On Leadership.

This is not actually going to be a definitive post on leadership, something that I've had to come to terms with regularly, something that supposedly I've been trained in professionally, but something I'm still hazy and unsure about. Which might be a good thing, actually, cause at least it means I'm thinking about it? What I'm saying is despite the title this post isn't actually going to be very useful. Well, what did you expect from me?!

I just was at a church meeting the other day where I learned a lot about leadership. It's something that's been on my mind quite a lot lately too, so that was timely. It might be prudent here to say that my views are my own and represent no organization etc and is not intended to serve as anything but a reminder for me. I'm likely to just ramble on and type whatever comes into my head, so I don't want anyone to equate anything here with any of the institutions I belong to.

I came to the surprising conclusion recently that I am a professional leader. I've been trained as one for a number of years now, and I have been one for the last few years too. I assure you this is no ego-trip.. But that is pretty much my job description, no? To lead men. There is that distinction between managers/commanders/leaders too, but I won't get into that here.

The context of these thoughts was the realization that I needed to step up, level up, do more. I know, probably, more than anyone else what I'm capable of doing, how capable I am of not doing, and the massive disparity between the two. I've been willing to let myself go, in the process affecting many others as well, without understanding the consequences of my actions. Or inaction in this case.

As an Asian community we're still really young, and nobody, I think, knows really what to do with it, or where we're going. I'm not trying to say I know the answers, or I'm the best person to answer those questions, but the problem so far has been that I've been happy not to know. I've been happy to let things slide, not take responsibility for anything, not speak up when I see things going perhaps not as well as they should.

The questions I had to ask myself over the holidays really were: What's going wrong? Am I a part of what's wrong? Is there anything I can do to make things right, or at least better? How can I contribute? What do I bring to the table? Many of these questions were mixed into bigger ones of self-worth and growth, figuring out my journey etc, which I might or might not talk about sometime soon.

And I found out that I had answers to those questions, and I couldn't be satisfied with them. I can do so much more than I have done so far, it's always been a matter of how willing I've been, which up till recently, has quite frankly been not willing at all. If I can contribute in whatever small way, then I should. It might not be anything lasting or permanent, but it will be something.

I don't want to look back at my three years here and regret the way I spent my time. Regret the things that for whatever trivial reason, held me back from achieving the things that I believe I can achieve. I've been called here for a purpose, and even if this might not be it, I think it will at least go some way towards helping me figure it out. I have said that I am quite satisfied already with what I've done in my time here, that I can go back now and be happy about the way these few years have went, but that's not stopping me from doing more, and it shouldn't.

There has, to be perfectly honest (without trying to sound overly dramatic), a crisis of leadership that has caused so many of the problems we've been facing. And this isn't finger-pointing, because it starts from self-leadership, which I feel like we've all failed, individually. No one, it seems, was willing to take responsibility for how things were going, and that's a collective thing. As a team, a unit, then, we failed. I could see where things were going and I did nothing to correct that. Each of us probably did. But this awareness, I think, has finally spurred me to action. Maybe being older, it being my final year and all, makes it that much more important to me. But I can't help but feel at fault here, especially given my training, how often I've been told being a leader means you have to speak up when you feel like something's wrong, actual formal modules on Leadership etc.

Having said that, I do recognize that blame/guilt isn't very useful here, so don't worry this isn't about that at all, more like a note to myself on a lesson learnt here. It's a painful one to learn, to emerge after a bout of introspection and realize how lacking you've been, but it's not as bad as it could have been either, so thank God for that. I have had feelings of inadequacy and moments of self-doubt, but I think I have to trust that what God has started, He will finish too. Too often, I think, I allow my own self-doubt to drown out what God has in store for me. But I'm living and I'm learning.

So what did I learn on Monday? I learnt about the importance of strong leadership. I learnt it is important not to let emotions carry you, that good leadership has to go beyond emotions. While good leadership often works on an emotional level too, it has to work beyond that to really speak to people. I learnt that it has nothing to do with being celebrated or recognized, that sacrifices aren't really that if you're looking for something in return. I learnt that strength goes beyond the visible, the obvious, it isn't flashy, and it isn't self-serving. Strength is worthless if it is selfish, it is worth nothing if it is not used for others.

Hmm I think I shall end here actually. Not that I don't have anymore thoughts but it's kinda all over the place now, and I feel like I've said enough (to myself) now. And I've got a metric ton of photos left to upload before going for a weekend away so I better get it on like donkey kong. This was just a break in a rather productive day actually! Thinking of cookies next yey.

