It seems, these days, it's become increasingly easy to be a cynic, and to be increasingly skeptical. 'Tis terrible when you begin to doubt your friends. Why, you ask, is it that you are ALWAYS being left alone? Hmm? Left behind? Hmm? Why, you ask, is it that everyone else seems to be having a helluva time, when you're not around? Hmm? Why, you ask, has everything gone so... wrong? And all my searching yields no answer. It sucks, yes, to feel kept out of the loop. It seems, these days, one has to look elsewhere for what he used to have.
On another note, it seems that I myself am not blameless. Hah, in fact, am I deliberately acting cool and indifferent eh? Hahaha, maybe eh. I wonder why I don't feel.. the way I used to? Maybe I am much too afraid. Of? Well, dependence? Even though at that time I was yes, fostering it. Afraid of.. Intimacy maybe? That's a distinct possibility. Or I was afraid that she would like me? Although maybe that had been my goal all along.
You know. Pride, ego and the such. De yan could be like, the poster boy for those man. A spokesperson. Like, everyone is reduced to just... another notch on his belt. But when things get too.. out of hand for him, he begins to fear. How can it be that, when on one hand he tries his utmost for something, on the other he fears it? It's irrational and illogical, it doesn't make sense. And yet I continue in the pursuit of...... well, more notches. And occasionally I profess to have a deep-seated fear of such things happening. But it's senseless in the extreme. And I know it. Only when things begin to get out of control do I try to avert the disaster. But is it too late? Even now. Well I'm sorry.
Nevermind. And I'm beginning to feel the onset of an identity crisis too. I don't think I'm cut out to juggle so many persona. Especially when they seem..... far off from myself. Hah. It really is a dilemma. Should I mull over it and get all worked up and stressed? Or should I pull off my special form of escapism. Whatever, man.
I've got a headache man. I did the games proposal thing till 4 on sunday morning and it got lost. Screw it. The only thing I got out of that crap, was my headache. Which weakened my constitution and bestowed upon me my fever my flu and my cough. Screw it. It probably didn't help that I went to tiong bahru for prata after going to JE library. Worse, after that to Holland V for ice cream. Worse still, to the wine bistro until like 1.30 man. Holy crap. To reach home at 2 o clock on monday morning? It's no wonder I didn't go to school man. But truly, holland v is some kickass chillout place man. Although at like 75 dollars a bottle, you'd have to be filthy rich. Hah, at least I didn't pay. Man, to just relack and drink that damnedly expensive wine. A charmed lifestyle, I'm sure. But nope, not on a sunday night before school -.- that's suicidal man.
Bah. When are the........ boundaries of, I don't know, close friendship maybe, crossed? How do I make a tactful withdrawal without letting my suspicions be known? Are they even justified or are they merely the workings of a wholly fertile and imaginative mind? Damn. And well, I can't find anything to allay my fears. Hot damn. It seems there is no... safe way to escape too.
Escape. I guess as each day passes it becomes a more, reasonable prospect. A more achievable, believable prospect. Hah. But ever I am dragged back by well, stuff. Hah. Today it was a dish my momma cooked -.- but am I to be faulted for drifting off into the alternate parallel world I construct in my head? Worlds that............. could have been so real. Damnation. Hah. Truly we could have had so much fun. But you said no. Shizzle my wizzles.
Okay. Here are my resolutions. To be shallow but not callow. To not think so much or better still, not think at all. To be a friend to all and not ask all from my friends. To not be a skeptical friend. To believe in the goodness of friendship. To recapture the goodness in friendship. To ignore and forget. To create the desert again. To allow my heart to wither and be the barren wasteland it's been for so long. To recapture the void within. To stop.
Yep, stop it is.
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Monday, 21 April 2008
All Alone.
Close your eyes and see
When there ain't no light
All you'll ever be
Come and save the night
Cuz I don't leave
When the morning comes it doesn't
Seem to say an awful lot to me...
All alone (All alone) (6x). That probably sums up what I've been feeling lately. As some people have remarked of late, I've been slightly down and more emo. Thanks for the care and concern, yeah? But well, it's not easy to explain to you guys why I was that way. For say, one or two weeks, I have begun to feel this growing dis-attachment and distance from everybody. Why this is so, I have no idea and I don't like it. But what can one do? Anyway nevermind. It is.. decidedly childish. I should have seen it coming, and maybe I did. But I did nothing to stop the rot, so it eventually boils down to me. I could have preempted it, man. But no. De Yan is blasé and aloof and downright indifferent. So people don't really care about me do they? It's quite alright to walk off without me eh. It's quite alright to leave without me. It's quite alright to live without me. The things I learn every week. And every monday, I go to school hoping that the week, will be the week everything turns magically oh kay, right? Nay, that is but a fool's dream. But it's a fool's job to dream fool's dreams. I retain the right to do so.
It is by now, doggone foolishness. I shouldn't be mulling for so long. It's over dude. It's been almost 3 months eh. It's not gonna come to fruition. Futile efforts. In fact, non-existent efforts. But all of a sudden I have more cause to be thinking. And it's quite upsetting. I can't believe it. It was quite the defining moment man. But there are always things that cause me to dream, yeah. To dream of what if and what if and what could have been. But it's all too late for regrets. Maybe I would have suffered more, had I chosen differently. Then again. It could have been wonderful. I think I could have persuaded her. Or I'm over-rating myself. But imagine. Oh well. I didn't try all that hard. And now my regrets don't make a difference. Why is it always in the critical decisions that I falter? Not exactly critical per se, but the decisions I've made have caused me no little unhappiness.
Oh! She's got this hold over me. You've got to get this feeling, like you were a child, and you fervently believed in aliens, and you're contacted by the alien lifeforms you always knew were out there. When you finally get what you've been craving. Contact. Oh! The euphoria. You've just got to get it, you know? That high, upon contact. Exquisite. And that's when. The man finally proves his detractors wrong. In his heart, he never truly accepted what everyone said, about aliens being impossible. In his heart, nothing has changed since his childhood. He always knew they were out there. Oh! How that is the case. In his heart nothing has changed. She's still lurking somewhere. It's just been hidden under layers of other stuff. They way the child begins to worry about work, or his family. Aliens are almost forgotten, but still they remain within his heart.
Alright, what's with this crap about aliens now? Gee, absolutely random. But maybe I do feel like some alien now. I only wish there were a child whose wishes I have fulfilled through my presence.
Oh and, happy birthday mom.
I present to you now, a story, a story of a boy.
The Boy Who Saw Dark Clouds
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. There lived this boy, who met a girl, and all was good. This girl, she was all you could ask for of youth. She had eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth. She had the sweetest disposition, and a crooked smile which the boy adored.
But. The moment he saw her, he saw something else. Clouds, dark clouds, dark clouds, gathering in the distance. The clouds brought with them ill-meaning and menace. The boy saw those dark, dark clouds, and he began to weep. For he knew, that those clouds they were coming, coming for him.
The girl, she was not blind. She saw the boy weeping, and came close. And the closer she came, the less the boy could see of the clouds. And soon, his vision was filled with her, and only her. And the beauty! The true majesty of her beauty. It seemed to be so radiant, it enveloped the dark clouds. The dark clouds were nothing in the face of this girl, the girl with eyes like the summer. They were soon forgotten, shoved into the recesses of his mind. The boy stopped crying.
The boy. In her presence, everything was so fine, and he knew no fear. The dark clouds were chased away. And he could begin to dream, of a future. Of a future, of her. And all was good. Alas, it was not to last.
It is in the nature of happy times, that it passes quite impossibly fast. Before the boy knew it, the time had come. The time had come, and the dark clouds were upon them. And the fear! The fear that seized his heart. Why, at the zenith of his happiness! It seemed impossibly cruel. And so the boy, he began to run. He began to run, for he hoped the girl would be safe from the clouds, the dark clouds.
But what of the girl? The girl, she saw no clouds. She merely saw the boy, the boy running away. And she was sad. And the boy, the boy would have felt pain in his heart, that he had made her sad. But he never would know. And the girl, she too would never know why he ran, away from her.
And so it came to pass, that there was an almighty heaving of the heavens. And the boy, the boy realized he still lived.
But what of the girl? The girl, she saw no longer. The girl, with eyes like the summer, would never open her eyes again.
And the boy, the boy saw that the clouds, the dark clouds, had claimed his love, and he rent his breast. And in that moment, the boy was no longer a boy. His heart had died. And he'd never see her radiance again. He'd forever see, see only the dark clouds within his mind.
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Hah, my own original story =D I've always wanted to write something weird like that. I'm not sure how people take the style, but I like it. Yeah. There are many ways that I could have written it, but nevermind. I think I'll leave it as it is. Hope it's as cool to whoever who reads it as it is to me. Well, I must say this is quite the tragic story. Who's to say who is sadder? The boy, or the girl? To die feeling abandoned? Or? Oh well. I suddenly feel I didn't do justice to the tragedy, of the boy who saw dark clouds.
One day in love. After which your heart dies. Tragic.
Lols, almost 3am and it's another monday. I shall hope once more. Things just might improve, yeah? More fool me. I shall contrive to be happy. An ET sighting would help. But that is beyond impossible. Oh yeah, I've got a date on wednesday. But somehow I'm not filled with the expectation that I used to feel. Is it that I've become numb, or have I already discarded her by the wayside? And oh yeah, de yan you're quite the man when it comes to misleading. =D
I should sleep.
"And I get by with a little help from my friends."
Or without.
Goodnight(:
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
Jacob No Ass (s).
This post is gonna be about my camps man. Because I just can't stop bitching about them. :D
Okay lah, LINE camp was fine, except that I felt like I was handling the whole LG. And I got really irritated by the teeny help I get from my fellow facs, like laytian? And yewsiang too, don't want to help me one. Lols, but it was okay. I knew each and every one of my campers, and I managed to spend much time with them. Although they weren't really good campers lah, but at least I managed to get pretty close to them. So it was a satisfying camp, because my campers acknowledged me and I think I managed to inspire them somehow. Oh yeah, I was really fierce to them. Heh, LT was super useless, I'll devote one whole chapter or two or three or four on her. :D she sucks at e-web too!
