The Break Down Of Fortified Hearts.

You of heart fortified
I have
Hammer and ladder
And battering ram
I have
Determination and desperation
And stamina proportionate
You have
No chance!


I am super bored. This is the product of a super bored mind. Maybe bored isn't as accurate a descript as deadened. Numbed. Desensitized. Why? Cause I'm midway through my essay. I'm supposed to be doing my essay. I am 11 hours and 400 words away from submission. What I lack is not the word count but something of far greater import: Understanding. Lifesuxttmplzhelp!

I have hit a mind-block of such mass that when I tried to drive around it I ran out of gas (it's comforting to know that yo-mama-so-fat jokes are actually useable in other contexts.) But I shall strive onwards and upwards, only because I have no choice sigh. Working on an essay at 5.15am is not something I am keen ever to experience again. 4pm (or 1600GMT) beckons, however. Werk werk!



Okay hello all I'd finished my essay at about 9 something, and was so delighted I decided to indulge in some dota! It wasn't a matter of choice. I had to do it lest I fell asleep, and miss my workshop, and my deadline for submission, which would render all the hardwork of last night utterly futile. I've never disapproved of an essay that I've written so much before srsly. I was clutching at straws and maybe the right expression is "luan bomb" or "anyhow whack" or something.

I'm quite sure my essay was not at all cogent, let alone persuasive, and maybe even incomprehensible. The weakest strands of argument ever. Intellectual fail. And now I'm tired out of my mind and I just want to sleep but I can't. De Yan and the Arghonots. I don't even know how or why I remember something as randomly insignificant as Jason and the Argonauts argh. He's not even that famous a greek hero, I mean, pitted against Hercules or Achilles or even Perseus or Theseus. You notice I'm rambling. Tired sia.

I did have great fun over the weekend by the way. It was really nice to see yijie after so many years, perhaps I'd already begun to believe that I'd never meet any of them again. I can't convey how impressed I am with her. It must have taken great courage for her to make that decision to study abroad, and in bloody Scotland to boot! That she did, and with panache.

She just seems so mature and sensible now that it leaves me speechless. And the fact that she goes travelling by herself and all, it's just amazing. She said that the reason she decided to study overseas was because of us. It's good to know that we managed to make an impact on their lives, it truly is.

Well York was quite brilliant too! It's quite a pretty place, and I really liked the little oases of peace that were scattered around the city. It was surprisingly busy though, I'd expected a quiet little place but it was pretty crowded. Walking around for hours with a laptop and a textbook in my bag didn't do wonders for my energy though, I almost crumbled at the end of the day.

Which was when I headed off to Newcastle, home of the Toon Army. A thousand thanks and more to bel for hosting and entertaining me! Despite the fact that the Newcastle city didn't really appeal to me, I thoroughly enjoyed the 2 days there. Tynemouth was pretty nice but I guess I was blessed with a massive dollop of inexplicable good weather, making fish and chips by the seaside and sitting on the grass possible. Quite the miracle actually, given amount of rainfall this past week.

Then I had to round off my whole trip with a stupid stupid spoiler. Incredibly stupid. I can't imagine what I must have been thinking setting off for the station so late, which made me miss the train. You have no idea how pissed off I was with myself. The amount of idiocy involved, my word. Haiya. 100 pounds blown over such a silly matter. Some form of punishment is required. Rice + Soya sauce everynight for 3 years, no choice. Serving the dual purpose of both cost-cutting and punishment. I was almost gonna deny myself TNAF at Bristol but since Bristol is only an hour away.. And one week holiday for Christmas instead of 2.

It's a recurring problem though. I think at its root is overconfidence, perhaps cockiness. Confident that I can make the train on time (a hundred pound mistake). Confident that I can book in on time (24 confinements or 3 months with zero life the price to pay). Confidence in getting 6 points for O's. In getting straight As for A's. In getting SAS(O) instead of SAS(L). I've made a complete mess of things everytime I'm given the chance to. The fact that I'm where I am now is only testament to how amazingly blessed I've been despite all I've done to make a disaster of my life. I deserve so much worse. And there's only one explanation: grace.

Okay my body is revolting now. I know you're thinking ewwwwww disgusting!! now but I meant that it is up in arms against me, not that I have a particularly gross specimen of a body. Therefore I shall attempt to grab a few hours of sleep to appease it before it does something truly spectacular like, idk, die or something. Smell ya later! (If you don't recognize it it's a tribute to Pokemon - Gotta Catch 'Em All! cause that's my favourite line off Gary aka Blue.)