(I've Got To Give It Away.)

It's been quite a few weeks lately. Right after my previous post there was the Weekend Away, an incredibly blessed event where I had the opportunity to see so many people grow spiritually. A friend shared this verse with me, 3 John 1:4 which says: I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. Which spoke powerfully to me, especially looking at my friends, and the people I'm supposed to be leading this year too. A great time for building friendships, for quiet reflection, personal growth, etc. 10/10 would do it again.

After that I had a slump-week actually, officially because I was tired from the weekend, but in truth probably because I was not just tired, but lazy. In fact it seems to me that the moments after certain breakthroughs are the most dangerous of all, something in the way my flesh just craves to go back to the way it was before. I pretty much finished 1.5 seasons of Breaking Bad, meaning I'm on the cusp of season 5 now! Seasons 3 and 4 were pretty awesome not gonna lie, 1 and 2 were a whole lot slower and less exciting.

I also watched 2 masterpieces of movies by 2 masters of the craft. Namely, Hayao Miyazaki and Wong Kar Wai. I watched Laputa: Castle in the Sky which has to be one of Miyazaki's earliest features, having been released in 1986! That's more than 25 years ago. But it boasts stunning artwork, an aesthetic that he clearly developed further in his later movies, and the beginnings of a fascination with sci-fi/nature elements that permeates all his movies too. Not as good, I'd say, as Howl's Moving Castle et al, but it was kinda like watching a first draft almost, and there is much to be appreciated in and of itself too.

I then (re-)watched 2046, which I first attempted probably 4-6 years ago? I was clearly waaaaaaaay too young for the movie back then, although it was a period in which I was watching some "art-house" films, and more often than not leaving completely confused probably. But seriously. What a movie?! It's so.. un-Chinese too, if that's even a term. Much more in the vein of Western directors like David Lynch, Lars von Trier, maybe Cronenburg, in terms of.. pure style maybe. An incredible aesthetic, great soundtrack, etc. It felt very much like Wong was directing what he knew to be his magnus opus, it was just so grand and ambitious. It might not be his best work, I think I like the understatement and restraint of In The Mood For Love (and Maggie Cheung) more, but you have to respect what he tried to do with 2046, and to a large extent, succeeded in doing. Not an easy film by any means, and it is obvious why I didn't get it the first time, it was even painful to watch, with themes my poor immature mind (back then) had no way of fully grasping. Unrequited love, longing, desire, unrelinquished pasts.. Heavy, heavy stuff. But those camera shots, wow. Insane to watch. Like half the movie is poster worthy or something. One of the most beautifully shot films I've watched, I think. Cinematography lessons.

I kinda miss the days when Facebook allowed you to choose what to display for your Likes, whether it was books, movies, singers, or TV shows. It was a form of self-expression, man. Which probably also speaks volumes about the importance of perception to me. I was really conscious/aware of my social media presence for sure. Now I'm pretty terrified. I'm just reading a book called The Filter Bubble which argues that the personalization effect of the huge cyber-corporations like Facebook and Google is one with largely insidious effects. It is a scary-ass book. And would you know it, here is Facebook rolling out their Personal Movie/Video for each and every single person on the network. It's easy to shrug it off and say whatever, I'm not affected and it's a cool feature etc. but in this day and age information is power, and there is clearly a disproportionate balance of it now, served further by the fact that most people don't see it as such and happily post stuff on fb et al.

Not that I'm afraid anyone's ever gonna wield it against me per se, but it is scary to think that each click of mine sends out a myriad signals and signifiers to potential advertisers, that my personality could possibly be completely captured within certain algorithms and programmes smart enough to interpret my actions on the net. For anyone with the slightest niggling shadows of doubts about such technological terrors, I would recommend the book to you, it's pretty easy reading and terribly illuminating. I'd be happy to loan it to you if you wanted too, which actually is a given for any book that I own cause sharing is caring and caring is good..

Actually the reason for my post and my title (brownie points if you can guess where it's from) is the fact that I just got my results from the spate of assignments/exams in December/January. What a faithful God have I!

Off the top of my head arithmetic tells me that I scored an average of 65% over 4 essays and one exam. I even got 72% for one essay, my first ever 1st-class grade EVER! Are you even kidding man!!!! I arrived back home on the 5th, first submission on the 9th, exam on the 10th, and then two more on the 14th. Less than a week for them all, and I scored exceedingly above far beyond my expectations for ALL of them haha! First time I'm so excited to get back my essays with the comments and feedback sheesh.

