Except For Matters That Do;

Funny how it is that we can talk about all sorts of matters, except for those that actually do matter. Funny how we can say anything except for that which we truly want to say. It's the most important things which we are the most afraid of, and so our lips are forever sealed.

The Break Down Of Fortified Hearts.

You of heart fortified
I have
Hammer and ladder
And battering ram
I have
Determination and desperation
And stamina proportionate
You have
No chance!


I am super bored. This is the product of a super bored mind. Maybe bored isn't as accurate a descript as deadened. Numbed. Desensitized. Why? Cause I'm midway through my essay. I'm supposed to be doing my essay. I am 11 hours and 400 words away from submission. What I lack is not the word count but something of far greater import: Understanding. Lifesuxttmplzhelp!

I have hit a mind-block of such mass that when I tried to drive around it I ran out of gas (it's comforting to know that yo-mama-so-fat jokes are actually useable in other contexts.) But I shall strive onwards and upwards, only because I have no choice sigh. Working on an essay at 5.15am is not something I am keen ever to experience again. 4pm (or 1600GMT) beckons, however. Werk werk!



Okay hello all I'd finished my essay at about 9 something, and was so delighted I decided to indulge in some dota! It wasn't a matter of choice. I had to do it lest I fell asleep, and miss my workshop, and my deadline for submission, which would render all the hardwork of last night utterly futile. I've never disapproved of an essay that I've written so much before srsly. I was clutching at straws and maybe the right expression is "luan bomb" or "anyhow whack" or something.

I'm quite sure my essay was not at all cogent, let alone persuasive, and maybe even incomprehensible. The weakest strands of argument ever. Intellectual fail. And now I'm tired out of my mind and I just want to sleep but I can't. De Yan and the Arghonots. I don't even know how or why I remember something as randomly insignificant as Jason and the Argonauts argh. He's not even that famous a greek hero, I mean, pitted against Hercules or Achilles or even Perseus or Theseus. You notice I'm rambling. Tired sia.

I did have great fun over the weekend by the way. It was really nice to see yijie after so many years, perhaps I'd already begun to believe that I'd never meet any of them again. I can't convey how impressed I am with her. It must have taken great courage for her to make that decision to study abroad, and in bloody Scotland to boot! That she did, and with panache.

She just seems so mature and sensible now that it leaves me speechless. And the fact that she goes travelling by herself and all, it's just amazing. She said that the reason she decided to study overseas was because of us. It's good to know that we managed to make an impact on their lives, it truly is.

Well York was quite brilliant too! It's quite a pretty place, and I really liked the little oases of peace that were scattered around the city. It was surprisingly busy though, I'd expected a quiet little place but it was pretty crowded. Walking around for hours with a laptop and a textbook in my bag didn't do wonders for my energy though, I almost crumbled at the end of the day.

Which was when I headed off to Newcastle, home of the Toon Army. A thousand thanks and more to bel for hosting and entertaining me! Despite the fact that the Newcastle city didn't really appeal to me, I thoroughly enjoyed the 2 days there. Tynemouth was pretty nice but I guess I was blessed with a massive dollop of inexplicable good weather, making fish and chips by the seaside and sitting on the grass possible. Quite the miracle actually, given amount of rainfall this past week.

Then I had to round off my whole trip with a stupid stupid spoiler. Incredibly stupid. I can't imagine what I must have been thinking setting off for the station so late, which made me miss the train. You have no idea how pissed off I was with myself. The amount of idiocy involved, my word. Haiya. 100 pounds blown over such a silly matter. Some form of punishment is required. Rice + Soya sauce everynight for 3 years, no choice. Serving the dual purpose of both cost-cutting and punishment. I was almost gonna deny myself TNAF at Bristol but since Bristol is only an hour away.. And one week holiday for Christmas instead of 2.

It's a recurring problem though. I think at its root is overconfidence, perhaps cockiness. Confident that I can make the train on time (a hundred pound mistake). Confident that I can book in on time (24 confinements or 3 months with zero life the price to pay). Confidence in getting 6 points for O's. In getting straight As for A's. In getting SAS(O) instead of SAS(L). I've made a complete mess of things everytime I'm given the chance to. The fact that I'm where I am now is only testament to how amazingly blessed I've been despite all I've done to make a disaster of my life. I deserve so much worse. And there's only one explanation: grace.

