No, he never felt like he belonged to the Crowd at all, although no one
had a say in that of course. It was a naturally pre-determined thing,
you were either in it or you were not.
And yet he could not help but look at other members of the Crowd and
feel like he was somehow different. They were all cool, and effortlessly
so. They never made any gaffes, or if they did they were suitably and
hilariously goofy, never embarrassing, and never anything to be ashamed
about.
He could not help but feel like he on the other hand was doing too many
things which were unpleasantly embarrassing, like that time he played
football (which he was not terribly good at) and missed 3 easy shots at goal.
He was sure everyone was looking at him and laughing at him. And they
laughed particularly loudly at him too, compared to the other guys who
made mistakes.
He never saw other members of the Crowd get into situations like that.
They almost always were good at the sports they played, and would never
be seen playing something they couldn't. How did they manage that?
He always felt like people were looking at him, that when they were they
did so with great expectation, that when he failed they laughed their
vengeful mocking laughs. One of the Crowd failing so miserably. He could
never be merely mediocre at anything, for that would be considered
failure in their eyes.
He felt their eyes on him always. And the pressure. The pressure to be
brilliant, to be beautiful, to be wittier, and stronger, in every way
superior to the others. Cause that's what it meant to be part of the
Crowd. You could not be worse than the rest, you could not even be just the same as the rest of them. You were superior and you
were supposed to look down on them, past your perfect nose, and twist
your perfect lips with a sneer as they try to be like you. Oh no, you
were nothing like the rest of them.
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Friday, 4 January 2013
What They Took From Her.
She was the best of us but they changed that
they took her away from us they took her away
they took away her smiles the happy ones the sad ones
they took away her joy her life her trust in life
they took away the wind in her hair the bounce in her step
they took away her hopes her dreams her childish fears
(and replaced them with grown up ones)
and now she
cannot give and cannot take
only hurt and maybe hate
cannot love and cannot trust
a stranger to the rest of us
cannot dream she cannot dream!
no respite in worlds unseen
and now
she cannot cry not even cry!
it hurts too much to even try
and now
she rots and now she rusts
the girl who was the best of us.
they took her away from us they took her away
they took away her smiles the happy ones the sad ones
they took away her joy her life her trust in life
they took away the wind in her hair the bounce in her step
they took away her hopes her dreams her childish fears
(and replaced them with grown up ones)
and now she
cannot give and cannot take
only hurt and maybe hate
cannot love and cannot trust
a stranger to the rest of us
cannot dream she cannot dream!
no respite in worlds unseen
and now
she cannot cry not even cry!
it hurts too much to even try
and now
she rots and now she rusts
the girl who was the best of us.
And Beauty.
The beauty of the ephemeral. Beauty in all its forms. In the permanence of mountains. And in the constant motion of its surfaces, the flurry of snow or the rustling of grass. In the busker playing outside a train station, the musician in a public square, a master in the concert hall. In an early morning greeting between friends. Strangers. Between long lost lovers and family and friends. In the skies above. In the innocence of children. Of grown men and women. In the sunrise and sunset and twilight and the glow of the moon. In fireworks which come alive for brief seconds before being spent forevermore. In the calm waters of a clear lake, the reflections on its surface. In the girls with their painted faces and their lacquered nails. In the flight of birds as they move in tandem with each other, a perfectly executed dance of bone and muscle and feathers. In the flight of planes carrying the hopes and dreams of a hundred passengers, going forth to live their lives or leave their lives, the only lives they've ever known.
Of Arbitrary Beginnings, Or The Only Kind Of.
Happy new year folks! Just back from almost 4 weeks of traveling which was amazing, a truly incredible past few weeks it's been. I did have another journal/diary on this trip, which was fantastic given the number of long train rides/spare time/waits at airports I managed to accrue this time! Which also equates to alot of junk which I might or might not be recording down here as well, so be prepared!
Well here's the important stuff first. A massive shoutout and thankyou to every single person who remembered my birthday and celebrated it, wherever you might have been in the world and whichever time zone you might have happened to find yourself in! I personally hate celebrating my birthday, but friends and family (which I hope you consider yourself) like you guys make it all worthwhile and make me look forward to it year after year! Cannot help but feel such a sense of joy and contentment every time I see a video, card, picture or whatnot (up to and including facebook wall posts) wishing me a happy birthday! I try my best to ignore it and dismiss the fact that I'm entering adulthood (am I really 21 already?!) but you guys make it impossible to do so, and I thank you for that.
Specific thanks goes to a blast from the past, also one Brenda Liew. It started off harmlessly enough with a question about Oyster cards and ended up with my spending Christmas and happily, New Year as well with new friends and a lot of fun! Don't think I could have asked for a better group of almost-strangers (I definitely was one to them) to have been traveling around with, so I'm incredibly thankful for that as well! I can't imagine I would have been so accommodating if some random guy suddenly said he'd tag along for a couple days of my eurotrip, so I guess I'm still pretty incredulous about the whole thing!
So I definitely want to thank Brenda for introducing me to her friend.. I mean friends, of course. Hahaha. That's the long-suffering Yann Qi, Geraldine, Yixuan (from JJ, which I had no idea about before the trip), Edwyna, Huiyi and although only for less than a day, Casper gege as well! Despite all their best efforts to make me extremely awkward.. I think I'll be making another, much longer post about my trip so I'll hold off for now! But thanks guys for spending both Christmas and the New Year and incidentally my birthday with me, it was a pleasure!
This is actually my end of year/start of 2013 post, in case anyone was wondering.. I do think that the end of every year is yet another opportunity for a stock-take, an assessment of one's own life and indeed a chance to acknowledge how blessed one is. Because that's what I feel almost without fail, year after year. Blessed. There could be excerpts here and there from my little travel diary, which I'll italicize.