Slightly off-point here, but it was weird that upon opening the email and checking my results I had no idea who to tell, to talk to about it, except for my family. Also because I feel pretty awful for that CNY call cause I was playing DotA while chatting to them. No excuses there. But yeah, it is awkward that while I do have close friends here I'm not entirely comfortable sharing such news with them, unless they ask I guess. Possibly because I don't want to seem to be boasting/gloating? Because they're fellow students and the people whom I'm actually close to know how awful my working/studying habits are? Students are a competitive lot after all, even if it's not the initial response, or even intentional, cause inadvertently we compare ourselves against our peers, so it always seems insensitive to offer information whenever I do well.

I did do some spring cleaning today, even if the weather is trying valiantly to convince me that we are still in the throes of deepest winter, duh. Worst weather I've ever experience in Exe. Did not sweep with a broom so all good fortune retained. Or at least I think that's how it works. Back-breaking work, though.... Vacuuming, wiping down and giving my kitchen a thorough clean (oh that filthy, filthy place) and ironing my clothes, 2 batches of washing, inter alia, sheets pillowcases jeans. All I have left to do is the toilet. Public enemy no.1.5. Because 1) It resembles closely a public toilet and 2) No one wants to be its friend and 3) People do both their Number Ones and Twos there.

I am clearly veering very far off-topic (and off-colour to boot) so I think that shall be it for tonight.. Oh yeah I shall here append an... essay, article, write-up, whatever this is that was actually commissioned by an old friend, Deborah, for the NTU Sports Magazine or something. Completely out of the blue, and I kinda wrote it while I was really tired and dazed and confused, so it's not a particularly good example of travel writing unfortunately. Also some verbatim grabs from one of my previous posts too, only cause I ran out of ideas waaaaaay too quickly.

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Backpacking alone is scary. Most people who have never done it see it as quite an intimidating prospect, and inevitably there are concerns over safety, loneliness, and even boredom sometimes. For all the fears, it can be incredibly rewarding. I can’t pretend I’ve never gotten worried over those things, but in my experience so far, it’s always been worth it, and I’ve learnt so much from each of my trips.

Late last year, I decided to spend my three-week Christmas break traveling around Europe. My trip took me to 6 different countries and just about 12 different cities across Central Europe—from Austria to Slovakia, Hungary, Czech Republic, Poland and finally Latvia. Most of these countries were pretty cheap to visit, especially in winter, and it was surprisingly easy to get around as well. Language was less of a problem than I expected, since most people working in tourist-related sectors do speak English. At a pinch you could try to talk to younger, student-looking people as they’re more likely to speak English. Alternatively you could simply pluck up the courage to approach just anyone on the street.

Which brings me to one of the first lessons I learnt while on the road: Don’t be afraid to make a fool out of yourself. There is no better time to do that than when you’re traveling alone. Nobody knows you, and even the people you meet are not likely to ever see you again, so why bother with what complete strangers think about you? You never realize how much energy you devote to “preserving your image” until you stop doing it, and it is incredibly liberating. I don’t think anything offers as much freedom as solo travel.

Backpacking alone gives you freedom to do whatever you want and to go wherever you want. But with that said,  my second piece of advice would be :Don’t let yourself be constrained by anything, especially not yourself. I like to travel without having anything concrete in mind. Basically what I did this time was to book my flight to Linz, Austria, and back from Riga, Latvia. I had three weeks to figure out how to make my way to Riga and I didn’t really know where exactly I’d be stopping along the way.

“How is that even remotely a good thing?” you might ask. Well, it meant that I got to visit Slovakia, something I wasn’t sure I was going to do, and better yet, it meant that I got to fall in love with that beautiful country. I went from Vienna to Bratislava, thinking I’d spend maybe one day there since many fellow travellers told me there wasn’t too much to do there. Instead, a casual conversation with one of the hostel staff led to her convincing me to visit her hometown, Košice. I couldn’t get any direct transport there cause it was the Christmas period, so I decided to take a detour through the mountains instead.

