Exoskeletons.

Wear your skeleton on the inside out, and keep your insect heart secret.

I really liked this line from the book St Lucy's Home for Girls Raised By Wolves, which was sort of a neurotic series of short stories, all very well-written and equally inexplicable. I think the most interesting part of the stories were the endings. Brilliant. Now that I think about it, probably closest thing I've read would be Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy, which was bafflingly good as well.

I've been a slob (what's new right.) these few days! I've been watching Monk, almost done with season 1 now, watching the X-men all the way from the First One till First Class, and reading one of the 2 new books I bought from WHSmith or sth. It's a thriller, like the sort of paperbacks you'd bring on a holiday, easy reading. The other one is The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake which I'd been seeing around for a bit, and finally bought yeahhhhhh.

That's not to say I've not been doing a bit of sightseeing, heading out one night with my flatmates and newest friends for a walk down to the river, passing the cathedral and other stuff along the way. I'll probably still need quite some time before I get fully familiarized with the place, but I'm not complaining. Quite the pleasant place to get lost in, if ever you were to choose one. I've met a fair bit of Singaporeans/Malaysians on my course, although I've only seen them that one day at the registration. I think if I wanted to, I could have quite a fair bit of friends in these parts.

However I think I've become very accustomed, and perhaps even comfortable being alone. I might even be good at it, how about that? Maybe people, they each have their own expectations of you, and god knows I've never given up a chance to disappoint.

There's this heatwave that just struck, which I totally wasted today. I was totally gonna get into my berms and stride into town (BERMS > JEANS 4EVA) but I came back home to skype/oovoo. First with my brother and sister, then with some of my colleagues, one of whom might not be a colleague very soon-ish. Anyways now it's 8pm here and adios heatwave. Hopefully tmr will be just as sunny eh? Never thought I'd be hoping for sun, funny.

I bought myself my pillow(s!) and duvet already. I went for the double set instead of a single. Best decision ever. The duvet is like so epically shiok, wrapped up as I am like the meat in a Banditto Pockett. The pillows though are a huge disappointment. Huge. >:C They're so bad I'm gonna get myself a new and better and fluffy and springy one. Extravagance! you say. I say to you: Nay, necessity!

I have no idea why people can't pronounce my name right. It's just 5 letters! I sometimes wonder myself how to pronounce my name and what exactly the right way is, damn loser. I guess however the damn I want it to be pronounced eh? But I'm not gonna get some english name cause that would be so conformist, HAHA. I want to be a contortionist, not a conformist. Then again, a contortionist sounds like a euphemism for masochism srsly, I squirm everytime I imagine some guy warping his limbs to try and fit into some jar or something.

Yeah I think an english name would be sort of a change foisted upon me, which I'm not so keen to take up. I won't let my life be run like that, a form of peer pressure I guess. And I won't let my life be run by anything else too. And that's a long list including alcohol, drugs, fags, (colloquial for cigarettes, not the literal meaning) regret, fear, pride, lust, envy/jealousy, anger. (Looking quite a bit like the se7en deadly sins here.) I'm still working on that last one, much to my consternation. I thought I'd be able to work it out of my system by now, but that was just foolish pride wasn't it?

Hopefully one day in the distant future (hopefully not impossibly distant however) I'll be able to tell my kids: You know, your Pa was once an angry young man! instead of y'know, them being terrified to even approach me cause I was just so fearsome and in such a rage all the time. Silly.

And of course I wouldn't want my life to be run by.... an iPhone. Tsk. I promised myself never to get an iPhone and that's something I'm never gonna waver about. Srsly. I think it's something personal, haha! I think I told a few people already of how terrified I am of a world where everything is automated, and I think Apple is the trailblazer on our abject path down to that world of no return.

I wouldn't want to live in a world like that. I'd pack my stuff and hopefully get my brother to come along with me (I'm pretty sure he's with me on this) and set off to an unmolested island which was shielded from twitter and whatsapp and whatnot but miraculously would also have some sheep and various other animals appropriate for subsistence farming and living. Maybe a few heads of ox as well so we wouldn't have to do all the hard labour. And we'd bring along our wives as well, cause obviously if it were just the 2 of us nobody would cook and wash up or plant flowers and stuff, and we'd do nothing else but DotA in our free time. Or get into ridiculous fights which I'd win on account of the fact that I'm older. HAHA.

I have to do a story on The Technology Un-Revolution one day, it's been in my head for ages. It's like I had one where nobody could fall in love anymore because their hearts were removed, then I saw a book called Delirium released recently where love was a disease and they had a cure for it. Which in some weird way makes me quite hesitant to write about it. I think I'm gonna try anyways and probably make a hash of it, but that's alright I guess. I don't think I'm ever gonna come up with any brilliant stuff anyhow. It's sort of an outlet, I guess, for words and expressions that have no other. Or images in my mind that I never seem to be able to put the right words to. So they probably turn out quite rubbish (I think rubbish is my newest favourite adjective, although clearly not if I were to try and flatter some pretty girl or sth) with maybe a few which are half-decent.

I've been having this sense, for a while now, that horrifyingly, I might be over my hill. By that I mean, that I may already have peaked, I just don't know it yet. That life from now on is just going to be this long downhill slope, and I can't do anything to arrest its trajectory. I think I first thought about it when reading Dance, Dance, Dance (Haruki Murakami), which is probably the best book I could have hoped to bring with me to MSTD haha. Nothing like fiction to escape the misery of life, eh? And he mentioned something about people who peaked while in school or stuff like that (it's been quite a while.) I dunno man. I think I've become stupider, or sth HAHA. I think I was smarter back in secondary school, and perhaps at my athletic best as well. Not that it'll be a very fair comparison now, I've been disgustingly glued to chairs/beds/stuff that doesn't involve any muscular effort. But yeah. Perhaps I'm never going to scale the heights I've scaled, and am, depressingly, on a decline now.

But it's right silly to be thinking of rubbish like that, eh? I've still yet to find the love of my life/travelled the world/ et cetera. Hehe wishful thinking never did anyone any harm now did it!

And now... I am wishfully thinking I'll be able to complete something I'd been thinking about. See ya in a bit.