Tuesday 28 June 2011

You Won't Find Happiness Here.

My internet is so pissful now. Can't load anything and I am srsly quite piqued. So I'm only able to type this cause I'm home cause I'm sick cause of a cough virus. Hehe. We returned our laptops in camp alr, so that explains why I can't otherwise do it in camp (and also explains why I decided to succumb to the virus :) Call me Chaokeng Chuan. Life is so boring without a laptop in camp haha. Almost done with How Late, so only 3 more titles left in camp!

BUT! And here is the awesome best brilliant part.. My books from bookdepository have arrived! Whoahaha. 10 of them, that is. I don't know how many that leaves, probably another 13 yet to arrive? Idk how they send it, but all 10 I received were from only Milan Kundera and Haruki Murakami. 2 of the former, and 8 from the latter! I am srsly spoilt for choice now, and I don't know what to start with!

And there are a few books in my sister's collection I want to read too :/ There's Lolita, Candy Girl (by Diablo Cody, Juno if I'm not wrong), The Lovely Bones, The God Of Small Things, The Virgin Suicides (loved the movie), Angela's Ashes (maybe, seems a little boring though :/), Cities On The Plain (also maybe, also maybe boring, but by Cormac McCarthy that's why maybe), Notes On A Scandal (wanted to watch the movie), and The Constant Gardener (also want to watch, Ralph Fiennes with a nose! Think: Voldemort if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

Okay so maybe a bit more than a few books. Sigh. And Kafka On The Shore and Wind-Up Bird Chronicle are bloody monsters too, so bledy thick. I'll take about 2 lifetimes to finish all these books sigh. And my sister apparently wants to bring some of my books over to Melbourne so I'll have to finish off those books first haha! A wealth of options available to me, the good life.

I shall have to shop for a backpack now. Idk 50 litres or what la, maybe I just stop by somewhere to take a look. I have a very elaborate plan to travel to Australia then China now. Okay, "plan" is overstating it, I have an inkling of the silhouette of an idea of what to do. The last great missing piece of the puzzle is $$.

Apparently also, my parents are gonna buy me a new bookshelf! Yey. I think I shall keep my old one to store all the paraphernalia I've accrued over the years (and hopefully continue to, esp with an overseas adventure lined up!) Shall reconfigure the room I think, even though I think the current set-up is brilliant. It isn't even getting stale yet (probably because of how awesome it is) but I think change will do us good! Should change it to a single person room now, or it'd be such a waste, poor brother.

I spent all my time sick at home playing dota actually, which srsly is really an idiotic thing to do. Terrible. In my defence it must be said, if I weren't to bledy good at it I wouldn't play it so much! Hahaha what a non-defence. But srsly. After every game I think, wow I was goood! and decide to throw my hat into the ring one more time. And one more time. And and and and. What an idoit. I've decided to give it up sometime soon. Just not now... not yet :)

Since we're on the subject. Perhaps there are some things that we just must give up. All the signs point to it being a pointless venture, an exercise in futility, to your giving up. But still.. Some things you just cannot give up, you know? You cannot bear to. Even when you tell yourself to, you try to convince yourself to, you just cannot seem to, and what do you do then? Damn the things that are irresistible and unattainable. What do you do now dy?

It's just some things seem to promise so much, so much more. And the only option left to you is the one you refuse to take. Some things are worth fighting for. Well.

Anw Flipped was such a pleasant movie. I expected it to be funnier, cause it was under the comedy section, but even though it wasn't exactly laugh-out-loud funny I found it very enjoyable. A warm and fuzzy story of young love! So hard to find such a pure and innocent movie now, dontcha think. Everything set against a backdrop of sex and sin and vulgar violence. Or political. Ohwells.

You were meant to leave for so much more. I thought of that while listening to Switchfoot, and who knows, perhaps it rings true.

Tuesday 21 June 2011

557 Steps.

557 steps. That is the number of steps he takes to reach the train station. 23 minutes. That is the time the 7:20 train takes to reach his workplace. Monday to Friday, everyday without fail, that is what he does. That is what he has done for the past 20 years. Like clockwork, 557 steps, 23 minutes, the 7:20 train, 8-5 daily. Nothing changes.

