freaking ages I had to use Chinese. I had to try really hard but I think I pulled it off decently haha. At least I could hold a half-okay conversation with the mother without resorting to English at all! And even with the daughter, even though she could speak perfectly good english, I spoke Chinese and didn't shame myself too much!

The next night there were these 3 chinese girls in the room as well, 2 shanghainese and one from Guangdong, one studying in Belgium I think, while 2 were studying in Leicester. And this gayish Hong Kong boy hahaha. Quite ridiculous that I spoke Chinese for 2 straight nights while in France!! Another roommate was this Tunisian guy who was pretty passionate man, lecturing us on the merits of Tunisia, how and why it is such an awesome place to go. I suspect the Tunisian tourism board sent people abroad disguised as travellers to extol the merits of the place. Maybe it's a pretty low budget campaign, that's why he got sent to a hostel instead of a fancy swanky hotel.

Train ride to Marseille. Totally wrong by the way. Okay le sea was pretty much correct, but all in all this was pretty damn wrong a drawing as any map will tell you hahahaha.

Girl.

Oh yeah one encounter I had in Marseille was with this girl (you roll your eyes, I know. shoot me. it's always about girls!) I was walking along the coastline pretty much, then there was this sort of rocky beach, with a wall around it. So I stopped to remove my jacket and saw this girl sitting on the wall, so I decided, I might as well sit down too! So I did. And I was just wondering, what is this girl doing, sitting here alone? I mean, I wasn't gonna talk to her or anything, and I was sitting a fair bit away, but I was just wondering.

I've gotta say this is one of my favourite photos. Only my favouritest photos are gonna find their way into my blog! Anyhow, sure enough, this boy came along and they went down to the rocks together. Damn. So I wrote this:

Pretty lonely girls never stay lonely for long. Nor pretty.

Wisdom! What a pity. I thought I was gonna find romance on the Marseille coast! Well, no, clearly not with the way she was staring at her phone but anyway. Hope she doesn't think I'm a creep for taking photos of her! Haha.

I was quite pleased with myself for coming up with that first line haha. The nor pretty part is me trying to be all witty and wiseass.

And I have to say too, it's not easy taking a photo of someone. To have an actual subject for your photo, that's tough man. I definitely didn't want to let on that I was taking pictures of her, cause really, I wasn't. It wasn't her I wanted a photo of, it was a photo of a girl on a wall by the sea I wanted. Any girl. If you get what I mean. But yeah. I had to shuffle around pretending to take pictures of other stuff as well, before sneakily taking this. I had a few other shots as well but this is my favourite. Srsly sounds a little pervy but it really isn't!! Hahaha. Oh yeah I continued after that.

Bloody french girls! I think they were almost all born sexy, or it's the language. I think if you speak beautifully you think beautifully, and eventually that manifests in a beauty that's visible.

I am, you can probably tell, quite taken by the french language. I think it sounds beautiful. I would totally learn it if I had the chance. And the other bit I like to think is true. Because language affects your thoughts and your thoughts affect your language. I sometimes think without language we would be nothing, no different from any other animal on the planet. And if you try to use prettier words sometimes, you'll think nicer thoughts as well. I might be trying to justify my annoying habit of showing off my vocabulary here hahahaha. I'm sorry. I know that must be pretty irritating sometimes.

I am writing as the sun is setting over the Mediterranean. I never thought I'd see such a thing. This is a happy place. Of children and laughter and fun and games. Most amazing sunset I've seen in years probably. Amazing. And it's twilight. Bon nuit.

I'd been in a big seaside park/beach/playground. There were so many kids around and they all seemed really happy. Kicking soccer, flying kites, whatever. At that point I was just thinking how I wish I'd known to appreciate being a child while I was still one. But that's the whole point isn't it? That children don't know. That's what makes them so happy.

They don't think, Oh, this joy is merely transient. It is a fleeting happiness I am feeling. It won't last. They don't know. They don't know that they're supposed to behave any way so they're perfectly natural. They run around and fall down, but they don't know they're supposed to be embarrassed about that, so they're not. So they continue running around, and continue falling, not caring in the least. And why can't we revert to that? Why must we exert pressure on the people around us, project our expectations on them?

It was at this point that I was deciding where to go; when to go. Cause I honestly had no idea.

I had this timeline thing (at the corner of the picture there) where I'd put down where I'd possibly be on what dates. Even at this point in time (28th of December) I was considering going to Zurich, Interlock (or Interlaken,) Basel, then Geneva. Which totally didn't materialize, I may add. My whole point is that I had this very tentative skeletal plan then, which I probably could have pulled off, but didn't. Which says alot about how flexible I was being with my journey. I had this vague intention as well of spending the New Year in the Alps.

I decided to add all this stuff I could remember from song lyrics. "Where do we go now?" from Guns 'N Roses' Sweet Child O'Mine. "Home, home (where I wanted to go)" Coldplay, Clocks. "I don't know where we are going now." Stereophonics, Dakota. "Home is whenever I'm alone with you." Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, Home. "Just because I'm lost doesn't mean I'm losing." adapted from Coldplay's Lost! Oh yeah I didn't mention I forgot to bring my mp3 along with me, which meant I had no music whatsoever to accompany me.