Okay my body is revolting now. I know you're thinking ewwwwww disgusting!! now but I meant that it is up in arms against me, not that I have a particularly gross specimen of a body. Therefore I shall attempt to grab a few hours of sleep to appease it before it does something truly spectacular like, idk, die or something. Smell ya later! (If you don't recognize it it's a tribute to Pokemon - Gotta Catch 'Em All! cause that's my favourite line off Gary aka Blue.)

My Mistakes Were Made For You.

I stupidly tried to whisk an egg in a hot saucepan today cause I didn't want to have to wash yet another bowl. Bad idea. Obeying all laws of egg-cooking, it started frying upon contact with the saucepan. Cooking fail! I was gonna whisk it then pour it over my rice to make a scrumptiously delicious meal of fried rice but I made a fool of myself instead :( so I got fried rice with fried egg, which isn't at all the same as rice fried with egg. Louyapok'd.

I've been ridiculous these few days but I'll never tell anyone what I've been up to because it's such a shameful thing to admit to. I did finish reading Snowdrops which was pretty good, although I kept expecting some spy/political thriller of it. Does make me wonder whether I really want to visit Russia though!

And Spooks has been gripping, I suspect I'm gonna finish all of it before watching anything else (all 10 seasons, yes!) And then resume House, because the unexpected appearance of Hugh Laurie on Spooks made me crave it. And I miss Sweets from Bones actually, haha! Say what you want about psychologists.. And I can't stand not knowing what's going on between Booth and Brennan too ofc.

I'll be heading to York this weekend, and Newcastle-upon-Tyne (which means 2 places in 1 so pretty good deal eh?) I also have an essay due really soon so things might just get a little hairy around here :( I just need to find out what's going on, and what in the world are the royal prerogative powers?! Stay calm. Be still, my heart.

Speaking of which, I did go for a run recently, which is certainly good for me cardiac-ally. Fresh air and exercise, 2 vitally missing components in the life of a couch potato i.e. me. I really should try and get in some more exercise, rugby once a week just doesn't cut it, nor does the occasional run when my conscience can't stand myself any longer and drags me arse into my running kit.

I really don't know if I should head down to Bristol for The Naked and Famous. I feel like I'm being really irresponsible with my pursestrings (hypothetical of course, I'm obv 2manly4purses), whatwith the weekend trip all planned and paid for already. You have no idea how expensive trains cost cross-country bah. Bo lui :(

And I'm suddenly thinking France for Christmas. I was taking a walk towards the river with some friends when it struck me that I should spend Christmas or the New Year in Paris or something. Oh man. It'd be terribly romantic wouldn't it! If I'm going to spend my 21st birthday alone (which has always been the plan) I'll have to do it in stylez. And I doubt you get much more stylo-milo than Paris! Oh noez now I can't wait. It's not often I get excited over the new year like that!

It's incredible how people manage to sometimes connect so instantly, so randomly. All of a sudden you're talking to someone whom you've never spoken to before, whom you've never particularly cared for. Just like that. You barely remember the origins of your friendships do you? You wonder, why did we ever start talking in the first place? But that's how it is. It's a mystery.

It's incredible also how people manage to disconnect as well. You look back and you think: Wow, we were so close just a few months ago, what happened to us? How do we cut ourselves off from the people around us so easily? It's so easy it's scary. How is it that we manage to lose our connections just like that? Maybe it's not enough that we look back on these things and say "Oh, well." with a sigh and a little sadness, and then do absolutely nothing, carry on with moving on. It's so very senseless.

Oh bother I've got to get up at 7.30am tmr so I shall have to.. SLEEP! (CLASSIC DOUBLE UNDERLINE BOLD CAPSLOCK EXCLAMATION POINT) (If I could only get the second underline, damn!)

Travelling Through Postcards.

Hiya there. I've been addicted to this BBC series called Spooks lately. It's about the MI5 and quite character-driven, which I really like in a show (that's why Criminal Minds > CSI any day, everyday.) I've charged through almost all of 3 seasons now, which is probably something like slightly more than 20 hours in total.

It may seem that I've made a hash of my life now, and I'm inclined to agree with you. Who spends 20+ hours over 2/3 days on a show?! At least I managed to go to Ilfracombe on Saturday, so that makes me slightly less utterly worthless than I'd otherwise be. Boo hoo.