He does not take sick very often, and when he does he informs his boss promptly. He never causes a fuss. His boss likes him, and so do his colleagues. Nobody ever says that it might be due to his lack of ambition. He is perfectly content where he is, and they are perfectly content to let him stay where he is.

He has a wife waiting for him when he reaches home at 5:43pm everyday. She welcomes him with a "You're back" and dinner. After dinner he settles down to watch the television, while she clears the dishes. Sometimes when she is done, she joins him on the couch. Some days he reads the papers instead. She does not join him when he does that.

She and he are without child. He says he does not blame her, and she says likewise. But sometimes, secretly, each holds the other to account.

If you were to ask him if he loved her, he would say yes. But there would be a slight pause before he says so. And if you were to ask him the same next year, the pause would be a little longer. That pause gets longer every year. But always the answer remains, like those 557 steps, the same.

Perhaps he does not lie. But his is a love dead. A love left dry.

Many years ago he did not merely love her, he was in love with her. He loved her with all his being. He longed to hold her in his arms. He lived and he breathed for her. They were in love, and they were happy.

But time, and life, has its way of dulling the keenest emotions. Happiness made way for contentedness. Love, for affection. A marriage built on love has now become something mechanical, and it goes like clockwork, devoid of heart and soul. And this is how it is going to end, 557 steps at a time.
_____________________________________________


I actually had the idea in my head for this story for almost 2 years now, I think. It came about from Yeah Yeah Yeah's lyrics in the song Skeletons: Love left dry. Ever since I'd heard that I wanted to write something about a love left dry, but never could bring myself to do it, and when I did I couldn't complete it.

I tried last year, while backpacking in Malaysia. I was at Ipoh for a 4 hour+ stopover while waiting for my next bus, I think. Or I might have been in Penang. Anyhow, it was either the fact that I was writing by hand (my handwriting is rather off-putting, and it is srsly tiring! I'm more accustomed to tapping away at a keyboard anyhow) or the fact that I just wasn't in the right (write) (terrible poon I know) state of mind. Or a combination of both. Anw my book got wet and what I did write that day got all smudged and disgusting, so I had to start anew here.

Actually my story is based in part (large part, to be honest) on a book I read about this guy who knew exactly his daily routine e.g. time of train, seat he took on the train, faces he'd see on the train etc. I really cannot remember what book it was, it might have been A Spot Of Bother? Aiya I don't know la. Anyways, if anyone knows what book I could be referring to please do tell me, I hate not knowing stuff like that ]:O [actually if you look at this smiley the other way round (tom-ba-lay or however you spell that haha) it actually just looks like any old stickman instead of an angry face. Cool right!]

It is supposed to be read like.. a report, I guess. Without variation of tone or any emotion. Dry. That's what I was striving for, anyhow. I intentionally used the present tense (as opposed to: There was a man..) I don't know why I did it or what purpose it serves though, hopefully it reads better this way. I only used the word "they" twice, at every other instance I separated the He from the She.

It was supposed to be about a love which over the years has been ground down, and which might not even exist anymore. (Any lingering affection might be just that, affection, instead of any real love.) About how being content and leading a routine mundane life will slowly kill you. (You just don't realize it.) How there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

I might have overdone the "557 steps" bit but that's cause I chose it as the title. It could have been "Love Left Dry" instead, which would have been much more natural and was also the original title for the story in my head, but I went with this instead. I think titles mean alot to me, ever since the secondary school days when we were writing English compositions (instead of nonsense GP yuck.) The title would usually be the centre around which my story revolved, and oftentimes the punchline as well. I wish I managed to salvage my secondary school compositions, I think they were quite good, even if I do say it myself haha.

Er, okay. May I just add that "keenest emotions" refers not just to love and joy, but also perhaps to hurt and despair as well. So.. take heart?

Right-o, goodnight then.

Sunday 19 June 2011

Your Good-byes Filled My Eyes.

Okay I am in the middle of ironing my clothes now and I decided to stop cause I was getting so annoyed with my stupid shirt!! Most ridiculously un-ironable shirt in existence, I think it's gotten worse as time goes by, probably cause it's feeling so smug about itself now. One day I will personally destroy you, or throw you away, just you wait! For now I have no choice cause it's the only shirt I have to book out with. Hopefully in the time I've been away from the world sentiments have changed and hobo is in now, then I'd blend right in yey. Otherwise, RAGE.

