Friday 26 December 2008

Wish You Were Here.

This christmas seems to be somehow lacking. I don't feel an inkling of festivity somehow. Probably the absence of a christmas tree at home. Or me not going down to town and seeing all the decor. Despite that, I've been having fun the past few days. Spent christmas eve at nuoshi's place playing mahjong. Might sound pretty lame, but it was all in the christmas spirit, cause I gave away a few dollars. Reached home at 1pm and slept till 6, when I woke up to go for the bbq at lucas' place. Pretty good fun, got my one and only christmas present to date, albeit only through the gift exchange. Cue sympathy. It was a bright, bright yellow towel just the gay I like it. Reached home and slept, woke up at about 3.30 and went for a walk.

I wonder what it is about playgrounds that they have to be remodelled once every few years. After visiting all the playgrounds around yewtee that I used to know, I found only one that remained unchanged. And even that one they removed the sand for the rubber floor. I love(d) sandy playgrounds. They aren't half as fun without the sand, cause you can't jump off the top of tall stuff into the rubber, the way it could be done (without serious injury) with sand.

So I began my walk with a visit to the playground beneath the house of the girl I liked in primary school. Pretty amusing when I think about it but I used to spend quite some time there hoping to catch maybe a glimpse or two.. I suspect I had absolutely no sense of shame in primary school. Which was just as well cause she finally succumbed to my charms sometime in P6. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Went to the playground where I spent everyday after school playing blind mice and as far as I could tell it was unchanged. I have no idea how I could have felt like we were such cool guys, when all we knew was how to play blind mice. Then went to stagmont park and I was so upset that the playground there went for an extreme makeover. That was the playground where I tried so mightily to impress all the girls with my uber blind mice/catching skillz. Now it's a very lame little playground. Walked around randomly until I answered the irresistible lure of home. Spent about an hour or so.

I realized that alot of the experiences I have, I share with my brother. This playground or that playground. This lanshop or that lanshop. Most of my childhood, in fact. But I have no idea if I understand him. You know, like what motivates him. All I'm certain of is that he's really smart, and that he likes to use the computer. An understatement, really. He spends everyday at home on the computer. Whole holiday, I think he went out 3 times. Amazing. I remember uncle weemeng asking me about him, and my answers were all along the lines of no idea. Does he have a confidante, does he know what he wants to be, etc. I dunno, is it by choice that he keeps his cards so close to his chest? Or is that just the way he is. No idea. Well one good thing is that he sleeps like 15 hours a day or sth, so I get to use his laptop to watch movies and shows.

And I watched Hard Candy. It is good, very good. The leads are basically, the only 2 people in the movie. The rest of the cast of 5 spend less than 3 minutes on screen. You'd think it'll be really boring to see just 2 people. But it works. It's great. Ellen Page is the best. Ellen Page is the amazing. The dude is, unfortunately for him, too good. Cause he plays a paedophile, and looks too believable as one.

And I watched The Usual Suspects. It is good, very good. Very good story. Kevin Spacey is good, had no idea he was John Doe from Se7en.

And I watched Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix. It was dark, very dark. Shit, there's a reason why pirated movies are bad. Bad. I couldn't see half of the show, cause it was all black. I guess there are limits to online movie watching. Every scene in the forest and at night and at the ministry, I saw black. Stupidity. I still have no idea how Grawp looks like.

I now know for sure I'm a LB. I switch on my comp and go on MSN and then abandon it to use my brother's comp, 15 hours later, only yewsiang talked to me. I almost broke down and cried. And the last of the correspondence I had through SMS was with triton talking about Pro Evolution Soccer. WTH. At least I'm not spending Boxing Day playing Garena. I still retain some dignity. That's why I went for a walk. I promised myself that I won't be such a loser and play dota on the night after christmas.

Anyway I'm gonna stop now cause I'm going to take a dump. So cheerio and merryhappy boxing day.

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year.
But you don't seem half as lost now, do you?

Thursday 25 December 2008

Merry Christmas ; Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday to You,
Happy Birthday to Jesus,
Happy Birthday to You.

Yeh, Christmas once more. Happy two-thousand-and-eighth birthday.

Merry Christmas.

Saturday 13 December 2008

Max Pain.

To begin with, I'm typing on the laptop belonging to my brother. What you'll notice as a consequence is that I will have very little s-es cause his s button is spoilt and I have to copy paste the s-es which is irritating. That last sentence (and this also) has been super tedious to type. My post today will be a real literary challenge, and it will not be long either cause I'm not that amazing with words. And I can't use the words is, was, has and many other basic words. Or the plural form.

Y'know I ever read that an author wrote a book without the letter E in it at all. Word count, 30,000. Pretty brilliant, I can't imagine doing a book like that. I truggle to think up of even one entence without the letter E, pectacular.

Tiring week. Badminton, rugby, rugby and more rugby. Owning, but very painful. I'm aching and rigid all over. And I am part of the BBBB. Bukit Batok Burden Backline. Epic phail in the match, and youtube-worthy cock-up by two people =D. Good training the day before, and fun. I did too much tackling and injured the part of my body around my neck, above the arm, which bear the weight of the world. Pretty on form tackling the whole week, yet no help in the match, not much point really. But ouch. Need a good and lengthy time-out to recuperate. Today however I'm going out to play pool/lan and eat prata and ton with the comm.

I intend to train in the remaining holiday. Probably 8 x 100m everyday? Hopefully. Wonder if my body can hold up. Apart from that I want to watch Australia. (I can't paraphrase the titles of books and movies =/) And I thought the 2nd part of Red Cliff woulda come out in december but apparently not. Maybe Cape No. 7? Probably not, mebbe watch it online. No money. Every dollar I got I throw into my never-ending appetite for literature. Oh yeah, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Intend to watch that to. Recently procured 2 Neil Gaiman bookz. Amazing author, kinda like Terry Pratchett without the crazy humour. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I got for $20. Quite a bargain (hardcover) by my reckoning. Not exactly contemplative fiction, but enjoyable. I got other bookz, but they're not of much import. Oh book 2 of Wheel of Time. I have got 2/12 bookz of the thing. Waiting expectantly for the final book to be out.

I'm now into rock. Aerosmith. Pink Floyd. Rolling stones. Imba crap. Dream On - Aerosmith. Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd. Paint It Black - Rolling stones. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd. Totally owning. The new GnR album ain't all that great, I think. Too much hype, maybe. The burden of expectation.

Bookz moviez muzik. Rugby. Church. Life of a LB indeed. No chix or love life to talk about. Holy crap I looked out of my window and a black thing plummeted down into the ground. Mighta been a birdie. Which ain't good. (for it) Or litter, which ain't good. (for me) I might get pelted by crap like that while walking under my block, how terrifying. Anyway back on track, my life iz a total bore, apart from the random black thing dropping out of the sky. Very tempting. Very tempting indeed.

Right I'm quitting, typing without s-es iz laboriouz and torturouz. And ahah a not-so-lengthy post, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Au revoir. (Ciao is not half as cool after I realized it mean something along the lines of "I am your slave." ?!?!?!?!?! Vhut da?) Cheerio.

Monday 8 December 2008

I Saw The Invisible Man.

Amazing but true, I have seen the invisible man. Not really a man, but a bear actually. Truth: My Gray Bear has become invisible ever since I started thinking of replacing my handicapped Red Bear with it. It has mysteriously disappeared. I henceforth name my Gray Bear, Dorian Gray.

Alright yesterday I made a huge conquest. I went to Suntec and Harris had a sale of 20% for all english books, actually I don't know if it's just Harris or all popular outlets, gonna check it out later. And it's from the 6-8th of december. Cool shite right? It's a TRIUMPH of me over probability, what are the odds of me stumbling upon a sale that lasts 3 days? And also, veritably a TRIUMPH of me over the market forces. When prices go up, book prices go down. (for me)

I also went to church, and the only person I saw whom I knew, was Guan -.- Haven't talked to her in a while, ditto the gang. Which, you know, was kind of inevitable and in fact foreseen from the start, but it's still sad anyways. If we could only recapture the innocence of those days.

Well I guess that's applicable to anyone, for almost any group of friends.

Right badminton now, continue later in the night. Until then, tata.

Tuesday 25 November 2008

Where Did The Cat Go?

Aite, it seems to be out of the bag. What a minor blip in my otherwise perfect world =/ I hope what it seems to be is not in fact the truth but only a slight bending of the reality that is. This is me using even more cheem english than I normally do, cause some people said my blog uses impressive english. Wow @ the compliment, it inflates my already unbearable ego.

Significant Things Which Have Happened Since My Last Post

Well, there was the match against ACS(I). Now that is an experience I shudder to recall. I got pwned, so well, no good memories there. They totally outclassed us.

There is today, where I finally moved my rear off my computer chair to go look for a job, hopefully we'll clinch it. I have no plans to waste my holidays at home. Also went to Taka to find benny and ho tat, they are deprived and desperate already, poor terrible little boys.

There is my going to a proper lan shop for the first time in months and feeling so proud of myself for owning, or at least for not being owned.

Then there is, of course, my hong kong trip. Actually this post would have been a short one, and nobody would have to complain. Too bad I'm going to include the details of my trip, if only so that next time I can read it to remind myself of the experience. It was a fun trip, I did much more than when I went 2 years ago. What amazes me is how I felt so mature 2 years ago, when I went there on my own. I realize I was only 14, but I felt so self-important and thought I was so mature. Pretty unbelievable that I was there on my own for 10 days, at 14.

Well, this time when I went to hong kong I was determined to shop. Cause I realized it was a golden opportunity unlike any I would ever have. Selfishly, I knew that my uncle would sponsor quite a bit of my shopping, which he did. Of course, he is a blessed man who blesses others, and he actually gave me 2000 hongky dollars to shop with. Cool shite. I spent quite alot of time wandering about causeway bay cause I kept getting lost. I was trying my bestest to find the bus interchange without consulting the map no matter which part of causeway bay I was at, so I spent alot of time walking around. The weather is fantastic so walking was fine, and rather enjoyable.

I bought lots of stuff at times square, cause I'm not really the flea market kind of person and I feel more at home at major shopping centres than struggling through the human tide within dark crowded alleys. I also went to factory outlets to check it out and bought some stuff there too. I also spent a considerable amount of money on food. The food there is excellent, as is the service. It seems to me that the service staff there are infinitely better than those in Singapore, as they're neither too pushy nor too indifferent. Perfect balance I think. Or maybe that's just the "Grass is greener on the other side" syndrome.

More on their food. I recalled a wanton mee shop that sold amazing noodles and dessert. So I spent one of my afternoons searching for it. In the end I drifted out of the area and ate at a little noodle shop which made veli nice soyabean. I probably can't find that shop again if I wanted to. Anyhow, some days later I managed to find the famous wanton mee shop and it was worth the search.