I woke up on 31st December at 4.15am and decided I'd go out for a walk. It's not something I'd normally do if I were traveling on my own, cause I'd relish the extra sleep instead, but traveling in a group offers precious little in the way of privacy, or private time I guess, since it's not so much about the privacy but the time you get to spend alone. As I found out during my lengthy confinements in MIDS, but I've gone over that to death now. So I tried to silently put on my coat boots etc and snuck out of the hotel. It suddenly occurred to me then that that was the last day of the year. It's only too easy to lose track of time and days when you're traveling, so I was pretty surprised.
"What was 2012 like for me?" I could not help but ask. It was pretty good, I guess. The end of my first year abroad, my first time on board ship for VA, not being able to go to Africa, my last few meetings with my aunt, as well as visiting my grandma in the hospital/home. UK trip and Italy and Hong Kong with favourite friends, back in the UK again and church and a social life for once. Amsterdam and Belgium and Germany and Switzerland. Not a shabby year by any means.
Moving on from the past that's been holding me back for too long, learning to embrace the person I used to be, the person I am, and hopefully perhaps shaping the person I'm going to be. Growing up. Learning to cope with new situations and new people and learning to appreciate it all. I think I've grown. Guess I can say I'm 21 without feeling ashamed about that. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable about and with myself now, slowly figuring out piece by piece who I am. Or the who I am meant to be. Able to be myself more now, without constantly worrying about what people think about me, slowly but hopefully surely losing all that self-consciousness which has all too often in the past directed my actions, dictated the way I behaved.
Almost every time I travel I begin to have these thoughts about self-identity and who I am etc, which I think is quite a natural thing. I just read this thought-catalogue thing about people who live abroad which I thought quite good. "You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them." I think this bit is definitely true. So forgive me if I do seem to be harping on all this a fair bit, I do think it's a natural by-product of traveling and living alone!
The year is drawing to an end.. So's my trip. The other way around, to be honest. Years ending have not meant all that much to me, so I've been counting down to the end of my trip rather than the year. Maybe it's the courses/schoolyears running across the new year. Or a growing disillusionment with the idea of this arbitrary new start which the new year offers. Although, what starts are there other than arbitrary ones?
Well yeah. I got slightly distracted after this so I wasn't able to continue on from this diary entry. I was going to go on to state that all starts, all new beginnings, are essentially arbitrary ones. The start of a new day, the end of the year, whatever it may be, if you want to start something you have made the conscious decision to do it, whether you peg it to any sort of significant date or event or what not. That's sort of what I was thinking, anyways, cause I realized that I might have been a little harsh in previous years on the subject of the new year and its transformative powers.
I am feeling rather positive about 2013, to be honest! Too often I (and many other people too) try to downplay my expectations so I don't get disappointed, but I've been imbued with a new sense of confidence about the coming year! It's definitely linked to my growing self-awareness, or maybe the term is self-acceptance instead. It's sort of a feeling that come what may, life will go on and I will continue to live and learn, I will continue to grow, and what more can one ask for? Of course it helps that I had a great start to the year, although having been back for almost 24 hours all I've done is eat, and domestics like laundry and unpacking and very mundane stuff, although I did just shave my head so that's quite exciting... 2013 is going to be good I can feel it in my toes.
Actually I just did my expenses and realized I spent 1200 pounds, almost 1300 on my Christmas trip. That's terrible, my word. I guess alot of it came down to the bloody german trains, they were incredibly expensive! Average of 80 euros each, I think, and I took 4 of them? Why is I so stupid. Should have bought an Interrail, sigh, foolishly thought tickets would cost an average of 40-50 euros. What a difference half an hour of research would have made! Meh. Feeling pretty sad right now..
Erm, I pretty much lost all semblance of structure right there, this is not turning out to be the end of year post I thought it'd be. Oh well what does it matter. What else did 2012 give me? I'm not sure what else I have to add. I guess there was Yang Liu, the chinese girl I met in Cinque Terre. I think I'll always fondly remember that trip, and her! It was such a random thing, and I guess you could even say pointless cause nothing came out of it, but I'd beg to differ. A brief connection in a world where connections are so hard to come by, a thoroughly enjoyable 10 hours in the company of another, instead of spending my entire trip submerged in the depths of solitude, that's an end in itself. She made an impact to my trip, and thus my year, and therefore my life. And I can only hope I had a positive impact on her too! Probably one of the more special things to come out of 2012 for me, sounds very Before Sunset/Sunrise haha. I say that but I haven't watched those 2 movies yet, I really must sigh. But essays come first.
I think it means something to me precisely because it was such a brief, fleeting thing. Which is gonna segue nicely into my next post, which comes straight out of my travel diary! Was written while I was at Genève airport with the daunting prospect of spending the next 14 hours there.. So here goes.
Well here's the important stuff first. A massive shoutout and thankyou to every single person who remembered my birthday and celebrated it, wherever you might have been in the world and whichever time zone you might have happened to find yourself in! I personally hate celebrating my birthday, but friends and family (which I hope you consider yourself) like you guys make it all worthwhile and make me look forward to it year after year! Cannot help but feel such a sense of joy and contentment every time I see a video, card, picture or whatnot (up to and including facebook wall posts) wishing me a happy birthday! I try my best to ignore it and dismiss the fact that I'm entering adulthood (am I really 21 already?!) but you guys make it impossible to do so, and I thank you for that.
