A Man With Such A Wistful Eye.

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

 -From the prison writings of Oscar Wilde

I never knew how The Portrait of Dorian Gray was such a portrait for Oscar Wilde's life. Or at least that's what I'm thinking after reading about his life and how he was charged for homosexuality or somesuch. He possesses such amazing wit and ability to write. I just saw one of his quotes the other day, in some shopfront "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." Or something like that. Some people say wit is the highest form of intelligence, some the lowest. I like to think it's pretty high up there, haha.

I've been watching House again, and I'm almost finished with season 6 now. And somehow 13 seems to be prettier than I remember her! Olivia Wilde, of course, which in all honesty had nothing at all to do with Oscar Wilde up there. I only just realized the coincidence haha.

The ba kwa that I brought from singapore is keeping me alive atm. And the packets of peanuts. Verrah good when you're hooked onto a tv series and refuse to leave your room for proper food. I should stick my hand out of my window every once in a while for my vitamin D dosage perhaps, or I might get very unhealthy. Of course with a diet consisting of ba kwa and peanuts you could argue that I'm already in the pits of unhealthiness.

I did go running today though, so that erases about... 2% of the damage done in my one week of unhealthily fatal diet. Hopefully head down for some training tmr, and death will be staved off once more.

What would you sacrifice for one moment of pure happiness? Unadulterated bliss. A whole life of hit-and-miss happiness? Probably not. A year of suffering? Shame, guilt or whatevernot. Because there's always a pay-off isn't there? Nah. Don't believe that. Things like happiness should never happen on a transactional basis, there should never be a pay-off for it.

I don't know what I'm driving at. Sometimes I just want to say sorry. I don't even know what for sometimes. In the hope that it will magic things back into the land of "okay" again, perhaps. Too many mistakes over too many years to undo them all, too many even to rue them all.

Sometimes I wish I could say farewell properly. The way it deserves to be said. Maybe closure is overrated but it still sucks that I've never been able to give proper goodbyes. Instead of neat and tidy endings all you get is sad sacks of regret and sadder bits of hope. And on nights like this, these bits still glimmer faintly, like half-buried gold from the lost city of Machu Picchu.

Well lost is lost and buried is buried. Shouldn't kid myself about "half"-buried nonsense. I looked at the above paragraphs and it kind of sounds like I'm suicidal. More specifically, jumping-off-a-really-high-building kind of suicidal. You know, one moment of pure happiness etc. Too many mistakes etc. Thankfully I'm not, actually, suicidal. Or I'd be really worried about my mental well-being. Phew that.

Although the fact that I even made that connection in the first place.. might be construed as a hint on my subconscious' part to make me realize that I am, actually, suicidal. Fascinating eh? Sigmund Chuan srsly. But I'm not Austrian so I'm probably wrong. So I'm probably not suicidal. Okay! I'll stop trying to be funny here.

To reassure-plus-chop you, I did have massive ego-boozt today so depression and suicide is highly unlikely. Hahahaha. Someone (or two) said that I (and this is verbatim, I don't go for self-feel-good hahaha) "had a hot body" and that she (or they, I'm quite unclear on this) would totally date me if I only were a little taller. Hahahahaha! So I did get knocked down a few pegs there, but on the whole, hahahaha! Makez one'z dayz totallyz! That's one in the solar plexus for any might-be-depression surely!

Okay I can't help myself must share this from youtube! The Cinematic Orchestra - To Build A Home with the sound of rain!!! Tell me that isn't the most fitting accompanying background sound ever. That's why I find it's always worth scrolling through some of the comments even though there are so many imbeciles/trolls/immature idiots/mature idiots out there demeaning most forums and comment boards all over the internet.

Whichhhhhh reminds me of that poor girl who slapped/beat her poor mother or sth. Not that she's a poor girl for having done that, although maybe you could argue that there's a case for that as well, in the convoluted mess that is parental relations. Anyhow. I clicked on a link to some hardwarezone forum which I think was the root source of all the trash that's been generated over the past week or so. (I don't actually know how current this is haha.) And have you seen the responses to the original post?! "Sexpose her!" etc. My word. We have got mega retards rampant on the forum. If you have any doubt about that, check out stomp. If I'm not wrong the nest of amazingly idiotic idiots should still be there stomping around.

Not that the girl didn't do anything wrong. Clearly she has issues. But I think it sheds more light on the rest of the people out there who have only been, childishly, fanning the flames. I think the mom suffers the most from this debacle. The ignominy of having been hit by a daughter now recognized by half the people on the street. It's just ridiculous.

And it's cause of the mob effect isn't it? Or the anonymity one. Either ways it's the internet that sparked all this nonsense, so it really makes me wonder that for all the good it's done so far, maybe it's not something that should have happened. Sorry Mark Zuckerberg and your fortune.

Okay it's alot later than I expected so. I shall take a break from my epic evasion of Sleep's Minions, and curl up in a nook and cranny (aka my bed) for a brief respite, where hopefully the Minions can't find me. Okay I shall stop trying to be funny. Isn't worki- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.