Ouch.

"You know why I run? Because after running, your body no longer has enough water for you to cry. That's why I run." -Cop 223.

This is from the Chungking Express. I watched it last night from 1.30 to about 3.30. I was not watching it with a clear mind. I am still shell-shocked. Wanted to watch Perfume, and 2046 too. Perfume's DVD doesn't work, and 2046 had no subtitles. I do remember 2046 is a sad movie. Wong Kar-wai and Tony Leung, same as Chungking Express. Zhang Ziyi has a sad character.

"You know why I don't tell people about my issues? Cause they're my issues, and everyone has they're own issues. So shit happens, but I don't tell people all about it. That's why I don't tell people about my issues." -De Yan.

Yeah, that's what I think. My momentary despair, what is it compared to say, 3 years of liking someone who will never, ever like you back? Or liking someone who not only just doesn't give a shit, but shits on you too? The people out there, my friends, your friends, are all crying out for understanding and reassurance, for comfort and solace, for care and affection. It's a minor thing, mine, don't mind me.

"A heart, that has been frozen for years. It begins to thaw, to melt. It's at that point where you shatter it, feel the shards. How awesome. That'll teach you to let your guard down. A heart, that has been guarded closely for years. The massive gates begin to lift, to crumble. It's at that point where you storm it, destroy it. How awesome. That'll teach you to let your guard down." -Second Sight.

"And the sword that was broken shall be made whole again." -J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings.

If only.
De Yan.

Seven Seems Super Sexy.

Well well, 7 distinctions. What can I say? This is wildly beyond my imagination, and guess who gets the credit? Dearie me, obviously it's GOD! HAH! Who else gives you more than you ask for, more than you hoped for? Not even I thought I'd get that, so, glory be to God. Hallelujah, guess who deserves the praise! Despite the resentment I'm sure there is against me, maybe from only a few people, I know where my reassurance lies. Victory comes not from intelligence, but from He who created Man. Therefore I conclude, there is no point gnashing and wailing at me over me and my lack of hard work, while others slog away. I say this also, I am neither self-confident nor complacent. I am GOD-confident and rest assured in His faithfulness. And so He is. So I'm terribly sorry to those who I have ticked off over my perceived arrogance. I will never make light of anybody's hard work, I apologize if I seem to abuse my intelligence (so they think).



Oh man, that last paragraph is equally thankful, and equally defensive. I don't know man, I'm afraid I seem terribly arrogant at times. That's always a fear, not that I flaunt my slack-ness much. I hope. I try my best not to show-off and stuff. The way people like, you know, Zhi Hua does? I myself find that attitude abrasive and incredibly insensitive. You don't disregard the effort that people have put in over 4 years of education. You don't bloody demoralize them and step on them. Am I guilty of such nonsense myself? I honestly have no idea. I truly hope not. Will someone give me feedback some time or another? I need to know if I'm a phishing hypocrite. Heh, sometimes I'm a bitch and I don't know it, LAWLS.



Speaking about bitches, reminds me. Hahaha! This is also about that DAO thing. People tell me I'm unfriendly. O.o Tell me, how many people keep in contact with their primary primary school friends? The primary school that I left when I was in P4! Well, there's this annoying person. Her name is Stella. She has a few friends. They are annoying too. Especially this one girl, who just loves to antagonize me. I hope this is my being ego. Seriously. Truly. I have this hugely horrible suspicion that stella likes me, and maybe jasmine, and maybe zhiying too. Holy moley man. I sincerely hope this is not the case. Or it'd be freaking ugly and painful for me to shake them off. Seriously. This stella, she freaking pesters me lah. Even when it's painfully obvious I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in her. She MSNs me, messages me, and even calls me. Thankfully I put an end to that last bit by speaking in unmistakably pissed-off tones everytime she did that. Hmm, how is it possible to tactfully ignore her..? Hmm? Pissy man.

