A Distant Ship Smoke On The Horizon.

Naw, don't have much to say. Just want to make the most of this internet I'm enjoying at the moment. Only 6 days more to enlistment and it does feel sort of odd, that in a week's time I'll be living a life totally different from what I'm living now. I haven't kept myself fit too, uh oh.

Well anyway, watched Youth in Revolt today and it was pretty good. Toyed with the idea of watching another movie right after that but decided to come home instead. Lack of funds definitely cramping my style. I mean dinner is free at home, that's more than enough reason to go home asap.

I owe ws 80 bucks my mom $200 and my dad $50. What a terrible state of affairs. Still got to get through another 6 days with what limited money I have access to. Doesn't life make you sad sometimes? ):

Been re-reading the Lecter books thanks to the boring job I had, and I think it's even better than the first time I read them, maybe cause I was maybe a bit young for the themes back then, sort of like reading dreamcatcher at sec 1. You're absolutely clueless. But that's the great worth of owning books, instead of merely borrowing them. You can re-read them anytime you like. Awesome or?

I have a sort of rough sketch in my mind of what to do with monthly army allowances. $150 (maybe less, probably) for family, that leaves me maybe $250. If I spend $50 a weekend reveling in my freedom, that leaves $50. Could get maybe 2 books a month, totally get me started on my book collection. Wonder if I should get any kind of membership, and if so which store? Borders, Kinokuniya, PageOne, Popular/Harris, Time? Oh well a problem for the future, assuming I do put aside 50 bucks for books a month.

Still wanna catch Shutter Island and Kick-Ass. The other films aren't mandatory, and I don't think I have too much time left either. Not watching over the weekend thanks to the exorbitant pricing, that leaves me monday and tuesday. 'Tis terrible.

Oh and a friend's recent developments have quite astounded me and I'm very happy for her too. Who knows what the future might bring, but who cares, just enjoy the moment while it lasts. And hopefully it does last. I hope my advice worked out well despite my own lack of experience in that field. Hahah.

I want to get new boots but I can't seem to find any that looks nearly awesome enough. Hey if I'm spending 80-100 bucks it better look darn good, since I'm not exactly gonna use it very often. But my current one's problem is twofold. First, it's UGLY. Next, it's LOUSY. High time for some change. Maybe 6 months later I'd have managed to finally clear my debts and be able to afford some boots.

But my paycheck hasn't arrived yet, which is distinctly upsetting. I want to be able to top up my card, for instance, without begging my parents for money. It somehow makes you feel less of a man to see the damn ATM state, Ledger Balance: $1.26. Ouch.

Well I've been sitting here on my sofa not typing for the past 15 mins. Did I ever mention how awesome my sofa is? Well if I did, here's a reminder! It is ze best. Anyway I've been sort of staring at my title, which is a line from Pink Floyd. And I guess sometimes it's better to get off and walk away. And keep walking. And when you finally turn your head, for that one last glance, that's what you see. Smoke, like an illusion, rising out of the waters far off on the horizon where the sky and sea come together perfectly.

And that's when you know. That ship didn't stop for you and it will never come back for you. There is nothing left to do but to resume your interminable walk and never look back. Random thought of the day: Everybody is walking away from something, trying to leave something behind. Dunno where that came from sounds like it could be a book or movie, and I don't know if it's true or not either, but just decided to type it out since what the heck right?

Anyway my brain seems to have dried up or something. Can't seem to conjure up words to stories, a few of which are lurking around somewhere. There's the one about the train, the one about technology, the one about a love left dry, and also one more which I just thought up but slipped my mind. Odd.

Well for someone with nothing much to say I've been going on too long. Guess that's that.

Let The Clocks Be Reset And The Pendulums Held.

Tick tick tick tick tick.

You feel time slipping away like grains of sand through the fingers you desperately try to keep tightly together. Before you can comprehend it, seasons change and an age is past. Goodbye, childhood. Fare thee well, youth.

Wouldn't it be dandy if we could erase the pages of our lives and start writing again from chapter one?

I'm not dreading enlisting into army. But it is one more step that the inexorable pull of time demands of us, and what can we do about that? What happened to "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul"? Guess not.

Well, hadn't really the time to post anything since my malaysia trip, so it's not so fresh in my mind now. I really enjoyed it and I think the decision to go alone was the right one. I was quite the burden, wetting camera, losing clothes etc, but on the whole the trip was a great learning experience. Traveling gives you perspective you'd never otherwise have. It offers you something you'd never obtain confined within our shores.