Specific thanks goes to a blast from the past, also one Brenda Liew. It started off harmlessly enough with a question about Oyster cards and ended up with my spending Christmas and happily, New Year as well with new friends and a lot of fun! Don't think I could have asked for a better group of almost-strangers (I definitely was one to them) to have been traveling around with, so I'm incredibly thankful for that as well! I can't imagine I would have been so accommodating if some random guy suddenly said he'd tag along for a couple days of my eurotrip, so I guess I'm still pretty incredulous about the whole thing!
So I definitely want to thank Brenda for introducing me to her friend.. I mean friends, of course. Hahaha. That's the long-suffering Yann Qi, Geraldine, Yixuan (from JJ, which I had no idea about before the trip), Edwyna, Huiyi and although only for less than a day, Casper gege as well! Despite all their best efforts to make me extremely awkward.. I think I'll be making another, much longer post about my trip so I'll hold off for now! But thanks guys for spending both Christmas and the New Year and incidentally my birthday with me, it was a pleasure!
This is actually my end of year/start of 2013 post, in case anyone was wondering.. I do think that the end of every year is yet another opportunity for a stock-take, an assessment of one's own life and indeed a chance to acknowledge how blessed one is. Because that's what I feel almost without fail, year after year. Blessed. There could be excerpts here and there from my little travel diary, which I'll italicize.
I woke up on 31st December at 4.15am and decided I'd go out for a walk. It's not something I'd normally do if I were traveling on my own, cause I'd relish the extra sleep instead, but traveling in a group offers precious little in the way of privacy, or private time I guess, since it's not so much about the privacy but the time you get to spend alone. As I found out during my lengthy confinements in MIDS, but I've gone over that to death now. So I tried to silently put on my coat boots etc and snuck out of the hotel. It suddenly occurred to me then that that was the last day of the year. It's only too easy to lose track of time and days when you're traveling, so I was pretty surprised.
"What was 2012 like for me?" I could not help but ask. It was pretty good, I guess. The end of my first year abroad, my first time on board ship for VA, not being able to go to Africa, my last few meetings with my aunt, as well as visiting my grandma in the hospital/home. UK trip and Italy and Hong Kong with favourite friends, back in the UK again and church and a social life for once. Amsterdam and Belgium and Germany and Switzerland. Not a shabby year by any means.
Moving on from the past that's been holding me back for too long, learning to embrace the person I used to be, the person I am, and hopefully perhaps shaping the person I'm going to be. Growing up. Learning to cope with new situations and new people and learning to appreciate it all. I think I've grown. Guess I can say I'm 21 without feeling ashamed about that. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable about and with myself now, slowly figuring out piece by piece who I am. Or the who I am meant to be. Able to be myself more now, without constantly worrying about what people think about me, slowly but hopefully surely losing all that self-consciousness which has all too often in the past directed my actions, dictated the way I behaved.
Almost every time I travel I begin to have these thoughts about self-identity and who I am etc, which I think is quite a natural thing. I just read this thought-catalogue thing about people who live abroad which I thought quite good. "You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them." I think this bit is definitely true. So forgive me if I do seem to be harping on all this a fair bit, I do think it's a natural by-product of traveling and living alone!
The year is drawing to an end.. So's my trip. The other way around, to be honest. Years ending have not meant all that much to me, so I've been counting down to the end of my trip rather than the year. Maybe it's the courses/schoolyears running across the new year. Or a growing disillusionment with the idea of this arbitrary new start which the new year offers. Although, what starts are there other than arbitrary ones?
Well yeah. I got slightly distracted after this so I wasn't able to continue on from this diary entry. I was going to go on to state that all starts, all new beginnings, are essentially arbitrary ones. The start of a new day, the end of the year, whatever it may be, if you want to start something you have made the conscious decision to do it, whether you peg it to any sort of significant date or event or what not. That's sort of what I was thinking, anyways, cause I realized that I might have been a little harsh in previous years on the subject of the new year and its transformative powers.
I am feeling rather positive about 2013, to be honest! Too often I (and many other people too) try to downplay my expectations so I don't get disappointed, but I've been imbued with a new sense of confidence about the coming year! It's definitely linked to my growing self-awareness, or maybe the term is self-acceptance instead. It's sort of a feeling that come what may, life will go on and I will continue to live and learn, I will continue to grow, and what more can one ask for? Of course it helps that I had a great start to the year, although having been back for almost 24 hours all I've done is eat, and domestics like laundry and unpacking and very mundane stuff, although I did just shave my head so that's quite exciting... 2013 is going to be good I can feel it in my toes.
Actually I just did my expenses and realized I spent 1200 pounds, almost 1300 on my Christmas trip. That's terrible, my word. I guess alot of it came down to the bloody german trains, they were incredibly expensive! Average of 80 euros each, I think, and I took 4 of them? Why is I so stupid. Should have bought an Interrail, sigh, foolishly thought tickets would cost an average of 40-50 euros. What a difference half an hour of research would have made! Meh. Feeling pretty sad right now..
Erm, I pretty much lost all semblance of structure right there, this is not turning out to be the end of year post I thought it'd be. Oh well what does it matter. What else did 2012 give me? I'm not sure what else I have to add. I guess there was Yang Liu, the chinese girl I met in Cinque Terre. I think I'll always fondly remember that trip, and her! It was such a random thing, and I guess you could even say pointless cause nothing came out of it, but I'd beg to differ. A brief connection in a world where connections are so hard to come by, a thoroughly enjoyable 10 hours in the company of another, instead of spending my entire trip submerged in the depths of solitude, that's an end in itself. She made an impact to my trip, and thus my year, and therefore my life. And I can only hope I had a positive impact on her too! Probably one of the more special things to come out of 2012 for me, sounds very Before Sunset/Sunrise haha. I say that but I haven't watched those 2 movies yet, I really must sigh. But essays come first.