This resulted in all the doodling in my book, much of which I wouldn't have done had I brought my mp3 along. I think I'm never bringing it with me on my travels again. You just don't think when you're listening to music, or rather, not for long enough. Maybe some songs make you pensive and start thinking, then the next one comes along and you think okay, time to enjoy the music, and out the window goes thinking. You know what I mean? I wrote whenever I was bored which is how I managed to fill my entire book in a week (that's 60 pages, although half of this was dedicated to what I called my handwritten tumblr haha.)

I think the tumblr thing was a pretty good initiative as well actually, no matter how lame and pretentious it is. Cause I was forced to think. Otherwise I was gonna just input my random thoughts, and the proceedings of the day etc. I didn't just want a travel journal. I wanted thoughts. The kind of thoughts you have when you're alone, and you don't get much more alone than when you're travelling.

This is a slightly more accurate geographical representation I think, cause I happened to glance at a map while I was in Marseille hehe.

So Nice. It has to be said that at that point of time, I'd thought Marseille was pretty brilliant with its sunshine and its beaches etc, and had no idea what Nice had to offer except that it was touted as a beachy-y resort place too. And I thought that meant it was a summer getaway and would be rather frigid and boring in the winter. I was wrong.

I thought, and still do, that Nice was almost perfect. The weather, the sun, the beaches, everything really. I couldn't find any fault with it, not that I was looking very hard of course. But I think it's perfect for a winter holiday, if you're looking to escape the gloom and cold. It was cold as well, once the sun went down, but that's forgivable when you get to bask in its gloriousness for many many hours a day.

I spent almost 1-2 hours looking for the hostel cause my pride wouldn't allow me to take the tram when I could just as well walk instead. Hahaha. And didn't care to wait for the shuttle bus which would bring me up the hill to the hostel. So I walked. And got lost. Went up the wrong hill and asked a bus driver for directions. He said, er, I don't know. But don't worry, I've got this! And he whipped out his iPhone. Pretty demoralizing I think, when even your bus drivers don't know roads without resorting to Mr Ubiquitous iPhone. It's not helping my anti-iPhone crusade. Okay it's not anti-iPhone, it's anti-iPhone-dependency that I'm all for. Anyhow.

Reached the hostel and I was just bowled over by it. It was called Villa Saint-Exupery and they kid you not when they say "Villa". It occupied the premises of an old chapel I think, or at least that's what they called it. With a name like that, you'd think Le Petit Prince! or The Little Prince, that most beloved of books, and you'd be right. My keycard had a picture of the little prince. My bedtag had one. It was just so nice and pleasant to be there, surrounded by the creation of Antoine de Saint Exupéry. It's just an instantly happy place to be, you ken?

And one euro beers at happy hour. I'm no alcoholic but I was just compelled to drink at least one of those per night hahaha. When someone offers you sth like that it's an insult to pass it up. 50cl too. Cheapest beers of my life I think, and it wasn't half bad, their house beer! And it was 2 euros after happy hour so.. it was pretty ridiculously cheap man. That's like forcing alcoholism down your throats!

Borrowed from A Constant Gardener. Because it's true.

 Anyway I know this is taking forever and I'm sorry, but it's as much for me as it is for anyone who'd bother to read all this rubbish. I don't want to forget everything. I want to read, next time, exactly what I thought was important enough to write down. Some things you don't want to forget but you do, and when you remember those things out of the blue, you can't help but feel a little regret that you allowed yourself to forget. So. Sorry anyhow.

Where was I now? Nice, right. Went on a free tour the morning after, just over an hour long, with 2 Australian girls and an Austrian lady. That's 3 Aussies right there. Lame. The 2 real aussies were a little snooty and didn't seem all that interested, so after the tour I hung out with the Austrian lady. She was... 40 something maybe? Husband, children, the works. Just down in Nice for the New Year. She was pretty nice, quite chill, and we spent a few hours sightseeing together. Even dipped our toes into the cold sea by the beach! Which I definitely wouldn't have done had I been alone.

We made plans to spend the next day, New Year's Eve that was, together but I was honestly kinda reluctant. I really didn't want to spend consecutive days with her, and I must add it had nothing to do with the her age! Clearly I would not have had such reservations had it been a PYT (refer: Michael Jackson) but you can't expect too much from me! It is a known fact that pretty girls make short work of resistance. Anyhow.

I felt awful about making that decision then decided that I was on holiday and so was she, and we needn't stress ourselves out over such matters. I did feel totally mean and very much like an asshole, and it is my belief that self-awareness sort of means that I'm not wholly irredeemable! I did reason that I was never gonna see her again so.. very cold and calculating of me!

I saw this Chinese girl as well (well, Chinese-looking, maybe Korean or wtv, oriental let's say) who was all alone. Massive DSLR around her neck and clearly a tourist. Pretty cute (that is to say not super cute, just pretty cute, and not pretty + cute either.) Although I'm not sure how much of that cuteness is attributed solely to her, or whether it was the whole independent-looking-DSLR-wielding-girl-alone vibe. Cause I'm well impressed by that haha. I kinda wish I'd spoken to her, cause she was asking someone to help take a picture of her and unfortunately there was another Chinese guy up there as well, so she didn't pick me hahaha. I should have spoken to her!

