I had this most emo walk home. If there were a competition for emo walks mine would walk out with Mr Personality, Mr Congeniality and of course the Grand Title of EMO WALK OF ALL TIME itself. Cool or?
Methinks I am a shrimp. In your estimation, no doubt. Or mayhaps a fly. Okay just imagine something absolutely inconsequential, and that its (yeah its so inconsequential and puny don't bother imagining a gender for it) name is de yan. And then imagine you just brush it off. Okay that's nowhere near colourful enough a description. You crush it and trample it and never look back. Maybe abit too strong a desicription, but it serves well enough. Okay so you've just done all that. Yey you! GJ.
You are godzilla, I am japan! You are steamroller, I am retard cockroach on the road looking for 1-hit-KO! Yey me!
I guess not so much emo as angry hey? I'm so very angry at myself. My goddamn subconscious for betraying me, gj! Please throw up more dreams to trip me up next time much appreciated love muchies. And then I was thinking again (!) and suddenly got irritated at someone. In fact trying to shift the blame. Exercise in futility, no? So I'll let this irritation pass and not let it affect anything. Dunno why I'm pointlessly seeking to deflect the blame and to distribute the fault on my shoulders. If I think past my pride for just one second I realize the problem is me. Was me. Whatever.
I was just thinking how prideful I was. Cocky and arrogant and irritating. That was a long time ago. I thought I put it behind me but always there's that prideful man lurking around. I say man I mean boy. Pride is so childish. Pride directing your actions and your thoughts. So afraid of being ashamed you don't do anything of note. Too late for regrets, no?
Okay I'm getting tired. Work in the morning tmr yahoo. Everyday now so same yet so different, going to work and eating after work, so much comfort in repetition. People like order in their lives. School. Or work. Or even contracts! These are things that you have to commit yourself to and are pretty much out of your control. It's nice sometimes for things to be out of your control. Mindless machines, mayhaps. But happy, content ones. That's why school was so awesome. Since you had to go to school everyday anw you made the most out of it, and the result (I hope) was awesome. Now work, its monotony is even bleaker. Imagine your life. And the next 40 years of it. Doing. The. Same. Thing. Makes you want to go insane, if only just to spice your life up.
I think I could go insane. Not the you know, in your face abrasive kind of insane. More the sort of loopy omg-what-randomness-is-he-gonna-perform-next kind of insane, the kind that doesn't hurt or offend the people around you. At the very least nobody will ever have any sort of idea of what to expect from you. Expectation bad. Letting person be himself good. And does an insane person know he's insane? So oft asked, but will we ever get an answer? It's a downright mystery, it is. If an insane person says he knows he's insane, can you trust him? Or is he just messing with you? Or is his brain messing with him? Sometimes I wish that, you know maybe later in life after accomplishing everything I wanted to, I'd just go insane, if only to answer this question cause who likes living life without any answers? Then again who likes living life with all the answers? Too tired to try and think deep I'll stop here.
So tired. Don't want to think. So tired. Goodnight.
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