And All The Forces Of Darkness Raged Against Us.

Well now, I didn't quite expect my last post of the year to be that one regarding the Little India Riots. I feel like I've said and worked out all I've needed to on that topic now. Also, it is weird how the furore has passed us by so quickly, suddenly it was Christmas and then New Year and now it's all presumably gonna be about broken resolutions. Can't trust social media to be anything but fickle I guess. For some reason my post was featured in an aggregation of posts which mentioned the riots, which is reaaaaally weird considering the last thing I want is for more people to actually read this blog. I guess that one post was fine, since there wasn't anything really personal in it and I do hope it actually had some sort of value to the hundreds of people who read it, or at least added to the discussion. And I'm not gonna lie, I was even thinking of putting it on facebook too. In order to garner some likes, I can only assume. Whose ego doesn't need to be stoked by people thinking you're level-headed and all?

But then there's cool-that-you're-interested and then there's trying-too-hard-to-be-seen-as-aware. Completely ridiculous ways of categorizing people, of course, but I'm not immune to "social pressures" (even those that exist only in my mind). Unfortunately we are all social creatures. Or rather, that's a good thing cause it means that we too can influence society if only we cared enough to. I didn't actually post it on facebook ultimately cause I had to question my own motives for doing that - whether it was actually to facilitate more moderate thinking in my circle of friends or merely for more likes after the success of that initial post. Not that I didn't want the former, but there was too much of the latter for me to be comfortable with myself.

Anyhow, that's totally not the point of this post here. Neither is it going to hold forth on the lessons of 2013 and my hopes for 2014, or at least it shouldn't be. The only reason I'm even typing here at all is cause I refuse to begin on my essays due on Tuesday. Ah well.

What I really had in mind was how much I enjoy seeing pictures of other people travelling. I don't want to make myself out to be some sort of travel guru (that's one of my other pet peeves) but it's one of the greatest things I've ever done, and am hopefully still going to continue doing, in my life. So when I see other people travel, I wonder if they enjoy it a fraction of how much I do, learn a handful of the lessons that I have - about myself and about others - and I feel happy for them.

It's weird cause there's also always this jealous competitive spirit inside that makes me think: Damn I wish I've been there. Or worse: I wish I'd been there first. It's probably the same thing that gives me this sense of proprietorship over the places that I've been to, the little gems especially, like Cinque Terre, or Kinderdijk, the kind of places that make you feel special. I guess it's the hipsterhood of the traveling pants. (I went there before you even heard of it, bitch.) It's silly, and I've been learning to disregard this sense of envy, or to put it to good use and actually start formulating plans to travel even more. And to feel happy for the people on my facebook who travel, and hope that it made them feel special too.

So what exactly is it about traveling that is so infatuating? I guess every traveler has his or her own stories or reasons why. As an aside I wanna just state that I have issues with people who describe themselves as backpackers, fervently so, and pines all day (and all over facebook) for their next trip. It seems a bit self-aggrandizing to me. But that's just me. Traveler's a good enough word, I'm not trying to impress anyone with my ruggedness cause I'm a backpacker. Not saying the usage of the word is bad, just some of the people on fb who cause me intense private rage.

I met a Malaysian girl who's traveled incredibly extensively (a source too of intense envy - also an inspiration) and we started talking about why exactly we loved traveling alone. There are countless reasons, administrative ones etc, but the biggest one we both hit upon was the freedom. Almost absolute freedom, at that. The only real things constraining you being time and space. And money, of course.

Freedom from the concerns of your everyday life back home. Freedom from expectations (I'll come back to this, this is huge.) Freedom from ambition (both your own and those of others who'd seek to use you, politics, backstabbing etc.) Freedom to think. To act, to do whatever it is you want to do at any point in time.

This freedom to think and act comes largely, I think, from the freedom from expectations. In a way that most of us probably never think about, in our daily lives so many of our words and deeds are restricted by what we think people expect of us. We take considerable care in wondering whether or not we should be saying or doing something. This doesn't even have to be a conscience thing, about right or wrong, more about "is this in line with my character"? I'm not sure how to get this point across in a better way. How often do we not do something we actually really want to do because of what we believe will be negative perceptions after the fact?

