Sunday 9 February 2014
A Tree, A Life, A Shout. Silence.
some days you wake up at three in the afternoon and you realize it doesnt matter does it not to anyone at all. you have woken up and you are wondering what to do and you come up with nothing and there is no one to tell. you think your life is a mess and there is no one to tell you that no it is not you are beautiful and your life has meaning after all. you run a hot shower and you stand in there for five minutes ten twenty thirty and you think why should i leave. it is warm and it is comfortable here and what is the point anyway. you put on some music and you lose yourself in it and you think is that what its all come to to lose yourself to lose to lose to lose lose lose. you think about all the things you have lost the things you never had the things you have given up. you think that life is not fair then you think no life is not fair but it is not not fair that life is life and that is life isnt it. you think if only i could share these thoughts with someone if only i could share my life with someone anyone i might still be saved. you think a tree has fallen in a forest and of course there is a sound but so what so what if there was so what so what is the point. what is the point.
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some days aren’t exciting and the mundane parts of life eat into your bones and you wonder why you even bother. it is dreary and it is a dark place and it is not going to get better when you’re the only one who attends your own pity party. maybe it’s the people around you and maybe it’s something you’ve observed and maybe it’s the voices in your head and maybe it’s all of them at once. find someone who will bring out the parts of you that are the best and not just a person who is able to save you from the worst because that’s jesus’ job. stop focusing on yourself and start looking around and never forget the things that you’re thankful for because most of the time they are the things that you live for anyway. life was never fair and it is never fair and it will never be fair and it has always been about perspective. you think a tree has fallen in a forest and of course there is a sound but there will never be a point if you don’t choose to see it or you don’t make a point out of it.
ReplyDeletePlease don’t do anything stupid. I worry about you.
Hi Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWell, thank you for your comment. I guess sometimes there is someone who hears the falling tree after all, which throws a metaphorical spanner into the greatest of philosophical thoughts.
Thanks too, for your worry, but here I must also say don't worry. Yes there are elements of truth in this post but it is largely a work of fiction and I was just trying out a certain style, a stream of consciousness darker and more "realistic" (whatever that means) than what I usually try to do.
I guess this means it worked. Sorry for making you worry, though, normally I explain myself and my writings and I could have mentioned how this was merely the result of a certain melancholy and a devastating song by Angel Olsen.
I am not going to do anything stupid. I am sure of this as I have considered it, in purely theoretical terms, and I have laughed it off. I do stupid things all the time, but believe me when I say I would never do anything stupid the way you mean it.
Thanks once again for your concern, I must say it is pleasantly surprising, given the entire premise of this story after all. Sometimes it does feel as if there is no one out there who hears you, and then sometimes there is. And I thank you for that.