The Human Paradox.

Some weighty issues on my mind. Probably the end-result of too much booze and no outlet haha. I've just sat through this nasty dispute between 2 of my flatmates.

I knew the inevitable conclusion was gonna be ugly, and yet I couldn't bring myself to interject at any point in the argument. I wanted to, but I refrained because I thought it'd hurt the sensitivities of one of the guys. Which meant allowing the argument to play out to its nasty conclusion. It was quite a ridiculous argument really, but that's beside the point maybe. Is it that in order not to fracture my relationship with my housemate, I allowed the two of them instead to ruin theirs? Isn't that really self-serving of me? Was it a lack of moral courage that kept me from speaking up? I have no idea, but I just feel a little awful because I could see exactly where their conversation was going, yet did nothing at all. Bah.

Then as I was taking a bath (to rid myself of my stinky-booze-ridden-stench of course) I was just thinking how I hope my parents are doing perfectly well without me back home. That my absence doesn't bother them one bit, and that they are as happy as before. Another part of me though, hopes that my presence back home does in fact affect them, if only to reaffirm myself of my own important role in the family. It would be nice to know that you're a vital cog in the happy running of the household. And I'm thinking: So what do I really want? And I don't think there's an answer to that. Who's to say if your selfish nature or your selfless aspirations is the stronger?

It's the same with ex-lovers (or Almost Lovers, thank you A Fine Frenzy for a more than fine song) I would imagine. You wish they'd move on, and leave the unhappiness behind, and at the same time wish they don't move on, cause you hope that you were that important to them. If that makes any sense at all. In fact, in a vindictive way you probably have this faint (hopefully; instead of intense and raging) desire that that other person is suffering without you. Or maybe that's just me hahaha. A very vengeful person is me!

Okay that's about all I have to say, I just thought I wanted to note down some of the thoughts I had on these 2 very human situations/experiences/thoughts/whatever/I/don't/know/how/to/label/this/properly, just because. I doubt animals go through such nonsense really. Humans suck. But being human.. doesn't. The Piling up of Paradoxes (paradoxi maybe, sounds way k00l3r.)

I also had a brief discussion with my flatmate on the benefits of globalisation. He's a geographer, go figure. I'd never really thought about it fully, but I think that on a personal level I like it, cause I have the opportunity to travel most anywhere in the world, watch movies from around the globe, listen to music from all corners of the earth, etc etc. But in the grander scheme of things, I think globalisation has made people less happy.

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's made people unhappy, but I have this stubborn belief that people were happier in the past. Something about the simplicity of their lives maybe? Then he asked me if it was because people now have more options than they used to, and after some thought, I said that yeah I reckon so. To which he replied that that's pretty much Marxism! Hahaha who knew I was a closet commy! I should be Chuan De Bolshevik.

Okay now that really is all, it's awfully late and I have a game tomorrow which I might or might not play in, but I've got to prep myself anyhow. Morning all.