And it's completely artificial, isn't it? We do or we don't do something based on what we think other people will think of us. Because of our "personality" or "character"? Surely that's the very definition of acting out of character - doing something not because of yourself but because of the perception of others. Sorry if this is getting wordy but I feel as if this is massive, especially for young people just emerging from adolescence, figuring out what they want of this world, of this life, struggling to form and find their own identities amidst a modern world too crowded with trends and arbitrary notions of cool and hip and whatever.

We grow up in tough times. I don't mean to be facetious, because it is obvious that we've never had it so good, we've got ample food clothes opportunities etc, and I don't mean it from that point of view. I mean it from the growing up and developing a sense of self point of view. Even then I guess we've not been forced to grow up the way the previous generations probably have, nor have we been pigeonholed into certain stereotypes e.g. the good stay-at-home wife without voting rights, the manly breadwinner etc, and we've never been freer to be who we want to be. But it's precisely this freedom that paralyzes so many of us. We are actually spoilt for choice, and that's tough, in a completely different way.

And not to be obvious and waggle my finger like so many have at the media, but it has an undeniable effect on us. The proliferation of TV shows, movies, social media, trendy lists telling you what's desirable and what's not, all these things take root in our minds whether we are aware of it or not. I think one of the by-products has been the lack of a role-model archetype, some character or another who is almost universally looked up to. For guys, should we aspire to be the Barney Stinson type charmer, the goofy/nerdy Michael Cera, the old but gold strong and silent... well this is rich, I can't even name any such example off the top of my head. I'm just gonna say Bond here sigh, the only result my brain turned up after 3 minutes of wracking my brains. Or the SNAG-type fellow? Or something else?

As an expert movie and TV show watcher, ardent reader of books and unfortunately, unwilling follower of most social media trends, I'd say I'm pretty well qualified on this topic here, so I know what I'm talking about. I'd also probably say that most people fall into this category too, actually, but whatever. Who exactly should I be aspiring to be? I think that's an increasingly difficult question to answer. Take my job, for example. At times I feel like I should be aspire to be that super-intimidating hard-ass don't-mess-with-me type of commander in the future. Surely respect like that can't go wrong! Then on other days I think, I'm gonna be the kind of leader who actually understands his men, who's approachable and can build rapport easily. Do you see what I mean? There aren't any concrete answers when we're talking officership, let alone life.

And girls probably have it worse. I just stumbled across the bikini-bridge-hoax story (I never even knew this existed, I'm not as enmeshed in social media as I thought yippee) and how rich is that? You can create two opposite movements and you're going to get die-hard supporters on each side, especially on a subject as divisive as women's sexuality. I guess it's politically correct now to appear to embrace women of all sizes, but I'm pretty sure most women out there still aspire to some form of weight loss or another. Not size-zero, that's disgusting! I'm sure they'll say, but I think in most of their minds the ideal person they see themselves as is a slimmer version of themselves. I know I'm grossly exaggerating here, and I'm not in any way trying to put down any group of people, much less womenkind, but there is a problem here I think, and one that's not going away any time soon. It's not easy being a girl, I'm pretty sure of that (as much as I can say that without any prior experience, of course.)

I mean yes, men have pressures to be fit and muscular etc, but we have other avenues like wealth and power that women unfortunately don't have. It's actually weird how much more gender-conscious I find myself lately, considering it's not something I ever consciously thought about one and a half years ago. And now I'm all normative and perfomativity and wary of patriarchy.. I blame Judith Butler. Bitch. JOKE.

Okay so I've gone completely off the rails with regards to the benefits of traveling. Surely you've come to expect that by now, though, so suck it.

When you travel alone you get to reinvent yourself as many times as you want. Everytime I arrive at someplace new, I know that nobody knows me. Nobody has any preconceived notions (apart from general ones based on race, gender, age, etc you get my point) of who I am or what I'm supposed to do, what I'm supposed to be like. Sometimes it makes me feel as if it's incredibly stifling to be around the people you know and love, as incredible as that may sound. That being said however, I don't think anything beats the familiar comforts and warmth of home - and that includes friendship, a form of artificial home-ness. What I mean is it was super fun to meet kinonn and shiyu in Sheffield after 3 weeks of traveling alone. YAN CAN COOK, SO CAN YU! And returning to Exeter only to be surprised by a birthday present from my Hoopern crew.