I was continuing my train of thought from the previous one.

Then late at night I spoke to this Argentinean fella who'd done an exchange in Singapore, and a Mexican girl, who invited me to spend the next day with them on a trip to Monaco. So I did.

As far as meaningful, productive days goes, this was definitely one of the lower-ranking ones of my trip. It's so different to travel in a group, rather than alone, or even in twos. Plus their default mode was Spanish, although they did accomodate me by speaking in English most of the time. So we went to Monaco. I don't like the place, to tell you the truth. It's just too rich. It just seemed pretty obscene. Big power boats and yatchs. Flashy cars. Expensive boutiques and stuff. It didn't feel very authentic at all.

Maybe it was cause I didn't get to roam about by myself as I always like to do, but I kinda doubt my impression would be very much different even if I had. Like everything was manicured to perfection. A bit too much for me I reckon, haha. I mean, it's probably a sort of paradise on earth in a way, but it wouldn't be mine.

So yeah. I didn't like the place, but that's not to say it wasn't nice, because it was. Just not my thing. Well worth a day-trip though, cause being so tiny you can do it all within just a few hours, the entire principality of Monaco. And to see glitz, if you don't think you've seen enough. I'm pretty sure I saw a very high-class escort as well, which I'd sort of been expecting. Perched on the arm of 1 x old man. I was thinking, hoo boy, that can't be cheap. I'm thinking thousands of euros. Not that I'm trying to objectify women or anything srsly, but that was without doubt an escort. Those legs, hoo boy.

The next carriage in the same train of thought as above. That's an empty bird cage down in the corner there btw.

I think it is worth noting at this point that I tried to draw. To make it more tumblr-like I expect hahaha. No. But it was probably the sort of why-not and no-harm-trying mentality that made me do it. I mean, after that cow I realized I was not gonna find great success in this world as an artist, but I thought that I could try enshrining some of my thoughts in drawings instead of words. And sometimes you think thoughts that have accompanying pictures in your head, and it just will not do to translate those into words, no matter how good of a wordsmith you think you are. You can't go too far wrong with an empty bird cage too I reckon.

So after we returned from Monaco, they told me that they were going for this party or that in the city, but I didn't feel like going. I'd decided already that I was gonna have a quiet New Year. I told myself that I was going to, for the first time in living memory (mine at least), wake up to the new year instead of stay up for it. I know it sounds like such a placid, lame thing to do, but when you think about it, actually it's a really radical thing to do!! Or at least that's what I told myself haha. All I want to be is a badboi srsly.

So that's what I did. I read a book and then slept through the fireworks and the celebrations and all the parties. Mmmhmm. Peace. The only other people in my dorm who did that were men in their 40s as well, which did make me feel a tad old, which is par for the course given that I was turning 20 right at that very moment. That's the old me! Or rather, the new, older me. Not the old, younger me. Oh bloody hell.





 So that's how I spent my New Year/Birthday for those of you who're interested. In bed, tucked away under my blanket, reading myself to sleep, with not a soul for company. Exactly how I wanted it. I promised myself not to tell anyone that it was my birthday (under the influence of alcohol or whatnot) and I managed to keep that. I sang myself a very quiet Happy Birthday later in the day.

Okay I'm pretty bad with this uploading images and stuff, please forgive me haha.




Spent the New Year in Cannes and later Antibes. I felt like a superstar just walking down the streets of Cannes, thinking, so this is where all the movie stars etc gather every year! Self-worth x 1000 srsly. Don't laugh, I'm serious, I really did feel pretty awesome and cool strutting down those streets! What a loser hahaha.

I guess Cannes isn't all that different from Monaco. Haven for the super-rich, yatchs and all, but I liked it more than I did Monaco. Maybe it was just that I'd set out to have a super-chill day, to do absolutely nothing on my birthday. Whatever it was, I enjoyed myself immensely.

I decided to walk to Antibes, cause it was only 10mins away by train and I didn't really want to spend that extra few euros. It took me more than 2 hours to get there. Not cool at all. I had a massive detour once, minor ones a few times as well, and I was pretty deadbeat by the time I got to Antibes. It was a nice place though, pretty Christmas decor all over. I had dinner there at a Chinese place.

There was a girl there. I know you're probably rolling your eyes or sth and thinking what a loser/lamer/desperateburden but please hear me out! There was no romance involved whatsoever haha! But she did look like someone I know so I probably gave her a few more glances than I normally would, nor is considered proper, maybe. Hahaha. Anyway she caught me in of those glances and just stared back at me. Naturally, I stared back, cause I'm just smooth and dapper like that. After a while I broke eye-contact and just thought: Oops. Uh-oh. She must think I'm some kind of retard trying to giver her sexy-look! I was pretty mortified. Okay end of story.

That's the only thing I remember of Antibes, sry.


After which I caught a train back to Nice and got ready for my next day's trip to Grenoble!

I'm pretty sure this came from one of Morrissey's songs.

