We're Not Human At All.

"Smoke ham and scrambled eggs, Mathea." I heard Epsilon put the platter on the night table before he sat down on the chair by the bedside. I opened my eyes. There was a balloon hanging from the ceiling. "I bought it on Karl Jorhan Street," Epsilon said. "Oh," I said. He was wearing his suit and he sat with his elbows on his knees, hands folded. "Aren't you going to ask?" he said. I didn't know what he meant. Then he said, "You always want to bet on everything. How long do you think it'll stay on the ceiling?" "Epsilon, I'm too tired," I said. There was a breeze coming in from the window. I was cold and pulled the cover up to my chin. "I think it'll last a week," he said. "Or, no, I'm going to say two. What do you think?" "I don't know," I said. "More or less?" he insisted. It felt like I was going to have to contend with that balloon forever. I sighed: "More." "So if I win," said Epsilon, "then you have to have dinner with me in a nice restaurant, and afterward we'll go to the theater." I closed my eyes. "I couldn't." "But that's what I want," Epsilon said. "What do you want if you win?" I didn't answer. "You can think about it," Epsilon said. I turned over on my side, so he wouldn't know that I was crying again. Behind me I heard him spread the napkin on his lap and pick up the silverware.

Neither of us mentioned the balloon again, even though it hovered right over our heads like a speech bubble in a cartoon and I imagined it was full of incomprehensible signs. The day before I was due to win the bet, I finally decided what I wanted. I didn't know how I was going to manage, but I got up and took a knitting needle out of my pine box. The air left the balloon like a sigh of relief. When Epsilon came home from work, I was ready to go out. I'd pinned my hair up with a clip and pinched my cheeks. He stared at me bewildered as I stood in the hall with my shoes on, all ready to go. My coat had gotten so big on me. "You won," I said. A deep sob came from Epsilon's throat, he'd probably held it in for far too long.

I smoothed the wrinkles from his forehead with my fingers. "You look beautiful," he said. "Thank you," I said and glanced down. He kissed my head. I caressed his shoe with the tip of mine. "Did you get new laces?" I asked. "No," Epsilon said. "Oh," I said. And then we began to laugh.



Hello again. I've sort of been in a kinda extended slump for a while now, hopefully I've snapped out of it now. I've been doing pretty much nothing, which actually isn't that uncommon for me, but it's been a more meaningless than usual nothingness somehow. As unlikely as that may sound. In the last 2 weeks I've read my remaining books, and in the past 2 days I've watched lots and lots of movies. Sounds terribly slothful, maybe, but it's more than I've done the past 2 weeks.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower was pretty good, although I was initially a little annoyed cause I kept trying to think of what I was like when I was 15, so I was like, come on! half the time. It got much better after I got over myself, aha. Some nice turns of phrases (double plural here just seems weird srsly.)

I probably liked The Faster I Walk, The Smaller I Am better. Those passages in italics above are from the book. The entire book was so understated, and offbeat, I don't know. "A gloomy feel-good novel about the irreparable loneliness of being human. A tragicomedy of rare quality." I love the jacket of the book too. And Perks' as well. When I first picked up the book I kept thinking wow, what an amazing cover! Terribly superficial, I know, but like, whatever... The only fault of The Fault In Our Stars I can think of is probably its jacket, definitely not featuring in my best dressed books of all time.

So I hadn't been watching any movies at all. I decided I had to rectify that, so I did. Somehow, almost all the movies I've watched recently have been British films. It started with The Inbetweeners Movie, which took some warming up to, but paid off I guess. Sex jokes aplenty, as you'd expect from a movie about 4 young lads off on a holiday, but it goes beyond that and delivers some really good lines.

Death At A Funeral came next. Some OTT fun, I recoiled in horror when I saw there was a Hollywood remake starring Chris Rock or something. There's something charming in an eccentric Brit family which I highly doubt survives a transatlantic conversion..

After that came Submarine. I really enjoyed that. Quite possibly one of the best running styles ever captured on camera? So much awkward earnestness, truly golden stuff. And the entire soundtrack was by Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys, you really don't get much more awesome than that do you! Awesome movie, I'd definitely recommend it if you're in for some lighthearted comedic awesomeness. One of the best romances in recent memory haha.

So that was part one of my British-working-class-period movies. After that came This Is England, a title I stumbled across on the message boards of Submarine or something, which is kinda dorky I guess. Aha. No regrets, however! Of the slew of movies I've just watched (slew is my favourite word for describing movies like that, I struggle to think up a substitute.) this was probably the best of the lot.

It was powerful. Dark and disturbing. Frightening, even. Mostly cause of how believable it all seemed. First 5 mins I was pretty skeptical (the super thick incomprehensible accent didn't help either, sheesh.) 30mins in, or whenever it was Combo appeared, and I was enthralled. The most incredible performance by Stephen Graham, wow. By no means the pleasantest of movie watching experiences, this is an example of how a movie need not be pleasant to be brilliant. I was mindblown for a short while after that before starting on..

Harry Brown. Unfortunately this wasn't quite as good as I'd hoped it to be. Perhaps still reeling a little from This Is England. The one redeeming feature of the film was Emily Mortimer. After watching Hugo I developed this little crush on her. Hahaha. She is cute though! And there was Michael Caine of Batman fame, but his character was a little uneven I think. Kind of a meh-movie for me, especially in the wake of something as sterling as This Is England.