The scenery on the way there was quite impressive, all hills and green grass and sheep and sheep and sheep and the occasional cow. Like postcards of countryside England, perhaps. But that was nothing compared to the scenery all the way up at Ilfracombe, which was simply stunning. I didn't take as many photos as I thought I would cause there are some things that the camera lens simply cannot do justice to. If only our memories could be condensed and packaged and sold like little trinkets, I'd make quite a tidy bit just on that trip alone!

That'd be wonderful. The memory of love could be distributed in schools so that kids could have something to look forward to when they grow older. And the memory of pain would have to be mandatory so that everyone would learn not to inflict it.

Anyhow. It was great that my flatmate decided to bring us on a tour of his hometown, as I'd never have known about a place like that ever. I'm thinking of heading to Bristol soon cause there's gonna be a Naked and Famous (sounds so sleazy and wild yeah?) performance there apparently. Insane in the membrane. Need somehow to cough up the $ required though sighhhhhhhhh. Sighzable (sizable) sighs.

On the culinary/health front though, my fried rice didn't end up in my death after all hurrah! Good thing my flatmate took pity of me and generously spared me peppers, peas, onions and chili powder, without which my fried rice would have been so punily bad otherwise. I only provided the rice, the prawns and the hordogz. Which means that he provided for more than half my meal doesn't it?! I really need to learn how to do grocery shopping. I am newbie pleaz help me.

I also have ulcers on my lip and tongue THAT ARE KILLING ME. ARGJHASHAJAHHHH! I need at least a syrette of morphine or something. Codeine. And the air is so dry that I'm having to drink lots and lots of water (so sensible, you might think, but that's only cause it would be highly uneconomical to be drinking such copious amounts of juice/other expensive stuff, much as I would love to.)

I woke up today in such a blank. Don't you get those days when you wake up and feel that everything seems somehow to be so meaningless, maybe even senseless? Then I thought how unreal life was, or at least the life we lead. Worrying over silly things, moaning over being out of love and somesuch, and we don't realize how extraordinary our lives are. Being able to talk to people thousands of miles away for free, being a mere 24hours of flight away from the rest of the world, any part of it, the ability to contact (not connect though, that's a different matter) almost anybody in the world, almost instantly.

Things that were unthinkable just years ago. Or maybe even a few hundred kilometres away, in some remote part of the world that technology has left unsullied. So that's what I thought, as I lay on my bed, that it was incredibly silly for me to be there thinking dark thoughts and about how meaningless my life suddenly appeared to be.

I also thought about the number of lonely people out there and given that the number surely is exceedingly large, that it didn't seem to make sense. I mean there are so many other lonely people around surely it can't be that difficult to be un-lonely! Perhaps people just aren't able to get past their prejudices and preferences and their ridiculous hopes and the fool's gold that someone better will come along.

Okay I will be heading to Yorkshire this weekend, forsaking a rugby league match against the uni rugby league team, unfortunately. I'm not sure if I'd have made the team though, although one always hopes. I'll be meeting one of my dear friends from China and I'm really looking forward to seeing her after such a long time. I'm also really amazed by how she could have gone to Edinburgh to study, truly brave.

Alright that's it goodnight folks!

How Soon Is Now?

4 hours of lecture straight. Thas not good at all manzzzzzzz. Oh well that's school4u! I'll tell you what's worse. The high $$ of all the textbooks I have to buy, that's what. All my nasal money gone right there (I know you're thinking: what?! it's cause I'm paying through my nose.)

No choice but to do a nasal whine now. Compounded by the injuries I have sustained while valiantly going out to play rugby on a cold and rainy October afternoon, with an Arctic wind blowing it's way across England to boot. You have no idea how hard the cold ground is. Hello JJ's lousy artificial pitch, you might have been rubbish but I still kinda miss you, although not so much once I remember the number of scratches/abrasions I get with every fall. Dag dag dag!! Ta-da. 1 x new scar.

So I got a stud-mark of brilliant hues, so brilliant you could get lost in it. I hurt my heel somehow (don't ask me) and now I can't walk properly. I got my shoulder injured, ironically though it was while playing touch prior to the game. I be ruitard :(

Anw you might be surprised to hear this from a baker of scones and a maker of apple crumble, but I fried my first egg about 2 days ago. Hahahaha! Something about frying and hot oil and some other hidden fears kept me from giving it a go till necessity forced my hand. Today I did it again, along with hotzdogz and ham and smoked salmon, although I must say that the salmon was not smoked by me. But pretty decent effort at making meself a meal yeah?