What is more noteworthy is that I had 2 of my most expensive meals ever, in hong kong. The first and foremost was on my second last night there, which was tuesday I think. It was in a crazily high-class restaurant which was open above a french boutique, agnès b. I probably didn't recognize three quarters of the menu. Well, all the dishes were in french, with short english descriptions. I didn't get most of the descriptions anyway. I'm a neighborhood coffeeshop kind of guy. Throw linguini, carbonara, bolognese, escargot, mousse, souffle, ratatouille, hors d'oeuvre (no idea how to spell or pronounce that) and a host of other such words at me and I'll go, huh? So yeah, I went for the one thing that looked familiar to me, lamb fillet, medium rare. I think it was 328 hongky or something? That's like 60 bucks. One bottle of vittel (high class for water I presume) is 10 bucks. Desert was 14 bucks, and my soup was also about 14 bucks. I think my meal totalled $100? Or thereabouts, it was by 500 kilometres, the most expensive meal of my life. The ambience there is totally wicked, and the service is pretty good. Almost everyone else there brought like a bouquet of flowers for their dates, never seen that before. So the whole thing was like, totally rad.

Second most expensive meal I paid myself, heheh. It's not in the league of 100 bucks, but it's still more than I ever forked out for a meal. maybe, 50 bucks or so? This meal has a story behind it. Long one. On the first day we reached hong kong, we went to eat at this Italiano place called Fat Angelo's. Best pizza I ever ate, after all that pizza hut and canadian. I totally dug the atmosphere there, and I also noticed that the waitresses there were pretty pretty. That meal was not a 100 percent happy experience, quite the contrary in fact, but I shall not elaborate. But I remembered the cool place and the pretty waitresses, and thought about going back there for dinner at least once before I left hong kong. So on the second last day, I decided, what the heck, this is my last chance to see pretty waitresses. So I walked there from causeway bay, which is hella long. If I was in the habit of uploading pictures I would upload the route I took there. Like.... 3 hours maybe? From Sogo to Times Square to Wanchai to the Hong Kong Convention Centre to the Bank of China to the Peak Tram Station to Queen's Road Central and Soho where the restaurant was. I was quite proud of myself. Along the way, I met 3 pretty cute girls and a friendly surveyor so I was happy even before stepping into the place.

So I approached the restaurant, surreptitiously checking to see if the pretty waitress who served me on the first day was there. I couldn't see her, so I walked the entire street which was full of restaurants trying to decide if I should indeed eat there again. I decided to, ultimately, and lo and behold! The pretty waitress who served me previously was the one who brought me to a table. The even more wonderful fact is that... she wasn't the one to serve me this time but instead another waitress, even prettier and cuter. HAHAAHHA maybe I was deprived or something, but I was beside myself with delirium. Well, when one is dining alone in a pretty sophisticated restaurant one tries to act more mature than his 16 years of age. I think I pulled it off quite well. She actually gave me the wine list =D Unfortunately, I had not the finances to purchase a bottle and complete my mature act.

So I looked through the menu instead and I felt that a steak was the manliest thing to eat. So it was a something steak, medium rare, no drinks thank you. FOC came a huge plate of salad and a piece of italiano bread. I tried to eat as stylo as possible but it was hard to accomplish that with the bread crumbs falling all over the place and the veggies climbing out of the plate. I only ate about a half of each cause, well, the bread was kind of large and the amount of veggies is really mind-boggling. I'm quite surprised I have the stomach for so much greens, might have some cow/sheep genes or something. So finally the steak came, and after a few mouths of it, the pretty waitress actually came to ask me "Sir, is everything fine?" Wow. Of course I acted cool and went like, yes thank you, with a light smile. But inside? Like wah, want to just faint and die of happiness. BE STILL MY HEART. Oh yeah, and the seat I was at was quite awesome, mainly cause it had a good view of the wine bar which was also where the cashier was. Anyway I'm quite sure the place hired only good looking people cause the bartender dude was pretty good looking too.

So after my steak I had dessert. I was contemplating getting one of those after dinner drinks or cocktails or whatever but I decided against it. What if I turned red after one glass or something? Totally not cool. So I got a tiramisu instead. It was unnecessary cause I was veli full after all that bread and grass and cow, but I got it anyhow. Firstly it allowed me to further the impression that I was a rich young good-looking dude (the damn cake cost 10 sing dollars I think) and secondly it gave me and excuse to ogle the pretty waitress one more time. (Ogle sounds like a perv thing to do but whatever.) The bill totalled 22x hongky dollars which I paid and then left behind dunno how much tips. Meal cost me 250 hong kong dollars. 50 sing bucks eh, what extravagance. But if you could see the beatific smile on my face when I left, you'd know it was worth it. Oh right before I left she said, "Thank you and have a nice day." Or something to that effect cause I can't really remember properly cause of that pink haze that descended upon me at that moment.

All in all that was my best day in hong kong. Of course, I think that makes you come to the conclusion that a) my hong kong trip must have been bad if that was my best day or b) de yan is a perv and he's deprived and depraved and he ogles at girls. Oh well, pfft. You have no idea what love does to a man. HAHAH. The rest of my trip was mostly shopping and sight-seeing and one day was hiking, or rather, taking a walk among the mountains. Pretty amazing views they've got up there. Ocean park was one place visited, but not disneyland. The peak, but that trip didn't end very well, no thanks to well, something that happened. Went to my uncle's church there, richie and his fiancée sarah(gasp!), joanne who is an ex-flight attendant and annie and her parents, who I met on my last trip, joined us for lunch after church. Never met sarah, but she seems like a very nice person and I think richie is very blessed. Well, so is she, cause richie is a totally cool guy who is a mighty man of god. Apparently this is all quite rushed but they're getting married in january I think.

I don't think I have much more to add other than the trivialities of my shopping. Except that my cousin is really cute and speaks quite amazing english, but she's also pretty spoilt, I think. My attempts to discipline her were rebuffed and criticized by liyan. No surprise there. Takes one spoilt kid to defend another. I'm trying my best not to make personal attacks, but I shall fire some salvos cause I just can't stand it. How does someone who has managed to master the art of being late and making people wait get so incredibly pissed off at having to wait for like, 10 minutes? That totally tickled me, I was not so much angry as amused at her childish reaction. Can you imagine? Huff and puff and throw a tantrum and go back home on her own. At least when I'm pissed I'm reasonably reasonable. (I think.) And who, after someone is obviously pissed off, decides to regale him with her stories of her adventures in macau and the beautiful F1 cars and the architecture there? When he's not interested in the slightest? Oh well, at least if you proclaim to be a fan of F1 and racing, try to pronounce grand prix properly cause it gets really embarassing. Friendly advice. On the subject of english, you CANNOT say: "Oh, ya, pacific is really conducive!" HUH? Or "Ya, I think this atmosphere is very conducive." Because there's a very big hole after the word conducive. You HAVE to say conducive for something e.g. conducive for studying or conducive for productivity or something. It's a MUST. DO NOT embarass yourself further by throwing in words you think are cool and impressive, but make no grammatical or linguistic sense at all. I shall limit myself to that and refrain from making even worse comments. I don't really care if she reads this or not cause I have almost come to the conclusion that our friendship isn't really worth anything anyway. Neither of us would care much, me least of all. Insensitivity is something that is intolerable to me and I cannot abide by it. Also, if many people have pointed out your flaws or you know it yourself, please do something about it, don't put it down to oh that's just how I am.

Enough. Stop. I'm getting carried away again. Blast my indisciplined fingers. Be Still My Fingers! So right, there's training tmr, couldn't go the monday one cause my mom was worried about my infection. I forgot, in hong kong I was plagued by an infection of what I think was a pimple on my arm, near my elbow. It's eerily similar to what edmund, and I heard, woon shin and lucas suffered. No idea how I got it in hong kong. Maybe it took a while to manifest, cause I suspect it's from the field. It hurt like holy crap until it got burst when I tackled one of the ACS ruggers. I thought it freaking exploded cause it hurt even worse than any time before. But after that it slowly got better although it's still leaking pus even now. Anyway what a mofo, spending half your time on holiday in pain. Shouldn't sleep too late today anyways.

Before I forget, Elbow owns, the Beatles own, U2 owns, Muse owns. Current Most Owning Songs are: Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds and Across The Universe by The Beatles, New Year's Day and City Of Blinding Lights and The Sweetest Thing by U2, Drops Of Jupiter by Train, Zephyr Song and Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chilli Peppers, and all of Elbow's songs are still owning.

Shit I also almost forgot I watched Gangs Of New York and The Virgin Suicides while in hong kong. Both are films that I wanted to watch but never got around to. Gangs is good, shows leonardo in a much more masculine role than I think, any he's ever been in. I hate titanic anyway. But Daniel Day-Lewis is truly awesome. I understand why he's considered one of the best actors, cause he is. An erratic character, but he pulled it off with panache and mojo. I so have to watch There Will Be Blood which features him. And The Virgin Suicides is good too. The story is told in quite a weird style, but pretty nicely done. Kirsten Dunst, I think, is quite amazing in that movie. I never liked her cause I don't like Tobey McGuire and by association Spiderman and her, but the movie managed to change my opinion. She is excellent as the popular Lux Lisbon. Josh Hartnett is good too, as are the parents of the sisters. Good film, but I can't really pin-point what makes me think so. I am halfway through Apocalypse Now but I didn't realize it's a 3 hour film, and I was falling asleep at about halfway. So I'll have to find some time to finish it. And Season 2 of my Criminal Minds, only one episode left.

And shit also, it's 1 o clock. Gotta go bathe. Gotta go sleep. I'll leave with 2 lines of lyrics from Elbow, Switching Off.

I choose my final scene today
Switching off with you.
I'm sure I will. Goodnight.

Friday 31 October 2008

and to you:

i'm sorry. thank you. i was an idiot. i was afraid and i was an idiot. i'm still an idiot but at least you're still happy. you too, dear friend, are not easily replaced, no matter my sharp wit or handsome smile. i wonder if it'll ever be the same again. i dearly hope so. i'm unspeakably honoured, and i miss you too. have a nice forever, too (:

Musik

Ahhh, in my last post I totally forgot to mention music. Arts Central is really awesome, Live At Abbey Road is awesome. Too bad it's gone now -.- (whistle) OKTO!! Anyway I discovered a totally owning new band through the show. ELBOW. Honestly it's one of the greatest discoveries I have made all year. Their songs absolutely appeal to my tastes and I can safely say all of the songs I have heard by them own. And I've listened to all the songs of their last 2 albums, Elbow is the sex. Highly recommended if you have the same musical tastes I do.

Okay, after some reflection, I have decided to revise my opinion of the bbss match. That being our virgin match, we were admittedly unprepared and naive. I think most of us were quite shocked at the level of foul play involved in a rugby match, and as such, were naive enough to retaliate and respond in like. Thus they managed to drag us down to their level of dirty play and it's true we began to play dirty too after a while. Rugby being rugby, no matter how you look at it there's bound to be some dirty play going on. And we have to be prepared to face opponents in the future of varying degrees of dirtiness, and win regardless so at least the match managed to open our eyes. While I do not believe in its accuracy of the actual play, I respect the scoreline and the fact that bbss were the winners. So the statements in my previous post, while reflecting my opinion at that time, were just a bunch of sour grapes and harsh. Well thanks to bbss for wisening up our previously unblooded team.