I think it means something to me precisely because it was such a brief, fleeting thing. Which is gonna segue nicely into my next post, which comes straight out of my travel diary! Was written while I was at Genève airport with the daunting prospect of spending the next 14 hours there.. So here goes.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Riot On An Empty Street.
Who knew that Feist was the singer in Kings of Convenience's Know How? I've always wondered to myself who the singer to that could be.
What a hectic day. Did not actually wake up, cause I stayed up all night to complete my essay. So I can't even say it's been bad from the get go because go was not got, or get is not gone, or something. I'm pretty tired tbh, but I can't sleep cause I've got a bus to catch in 2 hours! Then it's London Stansted, then Eindhoven, then shortly after Amsterdam! Wooooo! Or, weeeeee-d! Just kidding.
You know you've just done a damn law essay when you try to describe your day like that.
The Good Day/Bad Day Dichotomy - Almost late in submitting essay. No sleep. WORST CAB RIDE OF LIFE OF EVER. 28 POUNDS OKAY. I was gonna be late for my train to Portsmouth, cause the tube was gonna take at least 20mins, and I had barely 25mins left to go, plus I had to walk to the station. Fortuitously, OR SO I THOUGHT AT THE TIME, there was a cab right outside the door. 40mins later I arrived at the station, immensely depressed. And pissed off at myself for cutting it so fine. aisdjalksjheioatiqoij!!!IJADKLJDlj.
At least I managed to book a bus from my clever phone for 12 quid, so I managed to cram in lunch as well. Subway, I thought, could not possibly fail me. What do you know. The only bad meatball marinara I've ever consumed. You know life is sucks when even your MM is bad. Slept all the way to portsmouth, thank god I managed to sleep. Went shopping. SHOPPING. Truly I understand now the meaning of retail therapy. That exact moment when you slip a jumper over your head and it fits... What can I say. It was a cathartic experience. I'm not even taking the piss. Brought a megawatti smile to my face i.e. so bright I deserved for that moment to be the Philipino president. Bought 2 jumpers, cause Portsmouth Primark is Power Packs while Exeter Primark is Extremely Poor (or as I like to put it, PPPP EPEP). Still extremely pleased with my buys, I'm never dissing any female again or mocking them about shopping. I HEARTS RETAIL SHOVE OFF MISOGYNISTIC BIGOTED STUPID MEN.
Then I had dinner at a Wetherspoons pub. Seriously you can't go half an hour in any English city without encountering at least 3 of them or something. Curry club thursday, they said. Green thai curry, I replied. Bad move. Sigh. About the only thing I got out of it is this awful flatulence. Yeah. Incredibly foul smelling. Probably it's a combination of that and the crazy amounts of onions I had in my foot-long sub. Yurgh. My stomach churns and my nose breaks down at the thought of that sludge inside me now. Although probably half of it has been expelled in gaseous form by now. Was bad. I did get dessert which consisted of Belgian waffles and ice cream though, which was pretty good. Slight teaser for myself I guess! Can't wait for the authentic thing yumz. More on dat later.
Oh man I just went to the toilet, and talk about catharsis! Not even funny. I mean, that was the most... Just kidding. Of course I wouldn't discuss my shit experience. Not even how my bowels almost feel seared from having to handle such toxic waste. That would be disgusting.
So after that was the xx. Not gonna to do all caps to display my excitement cause it's all about understated cool. That's obv. I must say I expected some really weird characters to show up for the concert. Like all minimalist or fully outfitted in black or goth-chicks or something. But nope. Pretty normal crowd, nothing like that all-gay crowd for Uh Huh Her. Srsly don't think I'd ever seen a larger convention of the LGBT (guess gay isn't very PC) community than that! Mmoths opened for them, and they were alright. Not as awesome as Haim for Florence, which I just realized I've not mentioned yet. Laters. I had to leave by 22:15 though, as I had a train to catch back to London. Thank goodness at 22:10 they played Islands. Concert would not have been compleat without Islands. My big three has to be Crystalised, Islands and VCR. Pretty happy. Then here I returned, back to my cousin's place in London, awaiting my bus to take me to happier (less smelly, it's permeated the walls) places!
So that was today. I've had an eventful couple days leading up to this, which I'll try to encapsulate in a mere 25 paragraphs or so. How I even struggle with essays I cannot comprehend. So I had this Asian Dinner on thursday night. I cooked my specialty dish the sweet & spicy prawns. Just kidding, was my first time making it, since the sauce came in the care package sent from home. Which contained my boots which means I'm a warrior now, no more quailing in the face of mere ice/snow. Anyway. It seemed to be a hit! I'm not sure if people were just being nice about it but it was the first to go... Although that possibly could also be due to lousy portioning hahaha. It was a pretty good dinner overall, had to be about 20 people or so.
Saturday came and went. Yeah right. I met kinonn ho in Coventry after 4 hours on the train. Srsly exeter is the punggol of UK. When an IKEA is the best part about a city you know the city is sucks. Well, it was actually decent, but we weren't there for sightseeing were we?!?! FLORENCE + THE MACHINE WAS DA BOMBERS. I really can't describe it any further than that. It was simply amazing. I knew she was good live, but I was absolutely blown away. Best concert I've been ever. Crazy good. No, I won't even try to go on describing the indescribable.
Following day we went to Stratford-upon-Avon and that was probably the best decision we could have made. What a brilliant little place, to think we spent less than 2 hours there cause we missed our train haha. Absolutely completed my weekend, possibly and probably one of the most epic weekends of my life. Was a pleasure travelling with my liege, my captain ho. I'm pretty glad I didn't attend the concert on my own at dodgy little westpoint arena in exeter!