I discovered a remarkable ability to not think. I could walk for hours on end in Penang, or KL and not think of anything substantial at all. My mind is curiously empty, and I think that's great. It's not that I think bad thoughts and awful stuff all the time, nothing of the sort, but it's good to just walk along untroubled and un-plagued by your mind. Just enjoy the sights and sounds, and the pleasure of a good long walk. I would upload photos but I don't seem to have a memory card holder/reader/whatever thing in this laptop. Bummer.

Well I had to cut short my trip as I had wet my camera, but truth be told I was probably also running out of money. Overspend much? Almost 100rm/day which is well above the 70-80 I had hoped for. Anyway.

And I know now for sure solitude is no problem for me. Sure, I knew before that I enjoyed and even needed to be alone sometimes. Now I know the extent of that enjoyment. That's not to say that being with and around friends is bad. Quite the contrary. Even in malaysia I was only too happy to establish contact with anyone I could catch online when I managed to get internet. I don't prefer being alone to being with friends, but I needed to know that I can be.

I've never been much of a friend person. Not the social sort. In the sense that, if you were to think "friend" my name probably wouldn't pop up immediately. And I'm not the kind of guy you'd meet up with to catch up and stuff. And in recent months I think I'm drifting away further than ever. In my quest for independence I might have stumbled upon isolation.

And I've also managed to alienate a friend. I'm not sure if at this point there is any friendship left at all. I'm not sorry. It seriously wouldn't matter to me much if this friendship were to cease to exist. I'm aware of my flaws and one of them is pride. I have too much pride to back down, I freely admit that. I'm aware I always think I'm right, but then again who doesn't? But if this friend thinks I would hurl insults freely just because I enjoy it and want to put her down, she's got another think coming. Why would I make baseless accusations for the heck of it? If I say it I probably mean it. And if she wouldn't rectify the problem she was causing, I'm not changing my stance either. Pride. De Yan at his vengeful prideful best.

Done with the rage.

Tioman was pretty good too, although VERY EXPENSIVE?! One night at the place (read: resort) costs almost as much as my total accommodation expenses in 9 days of traveling. Wish I had brought my camera along as the water had probably cleared from the lens by then. The trip was a little too short though, would have been great to spend one more night there. Although another 96rm would have been far too much for my wallet to handle.

But you know, crab catching, trying to wake woonshin and jialong up, snorkeling and stuff like that, that was mighty good fun. Waking up like 1209321987 times by the alarm but seeing neither of my beloved roommates stir at all, that's what I call life man.

And because I owe people money after that trip, I was so very happy to work again, although that meant I had to miss the match. But I mean, the easiest job in my life at $7/hr? Hit me baby one more time. Ticketing at Boatasia meant I could spend long periods of time reading my book or chatting with colleagues. I read probably close to 200 pages of Red Dragon sitting snugly behind my counter. And a fair bit of Silence of the Lambs. Free meals and they don't deduct your mealbreak either. It was a breeze. Of course, at a boating event for the mega-rich you meet a few people who are quite used to getting their way, but they were manageable.

And getting to go on a yacht? Priceless. Yeah I sound like a Citibank ad or something. But seriously. I stepped onto a boat worth 3.5 million US dollars, checked out its cabins, bathroom, upper deck, navigation panel, lounge, kitchen etc. And after that was a 3 storied boat with a karaoke lounge among other super-luxurious amenities. And of course hot babes showing us around the boat. I mean, WHAT MORE COULD ONE WANT FROM A JOB?! Before stepping onto one I was thinking no way I'd ever buy a boat even if I had that sort of money, but I never expected those boats/yachts to be THAT extravagant. Oh well. The insane lifestyles of the mega-rich.

I guess that pretty much brings us up to speed with the happenings in my life. Oh yeah there was also liyan's birthday which brought me to the highest I'd ever been in Orchard road, the 24th storey pool of the Hilton hotel. Mighty fine, that. Yeah that's about it.

I intend to watch a few movies currently showing. Youth in Revolt, Shutter Island, Kick-Ass maybe, Crossing Hennessey also maybe, and maybe others too. But that should just about sum it up. Byebye, paycheck.

Lazy afternoon, yeah? See ya'll.

Tick tick tick tick tick tock.