One of the things I miss most about travelling is the train rides. The feeling of hitting the road again. Whenever I was on a train, I just felt so happy, you know? I don't know what it was. Was it the being in transit, or something else, I don't know. That's why I had no qualms about choosing longer train rides if they were cheaper, cause I loved being on the trains. I wish I were on a train, heading into the unknown, no bed waiting for me, no one waiting for me. Maybe it was that. Being in motion. In flux. Or maybe it was being alone. Cause I was never as alone with my thoughts as when I was on a train. Not really much in the way of conversation. Probably in all my train rides I spoke less than 10 words in total.

Another thing is that I'd stopped writing by then. I'd used up all the pages in my notebook and I decided not to get another one. It took me one week. From Christmas Day 2011 to New Year's Day 2012 I'd managed to fill up almost 60 pages of that thing. I thought it was pretty fitting. Exactly one week's peek into my thoughts while travelling. Somehow after finishing it, I didn't find myself with loads of free time just sitting around on my hands, so I didn't feel like I had to get another notebook. Which is odd given that I must have spent quite some time writing in it during that one week. Anyways.

I woke up late for my train. The train was supposed to leave at 8:55 and I woke up at 8:30. I hadn't had breakfast, still had to take the shuttle down to the tram, still had to take the tram to the train station. It was impossible for me to make it in 25mins. So I decided oh well, let's have breakfast first. And over breakfast I decided I was gonna hop onto the next train illegally. I was gonna ninja my way onto the next outward bound train and hopefully get to the stopover in time for my subsequent trains. Very Fugitive. This all came crashing down when I arrived at the station. Because my train was still there.

I can't tell you how incredulous I was. I was like, no way man, this can't be real! But it was. I managed to catch my 8:55 train even though I arrived at the station at 9:30. It was unbelievable. I was thinking, someone is smiling down on me pretty hard right now! So I was initially pretty annoyed with myself for missing my alarm and waking up late and all, but it had magically transformed into a situation that worked out perfectly for me. Little miracles.

I'm not sure what I was thinking when I wrote this. It's adapted from LOTR and Aragorn's broken sword, whose name I forget! Damn, nerd fail!

So Grenoble. Truth be told, a little underwhelming when I first got there. I'd been told, heart of the French alps etc etc. And I was expecting, idk, a little town and snow and being halfway up a mountain or sth. Thank god though I wasn't. I'd have died. No one ever tells you this, but snow is cold. Hahahah. Okay such a no-brainer but srsly.

First night there had to check into a hotel. Horribad. 40 euro a pop. Almost wept. Didn't dare to find a hostel on that first night as I had absolutely no idea where it was and I couldn't find a McDonald's to see my friend free wifi. So yeah, by that first night I was pretty much in tatters, broke, on the verge of tears. Okay, it wasn't as dramatic as that. But I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay for long, given that I couldn't hemorrhage 40 euros a night. Boo to limited funding.

Next day, first thing on my agenda was find the tourist information and drag hostel whereabouts out of them. It was a Success. Next thing I knew, I was safe and snug in my brand new hostel, happy as can be, at just 21.60 a night. :))))))

Did a pretty lousy walk around the city, there isn't all that much to see. The city isn't really the point when you're in Grenoble. Went up the Bastille, an old fort/prison atop a hill and the sights were immense. You could see clearly the snow-capped peaks ringing Grenoble, NSEW ALL also mountains. It was unbelievable. So yeah. Happiness filling my tummy, joy spilling out of my ears, I decided that the next day I was gonna make a trip up a mountain.

I really can't rmb where I got the inspiration for this from. But it's true.

Villard de Lans. Very unassuming, obscure name. But I will remember it forevermore. 04/01/12 first snow ever experienced by emobadboi92. First snowball, check. First snowman, check. First uber great fear of frostbite, mega check. Honestly, I was deathly afraid I was gonna be frostbitten hahahaha. I was repeating to myself repeatedly oh please oh please don't let me see blue toes when I get back into the shower!!! I didn't. Thanks be to god....

It was such a quiet place. I hunted down a snowfield, no difficult feat given that they're generally pretty still and unmoving, and set about having my fun. Probably looked totally insane to a casual passerby, one idiot alone shovelling snow and building a snow man and throwing snowballs and nobody, but who cares! I didn't. I was beyond words. Then it started snowing as well, a very light snow. I was pretty delirious by then, and not cause of the cold. It was magnificent. Snowfields stretching on and on. There was no one else around. Snow in the air. And silence.

I think that's one of the things about the winter and the snow. It just all seemed so brittle. Like everything was too perfect to last for just a second longer. Like it was all poised to collapse any moment. The silence. No sound but the wind in my ears. I liked that.

I got cold pretty quickly. Okay I was always cold, because I was about as ill-equipped as it was possible to be in the snow. Leather jacket, leather shoes, jeans. Seriously not enough. But kneeling in the snow to build a snowman gets your jeans wet, and staying in any one spot for too long lets water seep into your leather shoes, if you were dumb enough to be wearing non-waterproof footwear. Not walking also kills your feet with the no-blood-circulation and I bet my toes hated me then.

So I returned to civilization. Found a quaint little street I hadn't expected and trooped down, looking for warmth and sustenance. And magnets. I found them. Went to a crepe shop for my lunch and lo and behold! there was a girl there. I'm not making this up. Really.