That may have given you the false sensing that I've been a useful, practical person today, but the sad truth is that I wasn't. I woke up at 6, which might scream diligence! but in actuality is because I slept at about 10 maybe? Actually I have no idea what time I slept cause I didn't really care and didn't bother about the time either. That's what happens when you have exactly nothing to do. Like me. Bother.

Woke up, broke fast, came back up, watched movie, took a nap, woke up, realized it wasn't time for lunch, took nap, woke up, ate lunch, attempt to iron clothes, the here and now. How about that for sloth?! I must say I'm not exactly proud of myself now! Yesterday I watched another movie and washed my clothes. Full stop. Burden or?

I finally watched King's Speech (which I'd intended to watch before I sailed :O) in its entirety, and it was brilliant! I think Colin Firth was magnificent as the stammering king. And there was Blackbeard too (whoever the captain of the black pearl is, Geoffrey Rush anyways, I just found out it's Captain Barbossa ohwells) I wouldn't call it an epic, not on the scale of LOTR etc, but it was a very good show with very good acting.

I also watched Taken (AT LONG LAST!) which I hadn't cause the one on Funshion was in espanol. I wasn't disappointed in the least, a really tight movie (roughly 90mins) and Liam Neeson looks like a young Harrison Ford doesn't he?! I never knew Qui-Gonn Jinn and Indiana Jones were intergalactic siblings. Oh yes, who noticed Peter Pettigrew in the King's Speech!

Oh and I believe I woke up this morning only cause I had this dream. I dreamt that I'd had my breakfast! Probably confused some alert brain cells which fired off some neurons to go check on my stomach, only to discover that lo! it was empty, thereby waking me up. Power of the unconscious indeed. Anw I woke up quite unsure as to whether I'd actually eaten or not, then decided I couldn't possibly have mustered to strength to troop downstairs for breakfast without my own certain knowledge.

I'm gonna watch Flipped next, the Social Network having been put on the back burner for a while. I don't know why, I've had it loaded since like tuesday. But I've not really been in the mood to do anything lately, haven't been watching as many movies as I thought I would, not really reading either, this entire weekend has been like one big snooze-fest, which is truly disgusting I know.

Been listening to mostly Brit bands lately, there's this something about their rock bands really. From The Beatles to Oasis and the Arctic Monkeys. The Wombats, The Libertines, The Vaccines, The Rifles. Never knew that TNAF were NZ, the only thing I associate with NZ music is Sixpence None The Richer's (or rather, Crowded House's) Don't Dream It's Over haha. I think it was used in an ad or sth.

And I watched Empire of the Sun's music videos for the first time and I am well and truly bewildered. Psychedelic, man. Blue swordfish scampering around and stuff. Psychedelic always reminds me of Across the Universe e.g. Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite!

I'll be released for a few hours later and I'm meeting machowong and mucholim (mucho being a euphemism for well, y'know :) Been ages since I've last seen them, or anyone else for that matter. In this interim I have missed Macbeth in the park, Green Lantern, and probably lots more as well, they just don't have the heart to tell me. Oh yeah lots of touch on saturdays too, although that has less to do with confinement than with life in general haha. I've gone what, 3 times since last july? Horribbbler.

Sigh I still have no idea when the scholarship results are gonna come out. I don't dare to do a thing in the meanwhile, cause I really don't know how it's gonna turn out. A little bit of anticipation, a little bit of trepidation, a mess.

There's also this 10x400m coming up this week and I sure hope I don't make a fool of myself haha!

Gotta get ready for liberty now, I still have my ulcers ow bye.

Friday 17 June 2011

Let's Dance, Not Romance.

I was actually meaning to blog last night before heading to bed, but I foolishly did not sleep at all, which meant I did not get on my laptop at all. We'd kept awake to see the blood moon, only to be thwarted by firstly some massive cloud cover, in the vicinity of 7 oktas or sth bloody hell, and thereafter by sheets of pouring freezing rain which left us shivering and scampering for cover. Therefore we not only NOT managed to see the blood moon, we were cold and wet, hungry ofcourse, and we didn't sleep to boot. It's srsly something to be able to talk nonsense with each other till we forgo sleep, I just can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

So. Tears do not come easy to a man. It cannot. It portends something terrible. This last week, I have seen men cry. My father, and my uncles, they cried at the final farewell. And it broke my heart to see my father cry, that most stoic of men. He wept and I grieved for him. I think this is the first time I've ever seen him cry.

