Cement Lament.

I just went for a morning run. The equivalent of a morning run when your body clock is really screwed up. I slept at about 5pm and woke at 2. I then went for a run at 3.30. I thought I had run for quite some time but it turned out to be a mere 1 hour affair. No idea why time seems to be trickling by tonight. So well my lament is that my back really aches when I run. It's so irritating that I couldn't focus and hit my stride. Really unnatural pace. After only 20 mins I thought I'd run for at least half an hour. Cui man. To think I used to be revitalized after running. I think I'm going to look really haggard and tired later in school.

Anyway it seems to have whittled down to 28 days left or something. Whatever it is I don't care, I just want to make a cool reference to 28 Days Later, that cool zombie flick. Well so I think I've made my peace with not scoring spectacularly. I just feel it doesn't matter how well I score, or that I didn't get my desired straight As. Why get sucked into the paper chase? The futility of it is apparent. Yes it would be immensely gratifying and satisfying to get all As and brag about it for years, but that's purely for ego's sake. I don't think it's that important anymore. Good thing I've lowered my parents' expectations after a string of bad results since last year.

So I was wondering again about the public nature of blogs. While I would like to pretend that nobody reads my blog, that's just not possible. I'd like to think that whether or not someone is reading my posts doesn't matter, but it just doesn't work that way. It matters that I don't say what I truly want to say. And also how you present yourself, it's pretty unnatural, at least to me. Some things I want to say but they seem pretentious or something, and I eventually don't. Some things are too private. It's just weird.

Oh it's raining. Pleasant, rainy day. If I weren't already awake, I'd say it's odds on that I wouldn't go to school. Even now I'm having second thoughts. Sounds like a really good idea, to not go to school and luxuriate at home with the sound of raindrops crooning me to sleep. What poetic imagery. What temptation.

It's been raining a bit lately. Just yesterday I had a sudden urge to walk home in the rain. I remember getting soaked in the rain kicking soccer, or playing basketball, or doing whatever stupid things that kids in general do. And the best part was that we didn't care. It'd have felt good to do something stupid again, but by the time I went home the rain had subsided to the meekest drizzle. Oh well.

Note to self. I'm really upset that all my postcards and letters have vanished. Seriously. I really cherish those postcards. Each one is a slice of the past. Most of them are earnest messages of goodwill. The people who you've been close to through the years, leaving you notes of appreciation. You might see them lying around randomly and it just makes you happy to read it. A reminder of the past. Damn. I only have one left, and the postcard is a Bratz one. Pink and Bratz. Wts.

I'm having some serious reservations about going to school. But I'll just end off here. If I do go to school I deserve applause for my mental fortitude. No wait, I just changed my mind. GP and Econs? NO HAHA NEVER. Yeah my decision was made for me. Stupid timetable srsly. Till next time, then.