Which is how I ended up in Ždiar, a little gem of a village in the heart of Vysoké Tatry, the majestic mountain range on the borders of Slovakia and Poland with more than a hint of Alpine grandeur without the hordes of ski-crazy tourists. A tactically placed brochure in my hostel in Bratislava alerted me to the presence of a hostel in the mountains, and so there was no excuse and I would never have forgiven myself for not going. Immense views, insane panoramas, exquisite hikes, hyperbolic pizzas…you couldn't ask for more. My favorite destination this trip, not least because I did not expect it at all. I ended up spending two whole days in the High Tatras and one in Košice, for a grand total of 5 days in Slovakia that I had not planned for at all.  

 I also spent more time in Krakow, Poland, than I initially thought I would, and got to spend a couple of days in Wroclaw too. None of which would have been possible if I’d had a fixed itinerary to begin with. Planning is overrated!

My third and final point is simply to have an open mind, and heart. You’ll meet many different people from all walks of life, and you might make surprising connections with people you never thought you could. You’ll be surprised by how nice complete strangers can be, and how willing people are to help each other on the road. Turn off your phone and stop eagerly looking forward to that next WiFi hotspot. Don’t take pictures or do things in anticipation of the  reception you’re gonna get on Instagram or Facebook. 

Be open to new experiences. On this trip I almost had to sleep on a random bench in Hallstatt (since I was unable to find a hostel), got smashed with some new friends at a local students’ club in Bratislava, bought a SGD$1.70 ticket last minute to watch the Nutcracker at the State Opera in Budapest, spent the last few minutes of Christmas Eve setting off fireworks with some fellow Singaporeans, trekked up Slovakian mountains, took in the  bleak, yet strangely uplifting experience of Auschwitz-Birkenau alone, etc. You can’t plan for all that, but you can create those opportunities. All it takes is the right attitude.

But there is a certain amount of downtime too. It is tiring. It is even boring sometimes. You do get lonely. You get lost and confused and there isn't anyone you know there to help you or comfort you. You choke up at the sight of something so beautiful and profound and there's no one to share it with. You finally make it to the top of the hill to take in the sight of the city below you but there's no one to celebrate with. You sit by the sea with a million thoughts running through your mind and there's no one to talk to.

But you do it anyway. You figure out yourself, you solve your problems, you internalize the beauty of the world because you don't have a choice, you didn't have anyone to blabber to. You learn to think without talking. You get used to you. You achieve things yourself without needing anyone to congratulate you. You start doing things for yourself and not for the adulation of others. I mean sure, you can boast about it when you get back but there's this feeling when you do something significant and realize that right at that moment, no one cares. No one knows to care. You finally arrive at the viewpoint which promises an incredible panorama, and it's taken you 2 hours to climb, and it was tough-going, but no one actually cares. No one even knows you're there, what you've done. No one but you. And maybe, just maybe, you start to realize that your self-worth does not, should not, cannot, be based on what the world says about you. It's not about the number of likes on facebook and instagram or the favourites on twitter. All that comes later, after you tweet your picture of the panorama, but that has nothing to do with the flush you got from achieving something yourself, even though there wasn't anyone there to "comment" on what you've done.

And you live through the bouts of loneliness. I'm not gonna pretend traveling alone doesn't get lonely sometimes. It's only natural, and if you don't feel even the slightest bit lonely I'm sorry but you're weird.. But it's just one of the many problems you'll face on the road alone. So don't be put off by that. I'm willing to bet that most of the time you'll find yourself so caught up with wherever you are or the people that you meet that you won't even realize you're not feeling lonely. You won't know till you try, so take a leap. 

Travel alone, or with friends. There’s no such thing as a “better” mode of travel. Life’s too short to spend it all cooped up on a tiny island, and there’s just so much on offer out there. It’s not hard at all. Go online and book a flight. Let what you’ve just done sink in. Welcome to the world.

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Was trying so hard not to sound pretentious, or prescriptive, or smug, or so many other things. Geez it's hard to write for an audience you don't know. And first time writing with anything remotely like an editor and expectations too, it was pretty fun even if slightly poorly done. I keep reading and re-reading it and feeling like it lacks a certain something, No clear direction, no real purpose in mind, reads like a rambling narrative without much real substance, which is why I decided to import that last bit from my blog cause at least that was heartfelt. It did make the entire piece disjointed though, and I was way too lazy to re-do the whole thing. Welp. I hope it's at least half-decent and acceptable, although I do feel kinda bad cause I feel like I could have done so much better. Oh well spilt milk and other beverages. Cy'all.