Next up was, CDAYL. Which is where the legend of Jacob begins. Hohoho. Sheez, whoever made me assistant family head. That's a sack of a shit job that I'm not going to wish on anyone man, if your family head is erm, hannisah. Is that how you spell her name? Whatever, not important. Looks wrong though. Yes anyway, the past week, from monday to friday, was terrible. Can you imagine, on the relack days monday and tuesday, she began saying things like. "De Yan, I think I cannot handle already." "De Yan, I sure fall sick during camp, make sure you don't fall sick ah." "De Yan, I think I going to break down soon." God, so piteous. And I'm like, ooooooooooookay, the campers haven't arrived yet! And on tuesday for the chinese riddles, she decided not to give any instructions to me or the facs, so we just did things blindly and yes, wrongly too. Such a slack day, and she didn't manage to complete anything, not the dance, the lg gifts or the damned green cloth. Of course lah, it was almost enough to kill our dear family head.
A leader, leads by example.
He shows a willingness to do what he asks others to do, and beyond.
He does not mind getting down and dirty with his fellow mates.
A facilitator, facilitates.
He does so by leading people around, telling them what to do.
It does not really matter if he is unclear himself.
Everyone just wants some instructions they can follow.
Hannisah is neither, and she shirked all her responsibilities to me. Not only that, whatever instructions she receives she does not inform me about, so there is an obvious break in the chain of communication. And what I do not know, my facs do not know.
Oh yeah, she has the nerve to call these people "my" facs when she's bitching about them. "Eh de yan, your facs ah, damn stupid. Damn idiot. Damn effed up." Yeah, so I'm just smoking and bullshitting my way throughout the camp. "Er, I think now we just play some games lor, I also not sure what's the instructions." "Er now ah, I think go and wash-up." Dammit, how are things supposed to get done? And when everyone looks to me for instructions I don't know about, I don't know, but I'd say I'm more than a little stressed.
Yeah, and this is what really gets me going. All the time that she's supposedly so stressed out, she is in fact, pretty much enjoying her life, lepak-ing with some PC person or another. That amounts to stress? Bring it on man! Yeah, and her complaints? They're about my facs, and how useless they all are. They're always absent. They don't listen to instructions. They give me attitude. They're always slacking. They do stupid things. Oh yeah? The hypocrisy! She's not there 95% of the time, and when she's counting the facs, she's actually at the grandstand while everyone's at the library. Useless facs? Everyone of them facilitate more than she does. She never brought ANYONE to the toilet etc etc. Instructions. She never makes them clear, or make them at all! Attitude. Who's to talk about attitude when she's always in the corner emo-ing, stressing and crying? And complaining of course. And when you've got time to complain, you're slacking terribly. Every time I want to scold her there's a PC around, which sucks ass. I have zero tolerance for a POC like her, but I never get to scold her, and I lost my voice too.
She ropes in an outsider, who actually scolds my facs and insults them. In front of me. If not for the campers around me, I would have blown. For sure. That damned fatty, she's got no right. She had really better beware man. Beware Jacob's wrath. I'm glad my campers noticed what a bitch she is, lol!
Next, I am running all over the school, doing the stuff that is her responsibility. Attendance list. Dammit, the CDAYL shirts? I had to run around, asking, is there extra, what size, who needs. And then going to the LN to get 3 shirts for the campers. And. I was really tired. Really irritated already. And amanda! She kept telling me, it's seriously too big for the campers. What am I supposed to do! I really had no strength to settle that damned issue. I'm not sure if amanda noticed, but if she had said one more time that, cannot, too big le. I would probably have snapped. And I think I've snapped at her too many times over the years already, of which I'm terribly sorry. But yeah. I would have blown my top. It's not her fault, or anyone's fault. But you know, fatigue does that. I'm not sure if I gave her attitude though, hopefully she didn't detect any.
My feet, became swollen to a truly unholy size? For 5-6 hours straight, I had no time to put on my shoes, or grab my slippers. Yeah. I was running about the school barefoot, and it really got damnedly painful. It swelled like some balloon man. Cause of the attendance list, shirts, facs shirts, bringing people to the toilet/water cooler. Escorting people to the LN. Finding stuff for the campers. Retrieving stuff they left behind. Yes. 5 hours! That was during the... second day. Water games day. From before telematch to after the wash-up after the kinetic warfare I think, I had no footwear.
And yes kinetic warfare I didn't play also. Why? Hannisah, that's why. "Oh no de yan, I cannot handle the campers lah. Got some boys say the want to play basketball, I scared they run away." WTFISH? I was just about to embark on the kinetic warfare man, almost setting off. So while everyone charge off to their stations, I slowly trudged up the stairs to the grandstand. The culprits? 3 little kids who made no attempt to run after I told them the rationale behind not letting them play basketball. Great. I had really looked forward to the finale. But, the things you have to give up when you're an assistant family head! Blah. Okay lah, I was kind of bitter about it. But I saw other people at the grandstand too, like the F1 fac who took care of yewtong's little meimei. So poor thing that fac, had to take care of that piece of work. So I guess my sacrifice was equivalent or even less than those made by others. Oh yeah, special mention. Jonathan and Huiyan, who were in the medical centre all day long cause of their sick campers. Respect man. Really appreciate what they did. They spent about I don't know, 2 days in there? They probably contracted illnesses from being in such close contact too. These people are those who sacrificed more than me, so I shan't complain that much. Didn't seem too fun anyway -.-
Oh, apparently hannisah went in and out of the med centre? Lol, didn't really bother to get the details, I believe that she was probably just some sobbing wreck in there lah. Too stressed out man. Oh yeah, talking about sobbing, she made amanda cry -.- she had the balls to scold amanda, when amanda was like the only person taking care of like, 37 people? okay, here comes special mention. Amanda, Yewsiang and Maegan for taking care of LG7, on their own much of the time. I think. It's not their fault they are left alone much of the time. Leon and shing, well, they just weren't really interested were they? LT was just adding on to the camper population. So. Amanda, well I'm not very sure about the group dynamics but she was probably the one who kept the LG in shape? I'm sorry I'm so clueless, I never had time to witness who was doing what for the LG. Yew siang too, I think he has done his best for this camp already, I cannot fault him the way I did during LINE camp, the effort was there. Maegan, I don't really know, lol. But she probably helped out lah, maybe more than that but sorry I have no idea. Leon and shing, they did help, but their hearts weren't in it. At least they supported the LG.
LT. My god, can a worse fac ever exist? She's absolutely clueless! Hopeless! Worthless! Whenever I give instructions, she does not listen. I'd say "Eh LT, collect the rubbish for the campers." THREE TIMES. And she doesn't hear it. Amanda on her own initiative, got up and started disposing rubbish before she even finished her own food. Kudos. I got so noticeably pissed of with laytian she once remarked to me "Why you always so like.... aiyah nevermind." She's just useless that way, she can't form proper sentences. Which was apparent during e-web. "Erm, erm, erm, erm, erm. I want to thank, erm, erm..................................." Yeah. You get the point. The one good thing being so busy this camp, I didn't have to suffer interacting with her. But there was improvement. Serious. She was even more useless during LINE camp! Oh well, such is our terrible lot in life. Ahhh, I seem to be getting overboard. My apologies, I don't really mean to be so mean. But actually, this I think, is barely the tip of the iceberg that is the horror of LT. She's fugly to boot.
Okay, enough on LT. Back to the zhong dian. Before the family performance ah, hannisah was actually crying and sobbing cause of amanda. Bloody hell, show some backbone will you? So with a heavy heart, I had to perform, cause she was my dance partner. More fool me. Then she complained to me many times, and to many other people, about "that amanda". "Eh de yan, can you help me or not? That amanda just now gave me black face, then I don't know what to do." Well, I know, go and complain to PC lah! Miracle cure for all you problems, hannisah. Okay yeah, and amanda was guilty? Cause hannisah was scolded after I don't know who witnessed amanda crying I don't know when. Well, she didn't act any more repentant on the third day of camp proper, even after getting scolded! I see no point for any guilt whatsoever. Heh.
Okay next point. How can a family head, not bother to get to know her facs? Hmmm? What, you mean PR job is for the assistant family head? Geez! And I don't mean to be boasting but, I think my people skills absolutely own hers. Unless you count chumming with the PCs lah. First night, I stayed up late to try and find yoga mats for some indons, so that maegan could sleep. And when I couldn't procure them, I ordered those girls to sleep by, I think I said 3 o clock, cause obviously maegan needs sleep too. Cause it was my mistake to have asked maegan to check out why some girls were waking up. So yeah, it translates into my responsibility for maegan's rest right? It's all about accountability. And I was accountable for maegan's rest that night. I hope she did manage to sleep by 3, I never managed to find out. That was the first night. If I weren't so shagged by running around, I would have stayed up with them. Guilty.
Second night, was practically family time lah. The facs got together to make the lg gifts, minus those who really were too tired out. Hannisah leh? Who got plenty of rest in the LN, or in the canteen or wherever she goes to relack? She sleeps, apart from us. While the rest of us, including her lg facs, are still working. So. LG7 finished the fastest, so they all went to sleep. People slowly dropped off to sleepyland, in the end there was only I think, anna sophia huiyan xintong lixin and me left? Kudos to them man, it was really late, and they were still doing the gifts. So I'm thinking, they're working so hard, surely someone must be there to show some support? Let them, feel the love man. From who? Our family head? No way, never. In fact, she got up in the middle of the night, while sophia and lixin were still working, and actually said, "wah still doing ah? Don't sleep too late ah." Or something like that. I mean, your lg facs are still there! If you can wake up, it means you can do some work right? So yeah, I thought that, hey, if not her, then at least I should be showing some support and appreciation for their hard work. So, with plenty of trips to the toilet and to the water cooler, I kept myself awake for the sake of my facs. I can't bear to leave them working alone right? They're so tired and yet they keep on pasting the damned hearts or whatnot.