Then I reached London at 10-ish and decided that getting into the tube would be too ordinary an experience for such an epic weekend. Cycle hire, or Boris Bikes as I've heard it called at just 1 pound for 24hours. Was kinda worried I wouldn't be able to balance cause my shoebag is clipped on to one side of my bag. Hahahaha. Unfounded concerns, cause soon enough I was zipping down the streets of London and getting lost and stuff. Would have been cooler if my seat had been secure. Instead, it gradually got gobbled up by the chassis and I was left staring up at the handlebars. Okay, nothing so kua but it was uncomfortable. And probably incredibly stupid looking. But it was fun. I think it's something I have to do everytime I get into London, it really is that awesome!
Brendal flew into London on monday so my plan was to meet her and show her around town. I must admit I'm still quite surprised by the fact that she's backpacking around europe. And that she'd even meet me hahaha. I remember how mean I could get towards her, and all the other girls as well. I think she remembers it as well, which makes it all the more surprising that she agreed to hang out! Hahaha. Okay I don't think it was all THAT bad, or she'd not have contacted me prior to coming here. I'm really glad to have met up with her, and hopefully she had fun while I showed her the sights and sounds of London!
I'll be meeting her again in Berlin where we'll be travelling together for a couple days, along with some of her friends. It's incredible to think that 5 years after leaving BBSS we'd suddenly make plans to travel around europe together. And it's not even awkward at all, at least not that I've felt, so all's good so far! I'm just kinda incredulous about the whole affair.
And yeemin is gonna fly into Amsterdam while I'm there as well, just 2 days later in fact, so it's cheers once more to spontaneity! It's really not that hard, doesn't require months of planning or something, if you want to travel with someone. Or meet someone, for that matter. Sometimes we make everything seem so hard and onerous when it's actually not. Like my essay. Oh man. Probably the worst essay I've ever done. I had so little remaining time I totally trashed the end-notes and bibliography. Not looking forward to the result of that nonsense sigh.
Hmmm. Nothing much left to add I guess, without going way too deep and not being able to end this hopefully short-ish post, cause it's 4am and I should really be leaving by 4.15.
Yep, hope everyone's tidings are glad and cheers are goodness!
What a hectic day. Did not actually wake up, cause I stayed up all night to complete my essay. So I can't even say it's been bad from the get go because go was not got, or get is not gone, or something. I'm pretty tired tbh, but I can't sleep cause I've got a bus to catch in 2 hours! Then it's London Stansted, then Eindhoven, then shortly after Amsterdam! Wooooo! Or, weeeeee-d! Just kidding.
You know you've just done a damn law essay when you try to describe your day like that.
The Good Day/Bad Day Dichotomy - Almost late in submitting essay. No sleep. WORST CAB RIDE OF LIFE OF EVER. 28 POUNDS OKAY. I was gonna be late for my train to Portsmouth, cause the tube was gonna take at least 20mins, and I had barely 25mins left to go, plus I had to walk to the station. Fortuitously, OR SO I THOUGHT AT THE TIME, there was a cab right outside the door. 40mins later I arrived at the station, immensely depressed. And pissed off at myself for cutting it so fine. aisdjalksjheioatiqoij!!!IJADKLJDlj.
At least I managed to book a bus from my clever phone for 12 quid, so I managed to cram in lunch as well. Subway, I thought, could not possibly fail me. What do you know. The only bad meatball marinara I've ever consumed. You know life is sucks when even your MM is bad. Slept all the way to portsmouth, thank god I managed to sleep. Went shopping. SHOPPING. Truly I understand now the meaning of retail therapy. That exact moment when you slip a jumper over your head and it fits... What can I say. It was a cathartic experience. I'm not even taking the piss. Brought a megawatti smile to my face i.e. so bright I deserved for that moment to be the Philipino president. Bought 2 jumpers, cause Portsmouth Primark is Power Packs while Exeter Primark is Extremely Poor (or as I like to put it, PPPP EPEP). Still extremely pleased with my buys, I'm never dissing any female again or mocking them about shopping. I HEARTS RETAIL SHOVE OFF MISOGYNISTIC BIGOTED STUPID MEN.
Then I had dinner at a Wetherspoons pub. Seriously you can't go half an hour in any English city without encountering at least 3 of them or something. Curry club thursday, they said. Green thai curry, I replied. Bad move. Sigh. About the only thing I got out of it is this awful flatulence. Yeah. Incredibly foul smelling. Probably it's a combination of that and the crazy amounts of onions I had in my foot-long sub. Yurgh. My stomach churns and my nose breaks down at the thought of that sludge inside me now. Although probably half of it has been expelled in gaseous form by now. Was bad. I did get dessert which consisted of Belgian waffles and ice cream though, which was pretty good. Slight teaser for myself I guess! Can't wait for the authentic thing yumz. More on dat later.
Oh man I just went to the toilet, and talk about catharsis! Not even funny. I mean, that was the most... Just kidding. Of course I wouldn't discuss my shit experience. Not even how my bowels almost feel seared from having to handle such toxic waste. That would be disgusting.
So after that was the xx. Not gonna to do all caps to display my excitement cause it's all about understated cool. That's obv. I must say I expected some really weird characters to show up for the concert. Like all minimalist or fully outfitted in black or goth-chicks or something. But nope. Pretty normal crowd, nothing like that all-gay crowd for Uh Huh Her. Srsly don't think I'd ever seen a larger convention of the LGBT (guess gay isn't very PC) community than that! Mmoths opened for them, and they were alright. Not as awesome as Haim for Florence, which I just realized I've not mentioned yet. Laters. I had to leave by 22:15 though, as I had a train to catch back to London. Thank goodness at 22:10 they played Islands. Concert would not have been compleat without Islands. My big three has to be Crystalised, Islands and VCR. Pretty happy. Then here I returned, back to my cousin's place in London, awaiting my bus to take me to happier (less smelly, it's permeated the walls) places!