I'm pretty certain she kept giving me little glances... Okay maybe not. That was probably my ego looking for some reassurance after getting a hiding from my toes. Actually my feet in general were pretty pissed off. But anyhoo, she took my order and after the requisite amount of confusion, I'd managed to order my crepes at last. So I had a pretty nice meal, really cute as well, the meal I mean, I'm not quite as desperate as to talk about girls all the time. Okay maybe I am! Does a desperate person know he's desperate? Okay wtv.

The meal had a gummy bear as well as a bear's paw made out of icing, and just bear stuff everywhere. It was cool. Then after a while the waitress came up to me and asked where I was from. I said Singapore! and she said ohhhhhh. In all my travels I think I've met less than 5 people who've been to Singapore or even anywhere close. Pretty exotic specimens we are. And then she asked, how did you come to find yourself in Villard de Lans? I kinda doubt they've seen too many asians up there, a remote little village up the french alps like that! So I said, I don't know! I came up from Grenoble, someone told me about this place, that it was nice etc etc.

So she asked, how long will you be here? Unfortunately my reply had to be, oh, about an hour more, I've gotta catch the bus back pretty soon. There was a tinkling sound and I thought that was her heart breaking. Nah. It was the sound of my toes in their death throes. You might wonder why they tinkled but that's cause they were encased in ice, a very curious and uncomfortable, even painful, state for your toes to find themselves in. Okay I'm taking my toes story (hahaha totally wasn't meant to be a pun on toy story until I typo-ed that) a little too far. But yeah. I left.

But I'm just thinking, I might just be the only Chinese she sees in her life! Not likely, but that's not wholly implausible. I might be a unique event to her! How many times do you find yourself inadvertently and unwittingly featuring in someone else's life? Probably more times than you'd expect. We have an impact on people sometimes, whether we know it or not. And we should try as best we can to make that a positive impact. Because the nature of human relations and interactions is so fleeting, we might never have a chance to make that impact again.

I think that's my new year resolution. I don't actually have any. I made exactly zero this year. Not that I don't aspire to anything, I just didn't do any formal formulating and labelling as "New Year Resolution". Maybe cause I always break them anyways, haha. But here's this. To make the people around me happy. Cause life's too short to be unhappy really. And to be honest. Pretty random, I know. But it's important. To be honest to myself. Which isn't the same as always being honest to other people. I don't know how to explain this. But I'd say being honest to myself is more important than say.. telling the truth all the time. And if I can make people happy while being honest at the same time, then lagi good. So I shalt do that.

Haha okay major digress there, but end of story.

I was just thinking how I want to live my life. Not just amble through it or let it pass me by.

Next day I went to Chamrousse 1650. I think the numbers at the back refers to the height of the mountain, but I'm not sure. Cause I went to Chamrousse 1600/1700/1750 as well. It was awesome. I initially intended to go skiing, but didn't in the end. Not alone. And I didn't want to pay for an instructor, rental of all the gear etc. Plus I was so ill-equipped, travelling any faster than walking speed would have chilled my bones to their unhappy core. So I didn't. An excuse to re-visit the Alps perhaps.

I went on a walk instead. As stupidly dressed as I was, I struck out into the great bleak white landscape. 3 layers of shirts plus leather jacket, thermals plus jeans, not-thick-enough-socks and leather shoes, beanie, scarf, and specs. Thank god I brought my specs. Or not I'd have had to hunch over and stare at my toes all the while, so as not to let the snow blow into my eyes. It hurtses! (Think: Gollum in LOTR) So I wrapped myself up and set off! The only uncovered parts of myself were maybe a few centimetre squares around my cheeks which I was unable to wrap up with my scarf.

I spent more than an hour tramping around in the snow. I was totally freezing. All those shows you see kids playing in the snow and hurling snowballs at each other, you never see them shivering and vibrating from the cold. They are unnaturally stronk. I did have thoughts drifting around like, goodness, I could just freeze and get hypothermia and frostbite and die here and nobody would know!! Not to say that I was feeling depressed or anything! It was really uplifting actually. I think it's the knowledge that I was out there alone, battling the elements, and I knew I could do it. I was pretty scared at times, I will admit, but I survived! And I felt so good about myself haha.

Life is just so much better when you know your toes aren't gonna drop off and your breath isn't fogging up your glasses and you have a hot shower to look forward to. Mmmmmmhmmmmm. Perfection.

And that was the day I experienced fresh snow for realz. The previous day I thought I'd experienced fresh and soft snow. I was wrong. The snow I experienced on Chamrousse would shame that of Villard de Lans into tears and maybe even suicide if it were so inclined. It was magical. I was proper caught out in proper snow. Blustering and blistering snow. It was actually painful cause the wind was so strong! It was fantastic.

And such a surreal experience. To find myself knee-deep in snow, walking down random roads, no cars around, nobody around, coming across snowed-in cars, swiping fresh snow out of my scarf, throwing snowballs at road signs.. Unbeatable. Still pretty unbelievable even now, sitting here wrapped in my duvet tapping on my keyboard.

Life!
 

Hahaha I was watching a Liverpool match in Nice! Skysports rulez.