Since I was on revenge flicks, I moved on to director Shane Meadows' (who did This Is England) Dead Man's Shoes. Really strong stuff. This guy clearly knows what he's doing. Starring Paddy Considine (who, coincidentally, appears also in Submarine. The small world of British cinema eh?) as 1x Scary Person. Probably one of the scariest things about the movie for me was how much I wanted the victims' suffering to be prolonged. I guess with vigilante type films the moral ambiguity plays a rather large part, but I was aware and subsequently disturbed by what I was thinking. Hmm. The super 8 footages were painful, brilliantly so. And again, it all seemed so grounded and maybe a little plausible. Gritty Britty stuff.

Next title in Shane Meadows/Paddy Considine's catalogue I was interested in was A Room For Romeo Brass. Paddy Considine again as Scary Person. Way scarier, in a totally different way, this time. This guy can bloody act man. Another realistic portrait of middle class Britain, and yet more vulnerable, exploitable victims. Which can be found in all 4 of these films. Which makes for slightly depressing watching, cause you can only imagine how likely it is that these people get exploited/abused/victimized in real life. It really makes you wonder how the world got to be such a messed up place. Although that might just be the wrong question to ask, cause who's to say it's ever been better? Maybe it's always been this messed up, or something. Oh wells.

Next I watched Sexy Beast, which sounds terribly naughty, no doubt, but it's not. Even after watching, the film, I'm not entirely sure who or what it's referring to. I might have missed something..... It wasn't nearly as good as I expected it to be, given its ratings, so maybe I did miss something. Well. Ben Kingsley was splendid, yes, but still? I guess I didn't really enjoy the movie. It was a miss for me. Meh.

The last one on my list (finally, I know.) is Ghost World. Steve Buscemi of Reservoir Dogs fame (nay, awesomeness) and a cute girl called Thora Birch. Oh and Scarlett Johansson, but meh. I'm not that big a fan of hers really, but more pertinently, she didn't have that much to do in the movie anyways. Although maybe that's just me being blindsided by how young she looked. I mean, srsly?! She looked like she was 14 or something. All in all a pretty good movie, I guess, definitely enjoyable. The social misfits/outcasts were great, but every one else was pretty much one-dimensional. There was a scene with T.J Thyne (Hodgins from Bones!) which was brilliant though. Probably worth it to watch just for Enid's counter-cultural dress sense, haha.

Quite the lot of movies hey? Not too shabby. I'm thinking I'll watch Boy A next, a film I first saw in Lifestyle or something a few years ago. It starred a then unknown Andrew Garfield, and I was totally intrigued by the synopsis. Almost watched it last year or two years ago with my sister, but the accent defeated us. Hahaha. Pathetix. Now, armed with firsthand knowledge and experience of the British accent, I shall try to watch it again. Just in case though, I've downloaded the subtitles. Haha. Give me a Scouser accent, or some Irish brogue, a Welsh accent, Cockney, a Northern accent, idk, whatever, and I'd probably be stumped. I have no idea how they understand each other, srsly. Awful stuff, mate.

Well, somehow I've not mentioned Chinawoman or Sleep Party People here. I guess I've only been into them in the past 2 weeks, but it feels like longer than that. I heard I'm Not Human At All and I was blown away. The weirdest sounds ever. And thus refreshingly good. If someone tried to describe it to me I'd probably be like meh, I don't know man, doesn't sound like my thing. I mean, rabbit masks, really cool and all, but that voice? Meh. What do you know, it works, somehow. Amazing Danish sounds! First Mew, now this.. And if you watch the live x sessions, really keep your eye on the drummer.. The way those rabbit ears bounce up and down when he(/she?) gets excited, now that's solid gold.

And Chinawoman's Lovers Are Strangers. Dat musik video.. That's just one sad video man.. I think I pretty much like all of her songs, probably Left You At The Farm stands out for its rather inexplicable title. Party Girl, Russian Ballerina, all good stuffs brother! Something so Russian in the music, don't you think. Apparently her music originates from the Russian nightclubs of Toronto or something.

I somehow did not notice Mew had a new album till recently. What a title.. No More Stories / Are Told Today / I'm Sorry / They Washed Away / No More Stories / The World Is Grey / I'm Tired / Let's Wash Away. That's kickass. And if you give New Terrain a listen.. You'll be reminded of the time you listened to Stairway To Heaven backwards in the hopes of gleaning a satanic message. Hahaha. Or maybe that was just me, bloody hell. Except that this was done on purpose. Reversing the song gives you a new one, Nervous. If I recall, both lyrics stand in counterpoint to one another, which is just cleverness upon cleverness, but I'm not sure.

Oh yeah there's Lykke Li as well, with that catchy Dance Dance Dance (or dans dans dans as she sings it) and that great little video. And I Follow Rivers of course. And I forgot to mention Skeletons, another off-beat british comedy, which was pretty good as well. Unfortunately I've run out of unread books. Hmm. Need to restock soon. Or maybe I'll just re-read some stuff. Terry Pratchett always comic gold of course, so no problem there I guess. Need to save money that's why, sigh.

Okay. I'll end here. I'll probably churn out one more post before I go scurrying off to London, at long bloody last! It's incredible (can you use the word 'incredulous' here? sounds kinda odd, to me.) to think that I've been here 6 odd months without entering the capital of England for any substantial amount of time. Downright pathetic. Paris, and Geneva and whatnot, and I haven't even been to London. Sheesh kebabs!

P.S. I think it is timely now to mention that I have somehow gotten myself a brand new online name to brandish at fellow losers, I mean, gamers who are dastardly enough to cross paths with me. Witness the rise of KILLERKAHN98!!!! Have no fear, KILLERKAHN98 is here! (You know you want to try it. Just speed yourself through that whole kahn98 bit.) Quite a mouthful, I know, but more than worth it, I assure you! Hehehe!

KiLl3RkAhN9eIgHt signing off. CIaozzz.