When I Am Not This Hunchback That You See.

So, a hundred thousand years after hearing Jeff Buckley's rendition of Hallelujah on House, today I finally listen to Leonard Cohen for the first time - after a circuitous journey only the internet and youtube comments and sidebars can offer. Good stuff.

I've also just embarked on Ministry of Moral Panic by local writer Amanda Lee Koe, and am supremely excited to resume it - only it doesn't feel fair to read it while in a distracted frame of mind, as I am now. It's so Singaporean in such a natural way, I'm not sure how else to put it. Probably once I'm done I'll be able to accurately dish out the hyperbole, but for now I can only say how pleased I am with such wonderfully crafted short stories. Definitely a writer to get excited about! Good stuff.

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Okay so I wrote all that sometime in December but never found the time to finish it. 2 months on I can safely say that Ministry of Moral Panic was truly excellent and a debut unlike any other. Hope for local talent after all!

Anyway. First CNY back home in years and boy does it feel good. Despite the snacking. Especially the snacking. I don't even know anymore pineapple tarts confuse me. How can something so bad feel so good? Or vice versa. I don't even know, man.. Wanted to go for a run right this morning but decided to turn on my laptop instead - story of life indeed. Rumour has it kueh bangkits don't just go on their own and disappear from tummies and love handles, but I'm willing to live with that possbility apparently! You gotta love this season. So soon after 1st jan too, you can literally hear the sound of a million resolutions breaking... Well that got dark fast!

So the actual reason I was gonna write today was to explain, perhaps, my last story. It didn't actually start off as one per se, I had to come up with some sorta narrative to stitch together all these different thoughts. Origin: Reading Murakami's Kafka on the Shore on the MRT to work one fine morning - I felt inspired to type out a couple of drafts on my phone, pretty much all those passages in italics, which in my book constitutes a pretty productive morning huh. Think it took all of 40mins, so that was pretty inspired I think. Not to mention how surprised I myself am by the result.

I had no idea what to do with these fragments, so one fateful night I decided to piece them together - imperfectly probably - and see what the result could be. As with all my other stories, I didn't quite know what to make of it after writing it. A bit ragged, maybe. A tad unpolished and choppy, maybe. But as with all the rest too, I don't think there's any way for me to make any changes anymore. What's done is done, I guess. And every time I read it again I'm not sure what I was thinking while I wrote that, what I was trying to achieve, who I was trying to speak to. Apart from myself, that is.

I didn't write the story about someone. I did write the story for someone. I hope it worked. Funny, how that is sometimes, maybe cause I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve either. 2nd story I've written that wasn't just for myself - it makes writing that much of a scarier process too. And quite uncharacteristically too, and I'm still not sure why I did, I even posted it on fb to largely positive reaction, of which I am very appreciative. Apart from some strange and probably unnecessary comparison to 50 shades.....

I guess maybe it's cause I know by now I really am not writing for anyone's approval or reception, that the audience is not that important a part of the process maybe. Something about the integrity of why I do what I do, not quite sure how else to put it. But if it might mean something to someone else too, then why not? I finally know for sure I'm not writing for other people's eyes, so I'm comfortable now to let people read these stories. Cause it doesn't really matter to me anymore.

Well, rather long spiel on writing huh. I guess we can leave it at that. Life is no joke btw. You think things are going pretty smoothly and you've kinda had most of it figured out, the planning stage is over!, and it's a mere matter of details and execution, and then suddenly bam!. It's ridiculous. And exciting. But ridiculous nonetheless.

To the anon who commented on Release Horse, maybe Like the Moon was a bit more dy-like huh haha. A tad extreme, perhaps... Anyway that's all folks!