Yep. So that was my snow experience, all 2 days of it. I'm still living in the faint hope that it will snow where I am, but that's a hope that's slowly dying over time :'(

Next day I went to Geneva. The train ride from Grenoble to Geneva offers some spectacular views, lakes and mountains and whatnot, you couldn't ask for more. I went there with a slight of dread, having been attacked with many stories of how expensive the damn place was, in fact the whole of Switzerland. So it was with no little trepidation that I disembarked and set foot on the cold streets of Geneve. With a huge mega-lake right on its doorstep, Geneve is not the warmest place to be. It's an instant water cycle right there, that's why. It was the kind of cold that seeped into your clothes and your bones. Brrrrr!

But it was beautiful. I definitely don't regret spending my short 24 hours there, even though I did get scammed by the hostel. It was 32 swiss francs, about 25 euros maybe, but I paid by card and the charged me 32 euros. What the dickens! Oh wellz.

It was a really nice place, I spent many happy hours roaming around town, and the edges of the lake. Pity I couldn't spend more time in Suisse! I would have loved to go to Interlaken etc, damn. But if you manage your pursestrings wisely, I don't see how Switzerland is THAT expensive. I withdrew 20 swiss francs from the ATM and had 9 swiss francs to start with, courtesy of a Canadian man I'd met on the morning before I left Grenoble.

And what a weird fella. He was telling me how he loaned money to the owner of the Cirque du Soleil and helped to start it up etc, and I had absolutely no fricken idea whether to believe him or not! And telling me these wild tales about meeting this sexy Russian journalist in Paris and all. I'm pretty sure he was trolling me.. but I'm not 100% sure! Well I did exchange 5 euros of mine with 9 francs off him, a good trade by any standards, so I shalt give him the benefit of the doubt!

So I had a mere 29 francs in hand and managed to survive 24 hours in Geneve, which should serve as a shining beacon of hope to all penniless desperadoes out there! Nothing really of note happened in Geneve though, so you are spared yet another long passage on girlz and girlz and girlz. I do apologize hehe.

They were playing The xx in the bar at the Nice hostel. If I'd known a Joy, I'd have wept with her.

So that's really about it for my trip. It does seem a little anti-climactic to end off right here, so obviously I won't. I'm a fan of the sweet start, explosive storyline, and finally the brilliant ending. So maybe I shall try and encapsulate (this is a word I was taught in secondary school's oral examination. "This picture encapsulates the emotions and feelings of students in a canteen during recess." Must have worked, got me my A1 in English hahah!) the lessons I'd learnt on this trip. Because travelling is nothing if not about finding one's self. About throwing yourself into the unknown and seeing what the unknown has to throw back at you. To leave as one person and to return as another.

To have your horizons broadened and your perceptions immeasurably changed, to have your preconceptions and misconceptions thrown out the window which with luck will be situated next to a very high, steep cliff. To experience life like you've never experienced it before. I don't know what it is to you, but that's what travelling is to me. It's a challenge. (Okay it doesn't always have to be a challenge, there's always room for leisure holidays and the like, although those are holidays, not travelling.) I hadn't thought about it before but yeah, I guess there's a difference between a holiday and travelling. Cool.

And travelling's the real deal. Not the cushy however-many-starred hotels and spas and deckchairs on a beach. It's life. You go places, you meet people, you live. And a part of life is that you change. And it does that too. Travelling changes you. Meeting the diaspora (okay not the exactest meaning of the word but it looks cool don't it) of the world. I've met people of more nationalities in those 19 days than I have the rest of my life. I'm not even exagerrating here. And that's really interesting.

It's an empowering experience too. I'm never as confident then when I've got my backpacks on and making my way to my next destination. There's just something about knowing you've got all you need to survive, at least for the next few weeks, on you right at that moment. And knowing that you can do anything you want, you can make any decision there and then, and it would be just a matter of going, hell's bells let's just do it! And off you go. You know that the Diem has been Carped, or that you have Carped the Diem or whatever the damn! Your life is yours then, to manage.

To know you're doing something that most people could not imagine doing (backpacking in a foreign country, where they speak a foreign tongue, all by yourself) imbues you with a sort of courage. It's pretty funny. You do something people think takes courage to do, and that in itself gives you the courage you need to carry on.

I can't properly describe how good I feel about myself when I'm travelling haha. It's like I can take on the world. I feel different, I feel cool. Haha. I only say this cause when I came back here I found myself just another student amongst a sea of students, and I did feel curiously, slightly, underwhelming. As compared to the heady days of my travels haha.

A whole playlist worth of The xx, the bar's iPod had. I felt inspired.

A lifetime ago. The De Yan back then wouldn't have recognized the De Yan today. Not the hair. Not the leather jacket. Not the surroundings. Not the strut.

Okay maybe the strut. But so much more substance beneath the strut than I had before. I was nothing, but I thought I was something. And acted like I was.

I'm way more capable than I was just a few months back. Not that I'm amazing now, but that I was such a shite back then. Pretty worthless fellow hahaha. But I thought I was cool. Maybe for the first time in my life I am self-aware. I've still got a long way to go, I know. I'm nowhere near as responsible as I should be, nor as capable as I hope to be. I'm still not nearly mature enough yet, don't let my age fool you! Hahaha.

