Eight Days A Week.

Title of another awesome song by the beatles, dunno how they're so arresting with such simple lyrics. Well yeah I feel like I need 8 days a week, cause somehow I don't seem to be doing much with the 7 I have, haha. I have all these grand plans that I without fail do not execute once the weekend arrives, or in this week's case block leave. Plus I have so many tv shows I want to watch e.g. HIMYM Bones Criminal Minds Mentalist and more (also big bang theory which I have heard good stuff about) All those unwatched episodes are piling up week after week....... Sigh.

Anyway I was thinking of Bones and whether it'd be a good thing if bones and booth were to get together. You know it's inevitable but do you really want it to happen? A big part of the show is the anticipation of when it finally happens. Just like HIMYM you know one fine day he'll meet her but you don't want the show to end haha. Actually the 2 scenarios are quite dissimilar and in fact quite random. I'm pretty tired maybe you can tell.

I don't want you to cry for me, but it'd be nice to know you do.

Well. This thought (maybe not these exact words) has been in my head for quite a while now, thought I'd surface it before I forget about it. I think you might once have thought thoughts like that. You don't want somebody else to feel sad or anything for you, but it would be nice to know that they did wouldn't it? That at least you meant something, you figured in their lives enough for them to be sad for you, to cry for you. Do you get my meaning? This makes me think of wanting to see who turns up for your funeral and observing who cries and all. You just want to know someone cares.

But I guess till that day, you'll never know eh? Somehow I don't feel like I mean all that much to people. (I'm not bashing myself, I'm not into that haha) But it's just that I think I'm not the kind of guy who makes that much of an impact on someone else. Not dispensable (I hope not) but probably quite replaceable. My track record not too brilliant either I guess. And recent events not exactly making me brim with confidence.

Moving on. Yesterday (looking at the time make that 2 days ago) was pretty awesome. From mahjong to climbing badminton dimsum and a picnic. How's that for happening? And before that underway (for which bel has my eternal gratitude) which was pretty decent I guess. The days passing much faster than I had hoped and it's gonna be slip-off in a few hours time. Not exactly very well prepared for it I think. Oh well. Gonna be an experience for sure, and since I plan to backpack india someday it should be enlightening!

More random thoughts. I was thinking if I were to OOC I'd be absolutely lost. My life for the next 10 years or so is pretty much sorted out now. Freedom is so overrated seriously. Everyone goes like "why you sign away your life/freedom/whatever else?!" But honestly I'd prefer stability to flexibility anytime. You know, the flexibility to make whatever choices you want, to quit your job or switch employers or something. Why would I want that? That's probably just me. Maybe in 5 years I'll be hating my life and the decision I made 5 years ago haha.

And more.. Don't you feel that so many things in life are so arbitrary? Maybe quite an odd word to use (it's from Ben Elton in The First Casualty) but also quite apt. Maybe. Some things seem to happen purely by chance. Some of the most important things in your life. And doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable that some of the most crucial events in your life were shaped entirely by coincidence and chance? Your humanity, your personality and intelligence and whatnot were not taken into account whatsoever, it was merely Lady Luck and her capricious ways. Well of course there's God and destiny and all, but I'm just saying.

It's brought to mind cause the fact that I signed on with the navy was all so much happenstance. If my BMT buddy had not been interested in the navy and persuaded me to attend the recruitment talk with him things would be very different now wouldn't it? Add to that the fact that I very almost decided to not go with him as well (I was very reluctant) and you see what I mean. Well it certainly makes life very interesting, and sometimes time and chance collude to create something magical. That's what we all live for isn't it? In the hope that somehow someday something amazing is going to befall us.

Well. To that hope, and more. I'll be sleeping now, see you guys in 3 weeks or so, ready to regale all of you with tales of Incredible India and Bollywood Babes and er... Nice Naans??? Haha I'd come up with something far more intelligent sounding but I'm too tired for that! Toodles.

So now. Did you?

Underachievers Please Try Harder.

I like lazy days with no expectation. I came across that line or something very much like it while in camp trawling through songs and lyrics but I can't seem to find it again.. Anyone who has any clue do tell me! Been listening recently to Empire of the Sun, Aqualung and some other stuff I can't recall. As I was saying however, lazy days are good. Even though you don't seem to have much of a life staring at your screen the whole day, at least you're at home and your family is in close proximity, you might not be seeing them a whole lot (since you're staring at the screen) but at least they get to see you! The world would be an awesome place if everyone could believe their family were happy to see them haha.

