Wedding Bells and 20mm Shells.

Greetings from the great beyond. Or as it is also otherwise known, confinement. I've endured a terrible weekend, involving food, sleep, dragonboating, and 6 movies in 2 days. Okay I know you're thinking, what?! But that's awesome! That's where you're wrong. It's NEVER awesome when you're FORCED to do all that. Yes, boredom has forced my hand. Quite apart from the dragonboat though that was quite awesome. 6 movies in 2 days. My goodness. And if you consider for a moment that one of those movies was.. friggin' The Hot Chick, you know I've had a torrid time. I told myself never to watch crappy Rob Schneider/ Adam Sandler/ Jack Black or generally other think-he's-funny-but-not-actually-funny-man's movie ever again. I have failed in this aspect.

Well. This abject failure watched Goal!, (the punctuation alarms me too, ! and , were never meant to exist happily side by side) The Longest Yard, Coach Carter, Hot Chick, Hitch and also Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Emma Watson is dreadfully cute really. It's a wonder I didn't fall in love with her then. This only happened in Prisoner of Azkaban.. And Ginny is as ugly as ever. Okay lah, a bit cuter but I guess she can't help it, most kids are cute anyway.

Slightly on topic, very slightly maybe, is lousy liverpool. HOW COULD THEY HAVE LOST TO NEWCASTLE?! Was Santiago Munez playing for the Toons or something?! (This is from Goal!, one of the movies I watched over the weekend. I think you have to watch the movie to get my joke. Quite a lousy one to be honest.) Liverpool are abjecter than me. Abjax to the max. Correction, louyapool. Go Spurs!!

Okay I decided to blog today cause today has been slightly different. Apart from feeling sad from confinement of course. I think, maybe, I can begin to hope again. Not for much, no way. But it's a start. But what I'd like to say today is about hopes and fears.

Thus the title, wedding bells. Our hopes and our fears are inevitably married to each other. Invariably, when you hope, you fear. As you open yourself to hope, you allow fear to creep in as well. Has it ever occured to you that at the moments in your life where you are filled with great, soaring hope, massive pits of self-doubt are simultaneously opened? Let's say, something as simple as test results. You hope and sort of believe you will do well, but some part of you sees the downside instead, and you become fearful and nervous. Yes?

Or maybe, say, you ask somebody out. You throw your phone away from you immediately after pressing the send button, you are totally petrified by the thought of her/him replying you. You are at once hopeful, and wracked by self-doubt. Tough huh. The emotions seem to be in direct conflict, both sides of a bitter warring kingdom, polar opposites. But the north pole and the south pole, they're still points on the same earth. And you can't have the earth without both these poles. You can never separate one from the other. In good times and in bad. In sickness and in health. In joy as well as in sorrow. Deal with it.

The fear, it's inescapable. If you never fear losing something, then that something isn't worth your while. The fear is an indication of how much you treasure and cherish that something. So, don't be afraid to fear.

Hope that makes sense to you. Made alot of sense to me while it was in my head! In words though, don't know how it'll work out. Sometimes I think I'm preaching to myself. Am I still afraid to hope? Yes no maybe so. Such is life. Sometimes you think your fears are unfounded, then... that turns around and nips you in the ass. You were foolish to ignore your gut feeling, your instincts. Your fears were never unfounded after all. You couldn't have been further from the truth.

Absolute trust is a pretty concept. Something I probably still believe in, maybe, I think. But it takes just one moment where you are too trusting, just one moment, and poof. Everything. Is. Gone. How's that ever gonna work out? Hmm?

Just random thoughts. It's been almost a year now. I had 3 wishes for christmas last year and I think it's time for some stock-taking, see how well those wishes have been manifesting. The result? I don't know. The jury's still out. There's still 12 days to the anniversary of those wishes, and boy do I wish they come true. With all the pleading some nerd guy on a keyboard (for those not in the know, that's me, nerdboi92) can summon, please make it so.

Anyhoo, it's 3am now. Man needs sleep or he dies. I am Man. Man am I. G'night folks. Those of you at work, happy working. In school, happy schooling. In army, happy army-ing. In airforce, happy slacking. Haha jacked. Byebye now.

EDIT: Hi it's 0611 now. I wanted to add this cause well, it's pertinent. I wake up today, energized and full of hope for the future, feeling so happy about life in general. Then I open my ration box for breakfast. 'Nuff said. Those of you unfortunate enough, will know about TMB. The Monday Breakfast. Upon setting my eyes on it, I cannot help but let fly with a TMD. Seriously. Who manages to make sausages suck?! Somebody is out to destroy my faith in the universe and life and love and the love of food. I cave in. Life sucks. I suck. Sulk. Double dose of Prozac for me plz! Here's to your breakfast not sucking as much as mine. Ciao.