This week also, 2 of my friends were put out of course. Chor Hao who's a bro, one of the confinee club, merrymaker and silly-stunts extraordinaire. I would have fought with him to the very end. With his departure MIDS Wing is no longer the place it was. Good times, bro. Our 6/7/8 (I cannot rmb clearly) weekends together was an epic ride. It is the end of an era.

At least he gets to study architecture now, which he'd said he wanted. I know he'll definitely make it one day, just not as my colleague I guess. I hope everything turns out well though.

And Willie. He cried as he spoke to us yesterday. I don't know what to say. We none of us are as hardworking as him, but he had to go. He really puts me to shame. I am truly sorry that he is gone now, I think he deserved so much more. But life's like that sometimes. Sigh.

Well moving on. Yesterday we had a mini-competition among our divisions. Watersports day. I discovered how insane swimming sprints is. After just one length of the pool I was totally drained, my limbs were like trembling and I was out of breath. I thought: Oh god, how am I gonna make it back?! So I had to breaststroke my way back, cause I'd probably have died if I'd tried to front crawl instead. What a humiliating experience HAHA. Damn shag srsly.

And tomorrow (today now) we're going to the Society for the Aged and Sick for some community service. I am leading a team whose mission is to clear the Front Garden. Kool kia. Call me Gardener Chuan from today on. I think I'm supposed to clear unruly weeds or sth like that :O Damn exciting man.

Anw I was just a little into The Social Network when megavideo stopped me. I'm so annoyed with that bledy website. So now I'm a little into The King's Speech and I hope to goodness that the same thing doesn't happen again. Anw I'm surprised how normal Helena Bonham Carter can look HAHA. After all those Tim Burton/Johnny Depp collaborations (think: Sweeney Todd, Alice in Wonderland, and even Fight Club) She is a brilliant actress though. I've only watched 8mins of it so far haha.

Oh btw I had no idea the phrase: tango with the rango, actually appears in the movie!! Srsly wut. It is a good movie though, quite enjoyable. I think Johnny Depp can do no wrong.

I'm still heroically wading through How Late It Was, How Late, past the 100 page mark already! I just haven't had the time to have a good sit-down and actually read it now, I'm alr past the stage where it's painful to read it cause of the slang/accent.

I like this line from The Kooks: Safety pins holding up the things that make you mine. Maybe it's the way it's sung or sth.

And the Hurts with: I'm only gonna let you kill me once. What a way to put it eh? I think I agree, and maybe that's way I was so.. adamant. Nothing came of it, however, so I guess it didn't even matter. Haha ohwell.

I have 2 ulcers in my mouth now and it is soooooooo bledy annoying. I have to smile carefully now HAHA. It is just desserts for me cause I spent the whole of tuesday night laughing at another friend who had his constipated face on due to his ulcer. Bugger'd.

I'm not sure if I can suppress my anger for very much longer. I think one day there will be an explosion, and it will be a disaster for all of us. I still think I'm right though. I just don't see why this has to happen again and again, and again. I've been out what, 2/3 times in the last 3 months? And this.. Bah. I know I'm not supposed to feel like this but still. I think some things go way past the line.

Gah. Anw my friend made a terrible joke yesterday night, he said: This only happens once every red moon. -___- Hahaha damn poor.

Okay I think I have arrived at the end of my post. The Wombats are pretty good I think. I think I should do something, inaction is as culpable as a wrong action, sometimes. Hmmmmm. G'night then.

Saturday 11 June 2011

The Lot Of Children.

It is the lot of children to watch their parents pass away. I cannot imagine the day that this should come to pass. My grandfather passed away on friday. I wonder what my dad is going through now. In the space of 1-2 years he's lost a brother and a father. I cannot imagine what I would do were I in his place.