So yeah that's exactly what I've been doing, woke up at 1 and it's 4 now and I don't believe I'll be budging from my bed where I've strategically situated my laptop for maximum laziness. Not until I book in later tonight, that is. Sigh. So little of our weekends available to us (UNLESS YOU'RE AIRFORCE THAT IS!!) that I don't know what to do with it, and I end up not doing anything at all, which really isn't as bad as it sounds. At least I save $.

Life hasn't been doing much to me lately. Everything is so routine and all I think we're all becoming drones. Except of course for exciting tests and the like i.e. Chartwork test just yesterday which was destructive (for my ego) and also quite impossible. I think I'm becoming stupider haha, or maybe it's the paradoxical nature of tests in the SAF (I thought we were all garang soldiers) screwing around with me mind.

Also there's underway (equivalent of social night) which I have thus far been incapable of procuring a date for. Okay something interesting to add here. I just searched for the definition of procure online (I search for definitions of interesting words quite frequently how nerdy is that) and I came up with 1. To get by special effort; obtain or acquire 2. To bring about; effect AND 3. To obtain (a sexual partner) for another. (!!!!!!!!!) Most definitely not an innuendo I had intended lol.

Anyway. As I was saying I have no date which makes me ): so my contingency plan will have to kick in pretty soon. As a heads up to any of my female friends reading this.. I may just call one of you to have the absolute fortune! prestige! glamour! of being De's Date! Make that Desperate De's Date. Haha big sigh. You know a situation is terrible when the only thrill you get out of it is laughing at yourself. Dire indeed ):

Okay well nothing much else to add I guess. All the best ang for ezpz MCQs!

We're Too Cynical To Weep.

Happy national day everybody.

Great not to have to book in today (ha ha woon shin.) An unprecedented gift of block leave for us, that's just too awesome for words.

Just finished watching 2 movies on my best friend Funshion, plus Inception last night. That makes up for the serious dearth of quality movie time no thanks to army. Caught WALL-E and Taipei Exchanges featuring the excellent Gui Lun Mei haha. Absolute crush on her she's perfect. So is Zhou Xun, just in a different way. Hahah. Anyway I was really looking forward to seeing how good WALL-E was gonna be and I was pleasantly surprised.

And Inception needless to say was epic. Christopher Nolan is like some evil genius messing with our heads. Best director ever. Freaking master of his craft. Very interesting concept and really makes your mind whir even after you leave the cinema. And DiCaprio, Ellen Page, JGL? Absolutely brilliant. I'd definitely watch it again if I have the time and am not too lazy to step out of home.

And Cobb actually gave me an answer to iDream. Whatever our subconscious conjures, it never can match up to reality. We'll never dream up anything as complex as an actual person, with all his/her perfections and imperfections. That's why dreams are never enough.

Would you, given the option, choose to live in dreams? My own answer is no. I can't say for certain why not. Maybe because dreams are merely a form of escapism and nobody wants to believe they have to resort to that. Why not? Because we were made to hope. We hope that one day things work out right. We hope that one day we'll turn our lives around. We hope and we hope. And if we choose to dream, that hope will never be realized, not in reality. Something like that, alot of random stuff trawling through my brain messing up my thought process haha.

Anyway one of my new favourite songs is My Iron Lung by Radiohead. I was listening to it over and over in camp (cause there's nothing else to do in there) and it's brilliant. My title is an adaptation of one of the lines that was stuck in my head for ages. Thom Yorke comes up with some terribly depressing lyrics. And there was one bit in Taipei Exchanges that oddly enough had this same theme.

We were innocent (you might say naive) in our youth. We'd do things out of the goodness of our little hearts and without regard for anything else. Now we're older and everything has taken on a decidedly darker tone. You'd do a good deed and people question your motives. Altruism isn't believed anymore. You'd want to do a good deed but there are other considerations in your mind, how would it be perceived, how would it reflect on you, you know what I'm saying yes? The world thinks that the spirit of charity is no longer existent and who's to say they're wrong?

Cynical and desensitized. That's what most of us have become in this day and age. But I guess you can't change the world, much as you'd like to. The only person you can change for sure with one hundred percent certainty is yourself. I read somewhere that many people are unaffected by images of war and death and suffering now, thanks to the myriad images of them flashed on their television screens. We're too cynical to weep, not over the suffering of others, not anymore.