I think anna was slowly writing notes for each of her campers? Sophia and lixin were pasting the hearts on the slips of papers. I tried to help, but I kept dozing off while putting on the glue, so embarassing can. Huiyan was at the med centre table writing long messages for every camper. I can't really recall what xintong was doing, lol, I only remember what she was doing BEFORE she joined us doing the gifts. Wahaha. So while on my frequent trips to the toilet, I see huiyan writing and writing, until finally i saw her asleep on the table. Anna and sophia and I think xintong? , lagi solid. Lixin already went off to sleep on the sofa, so only left them. When I finally decided to get some rest, they continued doing the gifts. I couldn't even stay awake while walking lah. But yeah, watching these people write and do their gifts, I felt really happy you know? Like, hey, these are the people are sacrificing precious sleep for their campers. I'm only sorry I couldn't stay awake. Guilty. I did manage to facilitate some gila people who woke up at 4am to bathe though. Yep, special mention to the people who stayed awake. I hope they felt appreciated, cause for damn sure they weren't gonna feel that way from hannisah. It's all about welfare ain't it? Making sure your facs feel good, feel supported. And also about making time for them, bonding with them. Carving out time from your beauty sleep for them.
Oh yeah, and another issue that had me pissed? The next day, I heard that she said we were bitching all night long. Wtfish? She doesn't have the right to make that assumption when she didn't go through the night with them, not even spent time with them. And she was complaining to outsiders about all of the F2 facs, when some of them were actually within listening range! Like, Oh noes!!!!! they don't help me at all!!!! Get real! No instructions for us, no help for you! Simplicity. We were at the canteen then. She actually dragged my facs into the canteen from the LT5 where they were getting the sleep they absolutely deserved. And in the canteen, well, the atmosphere just isn't there for sleeping -.- I don't think many of them slept in the canteen, maybe none. But well, hannisah did. Geez. Turned out, I think at the canteen all of us were just bitching about her man. No idea how she can be so stressed when she sleeps so much.
Oh another point about welfare. She doesn't bother about the facs meals. She actually had them skip dinner once, while I wasn't there. Now that is over the top, one can always be flexible, no? Other facs are taking care of each other, not to mention the campers, while she's like, feasting away at the canteen or wherever she deigns to be at. How do you do that, when your facs are skipping meals? Ahh oh yeah. Hanissah (oh I think that's how it's spelled?) was the best fac for the camp! A fac who doesn't facilitate! The blame falls square on my shoulders. I refused to pick out the best fac among F2, so I don't know by what convoluted logic, the family head was the best fac! I was trying desperately to sleep so as not to catch whatever sob story she had in store for us. "Ahhhhhhh, I so stressed. I almost broke down. But I picked myself up. I was in tears on many occasions." Actually she probably didn't say that, I don't know, cause I really did sleep. Ahaha okay, that's a long bitching post man. Time for the thank you's outside of those special mentions.
Well, all the F2 facs, with some notable exceptions. Well, despite what hanissah says, they really made things easy for me. The LG I/Cs co-operated and listened to my cock and bull instructions. For that I thank them. Heh, a few of them also made me feel appreciated and that all this shit was worthwhile. Like guiping! Damn sweet and nice lah, she told me that I don't know who was the "we" but that they felt that I was the best fac in F2. Really, that was it man. I didn't know what to say, so I think I said something lame. But yeah. It's really nice to know that my facs appreciate me lah. :D So I guess this camp was somewhat okay lah, despite my not knowing any campers, at least the facs I know are so nice, wahaha!
Next up, all the nice campers around who all recognize me. So that everywhere I go I can hear someone shouting "Jacob, Jacob!" So even though I have to cater to more than my fair share of campers what with everyone knowing me, I feel like some big shot man. :D But yeah, I brought probably 1 million people to the toilet, 2 million to the water cooler, 100 thousand to take their lost/forgotten things, 50 thousand to the LN where I have to fill in the damned incident report. I think I did probably 10 pieces of those? Geez.
Hmm, some members of the PC. Say, sheena? Ahah, she's always smiling, and sometimes talks to me or gives me instructions. So yeah, at least I know that not all information is channeled through the family head. And well, others in general, who are pretty nice to the facs. I might have some doubts about their organizational abilities, I'm afraid, but they are to a large extent, nice people.
Okay, for LG7 itself. Obviously, the HYSC people. Who, each and everyone of them I think, are better than LT -.- They came into the camp with some experience and high expectations. Which we failed to meet. But yeah, they managed to help the overall mood of the LG among other things. Like the e-web? Where they were infinitely better than say, LT? Ahah, unfair comparison. So yeah, kudos to them, and also huge apologies all around. When the assistant family head falters, so naturally do the facs. This means the camp was not good enough. I'm sorry.
Well, the other campers? Despite my not knowing them. Hmm, the international students too. Like for example, I was touched by minh's speech during the eweb. And well, for being my campers even if I didn't seem like your facilitator. And for the gifts, and for the support. Thanks.
Okay, that's probably it for the thanking list? Oh, other family facs too, without whom camp wouldn't have been fun. Especially F3, yeah. Who helped us during the first day of camp proper.
Like hooi kim :D
I don't know if they knew. But seriously, I almost had enough of the shit I was getting. By like, the second day, I was seriously thinking, why should I continue? I should just give up right? Like that POC family head. Profess to be very stressed and hide in the LN. Campers were giving me problems, the facs coming to me with problems I had no solutions for, like the damned CDAYL shirt. The running around without anyone saying thanks. And that was mostly it. No thanks. Obviously, hanissah wasn't going to thank me, what with her stress. But I felt really underwhelmed by the support I was getting. My feet was really painful, and nobody offered to help me bring the kid to the LN. It was like some pig's trotters. Nobody offered to help me with much, they just asked more questions. Only rarely, like when seeing jialong lead the people during the kinetic warfare finale, did I actually feel good, despite my not participating. I was finally seeing someone step up to do what I was supposed to be doing, having the expectation on him. What if you were standing on the chair, and you run out of things to say? What if someone asked you a question, and you had no answers? So yeah, special thanks to jialong.
There probably were individual facs who stepped up, say during kinetic warfare, but I wasn't present to see it. So I really felt like shit. But I was thinking, say I gave up. Say I decided to let all the shit fall on the facs. Would there be anyone who would well, be the big man? And I don't know why I felt so self-important and so mighty, I decided that if I disappeared, the family would just dissolve. So I decided to hang on, with delusions of my own might and strength. But maybe, someone could have done a better job? I mean I didn't even want any responsibility in the first place. So oh well, here's to some emo thoughts, that the family would have been better had someone else been assistant family head. Oh well, no time to be doubting in myself eh? Bah.
Oh oh, thanks to the F2 gays, I would have been much unhappier if not for them :D
It's 2 o clock, I hope I wake up. I'm still sick from the camp, slightly feverish and coughing too. My voice is well on it's way back. I'm gonna sleep before my pa comes in to spot check again.
To happy memories. In case anyone thinks my camp was terrible, it wasn't, it was kind of happy, sometimes.
"Take picture, take picture!!"
Jacob.
Okay lah, LINE camp was fine, except that I felt like I was handling the whole LG. And I got really irritated by the teeny help I get from my fellow facs, like laytian? And yewsiang too, don't want to help me one. Lols, but it was okay. I knew each and every one of my campers, and I managed to spend much time with them. Although they weren't really good campers lah, but at least I managed to get pretty close to them. So it was a satisfying camp, because my campers acknowledged me and I think I managed to inspire them somehow. Oh yeah, I was really fierce to them. Heh, LT was super useless, I'll devote one whole chapter or two or three or four on her. :D she sucks at e-web too!
Next up was, CDAYL. Which is where the legend of Jacob begins. Hohoho. Sheez, whoever made me assistant family head. That's a sack of a shit job that I'm not going to wish on anyone man, if your family head is erm, hannisah. Is that how you spell her name? Whatever, not important. Looks wrong though. Yes anyway, the past week, from monday to friday, was terrible. Can you imagine, on the relack days monday and tuesday, she began saying things like. "De Yan, I think I cannot handle already." "De Yan, I sure fall sick during camp, make sure you don't fall sick ah." "De Yan, I think I going to break down soon." God, so piteous. And I'm like, ooooooooooookay, the campers haven't arrived yet! And on tuesday for the chinese riddles, she decided not to give any instructions to me or the facs, so we just did things blindly and yes, wrongly too. Such a slack day, and she didn't manage to complete anything, not the dance, the lg gifts or the damned green cloth. Of course lah, it was almost enough to kill our dear family head.
A leader, leads by example.
He shows a willingness to do what he asks others to do, and beyond.
He does not mind getting down and dirty with his fellow mates.
A facilitator, facilitates.
He does so by leading people around, telling them what to do.
It does not really matter if he is unclear himself.
Everyone just wants some instructions they can follow.
Hannisah is neither, and she shirked all her responsibilities to me. Not only that, whatever instructions she receives she does not inform me about, so there is an obvious break in the chain of communication. And what I do not know, my facs do not know.
Oh yeah, she has the nerve to call these people "my" facs when she's bitching about them. "Eh de yan, your facs ah, damn stupid. Damn idiot. Damn effed up." Yeah, so I'm just smoking and bullshitting my way throughout the camp. "Er, I think now we just play some games lor, I also not sure what's the instructions." "Er now ah, I think go and wash-up." Dammit, how are things supposed to get done? And when everyone looks to me for instructions I don't know about, I don't know, but I'd say I'm more than a little stressed.
