There Are No Ends, Only Beginnings.

What a pretentious title, I know, but I can't think of anything else haha. Anyhow I decided I have to blog because this is gonna be my last post of the year. Since I'm going on HOLIDAY! tomorrow mmhmmm.

I guess it doesn't really feel like the end of the year yet, maybe that's a feeling you only get after Christmas is over, but anyhoo, here's me forced into making my year-end post without feeling like it is the end.

It's been an insane year, it has. Only going to get insane-r in the next 2 weeks, with Paris and Lyon and Marseille etc. beckoning. But what a year. Exactly a year ago I was in totally different circumstances from the one I find myself in now. Still in OCS, still waking up at 0525H every morning, still lost and confused over what to study in uni.

This past year I went through MSTD and was at one of the lowest ebbs in my life probably, that and the confinement that followed. I served out 24 (plus minus) confinements and a few days of RCP from April to June, going home only 3/4 times all this while. I considered giving up and OOC. I almost did, I think.

It's almost ridiculous to think that just 5 months ago we were commissioned, after 12 long months of MIDS. It's been such a long 5 months. Australia first and now the UK. The 3 months (less, even) that I've spent here have felt much longer. I'm doing things I had no idea how to (or just plain wouldn't) do a mere 3 months ago.

I've gotten used to living alone and I'm going to spend Christmas and New Year alone as well. During my confinements I learnt how precious my friends were to me when I couldn't step out of camp. I also learnt that I could survive that without going mad (or maybe I did HAHA) and emerged cherishing and savouring the times I had with friends and family. Cause you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

I've learnt how disgustingly lazy I can get when I'm under no supervision whatsoever. And that it's actually really easy to make changes to your life if you want to. I became aware of  how much of an asshole I used to be and that I am more capable of being one than I liked to think myself. I tried to make amends as well, and I hope that wasn't all bad.

I thought that maybe I could fall in love again. I still think so.

I started writing again, after almost a year's hiatus. I even tried my hand at poetry hahah! I stopped my hand at poetry. I completed a few of the stories I'd had in my head for years, like the love left dry one, and the nightmare one, and the removal of hearts one. I was and am still quite happy about the results. I don't know what other people think of it but I think I've come to realize that the important thing is the writing of the stories, not their reception. I think I might still continue to write, although I just as well might not.

I think I became a whole lot more responsible, especially with family affairs. Among my more triumphant memories is that of me convincing mom and dad to agree to let my sister head over to Melbourne for her final sem, and convincing my sister to forget about any financial issues and to just go.

Looking at where I am now, I have almost nothing to complain about. I am exactly where I want to be and it is pretty amazing. If I were to have imagined, at the start of the year, where I would be and what I would be doing, I wouldn't have been able to envision this. The circumstance I find myself in now is quite frankly, unbelievable. Sometimes I just stop and think: Wow, this is pretty much perfect isn't it? It is.

So this has been a good year, an incredible year. I have some lingering regrets about some of its elements, no doubt about that, but what's past is past really. Some missed opportunities you desperately rue, but we have to get over them and construct yet more chances, even if it's only to be disappointed once again. Still we try.

And that's the spirit I hope to bring into the new year, that of hope. Hopefully the year approaching carries with it the rich vein of form that this year has displayed, and it will be awesome.

That's the EOY post then. I'll probably be out of contact till the 7th of January, during which I'll be enjoying myself massively, spending Christmas in Paris and perhaps a Nice New Year (that's a pun) or the Alps maybe. So please go ahead and have happy christmasses and merry new years without worrying about me in my solitude hahaha.

And have a nice time reflecting on your year as well, because that to me is one of the most important things to do. So you remember what you didn't want to forget. So you remember what you wanted to forget, and maybe realize that it's not worth forgetting. Or that it's worth too much to forget.

Yep. I'll see ya'll then. To the promise of 2012, cheers.