What I cannot accept is the way they carry themselves like hooligans. Behaviour on the pitch is one thing and can be explained by competitiveness, but off it they were cocky and downright disrespectful. Then again, cockiness is unacceptable on it as well. And I foolishly thought rugby was a gentleman's game. Whooping after sidestepping opponents is uncalled for and it reflects very poorly on the person's character. It also appears that some of their team get on the pitch looking to pick fights rather than play rugby. I think taunting is acceptable, but only to a certain degree and after that it gets disgusting. And also, coming to our school grounds and then shouting "Express very big meh?" after winning is ridiculous. We never insinuated it, and it showed a very basic lack of sportsmanship. Oh well enough whining.

Chinese today and if my results reflect my preparations I'm screwed. I'd hate to fail despite my disregard for chinese. Imagine 4 As and one S. Hell no, lol. Question 4 cause it seems like a failsafe baby question. Honestly hope to pass, hopefully a C? That'd be beyond my wildest dreams. Oh right, I forgot to mention I didn't know how to do about.... all of paper 2.

I've broken out in rashes and I have no idea why. I might have some unknown mysterious allergy or I might just be dirty. I think I have an allergy. Damn itchy sia. And I'm feeling abit sick. I'm feeling hot and bothered. On a lighter note, imma kick soccer tmr at last long long long last yay. I hope it doesn't get cancelled and that people actually turn up cause my legs itch (not because of the rashes.)

And even better, I'm pretty sure I've gotten over it. HAHAHAHAHAHA finally at long last. I hope. It was torture. Sweet torture, excruciating torture. I sincerely hope to have gotten over that which has caused me so much torment. No idea.

"It is finished!" John 19:30
The Lord bless you and the Lord keep you, and the Lord shine his countenance upon you and your loved ones. In Jesus' mighty name, amen and goodnight.

Monday 27 October 2008

On Wishes.

Occasionally they come true, and when it does, it gives me that funny tingling feeling in my stomach :D Yeah, I wish my wishes came true more often. But if wishes were wings, pigs would fly! Cannot recall where I read that from.

On books.
I just bought Brisingr and A Thousand Splendid Suns from POPULAR (which is obviously named after me) with my awesome vouchers I got for my awesome performance in the O levels =D O levels is a long long long long long time ago. Anyway I'm a fantasy fanboy, and I couldn't help myself but buy the hardcover cool version of Brisingr but those idiots extended the supposed trilogy to a cycle which means one more book which means more $$. Idiots. And I expect A Thousand Splendid Suns to be awesome cause I love that author despite reading only Kite Runner, but still awesome nonetheless.

Apart from those, I've recently read Cormac McCarthy who is absolutely marvelous but cheem but still marvelous. The Road is a deep disconcerting read, but a brilliant piece on hope, and also on morality. Seriously great author who manages to weave lots of human touch and indecision and grave questions of choice into his short books. No Country For Old Men is also excellent, and makes me even more fond of the Coen Brothers who converted it into a movie. The movie is even more excellent after reading the book.

Oh and Robert Jordan died! What the hell. One book more to the end of the series and he dies, how sad is that! Honestly hoping the person who takes over the job does a good one, can't remember what his name is. WAH LAO. One of my most eagerly anticipated books in the near future and the author dies. The Wheel Of Time is greatness, almost right up there with the scope of Middle Earth.

On movies.
Okay the most awesome movie experience has got to be BATMAN!!!!!!!!! Heath Ledger I love you and I wish I could be your gay partner in Brokeback Mountain!!!!!! Too bad he's dead, seriously. What amazing talent, that is the most ultimate portrayal of the Joker one could ever hope to wish for. He totally drove the movie and he was insane. Why so serious? Absolutely crazy stuff, best 10 dollars I've spent this year. Oh and erm no I'm not gay in case anyone has any serious doubts.

I've also watched Snatch which is a Guy Ritchie movie and it is also awesome. I like to think that my taste is really really good. Anyway Snatch is one of the funniest movies ever, I think. Watch it on tudou or youku. But those websites load terribly slow or I'd have watched Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

I want to watch Painted Skin and Burn After Reading. Mainly cause Zhou Xun is the best, and because I think Burn After Reading is my type of comedy. Oh and maybe Rocknrolla cause it's Guy Ritchie but it's M18 so oh well. And I wanted to watch Boy A with my sis but it's not playing in cinemas anymore, seemed really interesting. Probably set my date with Zhou Xun sometime soon, hopefully.

On others.
We lost our match. To those assholes from batok. Honestly, a clean game is much more enjoyable than a dirty one, and much more respectable. That was bullshit though. Too bad we lost or we would have taught them a lesson. Bastards. Anyway I was useless. Their backline was so pathetic we should have scored probably 5977642 tries against them, but I failed. I can't believe I failed to get past their weakling excuses of rugby players. Time to train harder and lose some of that complacency, if not all. Good job yewsiang aka mr sunny for scoring anyway. Credits to the forwards who got fouled up down left right by those losers.

Waiting for House Season 5 to end so that I can one-shot it rather than wait agonizingly for every episode every week. Still 2 seasons behind on Criminal Minds, but no time at all to catch up. Still wondering if Reid remains a junkie -.- (although logic dictates he won't) My books I haven't read yet, with the exception of Brisingr. Am reading The Wheel Of Darkness featuring the most excellent Agent Pendergast.

Aite, I just had a bout of diarrhea and it was smelly as shit. Well, obviously. I think it means that 3 large pizzas shouldn't be shared by 6 people, which we did a mere 8 hours ago or thereabouts. Went for the tribe/semi-clan outing to pizza hut then to the batok csc. It was pretty fun, I was surprised at the high turnout cause I was kinda reluctant to go cause I thought there would only be a few people. Oh and our beloved former and best tribe leader denise was there! Awesome. Thanks a bunch to whoever organised this.

Didn't expect this post to be as wordy or lengthy as it is, but I figure since I segmented it into pretty little paragraphs with cool headings like On Wishes it'd be bearable. Okay then again by my standards this is really short but I'll spare the long laments on my hopes and desires. So tata it is then.

One more matchstick tonight for what we could have been.
Burn.

Wednesday 22 October 2008

What Would We Be Without Wishful Thinking?

An update, at last. It's been, unbelievably, 3 months since my last post -.- I have somehow been occupying alot of my time, and I haven't even dota-ed for like 3 weeks which is probably a record. Not to mention being an LB. The lack of free time I have is quite unholy. And soon it's gonna be training training and more training. I think imma start doing more extra training, especially since I seem to have discovered an innate ability for sprinting recently =D

More 20km runs, more speedwork, more gymwork. Oh and more teamwork too. Balonglong says to call him to go running next time, I think I should. Running alone is energy sapping man, and the only motivation comes from myself. And it's scary too. That morning I ran at 3.30am and it was some freaking scary experience. First of all my imagination told me that I could at any time be snatched off the road by some crazy mafia gang or some paedophilic mofo irresistibly attracted to me -.- Then as I ran past the heavy vehicle park I seemed to hear a child shouting "help me" quite a few times. I kia tio sia, and ran away ASAP. Then I run run run, until it started drizzling when I was at zhenghua park. I sian 1/2 cause I was like at least 5km away from home with no ez-link or money. Heng it didn't rain or I'd probably have died and missed the physics promo. Then ran back to teck whye then to gombak and back home through the long bloody new road which I almost got lost on.

Moral of the story is that I'm not half the brave strong man I thought I was -.- Oh and my shoes suck. If I weren't so deep in debt I would be saving for a pair of running shoes, maybe adizero which is cool shite. But I owe a myriad of people money and I need to buy other stuff too. Super loser man, I'm losing things at a crazy rate. First my shoebag with my spanking new boots and spanking owning new havaianas slippers which I didn't get to wear. And the shoebag is chock-full of sentimental value to me. Then I lost, amazingly, a plastic bag containing my dirty clothes so I had to buy new ones. Next, my rugby pants. And most recently my school pants. Holy moley. That's 200 dollars worth of stuff right there. I am a loser indeed.

Anw today was sports carnival which my class didn't participate in cause our form didn't get handed up. I thought I could dazzle everyone with my soccer skills. Oh wells. Wanna kick street soccer soon, it's been a helluva long time since the last time. So I played badminton almost the whole morning, where I dazzled everyone with my badminton skills. I played with chengyong and lost 21-15 or somewhere there. Probably better than balonglong could have, LOL =D I was feeling so extraordinarily talented even thought I lost. But chengyong represents singapore after all. At least in JJ against those foreigners -.- so I lost quite happily =D

Then class outing at east coast park, where we cycled till our butts lost all feeling. And my leg is cramping. The highlight of the day being that I crashed into kelly which left me feeling traumatised all day. I have since decided that I'm a retard and will strive as best I can not to crash into anyone again. Then we went to eat at Han's and the spaghetti I had seemed quite pathetic next to their fishes (grilled, dory) and the chicken chop. And mine is 3 dollars more expensive. What the fish? I bade farewell to the last of my money. And I bought doughnut factory doughnuts (what else) 6 of them for the enjoyment of my brother who has probably never eaten nice doughnuts before. 7 dollars leh. I am pure awesomeness as a brother, except that the money I used I borrowed from my sister. Anyway plain glazed doughnut is holy good, methinks.

It's 12:51am now, which is the name of that awesome strokes song which I prolly mentioned previously. I'm not going to school tmr since imma pon all the lessons even if I did go. Rest more and train harder tmr. I'm going to watch my Criminal Minds soon, that excellent show which is eating up all my free time which I do not spend reading or going out. Stuck at season 2, almost reaching season 3. And the cool title of this post comes from one of the songs I heard on the show, and I like it. Indeed, we would be nothing.

Life as a member of the LB club is really depressing -.- a few months back I wasn't, and I wish it were a few months back, where maybe some things could have remained. Oh welluh, too bad so sad neh neh ni poo poo. I have chosen to be a monk/golem and I shall persevere~ It is so very tempting however, the prospect of not watching movies alone. I was sorting through my stuff and I re-read one of the postcards I received. And I realized how much I missed the companionship which unfortunately is all but gone now. I am an idiot. At least the matchsticks are useful, seriously. Everytime I emo or start reminiscing about the past and realize how much I miss it, I light a matchstick. And for a few good seconds, I focus solely on that flame and I think not of anything else. And feed all emotion to the flame. So I guess what I'm trying to say, actually, is thanks, for everything. Oh and that I am an idiot.

I shall ruminate no longer on my regrets. I think if anyone were to list down his/her regrets they'd never get halfway through. It really is an exercise in futility. Anything I care to blog about I'll update again. The end.

"The flame and the void. Feed all emotion and all pain and all thoughts." Robert Jordan, Wheel of Time.

Wednesday 30 July 2008

Purely China. 求是实验中学

Yes, it's been ages. Believe me when I say I've been much too busy to blog, even though I'd been meaning to ever since I came back from China. I'm afraid the memories might have faded away, the edge taken off, but I'll try as best I can to replicate the feelings that I wanted to blog about when I returned. Well, other than that, there's been a host of other things that I've been doing lately, I am a busy man!

Okay, let's try this chronologically. Well, obviously only the significant stuff, which I myself want to remember. Hmm. Since my last post..... lotsa birthdays, as is expected in the dreaded June/July period. Tests probably outnumber birthdays, and are a thousandfold more dreadful. Out of the tests in these few painfully long weeks, I don't think I scored well in any of them. Am not gonna embarrass myself with the actual results here.

A huge chunk of June was preparation for the Zhejiang trip. Well, with hindsight, almost all the preparation done was in vain. But at least learning was done in the process. Because in China, everything was just impromptu and rushed, practically everything we had prepared for failed to materialize, and it was all just on the spot stuff.

Yep, time to blog about China. I knew an overseas trip would definitely be enriching, but I did not expect this level of.... accomplishment. Start from the basics, lest I ever need to refresh my memory. We went to Qiu Shi Experimental School 桐乡求是实验中学, at least I think that's the Chinese version. Upon reaching, we had our first look at their so-called leaders, and had to teach them some noob cheers for some basketball tournament thing. Nothing much, boring day. On the next day, we had to go down to some semi-rural school on the outskirts of the city. We were supposed to do classroom interaction and teach the kids there cheers. The kids there were extremely receptive and warm, but I screwed up. It didn't help that the other JJ fellow in the classroom was Hui Mui, who's quite a pain to work with. I couldn't work with her at all, and I was just bad in the classroom on that day. At least a few of the Qiushi leaders managed to look quite promising despite my failures.

Next day, we went back to the school again. The children recognized us and seemed pretty happy to see us again. They were damn excited about what games we were going to conduct and what songs we were gonna teach them. That was damn heartening, and since I had by then found out what exactly we were supposed to do inside the classrooms, it was great, I felt. I managed to let 2 of the more outstanding leaders take charge of the class and conduct the activities, only stepping in for comic effect.

And then, we had to meet the 112 supposed leaders. Okay, the plan was this. 20 of us, were supposed to be advisors. The 28 leaders, the planning comm. The 112 leaders, the facilitators. Obviously, that was a cock up. The "leaders" were supposed to be so capable just because they had half a day's more experience than the rest -.- Absolute disaster. What happened eventually was that the PC became the OGLs while only a few of the supposed leaders helped them. Yep, 700 campers and 28 OGLs.

Okay so, we had very little time to actually do anything with the 112 leaders. They came in at like in the afternoon, we played icebreaker games, and taught them some cheers. Just like campers. Then, we had very little time with which to tell them and impact upon them their roles, basically just telling them that they were leaders among the campers. Really, really lame. Which set the tone for the orientation lah. I can't recall in detail what we did with those 112 people on that day, nothing much really.

D-Day, first day of the orientation. Okay, to compound the bullshit, I was family head. Yep, in China, with razak as my assistant. VHUT DA? I think, that was kind of ridiculous. I was under-prepared and my assistant fam head couldn't help me much. Chinese, chinese, and more chinese man. Terrible. I did not want to be family head, but I could not refuse.

Too much family time, too little activities, too little cheers to teach. Little or no enthusiasm from the kids. My PC worked extremely hard, yes, but did not manage to control them. I got angry many times, up on my puny little ping-pong table. Oh, and it once collapsed under me, thankfully Shen Yi (who was up there with me) was not injured. I tried everything I could, but there were only like, 3 different cheers we could use. Games, got boring after a while. Claps were overused, and yes, only 3 or 4 of them anyway. Razak tried extremely hard to help from on the ground, but he cannot speak chinese. Ping Fan lost her voice that day. All of them did what they could, but there were only what, 4 of them? Yu Yang had to do admin and Wu Yi had some emcee thing probably. Lol, it was so terrible, after the family times, me and razak would just shout out vulgarities cause we were so damn frustrated and pissed off. Like, "CB WTF LAH! NB SIA! Really DAMN CB SIA EFF!"

SSS was not good too, the emcees didn't do well. Then, a masterstroke from Mr Leow. Emo-time. He spoke to the family heads, and told us to tell the PCs to tell the campers what they've done so far and their feelings. I think Mr Leow is an excellent manipulator, the way he does things. Basically, that was one helluva night. I cried, too. Had not done that in a VERY long time.

After SSS, the kids were sent back to their classrooms. The PCs proceeded to do what we told them to do. But they did not know how to do it properly, like Lu Xin's class, she was actually laughing along with them -.- That's where I came in, and owned those little kids. In all my life, I have never spoken so eloquently in chinese. I managed to move, 150 people to tears. I managed to extol the qualities of the PC so well that each class broke down, and of course, the PC themselves broke down. Yeah, what a night. Entering each class, saying different things in each class. I think, moments like those, are what being a leader is all about. Leaders are nothing if not for the people they lead. And that night was the best experience I have ever had, in terms of seeing the impact on the campers themselves. Each classroom has it's own story, 14 classes. Each leader, his/her own frustrations and problems. And it's all about the people element, that makes everything worthwhile. Sounds tacky and cliched, but that's the truth and what I went to China for. To feel each of their frustrations while speaking to the class, what they've gone through and what they've sacrificed. The PC, they're special, and they're amazing.

When I had done with my classes, the sense of satisfaction was just.. sweet. After all that the PC had gone through that day, to see that the classes actually acknowledge it, even though only after being scolded, was just shiok. So I sent my PC back to the command centre, and went to check on other classes. And I saw a scene which actually made me tear, seriously, like some scene out of a movie. So I was walking around, when I saw 2 of the PCs outside their class crying. As I was walking over to them, their whole class came running out of the classroom crying, and in one voice, said "对不起姐姐!" My goodness, I was so shocked at the entire scene, it was damn touching. Then I had quite a lengthy talk with the 2 of them, until we were reminded to go back to the command centre. And that emo-session just changed the whole day, not only, the whole camp. Truly a masterstroke by a master manipulator.

The next day was, comparatively, a breeze. The campers co-operated most of the time, and the influence the leaders had on the campers was much greater than before. We started the day with the treasure hunting game, and that was fun. Very messy, but it was fun. Our job was to roam about the place, looking for missing campers and missing classes. And it was a great opportunity to look at how the PC interacted with the campers. Lunch, then the China Kinetic Warfare. Our stations were spread far and wide around the school, and it was an excellent atmosphere. We could have sustained the game for very long, and it would have been great, but we had to push forward everything due to some basketball game going on in the indoor stadium. My station was only played once -.- I prepare everything and in the end played for just 5 minutes lor, then gao dim alr. Damn suay, I think Chris and Jacelyn must have been pretty upset man. They plan so long, then in the end we had to cut it short even though it was doing great. The finale wasn't so great, and much of it was because of the stupid gathering place. 700 people had to squeeze in some tiny canteen. I cannot recall if there was AVAC support, if there was it wasn't good. It was hot in there, squeezy and humid. And all we were doing was some lame rah-rah session, which I think flopped.

Then after that then move into the stadium for some telematch finale. It took way too long, because of the stupid fishing thing. But it was average lah, I believe the crowd got tired after a while. And oh the basketball match was after our finale thing, which was why we had to push everything forward, unfortunately.

Oh yes, it was family time before and after the KW. Before, was to rah-rah my family about the KW, and after, about the Qiushi Night. The one pre-KW was pure bullshit. I was like, we're second in the standings, not so far from the number one, but number three and four are quite close. Then some more bullshit about how if they cheer loudly, they get more points and if they talk while I'm talking I will deduct points. Lol, bullshit like that man, and they believed everything. Super useful. Of course la, every family head told their family that they were number two -.- But that one was not so bad, I think I did pretty well.

Ah, but the one after the KW was excellent. I was alone cause razak went to prepare for the night. Plus the PC from SCDC had to go off too. So there were like, me and 3 PCs. But I think I did a damn wonderful job lah, seriously. First I did some rah-rah thing, very standard one. Then I let them sit in their own circles around the ping pong place. Quite amazingly they took damn long to understand what a circle was supposed to look like -.- After that, I just randomly did stuff and it was damn good. I did like, cheer competition, song-singing and lecturing in that one family time. Power sia. I scolded these few boys so badly, they kenna punish by their teacher. Because of them, I managed to lecture all those gina kia on some random stuff like respect and something. After that was the Night.

Damn tiring, the night. Chori-chori ah, chicken dance and mass dance all. Sibeh tiring. But not bad lah, overall. Much better than SSS. But highlight of the night was, a girl who injured herself. I don't know if she jump or what, but she kenna her ankle. Then me and jocelyn brought her to the medical room which is like SUPER FAR from the stadium. But it was very cool lah, the girl was super cute. Cause it was like, damn dark. If didn't have torchlight, seriously super dark and kinda scary. I know cause I had to walk back there on my own after leaving the girl in the med room -.- But she was damn cute. At first she was super scared cause it was dark, then after me and jocelyn kept talking to her, she was like, "现在不怕了" or something like that, because she had "帅哥得彦" and "美女姐姐" to accompany her. At first she was very shy, then after that she will laugh and smile, very cute. Highlight of the Qiushi night for me.

And that was practically the end of our orientation programme for them. There was e-web the next morning, but only for the 112 leaders and the PC. We were doing our own one, so I didn't manage to hear what was said :/ But it was pretty good lah, from the atmosphere. Then at night, they planned a party for us, with cake and drinks and performance somemore. Very sweet of them. Then we debriefed at LN and I had to smuggle my letters to my PC out to them. Don't know why, they didn't allow us to meet our PC after debrief, but I managed to. The letters for my PC, 6 of them, I had to write using torchlight from like 12am to 3am after the Qiushi night. I'm not sure how long I spent writing my letters to them, but my hand almost cramped man. Super tiring. Like very romantic like that, write letter using torchlight. But tiring lah, during e-web I was super sleepy. And the next morning, we left.

It was super rushed lah, if we had more time it would have been much better. But we had to leave by like... 8 or something? And that was where I cried for the second time. Because it's hard to imagine that we'll see them again, and almost impossible for the 20 of us to meet the 28 of them ever again. The goodbyes were very difficult. Photos, giving them our jackets, and our last words. It's hard to describe the emotions. Cause these were the kids that we trained for 7 days. Really train them and take care of them, and try our best to make them into leaders. And the hope that I did not fail them. But so little time, maybe I could have done more, talked to them more. And that was the last chance we had, while waiting for our bus to arrive. And it's hard to describe the sense of loss, that comes from leaving behind the kids that you have watched grow so much within 7 days. Theirs was an impossible mission, to plan an orientation for 700 people. But they succeeded, and more. It was humbling, because they were excellent and amazing people, all 28 of them. The fervor with which they helped us with whatever they could, with which they learned whatever they could. There's always the regret that maybe I could have done more, for these amazing kids.

It's an experience, being looked up to. Because these people, were wholly dependent on us. They looked to us for advice, support, encouragement. Whenever they are lost or clueless they turn to us. The respect they have for us, is overwhelming and yes, very humbling. Mentorship is a very valuable thing. To have the 6 of my family PCs looking to me for guidance and help, is invaluable.

陈婷 - Out of all of them under my care, she is the one I was most worried about. She was always alone leading her class as Yu Yang had admin work always. She was so timid and shy, I feared for her. I had to pay special attention to her class always. She told me, everytime she saw me she would be afraid, because it usually meant I had more instructions for her. I am very sorry that my presence meant that. I hope she does fine, and she smiles more and worries less. She promised me to. She looks like a mouse.

雨旸 - He could not spend much time with the family, caught up with admin stuff. I know how much he would have wanted to be with his class, but cannot because he has to take attendance and stuff. He said, once when he was at our family spot doing admin stuff, he couldn't help but to scold some boys who were playing behind, and even made them do push-ups. I felt bad when I heard that, it meant that I wasn't doing my job well, and he had to help me when it wasn't his job to do so. He also said on MSN, that he couldn't bear to go offline because he was talking to us. How very sweet of him. I promised him we'll talk again.

沈易 - He is a very nice boy. He looks like some noob nerd in his specs, but he's very nice. He always keng from his log so that he could be with the family. He is also the dude who I almost got injured because I pulled him up on the table with me. He thanked me in his letter, for giving him encouragement. I wonder if I thanked him for his support? He says he doesn't have time to write much in his letter, and I believe him. I know that they wrote their letters to me at night too, after I gave mine to them. I did not realize that fact until I read their letters on the plane, that they too, sacrificed their sleep to write their letters to me. How very stupid of me. Wish I had the chance to thank him, and the others.

吴逸 - She's the emcee. No, I have never blamed her for not being with us. In fact, I failed in giving her the support that she needs. Being an emcee is not easy, what did I have for her but my drink, sweet and lollipop. Oh. I gave those to her late, after all her emcee-ing duties were done. Stupid. She wrote a long letter for me and razak, and folded it intricately into a heart shape. It was great to see english words. "I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU" That summarizes everything into 6 words. I'll have to tell her I reciprocate those feelings.

吕歆 - This one's the games I/C. I wish I knew the names of the other gamers. It amazes me that I can hardly match any of their names to their faces, except for her. They remember all of us. She's very bubbly, it's hard to imagine what she must have gone through for her to weep during the emo session. The kind of hardship, I must respect her for that. She came up with the treasure hunt game, which is probably better than any of my ideas in the few months leading to the trip. I could probably learn alot from her. She wrote a letter to some of us, but it got lost, unfortunately. Wish I had more to remember her by.

平帆 - She put in her heart and soul, and voice into the camp. By the second day, she could hardly speak. She was hoarse throughout, and needed someone to help her speak out loud. She could only whisper, loudly. It was my fault, no doubt. Up on the stage, not helping the leaders out. She had to shout to control the crowd, which meant that I sucked big time. Also, I kept asking her to substitute me on the table, when I was sick of leading the crowd. I'm really sorry that I neglected her health and her throat deteriorated. She bears no grudges against me, and is effusive in her praise of me in her letter. That just amazes me, and I truly thank her.

There were others, but I know not their names, only their faces. And in time, even their faces will fade. But yeah, they have been amazing, and made my trip amazing. Thanks also to JJ people, of course. Chris, jacelyn, yue yin, razak from the games comm. Others for advice or companionship.

I think it's quite amazing, that 20 of us went there and made a difference, an impact on 700 people. And here I shall end my post on my china trip. And sleep. It's 4.45 already, shet. Nighto.

Tuesday 17 June 2008

Wongbok bridge.

Some places somehow manage to lay a hold on people, to retain a certain allure even after we're long gone. It's subjective, and everyone has to have someplace in the recesses of their mind. I've not been on it in 4 months, and in fact don't use it much, but the wongbok bridge is a stunning place. It's like, an overhead bridge with pink flowers. The sort one sees everywhere in Singapore -.- But it's not the place per se, it's the event, no matter that it lasted about 20 seconds. However long one takes to cross an overhead bridge. It's probably the cutest event ever recorded, lolz. Well actually, maybe it's been recorded only by me and replayed only by me, but that's fine by me.

Hahah, today I saw the cutest girls on the mrt. There were 3 of them, and the youngest one was super cute, wooo. I think the other 2 were her sisters, but they didn't look alike at all, but they probably were cause they were calling the oldest one da jie. I have no idea how old she is, I pretty much suck at determining age. Maybe, in secondary school? Sec 1/2/3/4/5 I have no idea, but whatever man. I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere from like queenstown or something, they boarded the mrt and I saw the cute littlest girl who was (again I'm not sure) like 6 maybe? And they were like damn cute, no other description is apt. Then after that, I gave up my seat cause the 2 younger girls were like squeezing into one seat which was kinda funny. And then the 2 younger ones were like asking the da jie to squeeze with them into the 2 seats, cute right. But she didn't. Anyway, somewhere on the way to tampines, I noticed the 2 seated girls looking surreptitiously at me, LOL. Then I cannot help it but smile, even though I pretended not to notice, cause it's just too funny alr, the way they look at me but pretend not to.

Time for some paragraphing. Ya then hor, as we approached tampines I heard the little girl say, "oh no, going to reach tampines alr!" then the da jie was like, "SHHH! Don't talk so loud!" Then lagi best, the little girls try and take photo of me with their da jie's phone, LOL! ROFLMAO!! Then I cannot help it ah, I broke into a smile, but try damn hard to not be so obvious. Then I holding the handle mah, so my arm blocking my face, then the littlest girl was like, "Aiya cannot! His hand block!" LOL. Then they were like whispering, but it was like super loud lah. Actually, it might be because my earpiece only one side working, but they didn't know. WAHAHA. Then after that, the little girl even stand up and try and take photo, HAHAH. Then I do my best to act as if I don't know anything, and look straight out of the mrt window, but almost cannot tahan sia. Then after that hor, when they saw that I alighted at tampines also, they were like so excited lah -.- And then after that I couldn't help but sneak a peek at one of the littler girls, the second youngest one, then I caught her eye then she start giggling like crazy lah! LOL. Cannot accept lah! Freaking cute sia! Seriously cannot accept. The two little girls super cute lah, I think they were helping their da jie, AHAHAHA. Cause the whole ride I see her like very shy like that, don't dare to look in my direction. LOLZ. Really super ownage, adorable to the max.

STOKE MY EGO, MAKE ME FEEL GOOOOOOOOOOOD BABY! Hahaha, I whole day happy after that sia, funny stuff. My best mrt moment ever. Talking about mrt, I have become a whole lot more gracious man, I gave up my seat a grand total of 2 times today. Ownage huh. I also refuse to pass quick judgment on people whom I don't know. E.g RED SKINNY JEANS OR AHLIAN SUPER SHORT SKIRT OR AHBENG OUTFITS. Yes, I cannot stand the sight of these outrageous stuff, but MAYBE, it's not these people's fault that they are born visually impaired or something? That they can't discern between nice and puke-ish? Might be genetics or something, let's not visit the sins of the fathers upon their children (so to speak), for they have no say in heredity. Gracious huh? Hoho.

Oh shiz, Maths is looming pretty big and menacing on the horizon. Trigo is a piece of work, there seem to be alot of formulae involved and stuff. That sucks. Throw in the partial fractions and stuff from half a year ago, and you've got yourself a full blown disaster. What is needed is emergency relief i.e China sending their entire friggin army to help me the way they helped those earthquake victims so admirably. I just might start studying if I'm staring down a barrel. Shucks. Hopefully I can start tmr, and also do my GPP tmr. Holy moley. This could be the end of me. Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Maths formulae is cheem stuff. Pfft.

It seems just a simple hello(: sets me going. Mind in a flurry, thoughts raging. Different source, yo.

I'm kind of tempted to write a story, but I shan't cause I'm tired, lols. Tomorrow maybe? But probably not, knowing as I'm so dedicated to studying, won't have the time I think. =D GP sucks eh, no creativity involved -.-

Cute doesn't even begin to describe... that, or much less her. There are too many other 'that's to recall, I can barely skim the surface. I'll suffice with a few. Pfft.

Plain old wongbok, not so plain after all.
Well nighto.

Tuesday 10 June 2008

12:51

I propose to end my post by that time, lols. It is also the name of a coolio song by The Strokes, ownage. Hahah, songs. Movies. Books. It was cool huh? But no can do. Hoho, no regrets.

It is tempting to lose myself in cyberspace. But I shan't, I can't go around revealing me. =D I am t3h mystery wrapped in an enigma contained within a puzzle which harbours a secret. Lolz. I am also a pr0 in english. Part of the mystery that surrounds me, lolz. And so I shall type out my stuff to see myself clearly for my eyes only. Woo. Coolio.

Booooooo ya. Back to the humdrum of everyday life. Apparently a blog is supposed to provide a peek into one's life, but I don't exactly subscribe to that notion. Why should I let random people see what I've done -.- A blog is more to showcase my Exc3l1en+ english, baby, and also to divulge whatever I wish to to the masses out there. Which comprises maybe 8 people like that -.- hoho.

But nasty surprise here, imma blog about my life not my musings on my life =D Yeh, it seems like I've been pretty busy of late. Somehow I contrive to be busy and not do anything beneficial like study or stuff, while not seeming to do anything. Amazing skillz. Yep, so time passes by and my calendar is marked by the silhouette of business while I don't actually do anything. Holy wow. What an awesome waste of time.

Oh well today I went to school (again and again and again vhat da what kind of holidays is this!) for the games comm thing. We did relatively little, just some chinese instructions for some of the games. But then there were 2 things that made it all worthwhile. 1) Play game. 2) Zhar bo. LOL. They came as a set, with the game came the zhar bo. We played captain's ball with some of the CHC people who were oddly enough, camping in JJ -.- Normally I don't really like harvesters. And they don't really like us either. But it so happens that they were in JJ, so I set my animosity aside. Someone suggested we ask them if they wanted to play with us, an idea I thoroughly endorsed.

So we did, with razak's rugby ball on the netball court. And there was this zhar bo. She was not really pretty or anything and all she did was own my ass by throwing really high balls to their captain, lols. But given that I've been really deprived lately since I've hardly gone out much (LOL) she seemed angelic. Unfortunately, the games comm people totally owned me by telling her friend that I was interested in her -.- Kaoz, I've got a really cool dashing image to upkeep y'know? But I could find no counter-argument to 4 people convincing the girl that I was interested in her and they took my phone and got her number even. Hot damn my reputation is totally utterly and imba-natedly destroyed/tarnished/own3d. Oh wells. Pretty cool day at school anyhow.

And after that I went to queensway to obtain a pair of boots, something which I've been wanting to do for a really long time. Like since 239017 years ago. Oh and we also got shorts and socks along with the boots. It's tough, my feet are probably irrevocably damaged and I'm tireeeeeeed. Was fun though. Then I went to meet my family cause I am terribly broke, and yes my father paid for my dinner, woooooooo.

Oh, hurhur, I have just failed spectacularly. It's close to 1.45 now -.- But I shall retain the title cause 1) I really can't think of anything else cool to put (I admit I've lost some of my coolness =() and 2) cause it really is a cool song. If I'm late again for the meeting at 7 o clock at the jurong spring mac I'm screwed cause I've been late for almost all the games comm meetings so far. They'll probably corner me into treating them McFlurry or something. Ye gods. That won't do at all!

As a sidenote, I've not been keeping up with my reading or movie habits too. It doesn't help that the cinemas offer cookie-cutter blockbuster stuff, nothing worth mention at all. They're all shows that are groupies, those that can only be enjoyed when not alone, geez. Suckzorz.

I've got the best guards employed, baby. You know when they say a place is guarded so tight a fly can't enter? That's simple, man. Air can't enter mine man, it can't breathe. Maybe it'll die. Shit? Or not.

Yo baby, to be stuck in reverse. To get what you want and not what you need. To try your best and not succeed. To feel so tired but not sleep. And the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worse? Tears stream, down your face. When you lose something you cannot replace. Could it be worse?

Coldplay, yeah. It's kind of.. lyrical genius. It's really great. One of THE classic songs.

Clor
Coldplay
Death Cab For Cutie
Garbage
Gorillaz
Guns N' Roses
Interpol
Jason Mraz
Kings Of Convenience
Lostprophets
Mew
Muse
People In Planes
Radiohead
Red Hot Chili Peppers
The Beatles
The Cranberries
The Strokes
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Alrighty, set in stone. In case I forget my musik, lols. This is probably kind of helpful. My shelfari thingummy is useful enough for my books. And movies are basically ever-changing. Has anyone ever heard of the above bands/singers? Ooh, enlightened taste indeed. I am CoOlZ.

Crap. Imma have about 3 and a half hours of sleep and off to school I go! Yay for the (nonexistent ) holidays! And it rhymes too! Go me! Oh noes, I am in danger of being really weird, I just put 4 exclamation marks in 4 sentences! WOW! Hmm, is one weird if he/she notices that he/she is? Or, is one really stupid if he/she is stupid? Wow, I could be a philosopher. Who guards the guards? HOHOHO. I am the ownage. Look to me for the answers to life. And answers to your puny existence too! =D Imblah mama.

Oh no, onset of night insanity. My mind is desperately telling to sleep or my 3 and a half hours will go down to poot. Poor, poor body. I apologize profusely for abusing you so, but you have no choice but to remain under my control! MUAHAHA. Shit. Madness! Sheer madness! HOHOHO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM.

Goodnight.

Tuesday 20 May 2008

We Are Of The End Times.

So, there has been a spate of terrible natural disasters man. Hitting Asia particularly hard. It appears that the rate of disasters has been increasing, no? Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, then Cyclone Nargis and the Sichuan earthquake, in rapid succession. I believe the world is gonna end soon. Yeah man, seriously. I believe we are of the Benjamin generation. And the end times are coming but someone is seriously unhappy. Lol, the devil really hates losing. So he sends waves of destruction upon us mere mortals. But you know, it is our lot to receive the blessing and God's grace, not destruction and misery. And what a thief steals from you, you shall receive seven times it's worth, by the grace of God. I'm pretty sure we're in for some blessings man. A tsunami of mercy and love. Hallelujah, man!

Went for Arrow on Saturday, my first time ever. It's pretty cool, I think I could continue going for more services in the future. If babu is still in the caregroup. If not, I don't know man, I could just feel too out of place. But yeah. Service really opened my eyes. What we had there was, a good 500 young people gathering in the name of the Lord. And what are we? We are a living breathing army out to be a blessing to others. We are the stalwarts and living testimony of HIS glory. We are the people of HIS kingdom. And we can make a difference. The Lord blesses us that we may be a blessing to others, that we may honour Him. Yes, we are an army with a mission.

It's great that I am, you know, beginning to have a ghost of an inkling of an idea of the identity I have in Christ. It's never occurred to me that I am destined to be one of the movers and shakers of the world. That all of us believers share that common destiny. So I know now where my source of strength is, not by my own might, that's for sure. It's not my lot to be negative and pessimistic and downtrodden. Nor should I believe so. Yeah, hopefully that marks the end of pessimism and emo-shit.

How is it that I haven't had even the mere taste of what it could be like? Hah. So there. I just might have gotten through. I'd like to think I could whisk you away from the jaws of hell itself. It's just that, I maintain, I didn't try, it would have been dishonourable. Ahah, sure, but where does that leave me? Hanging, I say.

Oh well, hum-dee-dum. One always imagines the spilled milk to taste better than it does. Ho-hum, nevermindz. And shiz it's 4am. And once again, I have school tomorrow. Thus begins my monumental battle against the zzzzzz demon. I really shouldn't be missing school. Any more, I mean. Hoho, which way shall the battle turn today? Oh hallelujah, a short post at last. (According to the Law of Relativity.) Hoho.

Yeah, nighto.

Tuesday 6 May 2008

To Not Be A Skeptical Friend.

It seems, these days, it's become increasingly easy to be a cynic, and to be increasingly skeptical. 'Tis terrible when you begin to doubt your friends. Why, you ask, is it that you are ALWAYS being left alone? Hmm? Left behind? Hmm? Why, you ask, is it that everyone else seems to be having a helluva time, when you're not around? Hmm? Why, you ask, has everything gone so... wrong? And all my searching yields no answer. It sucks, yes, to feel kept out of the loop. It seems, these days, one has to look elsewhere for what he used to have.

On another note, it seems that I myself am not blameless. Hah, in fact, am I deliberately acting cool and indifferent eh? Hahaha, maybe eh. I wonder why I don't feel.. the way I used to? Maybe I am much too afraid. Of? Well, dependence? Even though at that time I was yes, fostering it. Afraid of.. Intimacy maybe? That's a distinct possibility. Or I was afraid that she would like me? Although maybe that had been my goal all along.

You know. Pride, ego and the such. De yan could be like, the poster boy for those man. A spokesperson. Like, everyone is reduced to just... another notch on his belt. But when things get too.. out of hand for him, he begins to fear. How can it be that, when on one hand he tries his utmost for something, on the other he fears it? It's irrational and illogical, it doesn't make sense. And yet I continue in the pursuit of...... well, more notches. And occasionally I profess to have a deep-seated fear of such things happening. But it's senseless in the extreme. And I know it. Only when things begin to get out of control do I try to avert the disaster. But is it too late? Even now. Well I'm sorry.

Nevermind. And I'm beginning to feel the onset of an identity crisis too. I don't think I'm cut out to juggle so many persona. Especially when they seem..... far off from myself. Hah. It really is a dilemma. Should I mull over it and get all worked up and stressed? Or should I pull off my special form of escapism. Whatever, man.

I've got a headache man. I did the games proposal thing till 4 on sunday morning and it got lost. Screw it. The only thing I got out of that crap, was my headache. Which weakened my constitution and bestowed upon me my fever my flu and my cough. Screw it. It probably didn't help that I went to tiong bahru for prata after going to JE library. Worse, after that to Holland V for ice cream. Worse still, to the wine bistro until like 1.30 man. Holy crap. To reach home at 2 o clock on monday morning? It's no wonder I didn't go to school man. But truly, holland v is some kickass chillout place man. Although at like 75 dollars a bottle, you'd have to be filthy rich. Hah, at least I didn't pay. Man, to just relack and drink that damnedly expensive wine. A charmed lifestyle, I'm sure. But nope, not on a sunday night before school -.- that's suicidal man.

Bah. When are the........ boundaries of, I don't know, close friendship maybe, crossed? How do I make a tactful withdrawal without letting my suspicions be known? Are they even justified or are they merely the workings of a wholly fertile and imaginative mind? Damn. And well, I can't find anything to allay my fears. Hot damn. It seems there is no... safe way to escape too.

Escape. I guess as each day passes it becomes a more, reasonable prospect. A more achievable, believable prospect. Hah. But ever I am dragged back by well, stuff. Hah. Today it was a dish my momma cooked -.- but am I to be faulted for drifting off into the alternate parallel world I construct in my head? Worlds that............. could have been so real. Damnation. Hah. Truly we could have had so much fun. But you said no. Shizzle my wizzles.

Okay. Here are my resolutions. To be shallow but not callow. To not think so much or better still, not think at all. To be a friend to all and not ask all from my friends. To not be a skeptical friend. To believe in the goodness of friendship. To recapture the goodness in friendship. To ignore and forget. To create the desert again. To allow my heart to wither and be the barren wasteland it's been for so long. To recapture the void within. To stop.

Yep, stop it is.

Monday 21 April 2008

All Alone.

Close your eyes and see
When there ain't no light
All you'll ever be
Come and save the night
Cuz I don't leave
When the morning comes it doesn't
Seem to say an awful lot to me...

All alone (All alone) (6x). That probably sums up what I've been feeling lately. As some people have remarked of late, I've been slightly down and more emo. Thanks for the care and concern, yeah? But well, it's not easy to explain to you guys why I was that way. For say, one or two weeks, I have begun to feel this growing dis-attachment and distance from everybody. Why this is so, I have no idea and I don't like it. But what can one do? Anyway nevermind. It is.. decidedly childish. I should have seen it coming, and maybe I did. But I did nothing to stop the rot, so it eventually boils down to me. I could have preempted it, man. But no. De Yan is blasé and aloof and downright indifferent. So people don't really care about me do they? It's quite alright to walk off without me eh. It's quite alright to leave without me. It's quite alright to live without me. The things I learn every week. And every monday, I go to school hoping that the week, will be the week everything turns magically oh kay, right? Nay, that is but a fool's dream. But it's a fool's job to dream fool's dreams. I retain the right to do so.

It is by now, doggone foolishness. I shouldn't be mulling for so long. It's over dude. It's been almost 3 months eh. It's not gonna come to fruition. Futile efforts. In fact, non-existent efforts. But all of a sudden I have more cause to be thinking. And it's quite upsetting. I can't believe it. It was quite the defining moment man. But there are always things that cause me to dream, yeah. To dream of what if and what if and what could have been. But it's all too late for regrets. Maybe I would have suffered more, had I chosen differently. Then again. It could have been wonderful. I think I could have persuaded her. Or I'm over-rating myself. But imagine. Oh well. I didn't try all that hard. And now my regrets don't make a difference. Why is it always in the critical decisions that I falter? Not exactly critical per se, but the decisions I've made have caused me no little unhappiness.

Oh! She's got this hold over me. You've got to get this feeling, like you were a child, and you fervently believed in aliens, and you're contacted by the alien lifeforms you always knew were out there. When you finally get what you've been craving. Contact. Oh! The euphoria. You've just got to get it, you know? That high, upon contact. Exquisite. And that's when. The man finally proves his detractors wrong. In his heart, he never truly accepted what everyone said, about aliens being impossible. In his heart, nothing has changed since his childhood. He always knew they were out there. Oh! How that is the case. In his heart nothing has changed. She's still lurking somewhere. It's just been hidden under layers of other stuff. They way the child begins to worry about work, or his family. Aliens are almost forgotten, but still they remain within his heart.

Alright, what's with this crap about aliens now? Gee, absolutely random. But maybe I do feel like some alien now. I only wish there were a child whose wishes I have fulfilled through my presence.

Oh and, happy birthday mom.

I present to you now, a story, a story of a boy.
 


The Boy Who Saw Dark Clouds

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. There lived this boy, who met a girl, and all was good. This girl, she was all you could ask for of youth. She had eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth. She had the sweetest disposition, and a crooked smile which the boy adored.

But. The moment he saw her, he saw something else. Clouds, dark clouds, dark clouds, gathering in the distance. The clouds brought with them ill-meaning and menace. The boy saw those dark, dark clouds, and he began to weep. For he knew, that those clouds they were coming, coming for him.

The girl, she was not blind. She saw the boy weeping, and came close. And the closer she came, the less the boy could see of the clouds. And soon, his vision was filled with her, and only her. And the beauty! The true majesty of her beauty. It seemed to be so radiant, it enveloped the dark clouds. The dark clouds were nothing in the face of this girl, the girl with eyes like the summer. They were soon forgotten, shoved into the recesses of his mind. The boy stopped crying.

The boy. In her presence, everything was so fine, and he knew no fear. The dark clouds were chased away. And he could begin to dream, of a future. Of a future, of her. And all was good. Alas, it was not to last.

It is in the nature of happy times, that it passes quite impossibly fast. Before the boy knew it, the time had come. The time had come, and the dark clouds were upon them. And the fear! The fear that seized his heart. Why, at the zenith of his happiness! It seemed impossibly cruel. And so the boy, he began to run. He began to run, for he hoped the girl would be safe from the clouds, the dark clouds.

But what of the girl? The girl, she saw no clouds. She merely saw the boy, the boy running away. And she was sad. And the boy, the boy would have felt pain in his heart, that he had made her sad. But he never would know. And the girl, she too would never know why he ran, away from her.

And so it came to pass, that there was an almighty heaving of the heavens. And the boy, the boy realized he still lived.

But what of the girl? The girl, she saw no longer. The girl, with eyes like the summer, would never open her eyes again.

And the boy, the boy saw that the clouds, the dark clouds, had claimed his love, and he rent his breast. And in that moment, the boy was no longer a boy. His heart had died. And he'd never see her radiance again. He'd forever see, see only the dark clouds within his mind.
--------------------------------------------------

Hah, my own original story =D I've always wanted to write something weird like that. I'm not sure how people take the style, but I like it. Yeah. There are many ways that I could have written it, but nevermind. I think I'll leave it as it is. Hope it's as cool to whoever who reads it as it is to me. Well, I must say this is quite the tragic story. Who's to say who is sadder? The boy, or the girl? To die feeling abandoned? Or? Oh well. I suddenly feel I didn't do justice to the tragedy, of the boy who saw dark clouds.

One day in love. After which your heart dies. Tragic.

Lols, almost 3am and it's another monday. I shall hope once more. Things just might improve, yeah? More fool me. I shall contrive to be happy. An ET sighting would help. But that is beyond impossible. Oh yeah, I've got a date on wednesday. But somehow I'm not filled with the expectation that I used to feel. Is it that I've become numb, or have I already discarded her by the wayside? And oh yeah, de yan you're quite the man when it comes to misleading. =D

I should sleep.
"And I get by with a little help from my friends."
Or without.
Goodnight(:

Wednesday 2 April 2008

Jacob No Ass (s).

This post is gonna be about my camps man. Because I just can't stop bitching about them. :D

Okay lah, LINE camp was fine, except that I felt like I was handling the whole LG. And I got really irritated by the teeny help I get from my fellow facs, like laytian? And yewsiang too, don't want to help me one. Lols, but it was okay. I knew each and every one of my campers, and I managed to spend much time with them. Although they weren't really good campers lah, but at least I managed to get pretty close to them. So it was a satisfying camp, because my campers acknowledged me and I think I managed to inspire them somehow. Oh yeah, I was really fierce to them. Heh, LT was super useless, I'll devote one whole chapter or two or three or four on her. :D she sucks at e-web too!

Next up was, CDAYL. Which is where the legend of Jacob begins. Hohoho. Sheez, whoever made me assistant family head. That's a sack of a shit job that I'm not going to wish on anyone man, if your family head is erm, hannisah. Is that how you spell her name? Whatever, not important. Looks wrong though. Yes anyway, the past week, from monday to friday, was terrible. Can you imagine, on the relack days monday and tuesday, she began saying things like. "De Yan, I think I cannot handle already." "De Yan, I sure fall sick during camp, make sure you don't fall sick ah." "De Yan, I think I going to break down soon." God, so piteous. And I'm like, ooooooooooookay, the campers haven't arrived yet! And on tuesday for the chinese riddles, she decided not to give any instructions to me or the facs, so we just did things blindly and yes, wrongly too. Such a slack day, and she didn't manage to complete anything, not the dance, the lg gifts or the damned green cloth. Of course lah, it was almost enough to kill our dear family head.

A leader, leads by example.
He shows a willingness to do what he asks others to do, and beyond.
He does not mind getting down and dirty with his fellow mates.

A facilitator, facilitates.
He does so by leading people around, telling them what to do.
It does not really matter if he is unclear himself.
Everyone just wants some instructions they can follow.

Hannisah is neither, and she shirked all her responsibilities to me. Not only that, whatever instructions she receives she does not inform me about, so there is an obvious break in the chain of communication. And what I do not know, my facs do not know.

Oh yeah, she has the nerve to call these people "my" facs when she's bitching about them. "Eh de yan, your facs ah, damn stupid. Damn idiot. Damn effed up." Yeah, so I'm just smoking and bullshitting my way throughout the camp. "Er, I think now we just play some games lor, I also not sure what's the instructions." "Er now ah, I think go and wash-up." Dammit, how are things supposed to get done? And when everyone looks to me for instructions I don't know about, I don't know, but I'd say I'm more than a little stressed.

Yeah, and this is what really gets me going. All the time that she's supposedly so stressed out, she is in fact, pretty much enjoying her life, lepak-ing with some PC person or another. That amounts to stress? Bring it on man! Yeah, and her complaints? They're about my facs, and how useless they all are. They're always absent. They don't listen to instructions. They give me attitude. They're always slacking. They do stupid things. Oh yeah? The hypocrisy! She's not there 95% of the time, and when she's counting the facs, she's actually at the grandstand while everyone's at the library. Useless facs? Everyone of them facilitate more than she does. She never brought ANYONE to the toilet etc etc. Instructions. She never makes them clear, or make them at all! Attitude. Who's to talk about attitude when she's always in the corner emo-ing, stressing and crying? And complaining of course. And when you've got time to complain, you're slacking terribly. Every time I want to scold her there's a PC around, which sucks ass. I have zero tolerance for a POC like her, but I never get to scold her, and I lost my voice too.

She ropes in an outsider, who actually scolds my facs and insults them. In front of me. If not for the campers around me, I would have blown. For sure. That damned fatty, she's got no right. She had really better beware man. Beware Jacob's wrath. I'm glad my campers noticed what a bitch she is, lol!

Next, I am running all over the school, doing the stuff that is her responsibility. Attendance list. Dammit, the CDAYL shirts? I had to run around, asking, is there extra, what size, who needs. And then going to the LN to get 3 shirts for the campers. And. I was really tired. Really irritated already. And amanda! She kept telling me, it's seriously too big for the campers. What am I supposed to do! I really had no strength to settle that damned issue. I'm not sure if amanda noticed, but if she had said one more time that, cannot, too big le. I would probably have snapped. And I think I've snapped at her too many times over the years already, of which I'm terribly sorry. But yeah. I would have blown my top. It's not her fault, or anyone's fault. But you know, fatigue does that. I'm not sure if I gave her attitude though, hopefully she didn't detect any.

My feet, became swollen to a truly unholy size? For 5-6 hours straight, I had no time to put on my shoes, or grab my slippers. Yeah. I was running about the school barefoot, and it really got damnedly painful. It swelled like some balloon man. Cause of the attendance list, shirts, facs shirts, bringing people to the toilet/water cooler. Escorting people to the LN. Finding stuff for the campers. Retrieving stuff they left behind. Yes. 5 hours! That was during the... second day. Water games day. From before telematch to after the wash-up after the kinetic warfare I think, I had no footwear.

And yes kinetic warfare I didn't play also. Why? Hannisah, that's why. "Oh no de yan, I cannot handle the campers lah. Got some boys say the want to play basketball, I scared they run away." WTFISH? I was just about to embark on the kinetic warfare man, almost setting off. So while everyone charge off to their stations, I slowly trudged up the stairs to the grandstand. The culprits? 3 little kids who made no attempt to run after I told them the rationale behind not letting them play basketball. Great. I had really looked forward to the finale. But, the things you have to give up when you're an assistant family head! Blah. Okay lah, I was kind of bitter about it. But I saw other people at the grandstand too, like the F1 fac who took care of yewtong's little meimei. So poor thing that fac, had to take care of that piece of work. So I guess my sacrifice was equivalent or even less than those made by others. Oh yeah, special mention. Jonathan and Huiyan, who were in the medical centre all day long cause of their sick campers. Respect man. Really appreciate what they did. They spent about I don't know, 2 days in there? They probably contracted illnesses from being in such close contact too. These people are those who sacrificed more than me, so I shan't complain that much. Didn't seem too fun anyway -.-

Oh, apparently hannisah went in and out of the med centre? Lol, didn't really bother to get the details, I believe that she was probably just some sobbing wreck in there lah. Too stressed out man. Oh yeah, talking about sobbing, she made amanda cry -.- she had the balls to scold amanda, when amanda was like the only person taking care of like, 37 people? okay, here comes special mention. Amanda, Yewsiang and Maegan for taking care of LG7, on their own much of the time. I think. It's not their fault they are left alone much of the time. Leon and shing, well, they just weren't really interested were they? LT was just adding on to the camper population. So. Amanda, well I'm not very sure about the group dynamics but she was probably the one who kept the LG in shape? I'm sorry I'm so clueless, I never had time to witness who was doing what for the LG. Yew siang too, I think he has done his best for this camp already, I cannot fault him the way I did during LINE camp, the effort was there. Maegan, I don't really know, lol. But she probably helped out lah, maybe more than that but sorry I have no idea. Leon and shing, they did help, but their hearts weren't in it. At least they supported the LG.

LT. My god, can a worse fac ever exist? She's absolutely clueless! Hopeless! Worthless! Whenever I give instructions, she does not listen. I'd say "Eh LT, collect the rubbish for the campers." THREE TIMES. And she doesn't hear it. Amanda on her own initiative, got up and started disposing rubbish before she even finished her own food. Kudos. I got so noticeably pissed of with laytian she once remarked to me "Why you always so like.... aiyah nevermind." She's just useless that way, she can't form proper sentences. Which was apparent during e-web. "Erm, erm, erm, erm, erm. I want to thank, erm, erm..................................." Yeah. You get the point. The one good thing being so busy this camp, I didn't have to suffer interacting with her. But there was improvement. Serious. She was even more useless during LINE camp! Oh well, such is our terrible lot in life. Ahhh, I seem to be getting overboard. My apologies, I don't really mean to be so mean. But actually, this I think, is barely the tip of the iceberg that is the horror of LT. She's fugly to boot.

Okay, enough on LT. Back to the zhong dian. Before the family performance ah, hannisah was actually crying and sobbing cause of amanda. Bloody hell, show some backbone will you? So with a heavy heart, I had to perform, cause she was my dance partner. More fool me. Then she complained to me many times, and to many other people, about "that amanda". "Eh de yan, can you help me or not? That amanda just now gave me black face, then I don't know what to do." Well, I know, go and complain to PC lah! Miracle cure for all you problems, hannisah. Okay yeah, and amanda was guilty? Cause hannisah was scolded after I don't know who witnessed amanda crying I don't know when. Well, she didn't act any more repentant on the third day of camp proper, even after getting scolded! I see no point for any guilt whatsoever. Heh.

Okay next point. How can a family head, not bother to get to know her facs? Hmmm? What, you mean PR job is for the assistant family head? Geez! And I don't mean to be boasting but, I think my people skills absolutely own hers. Unless you count chumming with the PCs lah. First night, I stayed up late to try and find yoga mats for some indons, so that maegan could sleep. And when I couldn't procure them, I ordered those girls to sleep by, I think I said 3 o clock, cause obviously maegan needs sleep too. Cause it was my mistake to have asked maegan to check out why some girls were waking up. So yeah, it translates into my responsibility for maegan's rest right? It's all about accountability. And I was accountable for maegan's rest that night. I hope she did manage to sleep by 3, I never managed to find out. That was the first night. If I weren't so shagged by running around, I would have stayed up with them. Guilty.

Second night, was practically family time lah. The facs got together to make the lg gifts, minus those who really were too tired out. Hannisah leh? Who got plenty of rest in the LN, or in the canteen or wherever she goes to relack? She sleeps, apart from us. While the rest of us, including her lg facs, are still working. So. LG7 finished the fastest, so they all went to sleep. People slowly dropped off to sleepyland, in the end there was only I think, anna sophia huiyan xintong lixin and me left? Kudos to them man, it was really late, and they were still doing the gifts. So I'm thinking, they're working so hard, surely someone must be there to show some support? Let them, feel the love man. From who? Our family head? No way, never. In fact, she got up in the middle of the night, while sophia and lixin were still working, and actually said, "wah still doing ah? Don't sleep too late ah." Or something like that. I mean, your lg facs are still there! If you can wake up, it means you can do some work right? So yeah, I thought that, hey, if not her, then at least I should be showing some support and appreciation for their hard work. So, with plenty of trips to the toilet and to the water cooler, I kept myself awake for the sake of my facs. I can't bear to leave them working alone right? They're so tired and yet they keep on pasting the damned hearts or whatnot.

I think anna was slowly writing notes for each of her campers? Sophia and lixin were pasting the hearts on the slips of papers. I tried to help, but I kept dozing off while putting on the glue, so embarassing can. Huiyan was at the med centre table writing long messages for every camper. I can't really recall what xintong was doing, lol, I only remember what she was doing BEFORE she joined us doing the gifts. Wahaha. So while on my frequent trips to the toilet, I see huiyan writing and writing, until finally i saw her asleep on the table. Anna and sophia and I think xintong? , lagi solid. Lixin already went off to sleep on the sofa, so only left them. When I finally decided to get some rest, they continued doing the gifts. I couldn't even stay awake while walking lah. But yeah, watching these people write and do their gifts, I felt really happy you know? Like, hey, these are the people are sacrificing precious sleep for their campers. I'm only sorry I couldn't stay awake. Guilty. I did manage to facilitate some gila people who woke up at 4am to bathe though. Yep, special mention to the people who stayed awake. I hope they felt appreciated, cause for damn sure they weren't gonna feel that way from hannisah. It's all about welfare ain't it? Making sure your facs feel good, feel supported. And also about making time for them, bonding with them. Carving out time from your beauty sleep for them.

Oh yeah, and another issue that had me pissed? The next day, I heard that she said we were bitching all night long. Wtfish? She doesn't have the right to make that assumption when she didn't go through the night with them, not even spent time with them. And she was complaining to outsiders about all of the F2 facs, when some of them were actually within listening range! Like, Oh noes!!!!! they don't help me at all!!!! Get real! No instructions for us, no help for you! Simplicity. We were at the canteen then. She actually dragged my facs into the canteen from the LT5 where they were getting the sleep they absolutely deserved. And in the canteen, well, the atmosphere just isn't there for sleeping -.- I don't think many of them slept in the canteen, maybe none. But well, hannisah did. Geez. Turned out, I think at the canteen all of us were just bitching about her man. No idea how she can be so stressed when she sleeps so much.

Oh another point about welfare. She doesn't bother about the facs meals. She actually had them skip dinner once, while I wasn't there. Now that is over the top, one can always be flexible, no? Other facs are taking care of each other, not to mention the campers, while she's like, feasting away at the canteen or wherever she deigns to be at. How do you do that, when your facs are skipping meals? Ahh oh yeah. Hanissah (oh I think that's how it's spelled?) was the best fac for the camp! A fac who doesn't facilitate! The blame falls square on my shoulders. I refused to pick out the best fac among F2, so I don't know by what convoluted logic, the family head was the best fac! I was trying desperately to sleep so as not to catch whatever sob story she had in store for us. "Ahhhhhhh, I so stressed. I almost broke down. But I picked myself up. I was in tears on many occasions." Actually she probably didn't say that, I don't know, cause I really did sleep. Ahaha okay, that's a long bitching post man. Time for the thank you's outside of those special mentions.

Well, all the F2 facs, with some notable exceptions. Well, despite what hanissah says, they really made things easy for me. The LG I/Cs co-operated and listened to my cock and bull instructions. For that I thank them. Heh, a few of them also made me feel appreciated and that all this shit was worthwhile. Like guiping! Damn sweet and nice lah, she told me that I don't know who was the "we" but that they felt that I was the best fac in F2. Really, that was it man. I didn't know what to say, so I think I said something lame. But yeah. It's really nice to know that my facs appreciate me lah. :D So I guess this camp was somewhat okay lah, despite my not knowing any campers, at least the facs I know are so nice, wahaha!

Next up, all the nice campers around who all recognize me. So that everywhere I go I can hear someone shouting "Jacob, Jacob!" So even though I have to cater to more than my fair share of campers what with everyone knowing me, I feel like some big shot man. :D But yeah, I brought probably 1 million people to the toilet, 2 million to the water cooler, 100 thousand to take their lost/forgotten things, 50 thousand to the LN where I have to fill in the damned incident report. I think I did probably 10 pieces of those? Geez.

Hmm, some members of the PC. Say, sheena? Ahah, she's always smiling, and sometimes talks to me or gives me instructions. So yeah, at least I know that not all information is channeled through the family head. And well, others in general, who are pretty nice to the facs. I might have some doubts about their organizational abilities, I'm afraid, but they are to a large extent, nice people.

Okay, for LG7 itself. Obviously, the HYSC people. Who, each and everyone of them I think, are better than LT -.- They came into the camp with some experience and high expectations. Which we failed to meet. But yeah, they managed to help the overall mood of the LG among other things. Like the e-web? Where they were infinitely better than say, LT? Ahah, unfair comparison. So yeah, kudos to them, and also huge apologies all around. When the assistant family head falters, so naturally do the facs. This means the camp was not good enough. I'm sorry.

Well, the other campers? Despite my not knowing them. Hmm, the international students too. Like for example, I was touched by minh's speech during the eweb. And well, for being my campers even if I didn't seem like your facilitator. And for the gifts, and for the support. Thanks.

Okay, that's probably it for the thanking list? Oh, other family facs too, without whom camp wouldn't have been fun. Especially F3, yeah. Who helped us during the first day of camp proper.
Like hooi kim :D

I don't know if they knew. But seriously, I almost had enough of the shit I was getting. By like, the second day, I was seriously thinking, why should I continue? I should just give up right? Like that POC family head. Profess to be very stressed and hide in the LN. Campers were giving me problems, the facs coming to me with problems I had no solutions for, like the damned CDAYL shirt. The running around without anyone saying thanks. And that was mostly it. No thanks. Obviously, hanissah wasn't going to thank me, what with her stress. But I felt really underwhelmed by the support I was getting. My feet was really painful, and nobody offered to help me bring the kid to the LN. It was like some pig's trotters. Nobody offered to help me with much, they just asked more questions. Only rarely, like when seeing jialong lead the people during the kinetic warfare finale, did I actually feel good, despite my not participating. I was finally seeing someone step up to do what I was supposed to be doing, having the expectation on him. What if you were standing on the chair, and you run out of things to say? What if someone asked you a question, and you had no answers? So yeah, special thanks to jialong.

There probably were individual facs who stepped up, say during kinetic warfare, but I wasn't present to see it. So I really felt like shit. But I was thinking, say I gave up. Say I decided to let all the shit fall on the facs. Would there be anyone who would well, be the big man? And I don't know why I felt so self-important and so mighty, I decided that if I disappeared, the family would just dissolve. So I decided to hang on, with delusions of my own might and strength. But maybe, someone could have done a better job? I mean I didn't even want any responsibility in the first place. So oh well, here's to some emo thoughts, that the family would have been better had someone else been assistant family head. Oh well, no time to be doubting in myself eh? Bah.

Oh oh, thanks to the F2 gays, I would have been much unhappier if not for them :D

It's 2 o clock, I hope I wake up. I'm still sick from the camp, slightly feverish and coughing too. My voice is well on it's way back. I'm gonna sleep before my pa comes in to spot check again.

To happy memories. In case anyone thinks my camp was terrible, it wasn't, it was kind of happy, sometimes.

"Take picture, take picture!!"
Jacob.