It's gonna be fried rice tonight, I think I could start my own cooking series really soon. If I survive tonight that is. Hahahaha. Gonna whip out some prawns and sausages (I rephrased hotdog cause it'd sound so boring and like I have an empty fridge or sth) and my Basmati rice. Apparently it's pretty high class rice, so clearly that's the rice for me. Hehehe gleeful laugh. Or nervous laugh actually, cause everytime I embark on a new cooking expedition I increase my exposure to.. without meaning to sound dire and melodramatic... DEATH.

I did buy 3 new books. Snuff by Terry Pratchett which was at half price so I really couldn't resist, even though I did try heroically. Snowdrops which I think is a thriller and The Sisters Brothers. I'm almost through with Snuff after just one day, and thankfully I'm not in a shared room or something cause there might have been something maniacal about the way I was laughing to myself. Good thing I drew my curtains too cause I might have been marked for the Institute or something. PHEW.

BTW Youtube sucks in this country because of all the ads. Ohman. Now I understand all the whine about vevo and stuff. So annoying gah. Cajun Dance Party, You Say Party! We Say Die!, Yuck, Editor, Is Tropical, all pretty good stuff. But now I'm back on my old playlist which features The xx so I'm hella happy now (Y)

I am yours now, 
So I never have to leave.
I've been found out,
So I'll never explore.


This is the playlist I never tire of, Arcade Fire, The xx, TNAF, Hurts, Phoenix and more. Damn best. Oh I didn't mention my butt aches from my exertions yesterday. No better physical activity than a bit of contact, first full game in years and I made just one mistackle. That's not too bad a statistic! Hahah. And now I'm so much more confident about facing those si gwai lo (or angmohs) because at least I know I'm not the most burden guy on the pitch haha! I actually played quite well I think, not exactly like a "demon" or a "beast" which is what I'd normally like to think of myself as, but not too shabby either! Heh.

I had vegan food yesterday. It wasn't too bad actually, although I think my stomach must have been bewildered by the vegefruit onslaught. "Where's the meat?!?" Strawberries and grapes and apples and stuff for dinner. Then for dessert it was pears in melted chocolate sauce or something. I don't think I can be a vegan/vegetarian really, I just don't possess the fortitude to stay away from something like ba kwa or kong ba pao or something. It was a good experience nonetheless! (Not least because I didn't have to help to prepare the dinner HAHA I have lazybones no my fault!)

And of course a cute Finnish girl helps too hehe! Ohwell all out of my leaguez I'm afraidz. Hahahaha. Lo-self-esteem nooooooooo. It will all be set right once I'm featured on Wodota I think. HAHA. From loser to losest. Or loserest, whichever rocks your boat. Or floats your boat. I can't rmb which it's supposed to be haha.

Okay I don't like this new blogger, I prefer the old one, so much less fancy. I should go and try to cook now. Don't scoff but it's gonna be the first time I operate a rice cooker. And subsequently fry it to boot. Huge undertakings here!!!!! Pray for me perhaps HAHA.

Could I be, was I there?
It felt so crystal in the air
I still want to drown, whenever you leave
Please teach me gently, how to breathe

And I'll cross oceans, like never before
So you can feel the way I feel it too
And I'll mirror images back at you
So you can see the way I feel it too.

Manically Mechanical.

Hello all youse guys. I'm not sure if I'm falling sick or what (accursed fresher's flu) but since last night I've felt like a robot or something. Like I'm not even thinking at all, just going through the motions and stuff with restless energy. I just couldn't fall asleep, and my mind was a total blank. Felt a little like the onset of a fever bah.

I re-read my story and decided it wasn't super awful after all, although I'm still bewildered by how I managed to end up with that instead of what I'd set out to write?!?

Anyway I can't believe Wales lost nuuuuuuuuuu. I'd have supported them against the All Blacks even! Man. Heartbroken
Yesterday the International Society had a trip to Bath and Stonehenge and guess who was in the thick of it? If you guessed me then congratulations, you're pretty smart there! One of the World Heritage sites off my to-go list now, although the photos I took of Stonehenge weren't too good I think. Sun was too glaring :(

And guess what Bath is famous for? Roman baths, yeah. I never knew the Romans were in Brittania till yesterday so that speaks volumes about my poor grasp of history. The architecture in Bath is quite breathtaking, it's probably the prettiest city I've been to in my life (that doesn't say much haha!)