So that was today. I've had an eventful couple days leading up to this, which I'll try to encapsulate in a mere 25 paragraphs or so. How I even struggle with essays I cannot comprehend. So I had this Asian Dinner on thursday night. I cooked my specialty dish the sweet & spicy prawns. Just kidding, was my first time making it, since the sauce came in the care package sent from home. Which contained my boots which means I'm a warrior now, no more quailing in the face of mere ice/snow. Anyway. It seemed to be a hit! I'm not sure if people were just being nice about it but it was the first to go... Although that possibly could also be due to lousy portioning hahaha. It was a pretty good dinner overall, had to be about 20 people or so.
Saturday came and went. Yeah right. I met kinonn ho in Coventry after 4 hours on the train. Srsly exeter is the punggol of UK. When an IKEA is the best part about a city you know the city is sucks. Well, it was actually decent, but we weren't there for sightseeing were we?!?! FLORENCE + THE MACHINE WAS DA BOMBERS. I really can't describe it any further than that. It was simply amazing. I knew she was good live, but I was absolutely blown away. Best concert I've been ever. Crazy good. No, I won't even try to go on describing the indescribable.
Following day we went to Stratford-upon-Avon and that was probably the best decision we could have made. What a brilliant little place, to think we spent less than 2 hours there cause we missed our train haha. Absolutely completed my weekend, possibly and probably one of the most epic weekends of my life. Was a pleasure travelling with my liege, my captain ho. I'm pretty glad I didn't attend the concert on my own at dodgy little westpoint arena in exeter!
Then I reached London at 10-ish and decided that getting into the tube would be too ordinary an experience for such an epic weekend. Cycle hire, or Boris Bikes as I've heard it called at just 1 pound for 24hours. Was kinda worried I wouldn't be able to balance cause my shoebag is clipped on to one side of my bag. Hahahaha. Unfounded concerns, cause soon enough I was zipping down the streets of London and getting lost and stuff. Would have been cooler if my seat had been secure. Instead, it gradually got gobbled up by the chassis and I was left staring up at the handlebars. Okay, nothing so kua but it was uncomfortable. And probably incredibly stupid looking. But it was fun. I think it's something I have to do everytime I get into London, it really is that awesome!
Brendal flew into London on monday so my plan was to meet her and show her around town. I must admit I'm still quite surprised by the fact that she's backpacking around europe. And that she'd even meet me hahaha. I remember how mean I could get towards her, and all the other girls as well. I think she remembers it as well, which makes it all the more surprising that she agreed to hang out! Hahaha. Okay I don't think it was all THAT bad, or she'd not have contacted me prior to coming here. I'm really glad to have met up with her, and hopefully she had fun while I showed her the sights and sounds of London!
I'll be meeting her again in Berlin where we'll be travelling together for a couple days, along with some of her friends. It's incredible to think that 5 years after leaving BBSS we'd suddenly make plans to travel around europe together. And it's not even awkward at all, at least not that I've felt, so all's good so far! I'm just kinda incredulous about the whole affair.
And yeemin is gonna fly into Amsterdam while I'm there as well, just 2 days later in fact, so it's cheers once more to spontaneity! It's really not that hard, doesn't require months of planning or something, if you want to travel with someone. Or meet someone, for that matter. Sometimes we make everything seem so hard and onerous when it's actually not. Like my essay. Oh man. Probably the worst essay I've ever done. I had so little remaining time I totally trashed the end-notes and bibliography. Not looking forward to the result of that nonsense sigh.
Hmmm. Nothing much left to add I guess, without going way too deep and not being able to end this hopefully short-ish post, cause it's 4am and I should really be leaving by 4.15.
Yep, hope everyone's tidings are glad and cheers are goodness!
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Home; Christmas.
I will be home for Christmas
(Cause home will be here)
(Wherever here may be)
And I will live life
(Cause life is for living)
(Life is for the living)
And I will laugh
(Cause life without joy is not life at all)
(Joy is life and life is joy)
And I will love again
(But who shall I love?)
(The one the world)
So I will be home for Christmas
Living laughing loving
Cause I will be home
The home that's all around me.
(Cause home will be here)
(Wherever here may be)
And I will live life
(Cause life is for living)
(Life is for the living)
And I will laugh
(Cause life without joy is not life at all)
(Joy is life and life is joy)
And I will love again
(But who shall I love?)
(The one the world)
So I will be home for Christmas
Living laughing loving
Cause I will be home
The home that's all around me.
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
But Balls.. Were Not Caught.
Thankfully this title does not refer to our bittersweet lukewarm touch rugby escapade in the Singapore Nottingham games. Lukewarm.... who am I kidding?! It was bloody freezing. Not even joking. Especially when I forgot to pack shorts, or trackpants, and my scrawny legs were exposed all day and all night to the merciless cold, cold wind. Bittersweet in the sense that we didn't win it, unfortunately. Obviously we wanted to. This was matched by a strong keening yearning desire to get out of the damn wind. Quite a conflict of interest.
We got into the semifinals without losing a single game in our group stage, an alarming result considering we faced a rather strong team of bufflords and 1 x pretty (quite) girl, ex-AC people I think. Then we lost in the semifinals in sudden death. My mind was sad but my body was happy. We immediately forfeited the 3rd/4th placing match to scurry into somewhere with blessed shelter from the cruel elements. And a hot bath. Best bath of life. I didn't expect them to give out medals for 3rd place though, cause everyone knows I live for medals. Sigh.
