Yellow Brick Roads And Blood Red Lips.

Okay so I booked out for 10hours today! What a godsend indeed! Nothing short of a miracle that I was able to attend shanshan's wedding today. Saw my dearest elenya for the first time in ages, and also baby ethan and a glimpse of little jessica. I've not seen all my distant (not by blood but by actual distance) relatives for such a long time I don't recognize the half of them! And neither they me.

Anw shanshan looked so beautiful today, positively radiant! I feel so happy for them, and for gu-ma too. Although I'm sure a part of her is very sad to be marrying her daughter away, and her in the new house and all. I should visit her more frequently I guess!

What an exciting dinner too! Haha. First wedding dinner I've been to that I can remember, and I had no idea what I was supposed to do! So lost and clueless :/ Mingle around? Make small chat with distant relatives? Etc etc. I'm like a social neanderthal hehe.

Seeing elenya made me consider whether I should head to beijing for a short holiday instead of cambodia or vietnam or sth. Hmmmmmm we'll see.

And prior to that we had A Scene. Very melodramatic all round. Each of us with our own stories to tell. I'm not sure who was listening, though. But I really admire and appreciate my dad so much more, now. A lesser man would have exploded, I think. I was on the brink of.. it would have been bad. Sigh. It really was painful. Let's hope it was just a mood swing, a one-off. I wouldn't want this to ever repeat again.

Okay anyway. I really think my reading Sandman: Book of Dreams is the catalyst for all the dreaming I've done lately! Almost the whole week long, and conjuring up the most unlikely of characters. And in one of my dreams, I actually had I think, a modicum of control over the people who turned up in it. Or rather, person. Marvelous.

Another marvelous thing was my 8km run this week, which while not entirely mindblowing, was at least enough to restore my somewhat sadly deflated confidence. 34:49 isn't too shabby I think, although I'm certain I'm still a shade too slow sigh. At least I have something resembling confidence going into Sundown next saturday! Woefully underprepared but so exciting nonetheless!

I also had nights out on wednesday, and it was mindblasting. We started off at Ice Cream Chefs and ended up at Udders. 2 ice creams?! you might ask. That's where you're wrong, cause we had more ice cream in between. Absolutely smashing. I had Strawberry cheescake + Passion Kiwi Ritz ice cream at Ice Cream Chef, Sea Salt & Mars Bars ice cream at The Little Bookshop and MAO SHAN WANG at Udders. 4 different ice creams in one night, beat that! Hehehehe. Add a dash of carrot cake (not cai dao kway, an actual slice of cake!) and rojak and you'll have a rough idea of how satisfied I was in the aftermath. Mehehehaha.

Alright on another off-tangent altogether, I was rejected by Newcastle! Took me quite by surprise, that. Didn't expect that I'd get turned down! I'm so sorry annabel :/ But it does solve my initial dilemma as to whether I should go alone or not, so I guess.. A blessing in disguise? But really, I did intend to go to newcastle, don't doubt that! Not meant to be I guess.

Okay anyway this is something I wrote about a month ago, and I shall probably never continue so here it is.



On happiness.

Do I believe in the promise of happiness? I do. Do you too? I hope you do.

But there is something flawed with the whole concept of happiness, insofar as we'll never be able to answer the most pertinent question of all. Am I truly happy?

How do we know we can't be happier? How do we know that what we've got is as good as it gets? That we should (if ever) stop in our pursuit of happiness? And to finally look at ourselves and sigh contentedly, saying, "This then, is true happiness."

The problem is that happiness is an entirely arbitrary emotion. There is no tipping point (or at least not that I've experienced) where you suddenly realize, I am Happy. Maybe you're always cheating yourself when you think that, for surely you can be happier, somehow, no?

How do you know you've not made that one fatal mistake, one bad decision, previously, that has turned your life all awry? And that true 100% happiness is now forevermore barred to you. If you'd gone to a different school.. Not said that one word to that one person.. Not decided to cross the road at that moment.. Decided to tarry for another 5 minutes.. Who knows? The smallest things could have made the world of difference to you. Maybe you were 5 minutes away from meeting your 100% lover, but you decided on a change of shoes at the last moment. (I could be entirely wrong in equating true love to happiness, but I certainly do believe in that ideal. I digress)

But we can choose to be content. I believe contentment is more of an attitude you can choose to adopt. Happiness, though, is a different animal altogether. I believe happiness to be a live thing. Wild and tempestuous, it comes in waves, and sweeps you off your feet on tides of joy. Other times, it is calm, soothing, and envelops you and you are allowed to drift off and away into your dream of dreams. Happiness is a gift. The most excruciating gift you can ever hope to receive. And thus the most precious.

But there are those who have spent their lives searching for happiness. By spent, I mean just that. Some of them might have found it, but not realized it. And so they carry on with their searching, never knowing that they'd left happiness behind, inexorably traveling further and further away into that land called Morose. And some of them never ever find it, for any of a myriad reasons. Destiny/Fate (whatever the Vagaries decide to call themselves right now) or sheer luck, an entire life of misfortune and missteps. Where maybe that ha'step to the right could have brought him face to face with true happiness, a Happily Ever After waiting to happen.

Hmm. I like that. That out there somewhere, a Happily Ever After patiently awaits our discovery, whenceupon we can make up our Once Upon a Times.




That's where I ended, cause I started writing a story about Embittered Endings (of faerie tales, romances, and more) which ended up quite the disaster, and will not be reproduced here. Well that was all written a month ago and it is possible I am not the same person I was back then, but who ever knows eh?

Oh yes I wanted to add that looking at the bride and groom just now, I was wondering that everyone there would be having different thoughts or perhaps memories as they watch the night unfold. Anticipation and hope and longing (dread maybe?! haha) for the unwed and nostalgia, regret, those married. How many of them would be thinking back to the day they tied the knot, remembering their trepidation and apprehension, their hopes and their fears, their love back then?

Hmmm okay that's about it for the night. Might watch 50 first dates or play a game. You will realize that I'm tackling my movies in alphabetical order now, or rather, as of now still numerical. Saves me from agonizing over what genre of movie to watch! 300 was pretty good though, haha. Well goodnight all happy holidays to those who have them!