And that's the thing. At every other stage of my life I have thought myself to be pretty mature. And then barely a few months later I discover that actually, no. I was pretty grossly childish! And then I think with that newfound knowledge, now I am so mature! Which inevitably is a bubble that gets popped. I pretended to know of my shortcomings and defended them, in my mind, told myself that it was alright. But it's not.

Okay here's wholesale from my notebook.

I feel alot more mature and capable than I did just a while ago. A lot more confident, maybe even self-possessed. Perhaps the best thing about backpacking, the self-empowerment. Just me, out in the world on my own. I had to know I can do it. And I can.

And I'm so much more aware if who I am. I think I know now I'm not a writer. I'm an idea, nice turn of phrase, maybe even short story kind of guy, but no noveil in me. I deliver an intro, embellish it, and then bang: punchline. And I move on.

I can't think past 10, 20 paragraphs and I don't really wish to. So that leaves me a little stuck then. I like to write but have no chance of becoming a writer.

Maybe that's typically useless of me. Not enough talent or not enough will. And without that will I can never find out the extent of my talent. A misnomer. Ability might be the better word. So it was with badminton, soccer, rugby, writing, studies.

I go as far as natural ability takes me and that's where I stop. No desire to improve after that. Or maybe there's desire but that's arrested by my laziness. But I guess that's that. that's just how and who I am.

It's not so easy to admit that I'm not a writer hahaha. I always harbour this wistful hope that one day that could turn out to be a viable career! Clearly not though sighz.

I was gripped by this urge not to let myself waste my life, to appreciate the beauty in the things around us.

I recognize how very immature I've been in the past. Ever since the age of 14/15 I've thought: I'm pretty damn mature! Which might have been true at that age but clearly wasn't, not against any objective scale.

Now I realize I still have a ways to go yet, even though I'm inching my way across. I must have been quite insufferable though, always so full of myself, and yet so awkward and out of place all the time.

Maybe that's the adolescent's curse. The awkwardness, the constant sense of displacement. As I'm approaching my 20s though (what in the world srsly.) I feel so much more comfortable with myself.

I don't feel like I have to conform (too much) anymore, like I've somewhat gotten free of all the social pressures of our teenage years.

Sure, I still wanna be "handsome" and "cool" and all, but not as desperately as the younger me did. Funny. It must have started at about.. Sec 2? Sec 3? I mean I only had my uniform to wear so.. pretty hard to dress up much!

It is pretty funny. I think before sec 2 I had no clue what in the world was going on, I didn't know I was supposed to have cool spiky hair, I was supposed to wear cool Billabong/Quicksilver boardshorts, No Fear T-shirts or wtv. I must have looked so horrible everyday with that mushroom hair, tucked out muddy post-soccer school uniform or sth, and yet I didn't care.

Then came puberty, that sucker, and awkwardness, and girls, and people laughing at my hair (okay they probably didn't.) and Levi's and Converse sneakers, and no more set-clothes. You know, those red-top-red-bottom kinda things. The uni-coloured sets of clothes hahaha. That would have been totally uncool. Okay still would be. I couldn't picture myself in one of those now!

And the arms and legs that look out of place no matter what cool position you think you're putting them in, and the unhappy knowledge that despite puberty, you're not very tall at all... Hahahahaha. The pains of a growing boy!

So here I find myself now, hopefully well clear of that god-awful mess that is the pubescent teenage boy!

Aha very apt placement. It is my belief that that's the whole point of youth. To do sufficiently stupid things sufficiently, so that you can look back and reminisce and not feel the need to do anymore stupid things for the rest of your life. Cause there must be a quota to fill, for one's life to be considered fulfilling. 142 stupid things done in your life? Well done you! Now you can rest in peace!

When people drift apart it's really extreme isn't it? I'd like to recapture some of that misspent youth.

We should pretend we're 16 again. Night cycling. Pool. Chalets. Barbeques. Street soccer. I even want to play ping pong again! Badminton. Squash. Whatever.

That's another thing about travelling. All that free time to remember, and reminisce. I recalled things that had been consigned to the depths of my memory, and I am glad I did.Whole chunks of your life could go forgotten just like that if you're not careful.

Watching football at a friend's house, cheering on Liverpool against all odds. Happily chatting with a mega-cute girl on MSN. Who even uses MSN anymore sigh. So many happy conversations though haha. Shame about all the lost chatlogs, although perhaps a good thing too. Bittersweet is still bitter afterall, no?

You're cast adrift, perfectly, desperately alone. So you think about the ties that bind. Or those that used to, but no longer do. I missed home. I was enjoying myself immensely, having massive amounts of fun and new experiences, but I missed home. I wanted to just spend a whole evening lepaking. Spend one morning playing touch. Getting friends together to play badminton. Anything.

I hadn't felt this when I was backpacking in Malaysia, but then again I hadn't spent 4 months away from home then.

Part of the series on youth etc. Also from The Cure's masterpiece of a lovesong.

Some random points now. One is a reiteration of the line from 1Q84, I think. Something along the lines of "You have to spend enough time alone to discover how much you don't want to." And I'm still happy being alone, no worries about that, but it's changing. I'm slowly swinging over to the I-don't-want-to-be-alone side, if my experiences in Marseille and beyond are anything to go by. I'm slowly tiring.

