Do The Whirlwind!

So, yay. 5 months of toil and trouble, and it's finally over. Thought there might be a tad more fanfare than this, watershed moments and all - but of course there isn't, who would know, and why would they?

Oh well. Was just considering that it's a little sad that here we are after all this while, huge sighs of relief out of the way, load off our shoulders - and yet one of us is still out there, one of us is alone at home cause his family went on holiday, and one of us (me) is here sadly tapping on his keyboard. Tsk. And trying and failing to peel off my Bedok-reservoir-sustained scabs too haha ok gross.

So ok, yay. All systems are a go - leave clearing and holiday planning shall begin in earnest now, and celebratory cameras do not buy themselves either. Hurrah.

This Grey Adorable City By The Docks.

Strange, unfortunate restless energy keeping me from sleeping tonight sigh. Have to be up in a couple of hours, the horror! To be carpark manager at a wedding, however, so no better reason to drag oneself out of bed I suppose.

So I've had a rather #sg50 weekend, all things considered! (i.e. not getting to watch NDP sigh whyyyyyy.) From a picnic at the botanic gardens which got rained on (#sumatrasqualls #sosingaporean) to rescuing a lost child at pasar bella, to a free (#sosingaporean) concert at bedok reservoir, conversing with precisely 1 x Foreigner (what consitutes a foreigner anyway?) the writer of the book I Ate Tiong Bahru which I promptly bought, and 1 x Senior Citizen (but not Pioneer Generation, unfortunately. How many people fall through the cracks huh?) who shared his dinner i.e. otah-bread with me. Descended a hill at a/m reservoir and stumbled and cut my leg almost falling into a longkang and bled rather spectacularly (#redwhitebloodcells #sg50) to cap off a most pleasant day/evening in the east.

Planned for and failed TWO (!!) suppers with the handsome most esteemed learned returning lawyer - Ho Captain! My Captain! (Mens rea was present, actus reus was lacking.) Sailed past the marina cruise bay, barrage, etc, and an immense crowd assembled on the various embankments/structures along the coast, most of whom, loathe as I am to admit, were there for the Black Knights (those magnificent beasts) rather than for us, I am sure. Caught the spectacular if rather too brief fireworks and the various fly-pasts from a unique vantage point I really shouldn't be complaining too much about (but I shall - ONE (!) whole day's worth of free transport and I enjoyed exactly none of it.)

Also managed to sneak a quick peek at the NDP on TV, quite happily the short segment featuring various Singaporeans overseas (including Sarajevo are you kidding me hello) and all their #sosingaporean comments. What is the Singaporean identity? one asks. And yet I identify with every single one of their sentiments, and maintain that I am able to spot a fellow Singaporean from a mile away. I'm not sure what makes us us, but I know that I know it when I see it. Most heartwarming for a prodigal Singaporean indeed.

Wonder if I have it in me to depart for years, again. Sometimes the scary thing is that I think I do, and I think I might have no qualms about it whatsoever. I can say all I want about personal growth, development, etc - but am I secretly glad to leave all this behind, again? This transient life, spent moving. Moving from, moving to. Moving on. And on and on and on and where is it we actually end up? Isn't home, home, and shouldn't home be enough? What, exactly, are we spending our lives in search of? The bright lights of a foreign city's sky, that sense of freedom ingested along with the unfamiliar smells and sights of a place so far from home. A green light at the end of a dock.

But this is us, this is what it means to be alive. The human condition: we run from the inevitable; we pursue the unattainable; we hopelessly hope.


P.S. How could I have neglected to mention that in addition to all that #sg50 extravaganza over MBS/Padang I had THREE (!!!) ice-creams on board today. 2 cornettos, 1 magnum. That is all.

P.P.S. I need to run/exercise/move around. Squash kakis hello please assist. Or any other sport, really. It's too much to drag my lazy ass out of home to run, sometimes. Sports is the only real solution I have available now..... #activesg

The Spaceman Says "Everybody Look Down."

When you leave, weary of me,
without a word I shall gently let you go. 

From Mount Yak
in Yongbyon,
I shall gather armfuls of azaleas
and scatter them on your way.

Step by step
on the flowers placed before you
tread lightly, softly as you go.

When you leave,
weary of me,
though I die, I'll not let one tear fall.

What a world we live in, that a random book (Reluctant Fundamentalist) could kindle an interest in 2 cities (Valpo and Lahore) which could lead (circuitiously, through a friend) to a most incredible website (www.lahorelanding.com) and lead to a Korean poem circa 1925.

How rough it is to gently let go. What could be harder?

Sometimes, it's all you can do to drown out the words unspoken. A whole conversation in my head of what's not been said. And all the while you can't help thinking: this is all just me, this is all just in my head. Sometimes, my head's a mess.

Your heart's a mess
You won't admit to it
It makes no sense
But I'm desperate to connect
And you, you can't live like this.

Way too late in the night now for thoughts as these - it is time for bed. Goodnight now.