Yeah, and this is what really gets me going. All the time that she's supposedly so stressed out, she is in fact, pretty much enjoying her life, lepak-ing with some PC person or another. That amounts to stress? Bring it on man! Yeah, and her complaints? They're about my facs, and how useless they all are. They're always absent. They don't listen to instructions. They give me attitude. They're always slacking. They do stupid things. Oh yeah? The hypocrisy! She's not there 95% of the time, and when she's counting the facs, she's actually at the grandstand while everyone's at the library. Useless facs? Everyone of them facilitate more than she does. She never brought ANYONE to the toilet etc etc. Instructions. She never makes them clear, or make them at all! Attitude. Who's to talk about attitude when she's always in the corner emo-ing, stressing and crying? And complaining of course. And when you've got time to complain, you're slacking terribly. Every time I want to scold her there's a PC around, which sucks ass. I have zero tolerance for a POC like her, but I never get to scold her, and I lost my voice too.
She ropes in an outsider, who actually scolds my facs and insults them. In front of me. If not for the campers around me, I would have blown. For sure. That damned fatty, she's got no right. She had really better beware man. Beware Jacob's wrath. I'm glad my campers noticed what a bitch she is, lol!
Next, I am running all over the school, doing the stuff that is her responsibility. Attendance list. Dammit, the CDAYL shirts? I had to run around, asking, is there extra, what size, who needs. And then going to the LN to get 3 shirts for the campers. And. I was really tired. Really irritated already. And amanda! She kept telling me, it's seriously too big for the campers. What am I supposed to do! I really had no strength to settle that damned issue. I'm not sure if amanda noticed, but if she had said one more time that, cannot, too big le. I would probably have snapped. And I think I've snapped at her too many times over the years already, of which I'm terribly sorry. But yeah. I would have blown my top. It's not her fault, or anyone's fault. But you know, fatigue does that. I'm not sure if I gave her attitude though, hopefully she didn't detect any.
My feet, became swollen to a truly unholy size? For 5-6 hours straight, I had no time to put on my shoes, or grab my slippers. Yeah. I was running about the school barefoot, and it really got damnedly painful. It swelled like some balloon man. Cause of the attendance list, shirts, facs shirts, bringing people to the toilet/water cooler. Escorting people to the LN. Finding stuff for the campers. Retrieving stuff they left behind. Yes. 5 hours! That was during the... second day. Water games day. From before telematch to after the wash-up after the kinetic warfare I think, I had no footwear.
And yes kinetic warfare I didn't play also. Why? Hannisah, that's why. "Oh no de yan, I cannot handle the campers lah. Got some boys say the want to play basketball, I scared they run away." WTFISH? I was just about to embark on the kinetic warfare man, almost setting off. So while everyone charge off to their stations, I slowly trudged up the stairs to the grandstand. The culprits? 3 little kids who made no attempt to run after I told them the rationale behind not letting them play basketball. Great. I had really looked forward to the finale. But, the things you have to give up when you're an assistant family head! Blah. Okay lah, I was kind of bitter about it. But I saw other people at the grandstand too, like the F1 fac who took care of yewtong's little meimei. So poor thing that fac, had to take care of that piece of work. So I guess my sacrifice was equivalent or even less than those made by others. Oh yeah, special mention. Jonathan and Huiyan, who were in the medical centre all day long cause of their sick campers. Respect man. Really appreciate what they did. They spent about I don't know, 2 days in there? They probably contracted illnesses from being in such close contact too. These people are those who sacrificed more than me, so I shan't complain that much. Didn't seem too fun anyway -.-
Oh, apparently hannisah went in and out of the med centre? Lol, didn't really bother to get the details, I believe that she was probably just some sobbing wreck in there lah. Too stressed out man. Oh yeah, talking about sobbing, she made amanda cry -.- she had the balls to scold amanda, when amanda was like the only person taking care of like, 37 people? okay, here comes special mention. Amanda, Yewsiang and Maegan for taking care of LG7, on their own much of the time. I think. It's not their fault they are left alone much of the time. Leon and shing, well, they just weren't really interested were they? LT was just adding on to the camper population. So. Amanda, well I'm not very sure about the group dynamics but she was probably the one who kept the LG in shape? I'm sorry I'm so clueless, I never had time to witness who was doing what for the LG. Yew siang too, I think he has done his best for this camp already, I cannot fault him the way I did during LINE camp, the effort was there. Maegan, I don't really know, lol. But she probably helped out lah, maybe more than that but sorry I have no idea. Leon and shing, they did help, but their hearts weren't in it. At least they supported the LG.
LT. My god, can a worse fac ever exist? She's absolutely clueless! Hopeless! Worthless! Whenever I give instructions, she does not listen. I'd say "Eh LT, collect the rubbish for the campers." THREE TIMES. And she doesn't hear it. Amanda on her own initiative, got up and started disposing rubbish before she even finished her own food. Kudos. I got so noticeably pissed of with laytian she once remarked to me "Why you always so like.... aiyah nevermind." She's just useless that way, she can't form proper sentences. Which was apparent during e-web. "Erm, erm, erm, erm, erm. I want to thank, erm, erm..................................." Yeah. You get the point. The one good thing being so busy this camp, I didn't have to suffer interacting with her. But there was improvement. Serious. She was even more useless during LINE camp! Oh well, such is our terrible lot in life. Ahhh, I seem to be getting overboard. My apologies, I don't really mean to be so mean. But actually, this I think, is barely the tip of the iceberg that is the horror of LT. She's fugly to boot.
Okay, enough on LT. Back to the zhong dian. Before the family performance ah, hannisah was actually crying and sobbing cause of amanda. Bloody hell, show some backbone will you? So with a heavy heart, I had to perform, cause she was my dance partner. More fool me. Then she complained to me many times, and to many other people, about "that amanda". "Eh de yan, can you help me or not? That amanda just now gave me black face, then I don't know what to do." Well, I know, go and complain to PC lah! Miracle cure for all you problems, hannisah. Okay yeah, and amanda was guilty? Cause hannisah was scolded after I don't know who witnessed amanda crying I don't know when. Well, she didn't act any more repentant on the third day of camp proper, even after getting scolded! I see no point for any guilt whatsoever. Heh.
Okay next point. How can a family head, not bother to get to know her facs? Hmmm? What, you mean PR job is for the assistant family head? Geez! And I don't mean to be boasting but, I think my people skills absolutely own hers. Unless you count chumming with the PCs lah. First night, I stayed up late to try and find yoga mats for some indons, so that maegan could sleep. And when I couldn't procure them, I ordered those girls to sleep by, I think I said 3 o clock, cause obviously maegan needs sleep too. Cause it was my mistake to have asked maegan to check out why some girls were waking up. So yeah, it translates into my responsibility for maegan's rest right? It's all about accountability. And I was accountable for maegan's rest that night. I hope she did manage to sleep by 3, I never managed to find out. That was the first night. If I weren't so shagged by running around, I would have stayed up with them. Guilty.
Second night, was practically family time lah. The facs got together to make the lg gifts, minus those who really were too tired out. Hannisah leh? Who got plenty of rest in the LN, or in the canteen or wherever she goes to relack? She sleeps, apart from us. While the rest of us, including her lg facs, are still working. So. LG7 finished the fastest, so they all went to sleep. People slowly dropped off to sleepyland, in the end there was only I think, anna sophia huiyan xintong lixin and me left? Kudos to them man, it was really late, and they were still doing the gifts. So I'm thinking, they're working so hard, surely someone must be there to show some support? Let them, feel the love man. From who? Our family head? No way, never. In fact, she got up in the middle of the night, while sophia and lixin were still working, and actually said, "wah still doing ah? Don't sleep too late ah." Or something like that. I mean, your lg facs are still there! If you can wake up, it means you can do some work right? So yeah, I thought that, hey, if not her, then at least I should be showing some support and appreciation for their hard work. So, with plenty of trips to the toilet and to the water cooler, I kept myself awake for the sake of my facs. I can't bear to leave them working alone right? They're so tired and yet they keep on pasting the damned hearts or whatnot.
I think anna was slowly writing notes for each of her campers? Sophia and lixin were pasting the hearts on the slips of papers. I tried to help, but I kept dozing off while putting on the glue, so embarassing can. Huiyan was at the med centre table writing long messages for every camper. I can't really recall what xintong was doing, lol, I only remember what she was doing BEFORE she joined us doing the gifts. Wahaha. So while on my frequent trips to the toilet, I see huiyan writing and writing, until finally i saw her asleep on the table. Anna and sophia and I think xintong? , lagi solid. Lixin already went off to sleep on the sofa, so only left them. When I finally decided to get some rest, they continued doing the gifts. I couldn't even stay awake while walking lah. But yeah, watching these people write and do their gifts, I felt really happy you know? Like, hey, these are the people are sacrificing precious sleep for their campers. I'm only sorry I couldn't stay awake. Guilty. I did manage to facilitate some gila people who woke up at 4am to bathe though. Yep, special mention to the people who stayed awake. I hope they felt appreciated, cause for damn sure they weren't gonna feel that way from hannisah. It's all about welfare ain't it? Making sure your facs feel good, feel supported. And also about making time for them, bonding with them. Carving out time from your beauty sleep for them.
Oh yeah, and another issue that had me pissed? The next day, I heard that she said we were bitching all night long. Wtfish? She doesn't have the right to make that assumption when she didn't go through the night with them, not even spent time with them. And she was complaining to outsiders about all of the F2 facs, when some of them were actually within listening range! Like, Oh noes!!!!! they don't help me at all!!!! Get real! No instructions for us, no help for you! Simplicity. We were at the canteen then. She actually dragged my facs into the canteen from the LT5 where they were getting the sleep they absolutely deserved. And in the canteen, well, the atmosphere just isn't there for sleeping -.- I don't think many of them slept in the canteen, maybe none. But well, hannisah did. Geez. Turned out, I think at the canteen all of us were just bitching about her man. No idea how she can be so stressed when she sleeps so much.