Jasmine's okay, she seems nice. Zhiying, my goodness. She is the very cream of irritation itself. Somehow, somehow, she views me as some competitor or something. Like she doubts her own intelligence and has to get one over me every single time. Her sarcasm is so annoying it's not even funny. She just won't get it, I absolutely do not want to engage in one-upmanship behaviour with her, it's freaking beneath me. Does she care? No, she laces every sentence with barbs and flings them at me. Nice, thanks alot. So they were in nanyang and all, very smart, now they're in hwa chong. Very smart, very superior. Try not to pick on little neighbourhood boys like me lah, you don't have to prove your superiority and wittiness and sharpness on little kids. It must have hurt your ego that I usually emerge the victor anyway, poor damn thing. Strips you of all your hauteur and arrogance huh? Aww, poor damn thing.

Heh, that ends my rant. It's quite saddening I tell you, everytime I say I want to remain at jj, people give me this disparaging look, and say "Huh, what? Really ah.." It makes it seem as if I'm making a life-threatening decision. Big fish in small pond and all, don't they get it? Wahaha. I'm so glad my cousin's in IP program, or our results would be under heavy scrutiny and competition. I think I'd have owned the bragging rights with 8 points. Hah, so there.

Oh yeah, there are a few movies I intend to watch. The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford. 3:10 to Yuma. Sweeney Todd. Yey, good times ahead. I'll probably watch Assassination alone, maybe 3:10 too. Sweeney Todd seems like its freaking R21, sucks. Horrible stuff, wen xiang has a free ticket to 3:10. Guess who he wants to watch it with? Oh sheeeeesh, geeeeeeez. I'm so scared. Sticks like gooey-glue I tell you. He must have some animalistic fear I'm let out of his sight man. Scary stuff. Doesn't he have a life away from me?! Doesn't he have a girlfriend? OH WELL. He has no subtlety whatsoever. Bah. OH WELL. Anyways, if anyone is interested in watching any of those movies, ask me out man. They seem like dialogue movies, not exactly action, does anyone appreciate these type of movies? I do, and if anyone does, do inform me (:

Shall do some new year shopping this time. I have come into a 200 dollar fortune by dint of my results. Thanks to my papa and mommy. I want to buy a few things sia. Maybe a watch, a bag, some pants, perhaps one shirt, some socks, and probably not a shoe. I feel like making specs too, but that may be unwise. No idea where to go buy what with who :D Hah, I'll see how things unfold. Will be going for service today, yay. I hope my sis goes along, she very long never go church already. Bok says die die also must bring my sis along. Oh kay, shall do (: I'm supposed to meet wen xiang, like NOW, but I'm not going to, hah! I'll try to be tactful in my avoidance of him, LOL! Hehs.

A One
A One
A One
A Two
A One
A Two
A Two

HEH! SUPER SEXAY SEVEN~~~~
Praise Jesus.

CHI KA BOOM! Negative Three Days.

In three days, maybe twenty, thirty thousand people are going to experience one of the defining moments of their lives. Yes, very dramatic. We're going to take our O level results, whooopey YAY! Can you imagine, the futures of these many people, and the courses of their lives, being impacted by the results? It's pretty incredible that a simple exam could do so much. Hope, and the (maybe) destruction of it, based on the O levels! You wouldn't imagine the immense stress some people are feeling just because the date of release has been confirmed. Overwhelming. How about just take it easy, ya'll? Ahaha.

My bill exploded, and it was not one of those cinematic and picturesque explosion one would expect. It was downright fugly, LOL! 80 dollars on my handphone bill, phish man. 1000+ messages for I think only the second time in my entire lifespan, and 130 minutes outgoing? Phish it, I'm deadly screwed. Wahaha. It's no coincidence, the other time I achieved 1k messages was because I messaged some girl. Yes, the aforementioned random, innocuous girl who contacted me out of the blue. I don't actually talk about her much. Well, she IM-ed me one fine Friday, and thus began a I-don't-know-how-long friendship, I can't even say if it's ended or not. The ending was just fugly. Apparently, we share(d) a common interest in movies, books and probably other random things like sports and all. So we chatted, pretty much nightly? Yeah. Merely three days into our new-found friendship, I went out with her. Sunday. I accompanied her to like, kallang netball court or something. Then we went to suntec I think? I must be some softie, which guy goes out with a girl (whom he does not like) on the third day of friendship? Must have been her emo-ing which caused me to pour out my kindness. Bah.

