Perspective.

/pərˈspektiv/

noun

 

1. a technique of depicting volumes and spatial relationships on a flat surface;

2. a picture employing this technique, especially one in which it is prominent;

3. a visible scene, especially one extending to a distance; vista;

4. the state of existing in space before the eye;

5. the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship;

6. the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship;

7. a mental view or prospect.

How things change in a day - in a night, even. I had in mind this whole indulgent post before leaving tomorrow for what just might be ages, but that really doesn't seem to matter too much anymore.

I wish I could be more of a support, be readier with the right words, be more of a comfort, to a dear friend going through something so colossal. But I don't. And tomorrow I will be gone, too, and fat help I will be, huh? Well, I guess sometimes all you can do is offer your best, condolences, and prayer. I'm sorry for your loss, friend. And I pray you'll pull through.

 In other news, going to miss my kids very much. Especially after today when it felt like perhaps a sort of breakthrough with the dearest Tricia and Clara.. Shan't be seeing any of them for the next 3/4 weeks at least, I hope I won't be forgotten by the time I get back!

And because I have quite literally nothing to offer but words (bad ones, stupid ones, useless ones):

Death, and What to Do

         1. Tell the people close to you (let them love you, please.)

a.      Family

b.      Friends

c.       Lovers

         2. Stay focussed, practical.

a.      Funeral arrangements

b.      Informing workplace/applying for leave

c.       Documents

                                                     i.     Death cert

                                                   ii.     Funeral permit

                                                  iii.     Etc.

         3. Eat. Hydrate. Stay strong (for others, too.)

         4. Grieve.

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind.

Just came back from the actual WORST SAILING EVER. Haha ugh yuck sigh. So upsetting, almost made the horrific decision to play mahjong tonight, until I decided it really is time for me to treat my body a little more kindly... Not turning any younger anymore unfortunately! And the chef for some reason or another apparently hates vegetables. WHY. Never thought the day would come when I'd eargerly await my next meal hoping for some form of greens and be so bitterly disappointed to see none. My next poop is not gonna go all that well I fear!

Actually craved a salad after, unbelievable. And I'm drinking this Vegetable Juice (beetroot! carrot! celery! radish! acerola!) now to boot. What depths we've sunk to huh.... Really just wanted to whine about this sailing actually. Since all we did over the past 36hrs was moan and bitch about everything we could think of. It was actually disgusting. Whateverz.

Next few weeks promise to be exciting, at the very least! Time to finalize travel plans at long last, a new adventure awaits. And verrrrrrry happy with my new camera too yay! Thought it was the most expensive thing I ever bought and was very pleased about that fact until I remembered I bought this laptop too. Splurgingz ttm.

Finally, just wanted to reaffirm my love of Lean On (Major Lazer are you even kidding me with that name) and how it is my firm favourite for Song of the Summer! Cultural appropriation aside, ain't no other song got those grooves on, c'mon. Cheerleader = the worst. That is all!

Do The Whirlwind!

So, yay. 5 months of toil and trouble, and it's finally over. Thought there might be a tad more fanfare than this, watershed moments and all - but of course there isn't, who would know, and why would they?

Oh well. Was just considering that it's a little sad that here we are after all this while, huge sighs of relief out of the way, load off our shoulders - and yet one of us is still out there, one of us is alone at home cause his family went on holiday, and one of us (me) is here sadly tapping on his keyboard. Tsk. And trying and failing to peel off my Bedok-reservoir-sustained scabs too haha ok gross.

So ok, yay. All systems are a go - leave clearing and holiday planning shall begin in earnest now, and celebratory cameras do not buy themselves either. Hurrah.

This Grey Adorable City By The Docks.

Strange, unfortunate restless energy keeping me from sleeping tonight sigh. Have to be up in a couple of hours, the horror! To be carpark manager at a wedding, however, so no better reason to drag oneself out of bed I suppose.

So I've had a rather #sg50 weekend, all things considered! (i.e. not getting to watch NDP sigh whyyyyyy.) From a picnic at the botanic gardens which got rained on (#sumatrasqualls #sosingaporean) to rescuing a lost child at pasar bella, to a free (#sosingaporean) concert at bedok reservoir, conversing with precisely 1 x Foreigner (what consitutes a foreigner anyway?) the writer of the book I Ate Tiong Bahru which I promptly bought, and 1 x Senior Citizen (but not Pioneer Generation, unfortunately. How many people fall through the cracks huh?) who shared his dinner i.e. otah-bread with me. Descended a hill at a/m reservoir and stumbled and cut my leg almost falling into a longkang and bled rather spectacularly (#redwhitebloodcells #sg50) to cap off a most pleasant day/evening in the east.