Anyway here I am 2 dota games later, and I can't really recall what else I had in mind. Oh right one thing, rock climbing is really fun. And tough. I have new found respect for my brother srsly, he's like a legend on that wall while I'm like.... Magikarp. Flail, flail. One day I'll evolve into GYARADOS (!!) though, you just watch it. I want to do this every weekend though, hopefully my bookout timings permit this.

Oh well I guess it just won't do to overextend yourself. Sometimes... enough is enough. You do what you can, and whatever the outcome is, you can't fault yourself. Yeah.

Okay more dota and then NDP which I'm forced to watch cause I have to write reflections about it. Seriously can you believe that? Love the homework-army paradox. See ya guys around.

I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken.

Hi guys just thought it'd be cool to do an update while in camp. CAT 1 atm so not sure if there's gonna be swim cat later. Ohwell just enjoy the good times while it lasts. Finally gonna be stepping out of camp later today, hopefully at an agreeable time right after dinner or something.

Listening to Camera Obscura since my sister insists that I have to and that it's almost a crime if I don't. Actually quite good haha

OKAY. This was my post as I left it 2 days ago cause lightning struck and my desktop in camp blacked out. So I'm not as cool as I'd hoped to be cause I didn't get to do an update in camp. What a n00b.

It's been a tiring weekend and I feel fatigued even now. Really should have slept that first night at home, I'm feeling the lack acutely. And gotta book-in right about now too. GAH. Weekend wasn't very accomplishing sigh. Oh well bye bye =/

You Came Along And You Cut Me Loose.

It's far too early in the day to be in a melancholic mood. And yet here I am, sigh. For a few weeks now I've been stuck on the topic of regret. How many regrets do you have? Big ones, small ones. I have my fair share. And yet what is the point? Or maybe the more pertinent question to ask is how can anyone's regret be valid since nobody knows how things would have turned out otherwise? Since we all only live once, how can we know which of the choices we've ever made were the right ones or not? For all we know all the decisions we've made have been the wiser ones, although of course the inverse is likely to be true as well. If you choose the wrong option in an MCQ then yes, you might regret it cause you were wrong, but in life, you can never know how right or how wrong you are, it's never an absolute, an unshakeable fact.

But regret does serve a purpose. If we do not experiece it we would not learn from our (perceived) mistakes. If we were immune to it we'd go through life and make decisions with hardly a care for their consequences.

I think my point is that it's only natural to feel regret. But don't indulge in it, succumb to it, wallow in it and drown in it. I think that's it.

I think I might take a nap, before watching the world cup later. Although the outcome has never been in doubt (Spain duh), I still gotta watch it. The thought of 3 weeks of confinement coming up is just dreadful. I didn't even feel this sian about enlistment. Sigh. Too lethargic to start packing and all yet, right at this moment I am woefully unprepared for tomorrow. Ohwells.

Note: A few hours and a few dota games later, here I am and I have packed! Very efficient man, this de yan.

Okkkkkkkkk gotta rev myself up for the world cup later. On a sidenote bucky (the cat from the comic) is quite hilarious about this world cup. I shall now read my book (a very good book) while waiting with barely contained excitement. Actually no............... I'm totally dreading the morning BIG SIGH!

Goodbye for now, enjoy watching Spain win guys! See ya'll in 3 weeks!

EDIT: OH forgot to mention how despicably cute Despicable Me is, do catch it guys it's awesome! It's so fluffy!

Don't You Just Love Goodbyes.

Well hi, just thought I'd check in for a bit. Don't really have much time cause I'm supposed to go get a phone with my parents anytime now, and maybe some dim sum(!!) too. It's just great to not have to pay for your meals when you're out with your parents. Soothe my aching wallet. Unfortunately had to resort to borrowing from my mom some money to tide over this week, which hopefully will be spent happily reveling in the joys of civilian life. I have made no detailed plans on how to effect this, instead I'm content to go with the flow and do whatever I want. Which usually means I stay at home and DOTA all day, since I'm too lazy to ask people out or stuff like that.

So yeah. I guess some pretty significant stuff like POP and deciding to sign on. "Why!" you may cry. Foremost is the overseas scholarship. I've always wanted to study overseas but never to the extent where I actually went in search of scholarships I was eligible for. But now with the opportunity for a scholarship from the SAF it was pretty hard to resist. The length of bond I have to sign is pretty much equivalent to one I'd have to sign with any firm that sponsored my overseas studies, and who's to say I'd prefer the private sector to the military one? So the loss of freedom that has everyone so worried is something I was willing to accept cause it's the norm for overseas scholarships, army or otherwise.

As of now I am also financially independent of my parents. No more pocket money, no more school fees, basically I'm on my own unless I'm in dire straits. It's something that has to happen sooner or later for everyone, so why not sooner and ease the burden off my parents? It's about time they got to enjoy their own lives rather than be providing for us all the time. Now they no longer have to worry about me one bit.

There's also the fact that up till now I have no issues with army life. They feed me clothe me lodge me and now they're gonna pay me (more) too. It's almost a dream come true! Since I could never see myself in the private sector anyway, signing on isn't exactly robbing me of my freedom and restricting my options till I'm 30 or something, as I've never had that many options in the first place, or at least none I'd ever considered seriously. In fact I think it gives me some direction in life, cause once you know your path is set for the next 10 years, then you have no choice but to do your best for that next 10 years. Rather than just bumming around waiting for purpose and direction to hit me in the head and lodge themselves there.

Oh and about overseas studies, all the best to those who are off to study in australia or wherever. Of course, all the best to those studying locally too, it's no less important hah. So. To poixin, hope you're settling in well and making many friends, maybe some of them might have normal sounding names. Don't forget us or not we will OOC (Out Of Circle) you like jialong. LOL. To xintong who will be going soon, go enjoy yourself there, study hard and have fun too. We haven't talked much for months but I will be sorry to see you leave. You will be missed.

It seems I've hit a brick wall, and I'm not sure if there's anything left to do. Mayhaps I'm trying too hard, I don't know. Sometimes one just can't be contented to let things be and to see how things go. Lazy mentality, but maybe the appropriate one to take now? Sigh. What a quandary.

Okay whole family woken up by now, maybe time for one dota game before leaving! Hey ho, let's go!

To Have Someone To Go Home To.

Hullo guess who's back with a brand new rap?

It's been ages, yeah. Well life's been decent, not feeling too happy with myself lately though, the only boost being the IPPT results. It's like I could have done so much more with myself, but I haven't. It's like I'm not the person I should have turned out to be. Pity.

Not that I'm bashing myself, my ego practically prohibits that from ever happening, just a little disappointed, for some odd reason I have not unearthed, these few weeks. Oh well. Thank goodness this was a short week, cause I was feeling really down and out the whole week, and thursday couldn't have come sooner. But this is life, as usual booking out late, probably the latest ferry leaving tekong again. Sux2bme.

Some coincidences happen in such a way that the label coincidence just doesn't seem to sit nicely. Cosmic intervention? A divine hand? Sure hope so. Can I ignore it? I probably could but I sure hope I don't, this is practically guns blazing in my face. Hmm. We'll give it some more thought but I have my tentative plan of action. Hehe.

Anyway in case anyone is mistaken, I am actually quite happy with life as an NSF, it's been a pretty enjoyable ride thus far, and I presume it's going to carry on along those lines, or maybe even get better! (earlier bookouts maybe?!)

I'm going to start planning my post-ORD trip too. Hahah I know it seems far-fetched but I need to know how much money I have to save and other nitty gritty details like that. South-east Asia here I come! Well, in 2 years time or so :/

It's cool how I'm not tired after reaching home, it's already like 5 hours past bedtime back at home sweet tekong. Feels good to just relax and do nothing. Awesome. Of course, probably feels better to be out doing something non-military instead of just nothing, but I'll settle for this anyday.

Oh yeah and I'm considering buying like an MP3 or iPod or something I'm not too familiar with those kind of gadgets. My songs have ALWAYS come from my handphones. Yes, I know. Big 18year old handsum macho man like me, never owning an Mp3/iPod/Whatevermusicplayer device before?! Yeah it's true. But if I'm gonna live with this crap phone for the next 2 years, it seems like a rather good investment to make. And the earlier I make this investment the more worthwhile it gets too. Maybe some shopping over this long weekend. Yahoo. Mr Splurger.

And touch tomorrow at 10am. Hopefully army discipline kicks in and I don't end up oversleeping. Fat hope eh? But I'm not a pangseh kia, AND I NEVER WILL BE! So you can count on me being there tomorrow yahoo. Alright I think that should be all now.

We'll see about tomorrow, or the day after yeah? Here we go!