But I look at the people traveling in a group and I think, gee, that must get tiring sometimes huh! You have to accommodate the wishes of everyone in the group, you have to set wake up times, itineraries, plan ahead for trains and buses etc. I guess you won't know the freedom of traveling alone until you actually have experience it for yourself, and I'm not trying to say it's a superior form of travel, I think it's a matter of preference, but I think it's undoubtedly more free.

So I go somewhere new, and I can be whoever I want to be. Maybe I'm feeling more chatty, so I'll be the talkative type, the funny one, the entertainer. Feeling tired today, so I'm gonna be the guy on the fringe, I'll just take my pictures and not strike up a conversation with anyone else. I know everyone who travels on their own will say how important it is to make friends etc, but even then there's no pressure to. I can go a day, a week without talking to too many people if I choose to. And no one is going to ask me: Are you feeling okay? What's wrong? Did something happen?

Do you see what I mean? I am at liberty to be whoever I want, feel whatever I want to feel, and don't have to worry about well-meaning-but-sometimes-irritating questions, about keeping up a false front so that I won't affect my friends' trip, about being consistent about being myself. Funny thing, that. There's never so much pressure to be yourself (whatever that means!) as when you're with your friends and the people you know, which functions only to hinder such self-expression. I'm not sure if you understand, I'd never wondered about such things until the trip I just came back from a week ago, or have never been able to articulate what exactly I'd been feeling on the road, so I can't even tell if this is something which other people feel or not.

In any case, the weird thing I discovered on this trip is a sort of consistency, I guess. I had the freedom to be whoever I chose to be on any particular day, with any new group of people I met, so I'm actually quite surprised, looking back, on how consistent I was with who I was. Is this what people mean when they say they found themselves while traveling, they discovered themselves, etc? I can't say that it is exactly, but I think it's a part of it. Those are some of the reasons I travel, and probably most people who consider themselves travelers do too (ah that glorious gap between the traveler and the tourist). And in a small (possibly even big, who can ever tell?) way I feel as if I've managed to figure myself out just that little weensy bit.

Freedom is a daunting prospect sometimes, but I think most of us would be surprised by how we reacted to it. I certainly was. I could easily have done crazy things in all my travels, things that are "not me" but I haven't. The process of elimination means that while I might not actually know conclusively who I am, I know who I am not. I know I'm not a certain type or certain types of people, and not for a lack of opportunity too. Things like weed or other drugs, sex, stuff like that. I'm not gonna lie, the backpacking/traveling circuit is not really the hardest place to obtain any of those things. It's downright easy. Just this last trip alone I was offered (subtly) sex and (outrightly) a joint, among other.. more ambiguous situations I guess. I can't say I've never wondered how I'd really react to such situations, because you never quite know for sure do you?

The flipside to this coin is that other people are free to be whoever they want, do whatever they want to. My cynical self says that means you'll meet assholes everywhere you go, or people who aren't, acting in an asshole-like fashion just because they can. But you don't, not really. Sure, there are gonna be an isolated few here or there. Americans I'm looking at you. Sorry for stereotyping but my experiences so far have borne that out. Americans are a funny bunch, I've found them to be very hit or miss. Some of them are incredibly fun to be around, and those Americans are really cool. But some of them are seriously, incredibly obnoxious. There really isn't any other way to put it. Well anyway as I was saying, it's surprising how nice people are.

I guess some of it comes down to the kind of people who actually want to travel in the first place, who're willing to slum about in hostels and dorms with other smelly backpackers, which is almost (but not quite) exclusive of the kind of people who are obnoxious entitled snobs. In any case, you get the sense that people are generally nice. Random locals you meet, fellow travelers, hostel staff etc. You meet people who seem like they genuinely want to help you, to talk to you, there's no hidden agendas or anything, no politicking or ladder-climbing going on. People whom you're conversing with and engaging with purely out of interest and because you enjoy it. Whom you're probably never going to ever see again, of course, but still you want to find out more about their lives and share bits of yours.

Where else do you get that kind of no-strings-attached connections? Friendships driven by nothing but shared interests/passions (most likely about traveling). No real considerations for perceptions, or what he/she is going to tell their friends, who knows my friend. I think that's one of the reasons I had to study somewhere other than Singapore. The ridiculous pressure of a uni education there notwithstanding, it's just waaaaaay too small. What, 2, maximum 3 degrees of separation? I'm not so sure I want my friends to find out from their friends what I've been doing or vice versa or etc. It's claustrophobic. And no where else but on the road, on your own, do you achieve that maximum of degrees, tucked away in some mountain village in Slovakia, or lost in the teeming crowds of tourists in Prague.