Oh another point about welfare. She doesn't bother about the facs meals. She actually had them skip dinner once, while I wasn't there. Now that is over the top, one can always be flexible, no? Other facs are taking care of each other, not to mention the campers, while she's like, feasting away at the canteen or wherever she deigns to be at. How do you do that, when your facs are skipping meals? Ahh oh yeah. Hanissah (oh I think that's how it's spelled?) was the best fac for the camp! A fac who doesn't facilitate! The blame falls square on my shoulders. I refused to pick out the best fac among F2, so I don't know by what convoluted logic, the family head was the best fac! I was trying desperately to sleep so as not to catch whatever sob story she had in store for us. "Ahhhhhhh, I so stressed. I almost broke down. But I picked myself up. I was in tears on many occasions." Actually she probably didn't say that, I don't know, cause I really did sleep. Ahaha okay, that's a long bitching post man. Time for the thank you's outside of those special mentions.
Well, all the F2 facs, with some notable exceptions. Well, despite what hanissah says, they really made things easy for me. The LG I/Cs co-operated and listened to my cock and bull instructions. For that I thank them. Heh, a few of them also made me feel appreciated and that all this shit was worthwhile. Like guiping! Damn sweet and nice lah, she told me that I don't know who was the "we" but that they felt that I was the best fac in F2. Really, that was it man. I didn't know what to say, so I think I said something lame. But yeah. It's really nice to know that my facs appreciate me lah. :D So I guess this camp was somewhat okay lah, despite my not knowing any campers, at least the facs I know are so nice, wahaha!
Next up, all the nice campers around who all recognize me. So that everywhere I go I can hear someone shouting "Jacob, Jacob!" So even though I have to cater to more than my fair share of campers what with everyone knowing me, I feel like some big shot man. :D But yeah, I brought probably 1 million people to the toilet, 2 million to the water cooler, 100 thousand to take their lost/forgotten things, 50 thousand to the LN where I have to fill in the damned incident report. I think I did probably 10 pieces of those? Geez.
Hmm, some members of the PC. Say, sheena? Ahah, she's always smiling, and sometimes talks to me or gives me instructions. So yeah, at least I know that not all information is channeled through the family head. And well, others in general, who are pretty nice to the facs. I might have some doubts about their organizational abilities, I'm afraid, but they are to a large extent, nice people.
Okay, for LG7 itself. Obviously, the HYSC people. Who, each and everyone of them I think, are better than LT -.- They came into the camp with some experience and high expectations. Which we failed to meet. But yeah, they managed to help the overall mood of the LG among other things. Like the e-web? Where they were infinitely better than say, LT? Ahah, unfair comparison. So yeah, kudos to them, and also huge apologies all around. When the assistant family head falters, so naturally do the facs. This means the camp was not good enough. I'm sorry.
Well, the other campers? Despite my not knowing them. Hmm, the international students too. Like for example, I was touched by minh's speech during the eweb. And well, for being my campers even if I didn't seem like your facilitator. And for the gifts, and for the support. Thanks.
Okay, that's probably it for the thanking list? Oh, other family facs too, without whom camp wouldn't have been fun. Especially F3, yeah. Who helped us during the first day of camp proper.
Like hooi kim :D
I don't know if they knew. But seriously, I almost had enough of the shit I was getting. By like, the second day, I was seriously thinking, why should I continue? I should just give up right? Like that POC family head. Profess to be very stressed and hide in the LN. Campers were giving me problems, the facs coming to me with problems I had no solutions for, like the damned CDAYL shirt. The running around without anyone saying thanks. And that was mostly it. No thanks. Obviously, hanissah wasn't going to thank me, what with her stress. But I felt really underwhelmed by the support I was getting. My feet was really painful, and nobody offered to help me bring the kid to the LN. It was like some pig's trotters. Nobody offered to help me with much, they just asked more questions. Only rarely, like when seeing jialong lead the people during the kinetic warfare finale, did I actually feel good, despite my not participating. I was finally seeing someone step up to do what I was supposed to be doing, having the expectation on him. What if you were standing on the chair, and you run out of things to say? What if someone asked you a question, and you had no answers? So yeah, special thanks to jialong.
There probably were individual facs who stepped up, say during kinetic warfare, but I wasn't present to see it. So I really felt like shit. But I was thinking, say I gave up. Say I decided to let all the shit fall on the facs. Would there be anyone who would well, be the big man? And I don't know why I felt so self-important and so mighty, I decided that if I disappeared, the family would just dissolve. So I decided to hang on, with delusions of my own might and strength. But maybe, someone could have done a better job? I mean I didn't even want any responsibility in the first place. So oh well, here's to some emo thoughts, that the family would have been better had someone else been assistant family head. Oh well, no time to be doubting in myself eh? Bah.
Oh oh, thanks to the F2 gays, I would have been much unhappier if not for them :D
It's 2 o clock, I hope I wake up. I'm still sick from the camp, slightly feverish and coughing too. My voice is well on it's way back. I'm gonna sleep before my pa comes in to spot check again.
To happy memories. In case anyone thinks my camp was terrible, it wasn't, it was kind of happy, sometimes.
"Take picture, take picture!!"
Jacob.
Monday, 25 February 2008
The Enormity in Small Things.
Well, time for an update I think. Let's see, posted to JJ, check. Sat through the holy-moley boring admin days, check. Watched a movie I wanted to watch, check. Various other things I do not deign to remember.
Friday, skipped school cause it was more admin and I am bored shit-less of admin already. Wahaha. Stayed at home, then decided to catch a movie. Alone. Decided upon either There Will Be Blood or No Country For Old Men. Then, decided to call my sis along. Cause I decided that loner-ism is over-rated. I mean, it's fine really, I actually appreciate being alone most of the time. But there are thoughts that appear to one only when one is alone, and it becomes easy to wallow in self-pity. I think I should skip the self-pity thing? Yeah. So, my sis was late. By the time we reached the cinemas, tickets weren't on sale anymore. So I thought, hey, Juno is better than the trash out there like Fool's Gold man. I don't know why I have such disdain for money-making action thrillers like Fool's Gold. Hmm. Well, suffice to say that Juno has got to be one of the most intelligent comedies ever. The laughter comes not from comic exaggeration or the kind of stupid jock comments you'd expect in a movie about school kids. In fact, a believable plot and great delivery. Ye gods, Ellen Page is crazy good. I am so gonna have to check out her other movies man. She could probably carry the show on her own even if the script and the cast sucked. But nope, they were terrific. I'd give Juno a... 9.5/10
Alright, on a whim I have decided to list out the movies I have watched and think deserve watching, or movies I have yet to watch and think deserve watching. Lol. I'll try to do it alphabetically man.
Watched.
2046
Across The Universe
American History X
Chungking Express
Days Of Being Wild
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Donnie Brasco
Donnie Darko
Edward Scissorhands
Fight Club
Hero (Ying Xiong)
The Incredibles
Infernal Affairs Trilogy
In The Mood For Love
Juno
The Kite Runner
LOTR Trilogy
Memento
Mystic River
The Prestige
Pirates Of The Caribbean Trilogy (mostly the first one though.)
Se7en
Silence Of The Lambs
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Zodiac
Sleepy Hollow
The Sixth Sense
V For Vendetta
To watch.
3:10 To Yuma
American Gangster
Apocalypse Now
The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Brazil
City Of God
A Clockwork Orange
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
Flag Of Our Fathers
The Godfather
Goodfellas
Leon
Letters From Iwo Jima
No Country For Old Men
Requiem For A Dream
Scarface
Sin City
Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
There Will Be Blood
Twelve Monkeys
Unforgiven
Ahhh, ran out of thoughts. This list is by no means exhaustive. I think I shall have to find some other place to put it, for reference. Many shows I have yet to watch man, damn. Maybe I'll just keep updating this long damn list. Hmm.
Hohoho, I've not been running, or updating, or emo-ing much as of late. But I'll be running tomorrow morning man, my brudder has to wake up at 4.30, and it's up to me to make sure he does. So I'm gonna have like 1 and a half hours to run? Geez.
Ah. Terrible. Am I guilty of that terrible injustice, leading someone on? Well. I must say I am terribly insensitive to that phrase. It is a phrase that has been flung at me before. Suffice to say I was not amused. Well. Shawn said to me "Eh don't lah bro, don't risk it. This type of thing better don't try your luck. Girls this type of thing very sensitive one." That was after I told him I watched a movie with a girl alone. Hmm. I don't know man. I have to admit, I think he's right. And by Shawn too, like my big brother or something. Personally I think to lead people on is a bastard thing to do, lols. But am I guilty of it? Gee. I don't know man. Maybe she's sensible enough. Should I risk it though?
Some people, they foster dependence and they feed on it. Some people, they crave to feel wanted and loved. Some people? Most people, maybe. It's something basic, the need to be appreciated and wanted. Ahh, but these people. The weak attract them and they are the enemy. Am I of the enemy?
She steals my breath. She takes up my thoughts. She grants me happiness. She's got me mesmerized. She unknowingly tempts me. She compliments me innocently. She's making me regret and reminisce, She makes me dream. She lurks in my dreams! She knows not what she's done to me. She is not mine for the taking. She is beyond my reach. She is his.
And that's a fact. I would not wish for that fact to change for my selfish desires. I think she's happy. With him. So what is one to do? I can rue the fact but I can't change it. Should not want to change it. But I do. Of course I want to change it. But I should not even try, no can do. Ye gods, let's not think about changing anything. We'll leave her and her happiness alone, right?
Let's focus our attention instead on the matter of letting this errant heart stagnate again. Yeah? Temptations abound everywhere, but I shall not be bothered! Subtle hints everywhere, but they shall be ignored! "And we sing, sing without a reason. To never fall in love, to never fall in love again." Lostprophets, Last Train Home. Kicks ass.
