Sometimes I think it'd be nice if we could live our lives.. how do you put it.. all alone? That is, never accountable to anyone else. We wouldn't have to worry about the consequences of our actions and we'd never owe anything to anyone. We'd live the lives we've secretly always wanted to live, all action and reaction, bypassing thought absolutely. Sometimes I think that would be nice.
If you were sad you could withdraw into yourself and there'd be nobody to pull you out. Sometimes I think that would be nice. If you were angry you could destroy something and there'd be nobody out there trying to justify your actions for you. Sometimes I think that would be nice. If you were happy you could celebrate with wild abandon and there'd be nobody looking at you with reproach in their eyes. Sometimes I think.
And I think and I think and I think. Sometimes to no avail. Sometimes I approach clarity. All that above, it's just too selfish. However much you might wish otherwise, whatever happens to you affects others too (I hope it does, it'd be too sad otherwise). And as such you have a responsibility to the people around you. However much you might wish otherwise, sometimes. I'm not just me to me, or for me. I'm also me for all the people around me. I'm a friend, a son, a brother, a (fill in the blank). Whatever I am to you, I have a responsibility to you. And whatever happens to me, I cannot and will not forsake that responsibility. Whatever happens to me, I will not let it affect me cause I want to be the same person to you, son, friend, brother, or (fill in the blank).
And whatever selfish self-destructive tendencies I might ever have is tempered by the fact that I could never bring myself to let down the people around me. Yes, that's you. So have no worries, friend/family/(fill in the blank) I'll come out perfectly fine. As always. But give me some time, sometimes, to hurt and whine and be very upset. I need some down time sometimes.
I was just thinking, hey, I was made for this. This is perfection. I can watch movies alone, borrow and buy and read books, indulge in music for hours on end, play dota, and work, among many other things that fill up my life. I can get over anything, and I can do it alone. I'm not averse to company, however. Solitude so emo and over-rated. But never have a care that I'll ever be unhappy cause you know, I amuse myself no end. I'm the happiboi.
I don't want get out of this jaded. Bitter. Cynical. I want to still believe that hope springs forth eternal. The fear that you will have destroyed my optimism and naivety and belief, it is unfounded. Never fear, never regret, never look back. Never.
Life is all about possibilities. True, no? It's all about seeing the possibilities, and doing all you can, you strive and you fight, to make that possibility a reality. And growing up, it's all about learning to ignore those possibilities. Some of them look all shiny and alluring, but you have to learn to disregard some of them sometimes. You have to learn to let go, and back off. As a child everything was possible. Or so you thought. Now you learn of impossibilities, and it is sad. It is a sad world where there exist impossibilities, where not everything is possible. Growing up is a sad business.
And if amidst all this sadness, you see a possibility for happiness and you decide to go for it, don't hold back. Fight for it. Don't look back. You fight and claw your way to make this possibility reality. If you honestly think you could be happy, go for it. Nobody has the right to stop you. Go. And never look back.
Don't think don't think don't think. I hate it when I start thinking again. I absatively mean it when I say I need a release from this troublesome mind. dontlike2emo92. But still. So easy? So freaking easy? Not that I don't want it, but the ease and speed? Damn it. Unbelievable. Self-worth -2138719 yey thanks. This sucks. I must really suck hard wtf. I'll stop here.
Gah.
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