Until you meet the groups of Singaporeans, of course. Another pet peeve right here, the Singaporean groupies, but it's a love-hate kinda thing. You kinda don't wanna talk to them but you somehow feel obliged to too, and it is quite a comfortable thing too. You can start talking about which uni they're in, what course, what JC yada-yada. It's... lazy, I guess. You have a whole battery of topics you can fall back on without letting any actual conversation get in the way. It's like meeting people on easy-mode. I guess that's why even though sometimes I tell myself not to talk to yet another group of Singaporeans, I do. Cause traveling alone does get tiring sometimes. Having to meet new people constantly is draining. Having to start from ground zero, extending little feelers to find out what you and this stranger might possibly have in common again and again, sometimes it wears you out.

I'm not saying it's not fun, cause it is, and it is hugely rewarding too. You feel as if you're not actually socially retarded after all, since you were able to have conversations with complete strangers from totally different backgrounds. But there is a certain amount of downtime too. It is tiring. It is even boring sometimes. You do get lonely. You get lost and confused and there isn't anyone you know there to help you or comfort you. You choke up at the sight of something so beautiful and profound and there's no one to share it with. You finally make it to the top of the hill to take in the sight of the city below you but there's no one to celebrate with. You sit by the sea with a million thoughts running through your mind and there's no one to talk to.

But you do it anyway. You figure out yourself, you solve your problems, you internalize the beauty of the world because you don't have a choice, you didn't have anyone to blabber to. You learn to think without talking. You get used to you. You achieve things yourself without needing anyone to congratulate you. You start doing things for yourself and not for the adulation of others. I mean sure, you can boast about it when you get back but there's this feeling when you do something significant and realize that right at that moment, no one cares. No one knows to care. You finally arrive at the viewpoint which promises an incredible panorama, and it's taken you 2 hours to climb, and it was tough-going, but no one actually cares. No one even knows you're there, what you've done. No one but you. And maybe, just maybe, you start to realize that your self-worth does not, should not, cannot, be based on what the world says about you. It's not about the number of likes on facebook and instagram or the favourites on twitter. All that comes later, after you tweet your picture of the panorama, but that has nothing to do with the flush you got from achieving something yourself, even though there wasn't anyone there to "comment" on what you've done.

You deal with the fatigue. You conquer the boredom. You handle all these things yourself, in your own way. I talk to myself. Alot. I even have to remind myself not to do so once I find myself in a city, or around people again. But it's one of the ways I cope with whatever life throws at me on the road. When I almost miss a train I start admonishing myself for being so sloppy, I shake my head at my stupidity. When I inadvertently catch a whiff of my socks I exclaim to myself in disgust. You know, little things. And then I laugh at myself for talking to myself. When I find myself with free time before or after meals, at restaurants or cafes, I begin to write in my journal if I'm bored. While waiting for food etc. It can be really mundane stuff, merely descriptive, but it's still productive nonetheless.

And you live through the bouts of loneliness. I like to say that I'm alone, not lonely, when I travel, and for the most part that is true. There's usually so much going or too many things I'm interested in for me to feel lonely. But there is that certain downtime which is impossible to avoid. I was climbing a hill across the river from the historical center of Prague, trying to reach the Czech "Eiffel Tower" when all of a sudden I was struck by this crippling sense of loneliness. It really was crippling, in that I actually stopped in my tracks in order to get a grip on it. I finally arrived at an incredible vantage point and had to sit on the kindly provided benches there to wonder at the magnitude of that sensation. I didn't even want to take pictures of the city, which as any traveler with a camera will tell you is a ridiculous notion. We live for those pictures, really. But I had to just sit there and take it in, and it left me in a funk all night.

It came out of nowhere. I wasn't thinking any particularly deep thoughts that day, I don't think, so I was quite startled by it. For it was staggering, and it took me unawares. The strangely warm night, the bright lights, a beautiful city stretched out before me.. And falling in love with a girl on a train.

Hah, this is story time. Not too much meat to it, though, so don't be expecting too much haha. Basically I was on the train from Budapest to Prague, and in the first-class cabin for reasons unbeknownst to me. I think I was scammed by the ticket guy telling me that it was the cheapest option, but anyhow. (It was worth it in the end I think!) And the attendant serving food and drinks (no my first class ticket unfortunately didn't entitle me to anything other than a cup of tea. No refill.) was basically Chloe Grace Moretz in disguise. And it wasn't even a good disguise. Even now I half believe that was her in preparation for another role, if not actually filming there and then. Seriously. I just googled Chloe Grace Moretz and I think my theory seems more likely now than it did when I was in that daze on the train.