I wish I could be with my father now, providing what comfort I can. But I'm not. I'm stuck in camp, because of my colossal stupidity. Me and my confinements, which I had taken to wearing like a badge, and now what is there to be proud about? I shouldn't be here.

Does my father know I grieve for him, his loss? My fear is that he doesn't. If I only were a better son.

So we were at Our Church of the Lady Lourdes, which was quite a pleasant place. That was the first time I went to that side of Bugis though, which is quite pathetic really. At least I had good bak kut teh before booking back in to camp.

And I've just watched 3 movies, which is quite a feat dontcha think? Actually it's cause they were none of them 100% buffered and we were jumping between 3 different movies, which is srsly such a pain in my neck's ass. So I watched Hanna, Water for Elephants and Red Riding Hood, of which Hanna was the only one I really wanted to watch.

I mean I like Reese Witherspoon, but Edward Cullen.. My friends and I were remarking every single time he gave that "I am a sexy beast e.g. vampire" look. And his name was Jacob so he must have been a vampwolf or sth. But truly the most remarkable crime committed was by Cristoph Waltz, for he stole every scene he was in. But aiya, he might be typecast as exactly this sort of character after such sterling performances in Inglorious Basterds and this. Reminiscent of Daniel Day Lewis in Gangs of New York, a little.

Red Riding Hood was pretty meh. Wasn't very scary, wasn't gory, wasn't very romantic, just very dark. And dark is very bad when you're watching a pixellated version online, like 128x96 or sth. Btw Amanda Seyfried (sp?) has scary eyes, I don't see how she's pretty at all :/

And Hanna! Cate Blanchett was awesome, and so was Saoirse Ronan, srsly how old is she?! The soundtrack was pretty crazy, and some of those scenes were epilepsy-inducing. The movie was quite like Bourne, actually, which is a good thing.

Now I'm loading King's Speech and Rango. After that will be Tangled. I might watch Fair Game simply cause it's yet another spy movie, and because of Sean Penn. Er I think that's more than enough to have on my plate right now.

"So you lost your trust
And you never should have."

I wonder if that means never to lose your trust, or never to trust at all.

Anyways goodbyes, shall tango with the rango now.

Wednesday 8 June 2011

A Hundred Passions To Pursue.

Gee, I'm feeling mighty tired right now. I don't even know why, it's been a pretty lame day thus far, not in the least strenuous at all. We did discuss disney songs today though, entirely of our own accord and not at all part of the training schedule. I think my friends know waaaaaay too much about all those old disney shows i.e. all the song lyrics, and also the lyrics to songs from mary poppins etc. So creepy HAHA.

Okay. Awesome possums, magnificent elephants, pleasant pheasants. Btw it's so hard to read a book that's written with an accent. I couldnay understand yin wee bit, ye know? I'm sure I'll get the hang of it by page 30 or so, but until then.. You should read Clockwork Orange by the way. That's what I call taking things to new and fantastic and interesting heights.

My internet is srsly damn slow, like maybe 2 electrons per second or sth, 0.00002bytes/s. So annoyed cause I can't play my game properly. Therefore I think I'm going to sleep. At 10pm. Maybe I'll wake up in the middle of the night and continue this?

Sigh really need to get confirmation before I firm up any plans like applying for a visa etc. Then my mind can be at peace and I can happily start planning out what to do with my leave. I'm prettaye sure I wantsta go to beijing now, and before that hongkong with the rest. Also my final day of confinement, bar more retardity by mine own self, is the 25th of June. Say: Hah. Lay. Loo. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Can finally start living life again. Although surely not to such stunning effect e.g. Woonshin with a guitar, but still it's a start! I think I'm gonna travel around singapore in earnest now, since I've done about a third of the east side alr. If every weekend I visit 2/3 new places, that makes alot of new places! Terrible arithmetic, I know, but wtv.

Although I do have to balance that out with saving money too, which requires, I dare say, a little more delicacy with my mental sums. Ohwells reality is a harsh and cruel place to be.

Okay my mind is drawing blanks now, quite spectacular ones even if I do say so myself, but blanks nonetheless, so I think I shall go to bed now.

Plonk!




Aha true to form, I have woken up and it's 2:34am. I am also starving. One of the pitfalls of waking up in the middle of the night I guess, there's no one around to offer you food. Oh bother. And when you've been confined for so long, as I have, you realize that your personal stock of food is actually, well, non-existent.