Was a great weekend though, deepest of gratitudes to limahkow for hosting me over the weekend, and kinonn10 for returning me some much needed ££££! Hooya friendship, clearly not about exploiting them for monetary benefit or anything like that... Probably gonna play bridge or monopoly deal at the next games cause the UK winter (who am I kidding, it's only autumn) is too much for my poor thin-skinned tropically-attuned sweat-accustomed body. If I'm even going, seeing as I was the only one from my school to go. Outcasted much. Pfft.
I did meet a couple of people as well, quite surprising considering that I almost was beginning to feel like I knew no one at all in the UK, a poor lost child stranded thousands of miles away from home in a place that rains in the morning, in the afternoon, and more than likely hails at night. This modern tragedy. I met the boys for touch rugby, a girl I'm not particularly close to despite having known her for a staggering 7 years or something, and a colleague, one of my juniors in the navy although I don't think she saw me. Although for a gathering of more than.. 500 singaporeans or thereabouts, that's like less than 2% of the population. Clearly not socially beastly.
My title instead refers to this lecture that I attended. LAND LAW. Law of Land(fills). (Out)Land(ish) Law. Or more simply and accurately as THE BANE OF HUMAN EXISTENCE. I went in almost completely ignorant of the topic to be covered. I came out completely ignorant and confused. Balls were not caught. Enlightenment was not attained. I was sadness.
I really need to start buying my textbooks, instead of merely typing in a random blog post that I should be buying them. Huh. Maybe that would help..
Actually while I was in Liverpool we went into the Oxfam shop there, with its untold treasures of thousands upon thousands of second-hand books. This one particular book caught my eye, in large part cause its title was Got Singapore. £3.49 later I was the happy possessor of said book and all was good. I got through all 270 pages of it on my torturous (the root word being tort a la Law of Torts, how sad can life get?) 5 hour long ride back to the deep south west. It's by one of the Straits Times editors apparently, a Mr Richard Lim and the book was made up of many different articles he'd written in the time he's been with the paper. I've almost never read a book about Singapore, or by a Singaporean, and I expect if I did I'd cringe (quite unfairly) at the terms used, or the character names etc. I sometimes think Singaporeans are too harsh on fellow Singaporeans.
Anyway the book covered a range of topics, and since they were pretty much all in a local context they were quite immediately relatable, so it was definitely quite easy reading. I found all the articles quite good, and being articles they were inherently easy to read anyway. Some people say the measure of a good book is in how much it makes you think afterwards. Not something I normally subscribe to cause I believe in books power to suspend thought, cause sometimes that's what you want instead of encouraging thought. But in this case, the book did make me think and I think the book is all the better for doing so.
What makes a nation? Is it an idea, its ideas, or its people? Of all people I think this question is most relevant to me, as someone who's chosen to defend his nation. I think when people try to justify signing on, and I do mean justify cause for some reason we all have to defend our choice quite vigorously, they're very defensive (or at least I usually am) and start pointing out things like scholarship, metal rice bowl, stable career, bo bian etc. No one ever really mentions the key notion of defending our nation, largely cause that's not a cool thing to say. It sounds horribly camp and more a droll cliche than anything. But surely it's crossed all our minds at one point that that's what we elected to do? No matter how much we try to gloss over the fact (and I know people who really try) that's an inescapable fact.
So the follow up question to what makes a nation is: What am I defending? A way of life or a certain group of citizens? It bears thinking about, given what's at stake. Or potentially at stake. My life, possibly, if it comes down to it, is on the line. At the very least a couple years of it is, until my bond ends. And I don't have an answer to the question yet.
Having had the privilege, or utter misfortune, to have studied a little bit of law, the concept of the social contract is one that I have had to deal with recently. It's when an individual gives up certain rights and freedoms to the state in exchange for the promise of security, or the right to safety. I hope I'm not getting it totally wrong actually haha. That means that everyone who subscribes to the state's laws i.e. curtailed their personal "rights" to do anything they want including theft murder etc. deserves to be protected by the state i.e. the armed forces.
That seems to make sense, but it seems a little bit too transactional. There's nothing in it about ideology or any sense of nationhood about it at all. Which is perhaps the key to what I'm driving at here. When I say I will defend my nation, what exactly is it I'm protecting? I'll figure it out, hopefully sooner rather than later, so we'll see how that goes haha.
Umm actually lost my train of thought there for a really long while cause I got caught up in other things to do so I've had this stuck in my drafts for at least 3 days now. Which I do all the time cause I'm horrible at finishing stuff I've done halfway e.g. ESSAYS although the problem with essays largely lies with the beginnings..
So yeah, suddenly I'm heading to Manchester tmr for The Killers and crashing and CPT HO's place till Saturday apparently. Time has got wings and they are not deep fried. Therefore they are capable of flying. Real fast.
And soon it will be the Christmas break and exciting things are in store somehow! A friend from ages ago, and I mean waaaaaaaay back, recently contacted me cause she was intending to travel around europe this winter. Quite the pleasant surprise, and all of a sudden it seems as if I might have actual plans for Christmas. We'll see how that goes though, since nothing's set in stone yet and planning to travel together is always such a tricky business. Hopefully it works out well.
And.... yeah I guess that's it. Only a few days overdue on this post especially since aforementioned lecture happened last tuesday sigh. Law of landfills indeed. Poot poot smelly smelly shit rubbish dump.