Anyhow, no good story lacks a bad guy, so along came a man I shall refer to as Villain. He was shit-faced with drink, a seedy guy all round. I think the lady with him was his girlfriend, but I'm not sure, cause halfway through the train ride he went up to this other, and I'm not making this up, but also beautiful lady and started chatting her up. Not sure how it went but he seemed pretty pushy and the beautiful lady seemed grossed out. After a while Villain shrugged his shoulders and went back to his girlfriend(?) I'm gonna refer to her as Villain-Enabler from now on, cause I'm still unsure as to their relationship with each other. Everytime Chloe walked through the aisle to serve drinks and stuff Villain would stop her, I think to demand for food or drinks or something. This story would be a lot better if I actually spoke any Hungarian or Czech, but I'm afraid I don't..

He was being hugely annoying, but Chloe was really nice about it, and she somehow managed to maintain her smile throughout. It was Grace under pressure. (I wrote that in my journal on the train and didn't realize that was a super pun on her name until now I swear.) And what a smile.. I was actually quite prepared to step in if he started to get physical, because he was being a total dick and insistent, although thankfully it never came down to that. But somehow she managed to keep her cool and handle him with incredible professionalism. It was an absolute lesson on professionalism and grace under pressure, well worth the 15 euros or so extra I probably paid for my 1st class ticket.

I was smitten. Because.. what a smile! So I actually tore out a page from my journal and wrote her a letter professing my admiration for her which I handed to her upon alighting at Prague. In the most non-creepy way imaginable, I assure you. In fact, the very first line of my letter was "Don't worry this isn't a creepy love letter or anything." which I'm sure did much to allay her fears... Well now. I didn't actually refer to her appearance or anything (or her smile) in the letter until the post-script where I mentioned that she looked just like the actress Chloe Grace Moretz and that she looked cute in her hat. Err. The body of the letter however, contained only my being impressed by her professionalism and amazement that she managed to keep her cool and stay calm in the face of an absolute dickhead. I didn't even write my name or anything, I signed off with my seat number, so that she'd know I didn't mean anything funny at all.

First anonymous fan-mail-love-letter ever. Actually, it might even be the first ever anonymous thing I've ever written outside of those damned evaluation sheet/survey forms. And it felt strangely good! How often do you compliment someone without expecting anything in return? A return compliment, a raising of your profile, being thought well of etc. Well actually, I gotta be honest and say that in my heart of hearts I do hope that was Chloe Grace Moretz and she was so pleasantly surprised someone recognized her in her crafty disguise and touched by the anonymous letter that one day I will stumble upon a movie about a beautiful train attendant, a Villain, a Villain-Enabler, and a certain Passenger 96. Played by Brad Pitt, of course. Actually, no. He's getting a bit old. Hmmmmmmmm. I can't actually think of any über-good-looking actor under the age of 35. Oh I know, Ryan Gosling. Yep that'd do. Is he under 35? I don't even know.. God are there really that few young, credible, good looking actors out there? Or am I so much worse at Hollywood trivia than I've always thought....

Well so that's the story. I didn't sneakily hang around the train station thereafter hoping to catch another glimpse of her. No really, I didn't.. So I guess in part that explains the crippling loneliness on the hills of Prague. A confluence of events really, just because I really like the word confluence. Okay what I'm really trying to say ultimately is that I'm not gonna pretend traveling alone doesn't get lonely sometimes. It's only natural, and if you don't feel even the slightest bit lonely I'm sorry but you're weird. But it's just one of the many problems you'll face on the road alone. So don't be put off by that. I'm willing to bet that most of the time you'll find yourself so caught up with wherever you are or the people that you meet that you won't even realize you're not feeling lonely. You won't know till you try, so take a leap.

I'm just gonna end here even though I've got loads more to talk about, 2013/4, my trip, my journal entries etc, you know the drill everytime I return from one of my epic trips. But 2 essays of 3000 words each beckon, so zbohom my friends! That's Slovakian for goodbye, because Slovakia surprisingly was my favourite country, followed extremely closely by Poland and Latvia I think.. Zbohom.