I spent the last of my 07 Christmas alone. It feels so fine, the solitude. Until you see all those couples around you, hand in hand, hand around waist etc etc. That sucked, and made me feel weirded out, like I'm some lame loser who just fell out of love on Christmas. Popular parks like CCK park is liddat one, basket. Then I go Limbang Park and HEY PRESTO. There was nobody whatsoever! And it's a really cool place at night, minimal lamps switched on, unsettling quiet. But then got one main problem. Terry Pratchett (loves loves, <3s 2.="" a="" act="" admiration="" almost="" also="" and="" are="" at="" biggest="" br="" but="" cool="" done.="" got="" gripe="" hermit="" home="" i="" if="" impressionable="" in="" it.="" like="" living="" lol="" made="" mountain="" my="" no="" nobody="" of="" on="" or="" parts="" places="" point="" reached="" s="" seclusion="" see.="" see="" some="" something="" swoon="" that="" the="" there="" thinking="" to="" top="" tsk="" ulu="" up="" what="" with="" women="" wrote="" you="" young="">
So began the first of the dead days. According to Marcus Sedgwick. It's the one week interlude between Christmas and the New Year. It sounds damn cool, sibeh melodrama.
When you walk through HDB neighborhoods at night, do you sense this energy? Behind EVERY window, lit or unlit, there is a story that is unfolding, or that has paused for the night, only to resume in the morning. These are the untold stories of normal people, who live out their lives in anonymity. Do you feel the frustration, the resentment, the disappointment, the loneliness of the people within the flats? But nobody knows about these normal people, nobody spares them the time. So one imagines, imagines and sympathizes, empathizes with these people and their imagined stories. One feels for the people behind the windows, lit or unlit.
Anyway. Today I went to kbox at cinelesuire. It was oh kay lah, except we had an hour free. Bloody hell, they sang from 4 to 9 sia, I started only at like, 5.30? They consisting of wen xiang, sebastian and zhi hua. True to form, brenda arrived at.... 8! We were supposed to end by then. And gui yen also came after that. I gave her the suitably cutesy present which was huge, man. Then we walk walk orchard, see the CCIS decors. Then try to find some cafe to sit in, cause cafes are like, the best corner to relack in. But even lucky plaza the mcdonald's was full man. Boarded train, went back home. And me to Loner once again, :D Loner is the place where reflection is done, where the secrets of my soul are revealed!
This is what was revealed to me on this dark and stormy, fateful night...... I am a bloody egotist. Practically narcissistic. Like, "Narcissus". IT SUX2BME, LOL. Narcissus is rumored to be bloody good-looking, you notice the resemblance don't you? LOL. You get my drift, about my ego. Anyway. Ego differs from confidence. Confidence largely stems from the truth, ego distorts it. SO some girls say, wah, he is shuai/cute/hot whatever. That does not make it the truth, and there's no need to get all yaya papaya about it. And there's no need to strut about in that false knowledge that I am shuai/cute/hot. It makes one a real pain, to everyone but maybe those giggly girls who stoked my ego in the first place. It's time to tone down, lose the ego.
Tonight's soul searching session also yielded one more truth. I try my bestest to con girls into liking me. Like, wah lao eh, vhut t3h phuck right. Vhut the hell for? Don't try and kay siao what normal guy behavior sia. NBz, act cool here, act shuai there. And don't assume girls like you also man. You think what, pretty face zai ah? Pretty face is only tyco get one also can, what for zhuai. Buay tahan. See ah, she like you, so what? They are bloody falling in like with your facade lah. You really think you match up? Those girls, they are such nice people, you don't come up to their knees man, you still try to con them, damn kay siao artist man. And you're robbing other guys too, even those whom you know are far worthier, even your friends. Basket, tmd. Enough fakey-dakery. Narcissus, Narcissus, jump into the pool!
I realize I find no solace in myself. Tsk, that can't be a good sign, later kenna depression or become emo. And my posts are getting longer each time. Release is good right? Blogging should do me good, despite my misgivings over it (angst-ridden teens ah, attention seekers ah, losers ah) I am almost ready to conclude I was misinformed. And shucks, it's 4 again. Like talkshow or something sia, the DY 4 o'clock Show! I'll be sleeping soon, gotta wake at 7. Meet at 8 at bb mrt. There's to be a gift exchange, at Sentosa! So exciting can, my toes are quivering. Thank goodness I'm not organising this man, I've had my fill of failures. I bequeath my title to my underlings. And thankses you guys muchses. Gratitude, appreciation. So imma sleep, to ensure I'm not gonna be late tmr and be a poo poo party pooper.
SUX2BEME :D
Good Night.
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