Hot damn, got 2 and a half hours to sleep. Geez. I am so gonna sleep if JJ is gonna give us that admin crap again. Maybe I'll find some toilet to snuggle into and sleep the day away -.- LOL. Ye gods.
Well , good night.
Friday, skipped school cause it was more admin and I am bored shit-less of admin already. Wahaha. Stayed at home, then decided to catch a movie. Alone. Decided upon either There Will Be Blood or No Country For Old Men. Then, decided to call my sis along. Cause I decided that loner-ism is over-rated. I mean, it's fine really, I actually appreciate being alone most of the time. But there are thoughts that appear to one only when one is alone, and it becomes easy to wallow in self-pity. I think I should skip the self-pity thing? Yeah. So, my sis was late. By the time we reached the cinemas, tickets weren't on sale anymore. So I thought, hey, Juno is better than the trash out there like Fool's Gold man. I don't know why I have such disdain for money-making action thrillers like Fool's Gold. Hmm. Well, suffice to say that Juno has got to be one of the most intelligent comedies ever. The laughter comes not from comic exaggeration or the kind of stupid jock comments you'd expect in a movie about school kids. In fact, a believable plot and great delivery. Ye gods, Ellen Page is crazy good. I am so gonna have to check out her other movies man. She could probably carry the show on her own even if the script and the cast sucked. But nope, they were terrific. I'd give Juno a... 9.5/10
Alright, on a whim I have decided to list out the movies I have watched and think deserve watching, or movies I have yet to watch and think deserve watching. Lol. I'll try to do it alphabetically man.
Watched.
2046
Across The Universe
American History X
Chungking Express
Days Of Being Wild
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Donnie Brasco
Donnie Darko
Edward Scissorhands
Fight Club
Hero (Ying Xiong)
The Incredibles
Infernal Affairs Trilogy
In The Mood For Love
Juno
The Kite Runner
LOTR Trilogy
Memento
Mystic River
The Prestige
Pirates Of The Caribbean Trilogy (mostly the first one though.)
Se7en
Silence Of The Lambs
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Zodiac
Sleepy Hollow
The Sixth Sense
V For Vendetta
To watch.
3:10 To Yuma
American Gangster
Apocalypse Now
The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Brazil
City Of God
A Clockwork Orange
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
Flag Of Our Fathers
The Godfather
Goodfellas
Leon
Letters From Iwo Jima
No Country For Old Men
Requiem For A Dream
Scarface
Sin City
Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
There Will Be Blood
Twelve Monkeys
Unforgiven
Ahhh, ran out of thoughts. This list is by no means exhaustive. I think I shall have to find some other place to put it, for reference. Many shows I have yet to watch man, damn. Maybe I'll just keep updating this long damn list. Hmm.
Hohoho, I've not been running, or updating, or emo-ing much as of late. But I'll be running tomorrow morning man, my brudder has to wake up at 4.30, and it's up to me to make sure he does. So I'm gonna have like 1 and a half hours to run? Geez.
Ah. Terrible. Am I guilty of that terrible injustice, leading someone on? Well. I must say I am terribly insensitive to that phrase. It is a phrase that has been flung at me before. Suffice to say I was not amused. Well. Shawn said to me "Eh don't lah bro, don't risk it. This type of thing better don't try your luck. Girls this type of thing very sensitive one." That was after I told him I watched a movie with a girl alone. Hmm. I don't know man. I have to admit, I think he's right. And by Shawn too, like my big brother or something. Personally I think to lead people on is a bastard thing to do, lols. But am I guilty of it? Gee. I don't know man. Maybe she's sensible enough. Should I risk it though?
Some people, they foster dependence and they feed on it. Some people, they crave to feel wanted and loved. Some people? Most people, maybe. It's something basic, the need to be appreciated and wanted. Ahh, but these people. The weak attract them and they are the enemy. Am I of the enemy?
She steals my breath. She takes up my thoughts. She grants me happiness. She's got me mesmerized. She unknowingly tempts me. She compliments me innocently. She's making me regret and reminisce, She makes me dream. She lurks in my dreams! She knows not what she's done to me. She is not mine for the taking. She is beyond my reach. She is his.
And that's a fact. I would not wish for that fact to change for my selfish desires. I think she's happy. With him. So what is one to do? I can rue the fact but I can't change it. Should not want to change it. But I do. Of course I want to change it. But I should not even try, no can do. Ye gods, let's not think about changing anything. We'll leave her and her happiness alone, right?
Let's focus our attention instead on the matter of letting this errant heart stagnate again. Yeah? Temptations abound everywhere, but I shall not be bothered! Subtle hints everywhere, but they shall be ignored! "And we sing, sing without a reason. To never fall in love, to never fall in love again." Lostprophets, Last Train Home. Kicks ass.
Hot damn, got 2 and a half hours to sleep. Geez. I am so gonna sleep if JJ is gonna give us that admin crap again. Maybe I'll find some toilet to snuggle into and sleep the day away -.- LOL. Ye gods.
Well , good night.
Monday, 11 February 2008
The Human Impression on Fate.
Anyway, turns out I woke up late and didn't go to school after all. I woke at 7.30 and promptly plonked back to sleep. Slept till 11+ :D
Fate is not all that it is made out to be. With enough intelligence and knowledge, one can alter circumstance such that situations seem so coincidental as to seem fated. I'd know, I do that many times. After that, you attempt to forget the part that you yourself have played in arranging matters. Voila! All of a sudden you seem very lucky, very fortunate! The stars alignment is perfect, that you might cross paths with that someone! I could give twists of fate a run for their money. (:
Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World, Mad World
Enlargen your world
Mad World
I like this song. I'm going out now. On my quest to alter coincidence for this one day. Maybe I'll have another 24 hours of happiness after all. :D
Fate is not all that it is made out to be. With enough intelligence and knowledge, one can alter circumstance such that situations seem so coincidental as to seem fated. I'd know, I do that many times. After that, you attempt to forget the part that you yourself have played in arranging matters. Voila! All of a sudden you seem very lucky, very fortunate! The stars alignment is perfect, that you might cross paths with that someone! I could give twists of fate a run for their money. (:
Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World, Mad World
Enlargen your world
Mad World
I like this song. I'm going out now. On my quest to alter coincidence for this one day. Maybe I'll have another 24 hours of happiness after all. :D
(omg, fbt) sigh.
Today I went for a run. I was decked out in my teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy fbt. The one with a freaking curve cut and slits. (omg, fbt) That's cute, huh. Sigh. Oh well. Yeah, I ran about... 15 rounds of the park, probably less. Translates to maybe, 5-6km? Running is therapeutical. First 5 rounds I ran with my brudder, he goes soooooooo slowly. Apparantly he has some chest pains and knee pains and stitches. So oh well, I just tagged along behind him. And econ was closed, had to run to 7-11 to buy 100plus. After 5 rounds my bro headed home, to go to beach road for some stuff he has to do for his ncc. Next 10 rounds was by myself. I go clockwise, anti-clockwise until the park was so sian. So I decided to go home. Not exactly tired, the distance was spread out over an hour? Or slightly more than an hour, which is a slow pace.
Apparently there are fbts in many multiple plentiful colours. Like grey, purple, neon-green, red and blue! Holy moley man. Zomg. In fact I probably missed out some of the colours they're available in. Fbts are scary to normal people man. You reveal about.... 98% of your legs, what with the slit and the curve cut and the flimsy material and the short length. Wowzorz. You know, that stupid inter-school cross-country, had about..... 21309756102938 PEOPLE LOOKING AT MY LEGS MAN. The school had to be all budget and buy like, the shortest fbts for us guys. It was very embarassing. And the ridiculous singlet? With the gaping armholes and it being practically BARE-BACK! No wonder I couldn't perform well man, half the blood pumping through my body went to my face I was blushing so bad. Budget man. Yeah, inter-school cross-country. There are, so many things I could have done better. On so many different levels and issues, on the day and leading up to that day. Maybe I could have pushed myself harder? Maybe and maybe and perhaps? But no, we'll leave those un-taken options behind us in the recesses of our memories. Sigh. (omg, fbt)
I watched Donnie Darko online a few days back. Shiz it's good. It's mind-bending but crazy shiok. I didn't quite get it -.- I'll re-watch it a few times, and it's good enough for me to look forward to re-watching it. This song MAD WORLD is from the movie, I think it's great, wonder who does too. Oh yeah, the movie has quite an emo feel, if you know what I mean. It's dark but it doesn't go so far as suicidal, so I don't quite mind. Jake (Donnie) does a great job, better than in Zodiac. What a good thing Drew Barrymore financed the movie, shiok. Will watch it within the week. And maybe the Kite Runner too. The latter entirely depends on external matters. Like if it's still running.
Oh shiz. Stella is talking to me now, online. Righttttttttttttttttttttt. She pours out her issues to me like I'm the one dependable person in the world! And I'm just going - I see. Right. Oh. Hmm. Yeah. - VHUT DE?! Ohh, pour out your sorrows oh poor little lost soul. Zzz. Heh.
Oh god no, oh noes. Check this out.
stella says:
if i sms you will you dao?
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
depends
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
in lecture or not
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
in the mood or not?
stella says:
-.-
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
lol.
stella says:
haix.
stella says:
damn sad la.
Holy moley, I am stressed. I shall hone my dao-ing skills, sharpen my knife. :D Hot damn.