I remember once, in frustration, maybe desperation, I told someone that I was so, so tired of being alone. You might say I broke character there hahah. But that's what I thought at the time. Now of course I realize I'm stronger than that, that I was being a silly boy back then, but I think the day is approaching when I'll find myself in such seeming desperation again. But not yet. No.

Next and probably last point is with regards to my purchases in Marseille in that fantastic shop. I spent quite a fair bit of money there, and I did feel the pinch after that. But if you don't spend $ on human kindness, what then do you spend on? Things, objects? You possess them but they're not important. It's the human relations that you can't possess which are the most important. Or they should be.

I would not have spent all that money if the lady in the shop hadn't spoken to me, if we hadn't chatted for 40mins. And saving money, budgeting, that's not the point of travelling. Nor life. I mean, of course I'd like to have spent less money, but so what? Did I enjoy myself? Yes. Do I regret any of that money spent at all? No. And that's that.

Yep. Okay truth be told I have nothing much else to add, or everything has just slipped out of my mind. I may conclude that my first foray into European soils was a success, and if a precursor of things to come, spells out very very fun times for me indeed! Hehehehe. I'm slowly but surely filling up my world map with yet more pins now!

I'll just put up the rest of my tumblr (that's what I've taken to calling it now, mock me all you want.) now, and maybe a few of my favourite photos too!

I was reading a book called Super Sad True Love Story and one of the chapter titles was Do Not Go Gentle.

They played Two Door Cinema Club as well in the bar (still in Nice this was, you understand why it's my favourite hostel 4eva.) I'll explain about the drawing. I attempted a drawing of a heart in an ice cube, but I failed. How do you depict melting ice?!?! I tried to draw a puddle of water but it was pretty disgusting. I transformed it into a shadow of the heart, and so had to add in the table lamp as well. All in all I think I managed to salvage a total disaster haha.

Another TDCC song. But I thought it looked pretty lame and abit whiny on it's own, "I CAN'T TELL JUST WHAT YOU WANT!!! HMPH!!" And then they played TNAF and I heard the line, You'll fall back in love eventually, so I decided to work with that.

The Killers has this line, "How do you know that you're right, if you're not nervous anymore." and coupled with memories from a lifetime ago of a conversation involving butterflies, I came up with this. Pretty fail first butterfly there, but practice makes, if not perfect, then at least better. And my bio knowledged failed as well. I couldn't rmb what the digestive tract looked like after the stomach, duodenum, etc etc haha. Or how the large intestine was supposed to coil around or wtv.

The rest are pretty much in chronological order, but not this. This was actually my first attempts at drawing, before even the bird cage one I think. In case you have no idea what I was drawing, here goes. On the left is a man building a wall around his heart. On the right is a heart being put into a cage. The shadow was put there to hide an ugly stroke of my pen hahaha. I put so many lame extra things just to hide all the screw-ups I make don't I? No choice la, my art is pretty fail!

On to my favourite photos! Super long post, I know, but too bad for you! I don't feel like splitting up this post that's why haha. It's taking me forever to finish this post too, if that gives you any comfort!

Rouen Cathedral, a fantastic building.

On the Champs-Élysées.

The Louvre.

Signature tree-in-picture-shot.

Marseille.

This is one of my favourite photos of all.

I had to capture a picture of people kissing on the promenade at sunset, it's so romantic.

Don't ask me why I love this shadow so much, I don't know.

The colours here work for me

I managed to find a smile shaped twig. That's an achievement worth putting up on my blog!

The one photo I have that shows the snow streaking down. I took this photo for that sole purpose.

This was pretty magical, the ray of sunshine bursting through like that.

One of my favourite statues of all. Very coy.

The colours and the lady in the picture make it quite perfect, I think. I did wait for her to walk ahead of me before taking this, that's how sneaky I was, and how determined I was to have a woman walking down the street in my photo!

I doubt any other tourist took a photo of this fantastic looking light haha, so inconspicuous was it on the wall just like that.

SO ALRIGHT, HERE IT IS AT LONG LONG LONG LONG LAST! Hope you enjoyed reading this ridiculously overlong post really, but in my defence I shalt repeat again that it's really for mine own benefit, this! You can't spend a thousand euros and not try your darnedest to retain your memories of your trip haha!

I'm truly glad had a bon voyage, and I would not trade the experiences I have had for the world. And I highly encourage anyone reading (if you've managed, miraculously, to survive this far) this to seriously consider travelling somewhere sometime soon! Alone or not, that's really your preference, although I'm an Alone-Advocate myself, it doesn't really matter. Go with a friend, a group of friends whatever. The important thing is to go. You won't regret it! Unless you get mugged, get your passport stolen, get sold into sex-slavery, or something, then you probably will feel a wee bit rueful of the day you set eyes on this impassioned plea to start travelling. Otherwise.. No Fear! No Regrets!

And thereafter probably No Money! the way I'm weeping now, but who cares. You only live once. You're only young once. Don't be so caught up with growing up that you forget to live! Alright! A young person's anthem! Whatever!

Yep. That's it. Salut!