Yes, thereafter we went out, a few times, and messaged each other. Promises were made (mostly on my part) which I largely failed to keep. That's just plain stupidity, it probably made her bitter or something. Things like, "If you're alone for lunch it's okay, I'll accompany you anyday." If you can't stick to simple things like that, don't make empty promises. Learning point. Then, agreeing to go for some chalet/birthday celebration thing. And could I just agree, and leave it at that? No! I had to promise to go. Of course, in the end I didn't. See, from my (self-righteous) point of view, what happened was this. My friend celebrates his 21st birthday, right? That's not an occasion one can miss. However, on the other side of S'pore, a chalet or something is going on, and I ask, "Is it possible if I go abit later?" I'm pretty hazy on the details, but it's something along the lines of her not replying. And giving me a very pissed tone when I called over. I do recall apologizing, pretty profusely. Well, after that, things just fell apart didn't it? Yeah, we resumed our lives after that brief hiatus in which we were close friends. To me, she seems to feign ignorance and anonymity whenever we see each other, I think we classify as acquaintances now. One night, after prom, yes, I messaged her. Pretty memorable night, but not because of that, I just happen to remember messaging her. I think our friendship could have revived that day, but she fell asleep and promptly stopped messaging. =) She refused to go for the new year thing at west coast. Probably would have proved awkward. There is no conclusion to this story, as yet. There probably won't be, and the memories of friendship will fade and vanish, no closure, but an end.

You know why I've been thinking of past events? Well, it seems to me that some stories happen twice. Sure, the characters and the scenarios change, but stripped to the bones, it's the same storyline. Gasp. A friend of 2 years, not particularly close. Suddenly, on the last day of the year (2007) begin talking. All of a sudden, I'm a confidante of this girl. True to form, I go out with her to the movies. Movies, books. Striking sense of deja vu? That's where the fear sets in. Guess what, I am so afraid she's gonna like me. Megalomaniac. Which other idiot in the world is afraid of stuff like that? I'm afraid I'm full of it. Anyways, one starts to feel like we're getting too close, too fast. That by acting nice and all, providing comfort, I am giving her reasons to like me. Of course, I hope this is all a load of bull, and just me being full of myself. What happens if she likes me? I don't know. One part of me just longs to reciprocate and leap into a relationship. Serious. The other part says no, I should not get into a relationship. But what happens if we get closer, and closer? I'm afraid the latter's voice will get weaker, and the former, all too strong.

But see, there is a vital problem. Why would she like me (if at all)? Because at some point of crisis or another in her life, I happen to be the person she contacts, who provides comfort. I think people who are looking for solace, very easily could fall for the person who gives it to them. It's like a drowning person looks for flotilla to cling on to. So, she falls for the persona I specially construct for these lost souls. I'm sure that's more than a little flawed, right? It's like I'm exploiting their vulnerability, to con them while they're down. By them I mean both of them. But with the first girl, we had these wonderful conversations. Going something like, "I promise not to like you." Yeah, both of us stated that. With the current friendship though, there is nothing to allay my fears but the hope that I'm unattractive and unappealing. Ego.

This is all secret alright? Whomsoever happens to read my blog. Ahaha. By the way, I had begun to harbour secret suspicions that the first girl liked me. Oh well. Ego. I don't believe the current girl is going to like me though, despite my fears, she seems all too sensible =) I do hope this friendship does not fizzle out, as per aforementioned friendship, but at least if it goes out, go out with a bang or something, provide me some form of closure at the very least. It sometimes gets quite painful without closure, left hanging on an edge somewhere. Yeah. So this is all the juice anyone's gonna get on De Yan the monk. I think it's good to talk about stuff, even if it's to the vast emptiness of cyberspace. Ah, my posts I usually try to do with levity, but not this one. This one is more like purging my systems, airing out the fears. But in no way is it emo lor, LOL. I where got pai kia. I where got ah beng. I where got dao. I where got loner. I where got emo. LOLZ, the things I'm described as, so hilarious can! My toes are squirming about in mirth! Ahahaha. Oh noes, speaking of DAO, I am reminded of these other girls. Oh dear. I'll find some time to post about them, lol! They are t3h irritating.