On to happier times (: CHINESE NEW YEAR DAY -1 (which is reunion dinner by the way) was really great. I was generally super happy, I don't know why -.- Actually I do know why, but I'm not telling you :D HAHAHA! I went home from bugis, walked home from cck. My goodness, I was grinning from ear to ear all the way sia. I could have easily broken out in song and laughter I think. Heh. My spirits were really high, up into the sky! I get happy just thinking about wednesday -.- THANKS SIS! Hoho. Sometimes it's enough just to.. well, just enjoy the moment. Without thinking too much about present cirumstance or unchangeable facts. Yeah? Which is what I did, and it left me happy for 24 hours. Might I hope for another 24 hours, and another and after that? No, one should neither be greedy nor indulge in wistful thinking. Some things, just won't change. And you should not hope it'd change either, that's just not right. Fundamentally, morally and ethically not right. Don't. Sooo, that was one happy day! Great.
Apparently, I was emo even in Primary school. Greenridge primary school, which was..... 7-8 years ago right? This information comes courtesy of stella. Hmm. I think I'm naturally just very uber ultimately cool lah. Hohoho. She said I never hang out with the guys, emo in front of the girls all. Whoa, I didn't know that man. And what you are when you are a kid, is what your true personality is. My opinion lah. Cause there's no pretence when you're young, no masks when you're immature. No wonder people tell me I act cool lah, not my fault. Probably my genes. Cause my sis professes not to be able to make friends much, and my brudder. Gee, he's worse than me. There's some graph I think, somewhere. Like the distribution of intelligence and social ineptitude.
GOOD - XUETING DE YAN DE REN - BAD. That's the social skills line.
NOT SO HIGH - XUETING DE YAN DE REN - VERY HIGH. The intelligence line.
My sis has oh kay social skills la, better than mine, and about tenfold of my brother's. I am cool and emo and don't know how to woo girl all, LOL. De Ren is freaking, reclusive and exclusive and cool and freaking retarded when it comes to social situations. Yeah. He stays at home all day facing Pudge and Nevermore. Zzz. Doesn't help he's in freaking ACS(I) - Land of snobs and NO GIRLS WHATSOEVER. Except for 17 and 18 year old ones. Oh dear.
This is where I say sorry to my sister. But it's the facts :/ My sis got a higher PSLE score than me, 238. Bah. But her O levels got like.. 2x points for R5? and 16 for R4? Heh. And I'm number 2 in the family. And I might be very yaya and action, and think I'm pretty dammmn smart. BUT. I truly believe my bro kicks my ass. Argh. He got into GEP which I didn't man, smartass. I failed at the second hurdle. He got through into ACS Gifted Education Program. So I never dispute the fact that he trumps me in brains. ): I hope he well and truly trashes me for the Os or my parents are going to.. I don't know. They have high expectations of him, they expect him to get about 7A1s. It's possible, he's a freaking genius! :D I'll help him in ENGLISH, hohoho. This egomaniac thinks his english is good! Two years to groom my brudder into the English spouting man that I am :D
Yeah, got some crazy family man. My cousins are just owning too. Which increases the weight of expectation on my back. Doctor, two physiologists, dentist, banker, ACS(I) IB. Oh yeah, the ACS dude is 1991 baby. And he whooped me in the PSLE, lol. Oh yeah, GOOD thing he isn't taking A levels man. WOooooooo. Burdened by expectation, De Yan trudges on along his JC life... LOL!
On the subject of family. I realized I have 2 handsome cousins on my mom's side. HAHA! One of them looks like me sia, I was shocked when I saw him -.- And he wore almost the same thing as I did that day. Oh yeah. Reunion dinner day. HEHEHEHE. They are quite cool man, I never knew! They actually speak english like it's natural, they're handsome and quite tall, they're sporty too! Incredible man. One just got his O level results this year too, but was from sec 5. That makes him..... 2 years older than me. The other is poly year 2, the one who looks like me. Slightly taller than me, I think we're very similar -.- Handsome English speaking cousins on my mom's side! What a revelation man. Most of the others are ah bengs and ah lians. My big aunt, all her kids dropped out. 5 kids leh, all drop-outs. Not handsome/pretty either. -.- Oh well, you win some and you lose some :D
Oh dear. It's 1:28 and there's school in the morning. Shall try not to pon, let's see if I can convince myself to attend school in the morning. Heh. Should sleep now, everyone else slept already. Like my dear sis. And even stella -.- phew. Ah oh well.
(omg, fbt)
"Your legs are nice what!"
What I'd give to be there again.
De Yan.
Apparently there are fbts in many multiple plentiful colours. Like grey, purple, neon-green, red and blue! Holy moley man. Zomg. In fact I probably missed out some of the colours they're available in. Fbts are scary to normal people man. You reveal about.... 98% of your legs, what with the slit and the curve cut and the flimsy material and the short length. Wowzorz. You know, that stupid inter-school cross-country, had about..... 21309756102938 PEOPLE LOOKING AT MY LEGS MAN. The school had to be all budget and buy like, the shortest fbts for us guys. It was very embarassing. And the ridiculous singlet? With the gaping armholes and it being practically BARE-BACK! No wonder I couldn't perform well man, half the blood pumping through my body went to my face I was blushing so bad. Budget man. Yeah, inter-school cross-country. There are, so many things I could have done better. On so many different levels and issues, on the day and leading up to that day. Maybe I could have pushed myself harder? Maybe and maybe and perhaps? But no, we'll leave those un-taken options behind us in the recesses of our memories. Sigh. (omg, fbt)
I watched Donnie Darko online a few days back. Shiz it's good. It's mind-bending but crazy shiok. I didn't quite get it -.- I'll re-watch it a few times, and it's good enough for me to look forward to re-watching it. This song MAD WORLD is from the movie, I think it's great, wonder who does too. Oh yeah, the movie has quite an emo feel, if you know what I mean. It's dark but it doesn't go so far as suicidal, so I don't quite mind. Jake (Donnie) does a great job, better than in Zodiac. What a good thing Drew Barrymore financed the movie, shiok. Will watch it within the week. And maybe the Kite Runner too. The latter entirely depends on external matters. Like if it's still running.
Oh shiz. Stella is talking to me now, online. Righttttttttttttttttttttt. She pours out her issues to me like I'm the one dependable person in the world! And I'm just going - I see. Right. Oh. Hmm. Yeah. - VHUT DE?! Ohh, pour out your sorrows oh poor little lost soul. Zzz. Heh.
Oh god no, oh noes. Check this out.
stella says:
if i sms you will you dao?
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
depends
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
in lecture or not
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
in the mood or not?
stella says:
-.-
De Yan [5884] - And all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. says:
lol.
stella says:
haix.
stella says:
damn sad la.
Holy moley, I am stressed. I shall hone my dao-ing skills, sharpen my knife. :D Hot damn.
On to happier times (: CHINESE NEW YEAR DAY -1 (which is reunion dinner by the way) was really great. I was generally super happy, I don't know why -.- Actually I do know why, but I'm not telling you :D HAHAHA! I went home from bugis, walked home from cck. My goodness, I was grinning from ear to ear all the way sia. I could have easily broken out in song and laughter I think. Heh. My spirits were really high, up into the sky! I get happy just thinking about wednesday -.- THANKS SIS! Hoho. Sometimes it's enough just to.. well, just enjoy the moment. Without thinking too much about present cirumstance or unchangeable facts. Yeah? Which is what I did, and it left me happy for 24 hours. Might I hope for another 24 hours, and another and after that? No, one should neither be greedy nor indulge in wistful thinking. Some things, just won't change. And you should not hope it'd change either, that's just not right. Fundamentally, morally and ethically not right. Don't. Sooo, that was one happy day! Great.
Apparently, I was emo even in Primary school. Greenridge primary school, which was..... 7-8 years ago right? This information comes courtesy of stella. Hmm. I think I'm naturally just very uber ultimately cool lah. Hohoho. She said I never hang out with the guys, emo in front of the girls all. Whoa, I didn't know that man. And what you are when you are a kid, is what your true personality is. My opinion lah. Cause there's no pretence when you're young, no masks when you're immature. No wonder people tell me I act cool lah, not my fault. Probably my genes. Cause my sis professes not to be able to make friends much, and my brudder. Gee, he's worse than me. There's some graph I think, somewhere. Like the distribution of intelligence and social ineptitude.
GOOD - XUETING DE YAN DE REN - BAD. That's the social skills line.
NOT SO HIGH - XUETING DE YAN DE REN - VERY HIGH. The intelligence line.
My sis has oh kay social skills la, better than mine, and about tenfold of my brother's. I am cool and emo and don't know how to woo girl all, LOL. De Ren is freaking, reclusive and exclusive and cool and freaking retarded when it comes to social situations. Yeah. He stays at home all day facing Pudge and Nevermore. Zzz. Doesn't help he's in freaking ACS(I) - Land of snobs and NO GIRLS WHATSOEVER. Except for 17 and 18 year old ones. Oh dear.
This is where I say sorry to my sister. But it's the facts :/ My sis got a higher PSLE score than me, 238. Bah. But her O levels got like.. 2x points for R5? and 16 for R4? Heh. And I'm number 2 in the family. And I might be very yaya and action, and think I'm pretty dammmn smart. BUT. I truly believe my bro kicks my ass. Argh. He got into GEP which I didn't man, smartass. I failed at the second hurdle. He got through into ACS Gifted Education Program. So I never dispute the fact that he trumps me in brains. ): I hope he well and truly trashes me for the Os or my parents are going to.. I don't know. They have high expectations of him, they expect him to get about 7A1s. It's possible, he's a freaking genius! :D I'll help him in ENGLISH, hohoho. This egomaniac thinks his english is good! Two years to groom my brudder into the English spouting man that I am :D
Yeah, got some crazy family man. My cousins are just owning too. Which increases the weight of expectation on my back. Doctor, two physiologists, dentist, banker, ACS(I) IB. Oh yeah, the ACS dude is 1991 baby. And he whooped me in the PSLE, lol. Oh yeah, GOOD thing he isn't taking A levels man. WOooooooo. Burdened by expectation, De Yan trudges on along his JC life... LOL!