We got into the semifinals without losing a single game in our group stage, an alarming result considering we faced a rather strong team of bufflords and 1 x pretty (quite) girl, ex-AC people I think. Then we lost in the semifinals in sudden death. My mind was sad but my body was happy. We immediately forfeited the 3rd/4th placing match to scurry into somewhere with blessed shelter from the cruel elements. And a hot bath. Best bath of life. I didn't expect them to give out medals for 3rd place though, cause everyone knows I live for medals. Sigh.
Was a great weekend though, deepest of gratitudes to limahkow for hosting me over the weekend, and kinonn10 for returning me some much needed ££££! Hooya friendship, clearly not about exploiting them for monetary benefit or anything like that... Probably gonna play bridge or monopoly deal at the next games cause the UK winter (who am I kidding, it's only autumn) is too much for my poor thin-skinned tropically-attuned sweat-accustomed body. If I'm even going, seeing as I was the only one from my school to go. Outcasted much. Pfft.
I did meet a couple of people as well, quite surprising considering that I almost was beginning to feel like I knew no one at all in the UK, a poor lost child stranded thousands of miles away from home in a place that rains in the morning, in the afternoon, and more than likely hails at night. This modern tragedy. I met the boys for touch rugby, a girl I'm not particularly close to despite having known her for a staggering 7 years or something, and a colleague, one of my juniors in the navy although I don't think she saw me. Although for a gathering of more than.. 500 singaporeans or thereabouts, that's like less than 2% of the population. Clearly not socially beastly.
My title instead refers to this lecture that I attended. LAND LAW. Law of Land(fills). (Out)Land(ish) Law. Or more simply and accurately as THE BANE OF HUMAN EXISTENCE. I went in almost completely ignorant of the topic to be covered. I came out completely ignorant and confused. Balls were not caught. Enlightenment was not attained. I was sadness.
I really need to start buying my textbooks, instead of merely typing in a random blog post that I should be buying them. Huh. Maybe that would help..
Actually while I was in Liverpool we went into the Oxfam shop there, with its untold treasures of thousands upon thousands of second-hand books. This one particular book caught my eye, in large part cause its title was Got Singapore. £3.49 later I was the happy possessor of said book and all was good. I got through all 270 pages of it on my torturous (the root word being tort a la Law of Torts, how sad can life get?) 5 hour long ride back to the deep south west. It's by one of the Straits Times editors apparently, a Mr Richard Lim and the book was made up of many different articles he'd written in the time he's been with the paper. I've almost never read a book about Singapore, or by a Singaporean, and I expect if I did I'd cringe (quite unfairly) at the terms used, or the character names etc. I sometimes think Singaporeans are too harsh on fellow Singaporeans.
Anyway the book covered a range of topics, and since they were pretty much all in a local context they were quite immediately relatable, so it was definitely quite easy reading. I found all the articles quite good, and being articles they were inherently easy to read anyway. Some people say the measure of a good book is in how much it makes you think afterwards. Not something I normally subscribe to cause I believe in books power to suspend thought, cause sometimes that's what you want instead of encouraging thought. But in this case, the book did make me think and I think the book is all the better for doing so.
What makes a nation? Is it an idea, its ideas, or its people? Of all people I think this question is most relevant to me, as someone who's chosen to defend his nation. I think when people try to justify signing on, and I do mean justify cause for some reason we all have to defend our choice quite vigorously, they're very defensive (or at least I usually am) and start pointing out things like scholarship, metal rice bowl, stable career, bo bian etc. No one ever really mentions the key notion of defending our nation, largely cause that's not a cool thing to say. It sounds horribly camp and more a droll cliche than anything. But surely it's crossed all our minds at one point that that's what we elected to do? No matter how much we try to gloss over the fact (and I know people who really try) that's an inescapable fact.
So the follow up question to what makes a nation is: What am I defending? A way of life or a certain group of citizens? It bears thinking about, given what's at stake. Or potentially at stake. My life, possibly, if it comes down to it, is on the line. At the very least a couple years of it is, until my bond ends. And I don't have an answer to the question yet.
Having had the privilege, or utter misfortune, to have studied a little bit of law, the concept of the social contract is one that I have had to deal with recently. It's when an individual gives up certain rights and freedoms to the state in exchange for the promise of security, or the right to safety. I hope I'm not getting it totally wrong actually haha. That means that everyone who subscribes to the state's laws i.e. curtailed their personal "rights" to do anything they want including theft murder etc. deserves to be protected by the state i.e. the armed forces.
That seems to make sense, but it seems a little bit too transactional. There's nothing in it about ideology or any sense of nationhood about it at all. Which is perhaps the key to what I'm driving at here. When I say I will defend my nation, what exactly is it I'm protecting? I'll figure it out, hopefully sooner rather than later, so we'll see how that goes haha.
Umm actually lost my train of thought there for a really long while cause I got caught up in other things to do so I've had this stuck in my drafts for at least 3 days now. Which I do all the time cause I'm horrible at finishing stuff I've done halfway e.g. ESSAYS although the problem with essays largely lies with the beginnings..
So yeah, suddenly I'm heading to Manchester tmr for The Killers and crashing and CPT HO's place till Saturday apparently. Time has got wings and they are not deep fried. Therefore they are capable of flying. Real fast.
And soon it will be the Christmas break and exciting things are in store somehow! A friend from ages ago, and I mean waaaaaaaay back, recently contacted me cause she was intending to travel around europe this winter. Quite the pleasant surprise, and all of a sudden it seems as if I might have actual plans for Christmas. We'll see how that goes though, since nothing's set in stone yet and planning to travel together is always such a tricky business. Hopefully it works out well.
And.... yeah I guess that's it. Only a few days overdue on this post especially since aforementioned lecture happened last tuesday sigh. Law of landfills indeed. Poot poot smelly smelly shit rubbish dump.
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