Punch Drunk, Dumb Struck, Empty.

Curse the things that made me strong for so long.

Recurring (and also misremembered) lyrics which kept going through my head as I was struggling my way through some of the worst days of my career. Not immune, apparently, from some good old-fashioned quarter-life crisis it seems! But I suppose it's as good a time as any to really start wondering where exactly it is we go on from here.

At the precipice once again of decisions to be made which will have far-reaching consequences - somewhere to the tune of the next 6 to 10 years, at least - and it's clear I can't afford to make these with quite the same outrageous disregard for the consequences as I've always had in life. Only by God's most undeserved grace could I have found myself where I am now - and I guess at last it's time to grow up and own up to these decisions now.

Cannot muddle through life purely on a hope and a prayer, so reliant on these 5/10 cents "abilities" to get by anymore. So far, I suppose, so good (at least I haven't completely messed everything up. I think.), but this cannot be the way ahead. Almost the latter half of my 20s now and only now am I finally coming to realize this! The things I thought I depended on to get me where I've gotten so far, will not see me through this next stage. I don't have the goods to be complacent, anymore.