Rather tired. Took a nap just now like 3-4 hours long after reaching home so I can't fall asleep just yet. Homecoming just now was pretty fun for the little bit that we played, but also quite cui during contact. Now I'm itching and aching and cut and bruised and grazed everywhere. Oh and burnt. And gonna have to change bedsheet cause of all the bloodstains. What's new.
And it's hard to imagine results coming out in a week. Shucks. Well don't worry about it guys, what's done is done, so don't lose any sleep over it. Results aren't everything anyway. And since I'm on the topic I'd like to protest this supposed meritocracy. We're all human we shouldn't be judged based on numbers and alphabets. You're not any less of a human just cause you're BCC instead of AAA. If you're 20 points instead of 6. Merits aren't based on academic results alone. Stupid system honestly. So if you're a CDD or a DEE or whatever you're not a failure, you're just a victim of a stupid system.
I have to stay awake until my sis comes home. I have no idea what time she'll be back. And I don't feel like playing dota. So maybe I'll just ramble on.
Well finally unemployed. I had no idea how taxing working is. Seriously. I work I come home I sleep I get up I work again. Hardly any time for anything at all. Now that I'm free from that hellish 8.30-6 1 to 5, I shall rediscover life. All the movies I claimed I'd definitely watch I didn't. Those that are still showing on silver screen I'll go watch. Those that aren't I'll pirate. Aye. And finally can get to read again. Books are food for your soul and I'm malnourished. Give my soul BMI 5000 I don't care.
A little too much free time though. I'm thinking of going overseas I don't know if I could do it alone. Backpacking sounds good maybe if I decide on a place I can start some planning. No idea whether I'll be able to do it. Or if I have the funds. Being unemployed has the decidedly unsavoury drawback of having no income, and that's a very bad sad thing. I don't want to take money from mom or dad anymore and this month's paycheck gonna be pathetic. So if I'm gonna be broke then backpacking not viable. Oh well maybe after army. Anyway I've just come to the conclusion that no way am I gonna be wasting my days away at home everyday. No more whole day dota. If it means I have to nip out for lunch/dinner then sure. Self-sufficiency is good!
Independence always good yeah? Maybe not. For without interdependence there can be no friendship, relationship, or any other kind of ship. Can you ever be truly independent? Would that be a good thing or a bad thing? If you realize one day that you are absolutely independent is that cause for rejoice or regret? It's rather scary isn't it to know that you don't have to count on anyone at all, that's sort of monstrous isn't it. And it's rather sad to know that nobody depends on you at all, anymore, isn't it. Then you are nothing, you're just a random bum. A random bum with a keyboard. Sometimes you want people to depend on you so you know you mean something. Otherwise, you don't. You don't mean anything to anyone.
And the Reservoir will no longer find me a willing volunteer.
For happiness to be complete sometimes you have to deceive even yourself. It doesn't matter how happy you appear to the world if you cannot make yourself believe that you are happy. So go ahead and lie away. Lie to yourself as you lie to the world. Complete the illusion. I hope you're happy, too.
Okay no more strength to continue. Shall sleep. Goodnight.
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