Ah well, school tomorrow, sleep now.

To silly fears,
and baseless fears.
To closure,
and the lack of one.

I put you to rest.
Good night.

Across the Universe.

Oh wowzers, I am on a computer at last. Muahaha, feels good. My comp broke down, stupid piece of buggering poop. So it's been a while. Sux2bme, lol! But my brudder went to china so here am I!

First movie of 08, Across the Universe. Beatlemania, TO THE FORE! It's bloody marvellous show, real piece of art. The covers of the songs are great man, like I Want To Hold Your Hand. The moments of psychedelia injected into the story were great, while not deviating from the main storyline much. Like the part of I Am The Walrus, and Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite. Genius level, truly psychedelic, so Beatles man, them and their junkie songs. Remarkably enjoyable movie, a 9/10 from me. Not too deep a storyline, nothing difficult, but pure enjoyment. It's a plus to be a fan of the Beatles. I got the OST, from my sis the pirate. Yayzors.

Past 2 weeks has been fine, nothing so exciting I can remember clearly. It's just been school and lectures. And of course the orientation camp. Quite standard stuff, eat in class, sleep in class, talk in class, message in class. Same old, same old. What has been interesting is my messaging my dear sis! Little ass mouse. Wahaha. It's weird, to suddenly be talking so much. It's not like I never had the opportunity before, but it's only since the start of this year that we begin to really talk -.- Oh wells. There must be some part of me that shouts, "Come here for comfort and solace! Or instead, I could be your one-stop-shop for instant gratification! I could make you feel good if only you would care to chat me up!" Like some aura, man. And not that I actually do provide much comfort or solace, bah. Well, it's happened twice so far. With pretty much random people who are going through some crisis or another. At least they are/were good company when I'm bored. For that I thank them.

Oh yes, zhi kai's birthday came and went. He is a whole 357 days older than me, hurrah! To a dear friend of 4 years, thanks for being one, lol! Yes, that's kind of it. I really suck at mushy stuff, I run out of ideas. Oh well, it's great to look back at secondary school life and see zhi kai featuring in it (: happy birthday, bro.

To the seemingly innocuous and random people,
Who make an impact on our lives,
These people we call friends.

Good night.

Boyz 2 Men. Orientation.

Oh yay, the boy who was 15 has turned into this fine young man of 16. My eternal and deepest gratitude to those who were there to witness this metamorphosis from Boy to Man. In no particular order, they were wenxiang, zhi hua, sebastian, zhi kai, triton, yew siang, yew tong, amanda, liyan, nuo shi, jia en, gui yen, brenda liew, ewen and shao yan. Thanks also for the gifts I received, be it your presents, or your presence. I got this nice collage thingy, from gui yen. I got these cookies, from brendal. I got these er, star cards thinggummy, from most all of them, not sure where it originated from. I got a shrek head sweet dispenser, from nuo shi. I got this plastic christmas card and a letter, also from nuo shi. I got a letter, from yew siang. I got a shirt, from I'm not sure how many people, but zhi hua gave it to me. I might have received other things and forgot about it, oh well, I'm sorry. Was awesome. I didn't sleep a wink.

I slept in kbox the next day, so cool huh. Stupid chen yiying went. Yay. And wen xiang and ewen and sebastian and zhi hua and brendal. Brendal can sing very high, highly impressive. When I heard, I was like wincing in pain. What talents. I tried terribly hard and could not match her. What vocals. Dinner and went home. I slept at the unprecedented time of 11. Wow. First time I fell before 12 since forever and ever ago. Woke at 4.50, entirely of my own accord. Which is weird. Got ready to go jj, wore the school uniform once again. Like chao ah beng, cause got dyed hair. Then go school. Then go west mall dinner. Then go home. Then use comp. Then go sleep.

Good night.