The Death Knell Tolls.

Oh yes, the holidays are drawing to an end. Or rather, oh no. Glorious, glorious holiday. Well I'm going to be a bore and tell you how my holidays went. First half of it, I didn't do anything. I stayed at home and dota-ed and played a cutesy mmorpg game. Gaynerd, I know. Then I started studying cause I grew a conscience all of a sudden. Of course, it helped that I woke up earlier than 5pm and that woonshin asked me out to study, or my character in said cutesy mmorpg could be a legend now. That does sound like a cool alternative way to have spent my holidays. Steamboat, bowling, pool, overnight studying with actual studying involved. Been pretty b-z so it's all good.

I also watched Moon on wednesday. I'm afraid I wasn't really in the mood for a movie, I'm not sure why, but I did enjoy it. That's a testament to how good it is, even though I was just sitting there not very engaged. It's basically a one-man show, with only one actor almost throughout the movie. Acting was fantastic. It is also a solid piece on loneliness and humanity. Good premise, majestic set, great acting, sharp dialogue, there's nothing more to ask for. There's still district 9 which apparently is still in cinemas, according to the cool new function I just discovered all starhub users have which can check movie timings. Only 20cents a pop too. Fantastic.

And friend, it's been a long time. We've hardly talked, merely made sporadic small chat here and there. You're still on my mind. Sometimes I watch a movie, and a part of me doesn't want to watch it alone. Your name always comes to mind. Then I come home and tuck my movie ticket into the bunny box. Treasured. as is everything else. Friend, you are dearly missed.

There is also however, that niggling fear. A hesitance before I start a conversation. Maybe things aren't the same, the person I'm talking to isn't the same person I used to talk to. That awkwardness stemming from months of no contact that doesn't quite go away. It's odd and makes me quite conflicted. While it was to me a treasured friendship that I don't want to lose or for it to fade away into oblivion, I'm afraid things will never be the same and we'll have lost that easy normalcy between us, leaving us as normal friends who rarely if ever talk. It's too precious for that.

We are victims of our circumstances, aren't we? Or its beneficiaries, if you're a half-cup-full sort of person. Sometimes bad things happen. But how you react to it, and the reaction of people around you, sometimes those are good things. It's good to remember that.

Life, life is a precarious business. Everything is built upon the reaction of people to situations. I assume there was an original action in the first place, but pretty much everything else is reaction. Someone did this which initiated that which caused me to do this and you then attempt that. And it's like a house of cards. Unstable, rickety, but somehow it doesn't collapse. Most of the time it doesn't. So take a step back someday and recognize the sheer improbability of life. And in that improbability, find the beauty and the wonder. It'll take your mind off the A levels :)

I actually wasn't thinking of writing all that but it just came out. Good job subconscious. I like walking. It's entirely different from running where you lose yourself. It's an opportunity to contemplate and ruminate. Lovely word, ruminate, always wanted to use it and I did :D You don't even have to ponder on things if you don't want to, but it's a good time to do so. More time than you'll ever have anywhere else (except maybe when traveling but that's different.)

I'm listening to The Cure. Really weird frontman, all that makeup is just creepy. But pretty good listening nonetheless as long as I'm not watching the video from youtube. And The Police, it's a shame I'm too lazy to transfer these songs to my phone. There's something with me and oldies at the moment. The Beach Boys. And oh beatlemania is back, according to the papers. It's good that people will listen to the beatles again but if they're gonna get overplayed on the radio then damn. I'm a Class 95 fan now though, whatwith studying at macs so often. Lovely songs, the occasional classic and the occasional boyband song, and some recent ones too but thankfully not too many of those.

Well it's 1.15am and there's school tomorrow. Even after sleeping a healthy 8 hours from 10 to 6pm I'm still pretty tired. Should (hopefully) be going to sleep soon cause there's school tomorrow. Yey? School's a mixed bag. Some days I'm happy to go and some days I regret going. And most days I wake up late and my decision is made for me. Oh man. The resumption of school means that.. It's the final leg of the journey. No, I'm not worried yet, but still this is symbolic. The Last Stretch.

On a less gloomy note my parents are back so no more being terrified of running out of money. And even better. It's dota time.

The Cure - Boys Don't Cry

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to
laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry

I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

Byez