But since I'm going for shore leave tmr, make that today, things are looking up indeed hehe. Maiden physiotherapy session, exciting much. Although, of course, the word physio doesn't paint a terribly exciting picture.

Okay so my chapalang website offers me quite alot of movies that I want to watch, much to my surprise, mostly from the last 2 years only though. I was spoilt for choice and quite stumped, until I saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. I guess if you're starving in the wee hours of the night Michael Cera isn't the worst you can do, haha.

Idk if I want to watch Rabbit Hole, I want to watch True Grit, there's Burlesque, Social Network, King's Speech, Tangled(!!! Still very upset with myself @ not watching it on the big screen.) Never Let Me Go I intend to watch only after reading the book, which I have bought a-whiles back but is lying neglected somewhere at home (the word home brings a tear to my eye now :') Then there's Hanna with Cate Blanchett and Saoirse Ronan, Unknown with Liam Neeson and Diane Kruger, Your Highness (sounds like a terribly silly movie, but look at the cast!) X-men ofc, like any boy would, Sunset Limited perhaps, oh yes Rango too.

And these are just the movies I found on a chapalang website. So there's no time to lose! And I'll be off to watch Scott Pilgrim now, yeeeeeeeeeah. G'night all!

Edit (2) @ 5:17am - What can I say?! A show after mine own g33k h3art! Too much epicity and ridiculousness in one movie, I couldn't ask for more. I think the tagline says it all: An epic of epic epicness.

So get ready for the third fare thee well in one post..... Good morning and good bye guys. Have a pleasant pheasant day.

Tuesday 7 June 2011

The Sky Is On Fire, And Your Heart.

I shall do a little update here cause I'm feeling restless and at 1:47am, honestly there's not alot else to do. Aforementioned tudou doesn't actually work so I'm feeling abit of a turd now, having made such bold proclamations in that last post. But I did find some chapalang website and watched The Adjustment Bureau and Heat, so I'm not 100% turdlike, just vaguely so.

I quite liked Emily Blunt in the show! Or maybe that's just her character, but I must admit, it's that English accent too probably. Pretty good, if abit rushed and it doesn't feel very er, complete or sth. Apparently it's based on a short essay called.. The Adjustment Team, by the author of another story called Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, or sth like that, which spawned another movie, which I cannot recall. Useless bits of trivia orbit me like moons, not just a puny one moon like the earth, but the numerous (I cannot rmb the number HAHA lousy trivia-ist or what) ones that orbit... Saturn maybe? (Please tell me that Saturn does indeed have multiple moons.) Aiya my brain sort of sucks atm and I can't rmb all the things I wish I could, and I refuse to demean myself by looking to Yahoo! or Google for answers, at least not this time!

A very young Natalie Portman was in Heat, actually, but she didn't feature much so I shan't wax lyrical about her today. Instead it was a masterclass (masterclasses?) by Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, those 2 screen legends. Were they in Godfather together, or was that Marlon Brando. Nevermind. I thought Robert De Niro sort of looked like Agent Rossi from Criminal Minds though haha. Probably nothing of the sort, just my brain flagging me (and probably mildly berating me while it was at it) to start watching my TV serials again. No time to live, srsly. I typo-ed that and wrote no time to love, actually, which seems to me like a sinister coincidence. Hahaha.

Anyways IPPT today and it was a credible showing i.e. un-incredible. Certainly, credible nonetheless. Was aiming for honour board for chin-ups (such ego, I know! can't help myself) but I failed, although I did do 22 which is a personal best for me! Not that 22 is a particularly awesome pb but I'm pretty pleased with myself, so I couldn't be bothered really. 9:1x/9:2x for 2.4 which while a long ways off my pb, is the best 2.4 I've run in months, which says quite alot about my current state of fitness (non-fitness, to be exact.) I doubt I'll ever run 8:43 again though, my strong suspicions are that I have gone over the hill. Hahaha quarter-life crisis much?

