Cut The Cords.

I don't know why but I feel suddenly aimless. Like I've been cut loose. Like I've been set adrift. I have no idea what to do, nor even what I want to do. It's nights like these that I turn to, and without even much enthusiasm if you can believe it, to dota. Don't roll your eyes angela!

It's weird. I was just reading my book, barely 20 pages in, not nearly enough for me to cast any judgment upon it just yet, when I just had to stop. I don't feel like watching a movie, I don't feel like watching The Mentalist. No real desire to play FF8. Can't muster energy for dota. Bah.

I think it was some of those lines in the book. Very plain ones (which in no way implies anything negative,) nothing outstanding at all. No breathtaking beauty of stunning poignancy. Unremarkable. But it gave me pause. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it gave me stop. I'm not gonna get any more reading done tonight.

It just got me thinking whether I've ever done anything for anyone. I don't mean just anything, of course, despite that being the word I used. I mean anything. Of value, that is, anything being such a vague word, very untrustworthy stuff. Or am I one of those hanger-ons, a leecher of life and burden-at-large. One of those people who take but never give back. Have I done things for anyone that's worth remembering?

Depressingly enough, I can't say. I hope I have, but I'm not sure. Clearly my self-worth in the throes of a bear market here ahah. Why do I remember stuff like bull and bear market sheesh. Hmm.

That's why memories are important. No matter who or what you are now, if you can look back at some distant point in time and say yeah, I made someone happy, or someone was happy because of me (hmm idk but there seems to be a subtle difference between the two, at least for me,) then I guess that's enough. What more can one ask for? To leave behind happiness.

I don't believe in shiny things like a legacy, or shinier still, a fortune. I mean sure, that's all well and good, but not everyone's cut out for that stuff man. Your common man, what should he aspire to leave behind? If not happiness, what then? A swathe of destruction and broken fingers on your way to the top of the corporate ladder? Okay, if you're talented in some way or another then yes, please do leave behind your 47th Symphony or A Remarkable Portrait of an Olde Man or sth, go change the world for the better.

But for us regular folks? Happiness. The memory of a kindness done. Companionship fondly remembered. Not to say we shouldn't change the world for the better, just in our own small ways. No need for grand gestures like solving world poverty and all that, although if you could that'd be swell. Baby steps will do. If the whole world takes a tiny step in the same direction.. it would be kinda cool. Haha I can't think of anything wise and clever to say. Maybe the earth will tilt a little dangerously.

I was just thinking of being cut loose when The Killer's Human came to me. Surely one of the most bewildering lyrics ever. Are we human? Are we dancer? Are we denser?? What??? And I was just thinking about the cut the cords part. I'm associating that with electricity and wondering: what would we be like if we cut all the cords? I reckon we'd be buggered. 6 billion people who wouldn't know how to adequately handle boredom. We'd be bored into the depths of insanity, man.

I never like to think of myself as reliant on anything but I'd be well confused if technology were to be taken away just like that. I'm not sure I could survive. There's just so many things we're used to now which would be gone. It's when I think of that that I think I can, maybe, somehow understand what the older generation are going through with all these technological advances. It's just this whole new world, one they weren't brought up in. It's kinda sad.

And they don't have much choice in the matter. The decline of the radio, kids forcing handphones upon their parents (by kids I include those middle-aged ones of course,) the seeming necessity of emails and stuff. Seriously creepy too-many-buttoned remote controls.. The list goes on. Must be pretty bewildering, no?

Umm yeah. Kind of ran out of thoughts. So, litany over. Mayhaps some dota!