Okay I'm gonna have sunday roast dinner later, apparently another famous british tradition. I might just go and help with the preparation, since I'm slowly but surely becoming a mini-masterchef. I've made dinner which was not spaghetti or maggi, so surely that's an achievement. Although it was just boiling some pasta. And I made a smoked salmon bagel with cream cheese today. Posh eh? Of course I didn't make the bagel, I just put all the different parts together, but I think that's quite admirable! Hehe.

I guess it's difficult for people to be unfeeling. Sometimes you tell yourself not to feel, but you just can't. It ain't easy to be mechanical. But sometimes it's necessary, and it's the right thing to do. Sometimes it's the only thing to do.

ANW it's now 1am, like 9 hours after typing all the above, and I've had my roast dinner. Yorkshire pudding, roast beef and more. And an apple crumble whose crumble owes its existence to me! Yeah, I made it. All that butter and flour and whatnot. I am the master of the dessert.

I also had a nice little chat with swoonz and ang :))) First time I've talked to them in ages really, and it was great! Makes me realize how much I do miss home after all. Awwwwwww. Some worrying stuff too so I hope you guys manage to sort things out!

And you guys are egging me on to get featured on wodota srsly. HAHA. Okay I'm really tired after eating such a massive amount of food during dinner, practically comatose now. So buhbye.

Night Mares.

Night falls. The last remnants of twilight creep across the sky, slowly, silently, a retreat from its losing battle against the night. One more day in the eternal struggle between the forces of light and darkness. I feel my dread rising, almost as if it were threatening to suffocate me. I almost wish it would succeed. I pray, but I know not to whom, not anymore. I lay in the comfort and dubious safety of my bed, whose sheets have long since been soaked through with my sweat. And tears.

It is no secret that there are hours in seconds and years in minutes, on both extremes of expectation. I must have aged millenia caught in the in-between. Maybe tonight it will finally be over. Maybe it will never end. Then I heard the sound, carried on the wind, mingled with the smell of the sea. I could never look upon the sea again, and not feel the taint.

White, red, black and pale, they rode up to me. Some people say that after dread, anything that finally happens is actually relief, because nothing can be worse than the bad thoughts in your head. They are wrong. I screamed as they picked me up and carried me away, until I could scream no longer, and still I tried.

I imagine we must have travelled vast distances, for with every blink I would open my eyes to different landscapes of different worlds, both wondrous and terrifying. There was once I gleamed a world where there were little lights turned on around me in all directions, and yet there was too an endless darkness stretching into infinity. Those little pinpricks of lights were pleasantly reassuring, but the overwhelming darkness made me feel so small anyway.

Whoa! We came to a stop. I had come now to the edge of my dreamscape. This was where my dreams took shape and my nightmares came to life. Living a dream life, everything else forgotten, I might be a doctor one day, or an astronaut another, and be living in a house by the river, or in the mountains, never by the sea, with the woman of my dreams, whose face I could never remember. That's how it always begins, with me perfectly happy. Then the spectres appear, dark apparitions I can only see from the corner of my eyes.

Then the monsters. In any guise, in any size. The hounds with their otherwordly cries, on the Last Hunt. A beautiful child who'd have been perfect if not for the stitching around her neck and her shoulders and her waist, and who had buttons for eyes. An abomination who could only have been from a child's nightmare, but who'd always been lurking around the back of my head, all twenty metres of it, with elongated fangs and sharp claws, and horns and scales and blood soaked wings.

Everynight we performed the same ritual, like a grand dance in the ballroom of my mind, whose dancers wearily execute the same steps over and over again. My dream world gradually gets overrun, my house by the river, or in the mountains, would be razed. The woman of my dreams would be torn from my arms and I would not be able to bear looking at her fate, and I would clamp my eyes shut in horror, the final betrayal of the woman whom I would have loved beyond words. And they would close in on me, and I'd be able to feel their hot breath on my cheek, and the gnashing of their teeth, then I'd wake up with the sun shining on my face and my alarm ringing.