On the subject of family. I realized I have 2 handsome cousins on my mom's side. HAHA! One of them looks like me sia, I was shocked when I saw him -.- And he wore almost the same thing as I did that day. Oh yeah. Reunion dinner day. HEHEHEHE. They are quite cool man, I never knew! They actually speak english like it's natural, they're handsome and quite tall, they're sporty too! Incredible man. One just got his O level results this year too, but was from sec 5. That makes him..... 2 years older than me. The other is poly year 2, the one who looks like me. Slightly taller than me, I think we're very similar -.- Handsome English speaking cousins on my mom's side! What a revelation man. Most of the others are ah bengs and ah lians. My big aunt, all her kids dropped out. 5 kids leh, all drop-outs. Not handsome/pretty either. -.- Oh well, you win some and you lose some :D
Oh dear. It's 1:28 and there's school in the morning. Shall try not to pon, let's see if I can convince myself to attend school in the morning. Heh. Should sleep now, everyone else slept already. Like my dear sis. And even stella -.- phew. Ah oh well.
(omg, fbt)
"Your legs are nice what!"
What I'd give to be there again.
De Yan.
Saturday, 2 February 2008
Splat. All Is Full Of Love.
De Yan has, after 5 years, opened his heart once more. He lets a girl in. He finds out she is attached. He is sad. Is this what, after 5 years of abstinence, brings you? He has hope, he convinces himself that he truly likes her, for half a day. 12 hours later, the nugget of information drops upon him like a bomb. She is no longer available. Ouch. So De Yan now, shall embark upon a new period of his life. Abstinence Once More. He is unsure how long it will last this time, hopefully not another 5 years. That is far too long, he would not be human if he lasted all that time. At least, out of this 12 hours, De Yan re-discovers his humanity. He is capable of love after all.
Thursday. I decided not to go to school. Yew siang said he wasn't going track, so I was damn sian, like "I don't want to go alone man". So I decided to extend my sleep. I slept till 10+, then woke up. I decided I'd go for a run, as per Takeshi Kaneshiro (Cop 223). Heh. I ran 9-10 rounds of my nearby park, which amounts to about 4-4.5km worth of running. Wahaha, my maid got a shock when I went home, she was like, "What happened to you??" cause I was all sweaty and ruffled up. It's been a long time since I ran such a distance.
I decided to watch the movie I've been intending to watch alone. I thought that The Diving Bell And The Butterfly seemed pretty nice. I didn't feel like watching either Assasination or 3:10 at the time. So I went to plaza sing, which is only one of two cinemas screening the show. It's a french movie, about this guy who is paralyzed but for his left eye. It is pretty arty and depressive, it's a pretty damn sad movie. But it's very, very nice. It's a good thinking show for a mature mind, heh. I'd give it a 9.5/10. But I don't think it'll be everyone's cup of tea, the cinematography (sp) takes some time to get used to. Nice indie show, it's weirdly uplifting, what with it's surprising amount of humour and all. Mostly because you discover that what you're going through is pretty much nothing to get all depressed about.
After the show, sneaky boy that I am, I decide to go to panjang for dinner. I had a hunch she'd be there for dinner. Not exactly a hunch per se, but rather the combination of knowledge and intellect. Wahaha! Turns out she was there, but in Mcdonald's. I had decided upon eating in KFC. Bah. I found out that she had her dinner in Macs only after she had left. That was so saddening. Heh. I failed to catch even a glimpse of her, boooooo. After that, I went home. My next few hours were terrible.
I went home, and used the comp. I felt really cold, feverish. So I concluded that I was sick, and I was right. I was dressed up like some eskimo, heh. Long pants, windbreaker, and even a beanie! Wahaha, it was quite interesting. The beanie is my brother's, from his time in china, and is quite cute! Yeah. So fever, and my stomach was in turmoil. I kept going to the toilet to lao sai. LOL! That was the first sign of my stomach's impending disaster. I tried to sleep, but would wake up eery 30-45 minutes to visit the toilet. I woke at like, 8 something, and thought that some solid food would do me good. I ate 7 weetameal biscuits and drank a cup of ovaltine. I puked everything out 5 minutes later. It was bloody disgusting, my entire stomach was emptied. Bah. So I went to rest, and true enough, I got up every few minutes to go to the toilet. Then my maid offered me ovaltine again. Since I was feeling hungry, I felt that a bit of nutrition wouldn't do me much harm. I drank half a cup before I vomited everything out. Terrible. I was freaking hungry man, but my stomach was in a state of unrest. I did not trust myself to consume anything after that.
Then on one of my routine trips to the toilet, I was in great pain. There was this high-pitched ringing in my ears, and splotches in my eyes. I toppled off the seat and lay on the floor for 2 minutes. Then the pain subsided, and I did not feel so weak any longer. I got up, and made my way to my room. I was giddy and collided into a chair, the table and the dustbin. Just outside my room, right before entering the door, I collapsed. I suffered a total black-out for about 5 seconds, and found myself on the floor. My pa rushed over, and brought me into the room, where he asked me to rest. I was groggy, giddy and weak. But I would not fall asleep, I was just semi-conscious for an hour. My pa then said it was time we went to the doctor. The clinic is a mere 150-200 metres away. We cabbed there. I achieved only a few steps before feeling too weak to carry on. The metre was $2.80.
The doctor diagnosed me with stomach flu. It is quite embarassing, that I was so weak because of this stupid common little viral infection. Poot. Somehow, I felt strong enough to walk home after the visit to the clinic. I took my medicine and slept. And ate porridge for lunch. Slept for 5 hours, and ate mee sua for dinner. Took medicine again. And then I chatted with my sis for like, 3 or 4 hours before she chased me out of her room. And then before I know it, it's almost 4 o clock in the morning already. I probably should go to sleep, give myself some rest. Am hungry.
He dreams, of the possibilities.
He dreams, of her.
Good night.
Thursday. I decided not to go to school. Yew siang said he wasn't going track, so I was damn sian, like "I don't want to go alone man". So I decided to extend my sleep. I slept till 10+, then woke up. I decided I'd go for a run, as per Takeshi Kaneshiro (Cop 223). Heh. I ran 9-10 rounds of my nearby park, which amounts to about 4-4.5km worth of running. Wahaha, my maid got a shock when I went home, she was like, "What happened to you??" cause I was all sweaty and ruffled up. It's been a long time since I ran such a distance.
I decided to watch the movie I've been intending to watch alone. I thought that The Diving Bell And The Butterfly seemed pretty nice. I didn't feel like watching either Assasination or 3:10 at the time. So I went to plaza sing, which is only one of two cinemas screening the show. It's a french movie, about this guy who is paralyzed but for his left eye. It is pretty arty and depressive, it's a pretty damn sad movie. But it's very, very nice. It's a good thinking show for a mature mind, heh. I'd give it a 9.5/10. But I don't think it'll be everyone's cup of tea, the cinematography (sp) takes some time to get used to. Nice indie show, it's weirdly uplifting, what with it's surprising amount of humour and all. Mostly because you discover that what you're going through is pretty much nothing to get all depressed about.
After the show, sneaky boy that I am, I decide to go to panjang for dinner. I had a hunch she'd be there for dinner. Not exactly a hunch per se, but rather the combination of knowledge and intellect. Wahaha! Turns out she was there, but in Mcdonald's. I had decided upon eating in KFC. Bah. I found out that she had her dinner in Macs only after she had left. That was so saddening. Heh. I failed to catch even a glimpse of her, boooooo. After that, I went home. My next few hours were terrible.
I went home, and used the comp. I felt really cold, feverish. So I concluded that I was sick, and I was right. I was dressed up like some eskimo, heh. Long pants, windbreaker, and even a beanie! Wahaha, it was quite interesting. The beanie is my brother's, from his time in china, and is quite cute! Yeah. So fever, and my stomach was in turmoil. I kept going to the toilet to lao sai. LOL! That was the first sign of my stomach's impending disaster. I tried to sleep, but would wake up eery 30-45 minutes to visit the toilet. I woke at like, 8 something, and thought that some solid food would do me good. I ate 7 weetameal biscuits and drank a cup of ovaltine. I puked everything out 5 minutes later. It was bloody disgusting, my entire stomach was emptied. Bah. So I went to rest, and true enough, I got up every few minutes to go to the toilet. Then my maid offered me ovaltine again. Since I was feeling hungry, I felt that a bit of nutrition wouldn't do me much harm. I drank half a cup before I vomited everything out. Terrible. I was freaking hungry man, but my stomach was in a state of unrest. I did not trust myself to consume anything after that.
Then on one of my routine trips to the toilet, I was in great pain. There was this high-pitched ringing in my ears, and splotches in my eyes. I toppled off the seat and lay on the floor for 2 minutes. Then the pain subsided, and I did not feel so weak any longer. I got up, and made my way to my room. I was giddy and collided into a chair, the table and the dustbin. Just outside my room, right before entering the door, I collapsed. I suffered a total black-out for about 5 seconds, and found myself on the floor. My pa rushed over, and brought me into the room, where he asked me to rest. I was groggy, giddy and weak. But I would not fall asleep, I was just semi-conscious for an hour. My pa then said it was time we went to the doctor. The clinic is a mere 150-200 metres away. We cabbed there. I achieved only a few steps before feeling too weak to carry on. The metre was $2.80.
The doctor diagnosed me with stomach flu. It is quite embarassing, that I was so weak because of this stupid common little viral infection. Poot. Somehow, I felt strong enough to walk home after the visit to the clinic. I took my medicine and slept. And ate porridge for lunch. Slept for 5 hours, and ate mee sua for dinner. Took medicine again. And then I chatted with my sis for like, 3 or 4 hours before she chased me out of her room. And then before I know it, it's almost 4 o clock in the morning already. I probably should go to sleep, give myself some rest. Am hungry.
He dreams, of the possibilities.
He dreams, of her.
Good night.
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