But I did spend yesterday with a bad ankle. When I woke up, to my huge disappointment, it hadn't gone away. I wuz hoping it would like slink away in the dead of night in deference to the upcoming IPPT but noooo, it just wouldn't. Bad Omens. (Incidentally I've just finished I Shall Wear Midnight which was a laugh a minute, as Terry Pratchett is wont to do.) And now I have a shin splint, or if it isn't one then it's something eerily similar to it. I'm like a bunch (206, if I'm not wrong and if I rmb the title of the book by Kathy Reichs correctly, who is actually Temperance "Bones" Brennan, the real life version that is) of sad brittle bones strung together by cartilage and muscle and whatnot. And my thigh muskles sort of hurt too :(

Physio on wednesday I think, so I'll get to see the outside world for abit! Only NUH and its premises, probably, but what the heck right? I'm so deprived as it is boo-hoo-waily-waily.

I have only 4 books left to read now. Never thought I'd go through my books so quickly but it appears we suddenly have a deluge of free time (Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup) so I'm not sure if they're gonna hold out. Bleak House seems like bleak reading though, or at least it doesn't sound like like easy going. And a Russian author with Dr Zhivago? Wonder how that'd go. Which reminds me I haven't told anyone at home about my massive purchase online, maybe I shouldn't and let them have a shock when they realize I have done online shopping from within the confines of camp, like the right idiot I am. I'm sure my sister would be positively gleeful though! (Come to think of it, there is such a thing as negatively gleeful isn't there e.g. when someone is gloating or maybe in the process of scamming someone.)

Er I'm really hungry now, and I know some people say If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, but in this case I'm absolutely clueless as to how to go about joining the Hunger Faction, or Team Famine, or wtv, so I shall do the only other thing a wise man should do i.e. run away. In my defense it must be said that brave men aren't brave for long because 1) they get massacred/annihilated/destroyed 2) they get brutalized/murdered/thrown to the wolves 3) they run into generally unpleasant things. Actually, they're pretty much all the same point, but it is a strong point.

So this is me fleeing back to the Motherland i.e. Slumberland which sounds like a great place to be. If it truly is the Motherland then that means that our waking moments are actually just us on holiday, or a vacation, a get-away from Slumberland, because sometimes people get tired even of dreams. Alright, that's all. G'night!

Sunday 5 June 2011

Cathedrals In My Heart.

Happy gloomy rainy sunday airvybody! Ahh, to be able to sleep in :(camp): (dual sad face there) on a lazy sunday afternoon, such is life.

I've been addicted to this online game HAHA. I've been playing it for the last few days, I think from tuesday onwards? The geek in me is happy, therefore I am happy too. My username is g33k5 (geeks) how about that?! I am shaping up to be a legend, don't mind me now.

Other than that, I've also started on A Hat Full of Sky, which means I have only 4 books left unread on my shelf! That's actually an untruth. Or the partial truth, which oftentimes is worse still than an outright lie. Anyhow, by shelf I mean my cabin shelf here in what has turned out, unfortunately, to be my permanent place of residence now, OCS.

I still have a number unread at home, perhaps 7 or so? And get this, I just visited this dastardly website www.bookdepository.com and *poof* USD$200 was gone. Yes, that was no typo, TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS WTS. I think there were about 15-25 books in my cart at checkout. I sometimes doubt my sanity, or rather, my possession of common sense. Online shopping is such a cunning consumer trap!!!!! Free shipping, 10% discount etc etc. Connivers and schemers all of them!

Sigh have not watched any movies lately. No Pirates on the big screen in 3D for me sigh sigh. Can't even watch in camp now, since fastpasstv has been banned (did I give myself away somehow!) Oh wait. Mr Resourceful has just discovered that tudou actually still works hehe! Woooooooohoooooooo. I think I shall attempt to catch up on all those TV serials, right after I'm finished with 50 first dates :D I've always like Drew Barrymore after Donnie Darko.

Anyhow, The Kooks are pretty good! They sound like hobbits, really, it's that brilliant accent! My youtube playlist is like 156 strong, and I have none of them on my mp3 sigh. What a lousy excuse for an mp3 eh! Wish I had managed to buy the iPod touch 3g man, stupid new models and their cameras :( Although I suspect if I had, I'd be huddled somewhere in the corner of my cabin now, tapping my screen furiously trying to complete yet another lamegame. As compared to my staring at a computer screen all day long. Er. Lousy comparison.