And then it'd be night again. An endless cycle of bliss and loss. Then one day I entered the dream, and I knew how it would all end, right from the start. I gazed upon all that I had around me, and I saw with frightening clarity how everything would get swept up by the fury of my nightmares. And I saw too the woman of my dreams, and this time I told myself, no, I cannot forget her face this time, so I focused on each and every one of her features, from her ears, to her lips, her nose, all of it, and lastly the eyes. Eyes so beautiful they could not be of this world.

Go. Go away, I said. She half turned around in surprise, her lips half open as she could not find the words to respond. No. No I won't, she said. The words, the way she said it, broke my heart and almost too my resolve. I took a deep breath, and continued. You have to go. You can't stay here. I don't want you by my side. It destroyed me to say those words, but I had to. I wanted to hold her close and cry into her hair but I couldn't. I stood where I was.

Okay. She nodded. I'm sorry. And she left.

It took all I had, and I was left staring blankly at the walls of a once-perfect house. Awaiting what I knew was inevitably coming. I took solace from the fact that she wouldn't be caught up in it this time. She didn't deserve to have to face my nightmares. That was my job. So I waited. For what had to happen eventually. Except that it didn't.

The sun was up but it felt different. I couldn't seem to recall anything of last night, except the knowledge of what exactly didn't happen.

And then once again night was fast approaching. I didn't know what to expect. Here, now, seasalt in the wind. But there was nothing else but silence. No rumble of approaching hooves. So I stepped out and this is what I saw.

White, red, black and pale they were. And three of four were dead. Sitting astride the pale horse was a woman. She turned to look at me. Her eyes. Your nightmares will haunt you no longer, nor your dreams. I nodded mutely, but I couldn't take my eyes off hers. And then I knew. It must have shown on my face for she then said, Weren't you happy? Everynight, you got to live your dream life. Everynight, you got to love.

Yes, I was. But I was also afraid.

Okay. She nodded. And she left.


___________________________________


Okay hi guys. This is a really weird story. I feel really weird about it. It's nothing at all like I expected it to be. There are so many things that I expected to be in there which aren't. I don't even know what exactly it is I've written cause it bears no resemblance whatsoever to what was in my head when I started it.

This story has its origins in a really crazily good book I had which had drawings/artwork on one page and a mini-story or something on the other side, which would be based on the author's intepretation of the artwork, and it was really neat. I loved that book. So that's where I got the original idea from.

Then I decided to write in the first person, which I don't know how to do at all. You know, all the emotion and thoughts and all. And I thought I'd furnish it with descriptions like you'd do in a primary school composition. And then I thought the title could be Night Mares which meant I had to think up something to do with horses. And then I thought of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. And so it all went haywire. I had no idea what I was doing at all.

Death is the rider of the pale horse. I especially like Death because of Terry Pratchett. The button eyes bit was from Coraline. The idea of someone fighting off nightmares (at least that was what I orginally envisioned) comes from Neil Gaiman again, the one about the cat in either Fragile Things or Smoke and Mirrors.

So the story was supposed to be about a very lonely boy who'd have his nightmares come to life every night. So he met this girl but he couldn't be with her past a certain time for fear of her coming to harm, so he'd have to chase her away every evening. And then the girl would be very hurt and stuff but then one night she'd see the boy wracked by his nightmares and realize what he's going through, and why he'd chase her away. So she ignores him the next day and stays with him into the night, and his nightmares didn't appear, cause they were all only in his head. And then they lived happily ever after.

But I just couldn't seem to write that at all! The story just wouldn't come out, and I didn't know how to do it. So that's that then. I'm feeling quite disturbed now actually, and confused. Maybe I should look at the story another time before I can rightfully say what I feel about it, because now I'm just feeling so troubled over this whole experience (the attempt to write, that is, and the aftermath.)

I've never felt so bad after writing actually, usually I feel a quiet sense of accomplishment or achievement or something, that you know, I managed to create something. Even if it's awful or something (that I'd probably cringe at if I read it again afterwards haha) but this time I feel quite yucky. Ugh. Maybe I just need someone to tell me that it wasn't that bad, cause srsly I'm feeling so awful about this! Oh man. Help me somebody!

Okay I know life is better after sleep SO GOODNIGHT NOW YAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Edit: Haha turns out I had a dream which was quite pleasant, so that restores all the zen I need for the long sku-day ahead hehe. Well pleasant dreams to you folks!