Planned for and failed TWO (!!) suppers with the handsome most esteemed learned returning lawyer - Ho Captain! My Captain! (Mens rea was present, actus reus was lacking.) Sailed past the marina cruise bay, barrage, etc, and an immense crowd assembled on the various embankments/structures along the coast, most of whom, loathe as I am to admit, were there for the Black Knights (those magnificent beasts) rather than for us, I am sure. Caught the spectacular if rather too brief fireworks and the various fly-pasts from a unique vantage point I really shouldn't be complaining too much about (but I shall - ONE (!) whole day's worth of free transport and I enjoyed exactly none of it.)

Also managed to sneak a quick peek at the NDP on TV, quite happily the short segment featuring various Singaporeans overseas (including Sarajevo are you kidding me hello) and all their #sosingaporean comments. What is the Singaporean identity? one asks. And yet I identify with every single one of their sentiments, and maintain that I am able to spot a fellow Singaporean from a mile away. I'm not sure what makes us us, but I know that I know it when I see it. Most heartwarming for a prodigal Singaporean indeed.

Wonder if I have it in me to depart for years, again. Sometimes the scary thing is that I think I do, and I think I might have no qualms about it whatsoever. I can say all I want about personal growth, development, etc - but am I secretly glad to leave all this behind, again? This transient life, spent moving. Moving from, moving to. Moving on. And on and on and on and where is it we actually end up? Isn't home, home, and shouldn't home be enough? What, exactly, are we spending our lives in search of? The bright lights of a foreign city's sky, that sense of freedom ingested along with the unfamiliar smells and sights of a place so far from home. A green light at the end of a dock.

But this is us, this is what it means to be alive. The human condition: we run from the inevitable; we pursue the unattainable; we hopelessly hope.


P.S. How could I have neglected to mention that in addition to all that #sg50 extravaganza over MBS/Padang I had THREE (!!!) ice-creams on board today. 2 cornettos, 1 magnum. That is all.

P.P.S. I need to run/exercise/move around. Squash kakis hello please assist. Or any other sport, really. It's too much to drag my lazy ass out of home to run, sometimes. Sports is the only real solution I have available now..... #activesg

The Spaceman Says "Everybody Look Down."

When you leave, weary of me,
without a word I shall gently let you go. 

From Mount Yak
in Yongbyon,
I shall gather armfuls of azaleas
and scatter them on your way.

Step by step
on the flowers placed before you
tread lightly, softly as you go.

When you leave,
weary of me,
though I die, I'll not let one tear fall.

What a world we live in, that a random book (Reluctant Fundamentalist) could kindle an interest in 2 cities (Valpo and Lahore) which could lead (circuitiously, through a friend) to a most incredible website (www.lahorelanding.com) and lead to a Korean poem circa 1925.

How rough it is to gently let go. What could be harder?

Sometimes, it's all you can do to drown out the words unspoken. A whole conversation in my head of what's not been said. And all the while you can't help thinking: this is all just me, this is all just in my head. Sometimes, my head's a mess.

Your heart's a mess
You won't admit to it
It makes no sense
But I'm desperate to connect
And you, you can't live like this.

Way too late in the night now for thoughts as these - it is time for bed. Goodnight now.

Music To Walk Home By.

Spending the morning discovering that Tame Impala is pretty great listening on a spaced-out saturday. Body and soul on the Kevin Parker hype-train, I find myself yay. Have to get my butt out of this too-comfy chair of mine and run some errands soon but first.

Just realized yesterday was actually the 4th anniversary of our commisioning! What a 4 years too, huh. Definitely not, in so many crucial ways, the same person who marched out into that parade square what feels like forever ago. How the years have shaped us all! Not particularly prone to regrets, but I wonder what life would have been like had I actually lived out my resolve to put myself out of course way back when.

Well. In any case, just thought that this anniversary (yes, arbitrary remembrance though it is) was a rather timely reminder that:

I will not vanish.

Like Cigarette Burns On Otherwise Perfect Unspoilt Skin.

"And with a little pen-knife held in her hand
She plugged him through and through
And the wind did roar and the wind did moan
La la la la la
La la la la lee"


What a surprise to stumble upon Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds on Lush 995 the other day. A strange, fitting soundtrack to Sundays like these.

What a week. What a month. What a year. Working late every single day is no joke really, but I guess in some ways I'm actually glad to be this busy too. Thank God for a busy July! And they say that work shall set you free. Okay haha maybe not. Pls no. But yes, work is work and work is good, for now at least.

Except it kinda feels like I'm running on empty, sometimes. I really am reeling. Dog-tired, bone-weary. Barely even able to survive till the end of class today haha, or maybe it's the kids getting waaaaay more energetic! Little monsters the lot of them.

In other news, went into Lock and Lock the other day and got rather excited hahah. Almost bought a baking tray and casserole and friends.. Just a bit more preparation and my room shall finally be ready for housewarming! All that accumulated detritus from years of travel... Speaking of which, the title 'Desastres Naturales' actually is the title of a movie my Chilean friend directed. Talk about fascinating travel buddies...

Anyhow. Okay. Time to regroup. Lay low, start slow. Let's go.