So there's The Shins, Everything Everything, The Black Keys, Cage The Elephant, The Bird And The Bee, Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, the title of which I never knew, nor the artiste. I'm sure you'd have heard of the song before, even if the title isn't instantly recognizable (unless it's just me who's been living in ignorance haha.)

One more month to commission and I am so happy-ah. Almost all the high-key events over now. But still life is such a drag, and I can't wait to get out of here. Gah.

Anw the word cathedral always brings to my mind Keane's Is It Any Wonder,

Nothing left inside this old cathedral,
just the sad lonely spires.
How do you make it right?

And it sounds to me like a word which connotes something hollow. Sure, they look grand and are steeped in culture/heritage/history etc etc. But it sounds like there are great chambers within, high-ceilings, which reverberate silence. Resounding echoes of nothing. And if you were to step inside you'd feel wowed, perhaps, but also so small. Too small. The reverent, perhaps oppressive, silence which means you cannot raise your voice above a whisper. Huge halls of hush.

Okay let's not get away with myself.

In the blink of a star we shall be old and broken. I thought that was a beautiful expression to describe our transience, our ephemeralism. What we have now, will be gone before we know it. Time makes a mockery of us all, it laughs at us. So let us be happy, and live a life of gaiety. Let us laugh with Time. Let us leap at the half-chances and spring to the lost causes, for regret is Time's greatest joke of all.

So you were. Intimating and imitating love. And we all fell for it, completely, a confederacy of dunces. Is it better to believe in a beautiful lie or to believe not at all?

IPPT tomorrow how exciting is that! Good-bye airvybody.

Thursday 2 June 2011

I Was The Perfect Prologue.

Whoaaa it's only wednesday?! Tomorrow it will be thursday and also the end of the week, well not technically, but for us it's pretty much so. Seems like we've been working for 2 weeks in the last 3 days, so hurray! I just missed dinner cause I slept through it, not the first meal I've missed since the start of the week due to sheer fatigue. Sleep > Food. At least that is the case for this week, I'm sure if you ask me next week and offer me roti prata at 3am I'd gladly sacrifice my sleep. But just for now, SLEAP PLEEZ! 4 and 5am nights so much hell on the mind.

Hello real thursday! And those most precious of words, enforced lights-out! You have no idea the amount of blessed relief those words provide to us poor dying midshipmen. But iz okay the suffering will be over super soon hehe.

Okay I have 8 confinements left to serve, which means 4 weekends, but I have only 5 weekends left in OCS. That basically means I'm serving out the rest of my time here, stuck in camp like a loser. I think socially speaking, my power level is ~ -9000!!

I've been reading The Russia House by John le Carre (how do I insert that e with a tick on top a la Pokemon's e?) which I know seems like not the wisest course of action for someone denied sleep so brutally, but who can deny a good spy novel! Spies are one of my indulgences (think: Salt and Bourne!!) and I remember The Spy Who Came In From The Cold which was a pretty good movie based on his book.

Doesn't it strike you sometimes how you seem to be the perfect prologue? You set the stage. Introduce the main characters (of whose company, unfortunately, you do not belong to.) And then you are gone, you never come back. You might even be forgotten.

Or sometimes, you seem to be playing the bit part. An irrelevant part of someone else's story (more fool you, who thought you were the leading man!) who will appear in the credits only as "Boy #1" or perhaps "Man in blue shirt"

Do you ever smile a wry greeting to a former lover? When you see or hear or think of something that reminds you, and you cannot help but smile to yourself, and maybe rue anew all the what-ifs and could-haves (and should-haves too)?

And anw I'm so annoyed with myself for picking at my scabs. There my elbow was, well on its way to a complete healing when my idiot fingers had to go exploring and start peeling it off, and now my elbow looks like a disfigured pangsai. Possibly it's a reflection of human nature, that always we peel our scabs and never really allow ourselves to move on cleanly. Something like that.

Alright then. That shall be all, the enforced lightsout having been none too well enforced hehe. See ya'll (not happening.)

Oh have I ever mentioned, that 7 quarters of the things I say are nonsense? Haha sorry so lame I know.

Oh yes Birdy's cover of Skinny Love is pretty good too, apparently she's 14 or sth?!