All Alone.

Close your eyes and see
When there ain't no light
All you'll ever be
Come and save the night
Cuz I don't leave
When the morning comes it doesn't
Seem to say an awful lot to me...

All alone (All alone) (6x). That probably sums up what I've been feeling lately. As some people have remarked of late, I've been slightly down and more emo. Thanks for the care and concern, yeah? But well, it's not easy to explain to you guys why I was that way. For say, one or two weeks, I have begun to feel this growing dis-attachment and distance from everybody. Why this is so, I have no idea and I don't like it. But what can one do? Anyway nevermind. It is.. decidedly childish. I should have seen it coming, and maybe I did. But I did nothing to stop the rot, so it eventually boils down to me. I could have preempted it, man. But no. De Yan is blasé and aloof and downright indifferent. So people don't really care about me do they? It's quite alright to walk off without me eh. It's quite alright to leave without me. It's quite alright to live without me. The things I learn every week. And every monday, I go to school hoping that the week, will be the week everything turns magically oh kay, right? Nay, that is but a fool's dream. But it's a fool's job to dream fool's dreams. I retain the right to do so.

It is by now, doggone foolishness. I shouldn't be mulling for so long. It's over dude. It's been almost 3 months eh. It's not gonna come to fruition. Futile efforts. In fact, non-existent efforts. But all of a sudden I have more cause to be thinking. And it's quite upsetting. I can't believe it. It was quite the defining moment man. But there are always things that cause me to dream, yeah. To dream of what if and what if and what could have been. But it's all too late for regrets. Maybe I would have suffered more, had I chosen differently. Then again. It could have been wonderful. I think I could have persuaded her. Or I'm over-rating myself. But imagine. Oh well. I didn't try all that hard. And now my regrets don't make a difference. Why is it always in the critical decisions that I falter? Not exactly critical per se, but the decisions I've made have caused me no little unhappiness.

Oh! She's got this hold over me. You've got to get this feeling, like you were a child, and you fervently believed in aliens, and you're contacted by the alien lifeforms you always knew were out there. When you finally get what you've been craving. Contact. Oh! The euphoria. You've just got to get it, you know? That high, upon contact. Exquisite. And that's when. The man finally proves his detractors wrong. In his heart, he never truly accepted what everyone said, about aliens being impossible. In his heart, nothing has changed since his childhood. He always knew they were out there. Oh! How that is the case. In his heart nothing has changed. She's still lurking somewhere. It's just been hidden under layers of other stuff. They way the child begins to worry about work, or his family. Aliens are almost forgotten, but still they remain within his heart.

Alright, what's with this crap about aliens now? Gee, absolutely random. But maybe I do feel like some alien now. I only wish there were a child whose wishes I have fulfilled through my presence.

Oh and, happy birthday mom.

I present to you now, a story, a story of a boy. 


The Boy Who Saw Dark Clouds

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. There lived this boy, who met a girl, and all was good. This girl, she was all you could ask for of youth. She had eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth. She had the sweetest disposition, and a crooked smile which the boy adored.

But. The moment he saw her, he saw something else. Clouds, dark clouds, dark clouds, gathering in the distance. The clouds brought with them ill-meaning and menace. The boy saw those dark, dark clouds, and he began to weep. For he knew, that those clouds they were coming, coming for him.

The girl, she was not blind. She saw the boy weeping, and came close. And the closer she came, the less the boy could see of the clouds. And soon, his vision was filled with her, and only her. And the beauty! The true majesty of her beauty. It seemed to be so radiant, it enveloped the dark clouds. The dark clouds were nothing in the face of this girl, the girl with eyes like the summer. They were soon forgotten, shoved into the recesses of his mind. The boy stopped crying.

The boy. In her presence, everything was so fine, and he knew no fear. The dark clouds were chased away. And he could begin to dream, of a future. Of a future, of her. And all was good. Alas, it was not to last.

It is in the nature of happy times, that it passes quite impossibly fast. Before the boy knew it, the time had come. The time had come, and the dark clouds were upon them. And the fear! The fear that seized his heart. Why, at the zenith of his happiness! It seemed impossibly cruel. And so the boy, he began to run. He began to run, for he hoped the girl would be safe from the clouds, the dark clouds.

But what of the girl? The girl, she saw no clouds. She merely saw the boy, the boy running away. And she was sad. And the boy, the boy would have felt pain in his heart, that he had made her sad. But he never would know. And the girl, she too would never know why he ran, away from her.

And so it came to pass, that there was an almighty heaving of the heavens. And the boy, the boy realized he still lived.

But what of the girl? The girl, she saw no longer. The girl, with eyes like the summer, would never open her eyes again.

And the boy, the boy saw that the clouds, the dark clouds, had claimed his love, and he rent his breast. And in that moment, the boy was no longer a boy. His heart had died. And he'd never see her radiance again. He'd forever see, see only the dark clouds within his mind.
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Hah, my own original story =D I've always wanted to write something weird like that. I'm not sure how people take the style, but I like it. Yeah. There are many ways that I could have written it, but nevermind. I think I'll leave it as it is. Hope it's as cool to whoever who reads it as it is to me. Well, I must say this is quite the tragic story. Who's to say who is sadder? The boy, or the girl? To die feeling abandoned? Or? Oh well. I suddenly feel I didn't do justice to the tragedy, of the boy who saw dark clouds.

One day in love. After which your heart dies. Tragic.

Lols, almost 3am and it's another monday. I shall hope once more. Things just might improve, yeah? More fool me. I shall contrive to be happy. An ET sighting would help. But that is beyond impossible. Oh yeah, I've got a date on wednesday. But somehow I'm not filled with the expectation that I used to feel. Is it that I've become numb, or have I already discarded her by the wayside? And oh yeah, de yan you're quite the man when it comes to misleading. =D

I should sleep.
"And I get by with a little help from my friends."
Or without.
Goodnight(: