Tuesday 26 May 2009

Dangerzone.

I can finally type. Relief floods through me as I relish typing every letter. The past few weeks or months have been horrible, without a working keyboard. Nobody who hasn't had 5 buttons spoilt can understand the remarkable sense of relief I am experiencing now. So now I'm back with a vengeance.

Anyways, the culmination of 1 whole year of training was the loss to PJ in the plates. The dreams and hopes of a bunch of would-be-heroes were left behind on that pitch. And we'll never have that chance again. We might, in the aftermath, laugh and make cruel jokes, blame one other entirely for the loss, but the fact remains that never again will we have the opportunity to make our names, make our mark on history. Is it not a fundamental desire of Man to leave behind something of ourselves, to be remembered? No matter how insignificant it might be, to be regarded as winners, champions. Well, we're not.

I recall the whistle being blown, and my not feeling anything, like I couldn't grasp the fact that we lost. I've never felt sad about the loss. A sense of mounting disbelief and a whole lot of frustration. It seems so illogical, no? To have been dominating and leading, then to lose it all? It does not make sense, yes?

And to top it all off, today morning we had to receive our medals for losing. Gee. Well no matter, it's all water under the bridge now.

Now what is of greater import is studying. I promised my mom to study after season, and I shall, hopefully. The June holidays are the last holidays we're gonna have for a long time, and I intend to maximise it. Chemistry is a subject from the very pits of DOOM. I fear I'll never be able to catch up cause it really is a bore studying it. On a bright note, I have just passed my first test in maybe 3 months. That is just the sort of result which fires my passion for studying up, fueling my desire for As in every subject. Not. To my shame, I'm still much more likely to dota than study. In fact, I'm more likely to give birth than to study. Oh boy.

Sometimes you have to wonder how much you mean to someone else. Yes? Would that person welcome an intrusion into his/her life again? Would that person appreciate an attempt to re-establish contact, to regain that which was, presumably, so dear to both of us? That precious friendship? I wish I knew. It wouldn't take much to make that littlest of attempts, but it seems my actions are ruled by fear.

Watch out, you're entering the dangerzone. We might, start something that's emotional.

That's the thought I had in the not so distant past, an eternity ago. It seems sort of foolish, yet it's only natural, a fear of the unknown, is it not? But now when I'm desperately scrabbling for something even vaguely resembling what we had, it seems the height of foolishness. Well. I guess that's that.

To that which was lost. And to the hope that it can be recovered.
Goodnight. (: